• Published 19th Jun 2021
  • 1,868 Views, 11 Comments

Concubine - Velocipede



Newly crowned as the Sovereign of Equestria, Princess Twilight Sparkle is anxious about her relationship with her human concubine. They cuddle and talk about it.

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Concubine

The human loved everything about Twilight Sparkle’s mane. She loved its colors, each lovely on their own but coming together in a way that was just so perfectly pleasing. The way her eyes could feast on those rich, dark blues and purples, and especially that streak of brilliant rose that was her favorite. She loved its texture, thick and full without any tangles, impossibly straight and silky. The way her fingers could slide through it with ease, over and over again until the feeling of those repetitive strokes calmed her mind. Such a wonderful mane. But it was just one of the many wonderful things about her. She smiled.

She gently moved Twilight’s mane down to lay flat on the bed between their bodies, exposing the back of the alicorn’s neck. Another shade of purple, lighter than her mane but no less lovely. She wrapped an arm around Twilight’s chest, and felt the comfort of her foreleg and wing wrapping around the arm in turn. Getting closer to her body until she could feel the heat of her through her thin cotton shift, she buried her face in the nape of Twilight’s neck. She planted a kiss, feeling the softness of Twilight’s coat on her lips, as well as the warmth of her skin through it. The Princess gave a soft, low noise of appreciation.

The human laughed, and planted a series of kisses down the alicorn’s long neck. She could just about hear that contented smile as she felt Twilight’s neck twist and writhe into her motions.

“Your kisses are so wonderful,” Twilight said, sighing happily.

The human laughed again. “Are they now?” She continued her kisses into the curve of that lovely neck, slowing down the tempo, making sure to plant them softer. Warmer.

Twilight cooed. “They’re really the perfect thing to come back to after a long day.“

“Aww!” The human stopped, nuzzling into the spot of Twilight’s neck where she did. “Ruling Equestria is such awfully hard work, isn’t it?”

“It is!” Twilight sighed again, a bit less happy this time. “And I don’t know how I could even get through all those meetings and ceremonies without having you to look forward to. Not to mention all those stressful decisions! Even after everything’s done, they still buzz around in my head like Parasprites. But when I’m here with you, I don’t have to think about any of that. Just about what you’re doing to me. It’s nice.”

The human smiled at hearing that. “But that’s what my purpose is here, right?” She moved herself upward from her neck, closer to Twilight’s ears, so she could whisper: “I am just glad to be at your service, my Princess.”

Twilight made another sound, a groan this time. “You know, you really don’t have to—Here!”

The human frowned as Twilight moved away from her to flip herself around in the bed. She kept up her exaggerated frown and puppy-dog eyes until Twilight saw the look on her face and burst into laughter. The human tried, but could not keep herself from breaking into a smile and a giggle as well. Twilight’s nasal laugh was just too cute to not be infectious. And the smile that she was giving her, and the soft purple of her eyes… She could not help but fall into a trance, a sense of lightness filling her heart.

“Like I was saying,” Twilight spoke, interrupting her reverie, ”you really don’t have to say things like that. Just because, well, you know.”

“Oh.” The human blinked. “But you don’t mind if I do, right?” The human pouted as she took Twilight’s hoof in her hand and began to gently massage its frog with her thumb. “I mean, of course I’ll stop if you don’t like it.”

“Oh, I don’t mind, exactly, I just…” Twilight blushed slightly. “I mean, I like it, actually, but I’ve been trying to hide how much I like it, because I don’t want to make you feel like you have to play into the role just because I like it. But maybe I didn’t do a good enough job and you noticed so you feel like you have to say that you like it and with the power imbalance between us and everything—“

Twilight suddenly had to stop talking as she suddenly found the human’s lips pressed against her own. The human massaged the alicorn’s neck comfortingly as she made sure to hold the kiss long enough to feel Twilight take a few warm, slow, calming breaths through that adorable muzzle that was pressed against her nose. When their mouths parted, the human was glad to see Twilight considerably calmer, looking at her through half-lidded eyes, a soft smile on her lips.

“I really like it,” the human said, barely above a conspiratorial whisper. “I was actually worried you were still feeling weird about it. And it’s a huge relief for me to hear that you’re into it, too, and that I wasn’t just annoying you with all this. Though I would have taken that, too.”

Twilight blushed, smiled, and rolled her eyes. “You are good at annoying me, aren’t you?”

“I do try really hard sometimes, don’t I?” The human smiled as she got a chuckle from Twilight. She took the hoof that was in her hand and brought it to her face to kiss it softly. She then kept Twilight’s hoof pressed against her own face as she spoke. “And I seriously love the power imbalance. Like, the fact that you could blow me to smithereens with just a flick of your horn? Or that you could just write an edict that banishes me and throws me in a dungeon in the place you banish me to? Super hot.“

“Well, not to smithereens exactly, I’d need more than a flick of the horn for that!” Twilight um-actuallied, to the human’s delight. Twilight laughed. “And as for throwing you in a dungeon, you know a judge would still have to sign off on an edict like that for it to last beyond a three-day hold. And as the Sovereign, I take the independence of the judiciary very seriously.”

“I know!” The human smiled. “Another very attractive thing about you.”

Twilight smiled back, and began to caress the human’s face with her wingtip.

“Not that I could ever banish somecreature as pretty as you, no matter how annoying she got.“

“Aww, so sweet!” The human beamed, luxuriating in the feeling of Twilight’s impossibly soft wingfeathers on her face. She looked into those delightful violet eyes and exaggeratedly batted her eyelashes. “You really think I’m pretty?”

“What do you think?” Twilight rolled her eyes.

The human laughed blissfully, then turned her head to look down the side of her body. She hiked up the hem of her cotton shift until her hip was exposed, revealing a sweeping arc of brilliant gold around where her cutie mark would have been, if she had one. (Which she did not, because she was a human and not a pony.) And at the top of the arc, where the two ends would join to meet a circle, was something that was a cutie mark, but not hers. Rather, a miniature version of the one on the flank right next to hers. A six-pointed star in bright pink, surrounded by smaller ones in white.

“Well, you did put a ring on it.” She turned to Twilight and smiled. Twilight smiled back, if a bit anxiously. The human noticed this, and knew it was her turn to be caressing Twilight’s face softly, stroking the side of her muzzle with her fingertips as she looked into her eyes.

“Like I said before, Twilight! It’s okay. More than okay. I really do love this. I love how you marked my body.”

Those wide, brilliant purple eyes darted elsewhere as the coat of her face deepened with red. The human smiled.

“See? Like you said, you love it, too. It’s okay that you do. Really.”

Twilight did not meet her gaze. “Is it? It still feels so weird to me.” She sighed nervously. “I mean, we used to just be friends, you know? Just two creatures living in the same town of Ponyville. You used to make fun of my wings!”

“Well, that was before I found out how soft they were!” The human took one of Twilight’s wings and buried her face in it to emphasize her point. “I could never make fun of these wonderful things now. Oof, they’re so comfy!“

“It’s not about the wings!” Twilight pulled her wing back, to the human’s clear disappointment. “The point is that we were equals. And I liked how you weren’t afraid to tell me I was wrong about something even when it turned out that I was actually right. I liked how you weren’t afraid to annoy me, or make fun of me.“

“But, that hasn’t changed, right?” The human pouted. “I still do all of those things, it’s just that I get a lot more kissing and sex afterward. Kind of a big win from my perspective.”

“I guess that hasn’t really changed.” Twilight considered this. “When I’m with you, it does feel like what I imagined us to be like as marefriends.”

“Ha! You imagined that? Nerd.”

Twilight rolled her eyes and covered up the human’s grin with a hoof. She laughed, then sighed. “But that’s just it. With everything I knew about you, I expected you to be horrified. I had this desperate hope that you would trust me and understand that I wasn’t asking really you for anything more than to be my marefriend. But I never dreamed that you’d like the idea.“

“I know. You were so nervous explaining everything.” The human smiled sheepishly. “And I admit that the word really threw me for a loop. I mean, do you remember what I told you about what that word means back where I’m from?”

“Yes, with your kings, right?”

The human nodded.

“And only kings had them, and never queens, right? And the kings were always just mortal humans like everyhuman else, with no special power that their people needed to survive, and were born into it instead of demonstrating greatness in deed and heart?”

The human nodded some more.

Twilight frowned. “I just never understood why anyhuman would ever consent to something like that.”

The human smiled, knowing Twilight was politely trying to keep the unease from her voice.

“Well, consent is the word of contention there. Even if the women themselves thought they did. But I don’t mean to go all Dworkin on ya.” She caressed Twilight’s face. “I mean, all that was the reason why the word made me uneasy, too. The idea of being some dude’s possession. Ugh. So gross and misogynist.”

She shivered with disgust, then chased those feelings away by stroking Twilight’s lovely face some more, feeling the softness of her coat underneath her fingertips.

“But applied instead to an immortal goddess-queen with the power to raise the sun and moon? The guiding hoof of a continent-spanning, peaceful, multicultural, and multispecies matriarchy founded on the principles of harmony and anti-racism? Why, that’s practically feminist.”

Twilight gave the human the look that she often gave her when the human began referring to things from her own world in a way that made it obvious she was speaking more to amuse herself than actually communicating an idea. She also had a tone of voice that she reserved for this occasion, which she now used.

“‘Feminist’, huh? You know, at some point you’re going to have to explain to me what that word means.”

The human gave her a look she often did when Twilight commented on something about the human world she clearly did not understand. A squeaky, happy smile that one would give a foal marveling at some wonder an adult had long forgotten how to see.

“Yes, because that word doesn’t exist in Ponish, right?”

Twilight was taken aback as the human suddenly hugged her and held her close, burying her face into her neck so that she could feel the hair on top of her head underneath her chin.

“Because you don’t need it, and you never did. That is so wonderful. Regina Imperatrix.”

Twilight smiled, as she often did when she decided to give up on trying to figure out just what the human was talking about, and to content herself with knowing that she was happy. She wrapped her wing and arm around the human’s back, and held her close as well.

“You know, I still feel weird when creatures call me anything more formal than ‘Princess Twilight’, especially if they’re my friends. But I do love it when you use my Pony Latin titles. “

“That’s because you are a giant nerd who loves dead languages, and ugh! How was I supposed to not fall in love with you for that alone?”

The human lifted her face until she was staring into Twilight’s eyes again, the two still holding each other tight.

“And you’re not comfortable with power, but that’s exactly why you’re the perfect mare to wield it. With everything you’ve gone through with your friends, and everything you’ve learned along the way, I know you’ll rule Equestria with nothing but the best of everycreature in mind. That you’ll never even once dream of doing anything but the greatest good with the power you have over your citizens. Including me.”

She grabbed Twilight’s hoof and placed it on her flank, right on top of the mark.

“And that is why I’m more than okay with this. That is why I meant every word of that oath of devotion to you. This world is so much better than the one I came from, in ways I can’t even describe without making myself sad, and I’m so grateful that I get to live my life here. I’m so grateful for every pony and creature that worked so hard to make this place possible and keep it so wonderful. I’m so grateful for you. Truly.”

She kissed her, deep and slow, holding it until she ran out of breath in her lungs. Breaking the kiss but keeping their noses touching, she opened her eyes to the sight of those wide, brilliant eyes filling her field of vision. She stared deeply into them.

“I love you, Twilight Sparkle, both as my marefriend and my Princess.”

Those eyes of brilliant purple somehow lit up even more.

“And I love you, both as my marefriend, and as my…” Twilight stopped and frowned. “I’m sorry. I know you just said how much you really like it, but I still feel weird about saying it.”

The human frowned. “Something on your mind?”

Twilight sighed. “Do you ever wonder what it would be like if things were different? If I never even became Sovereign, or even a Princess? I could have just stayed in Ponyville and kept living the life I had with my friends. And I still could have met you, and we could have just been ordinary marefriends, you know?”

“And you could have just kept being an ordinary unicorn, nothing more than the town librarian. And I, well…” The human laughed. “I would have had to find something to tease you about other than your wings. But you still would have had that dorky laugh that’s so cute. That love of dusty old books that’s so charming. And that core of earnest goodness, of always trying to do the best by your friends, even when it’s not easy to know how. I still could have fallen for you, even if you didn’t have the power to destroy me both physically and legally.”

The human grinned at the sight of Twilight fighting to decide whether to roll her eyes or smile. She cupped Twilight’s warm cheek with her hand.

“But so many things would’ve been different if they hadn’t turned out exactly the way they did. If your story had ended there, I probably never would have ended up in Equestria at all, and that would just be the worst. To be missing out on something so wonderful without even knowing it.”

She took her hand off of Twilight’s face in order to hold her hoof again.

“And the Twilight I fell in love with is an Alicorn Princess and the herd Sovereign now. And that means I need this”—she placed Twilight’s hoof back on her hip—“just to be able to touch you. And even if I weren’t surprisingly into it, which I am, that’s a small price to pay that I wouldn’t ever regret, or wonder about it being different.”

Twilight still had worry in her eyes. “But that’s not everything that comes with me being the Sovereign. I mean, are you sure you’re okay with us never getting married? Or never even having our relationship be public?“

The human laughed. “I mean, growing up in the nineties, that’s kinda how I expected my life to go anyway! Marriage wasn’t legal in my state until I was, like, twenty.”

Twilight frowned. “You know that makes me feel way worse about this, right?”

“No, that’s not what I mean to do at all! Okay, forget I said that, okay? I wouldn’t want to get married, seriously!“ The human smiled reassuringly. “I mean, even if as Sovereign you declared that you were breaking a thousand years of protocol and were getting married, you would have to, what, have an even fancier version of the wedding Princess Cadance had? Like, ten times bigger, with dignitaries and delegations from all over the world? And I would have to be in the middle of everything? I would hate that a lot, you know that! And, like, there’s no way I wouldn’t be wearing a fancy dress!”

“Oh, come on!” Twilight said with playful exasperation. “It’d be our wedding. You won’t have to wear a dress if you don’t want to.”

“No, that’s the messed up part! I’d totally want to! I’d be really, really into wearing the fanciest dress possible for my fancy magic horse wedding, and that’s something I refuse to admit to even myself, much less to the entire world!” The human pouted. ”So, no. I would hate to get married to you.“

Twilight giggled. “You’re so weird sometimes. Okay, fine. You’re okay with no wedding. But the secrecy? Are you sure you’re okay with that?”

The human shrugged. “Sure, being a secret lover sounds really stressful and bad. But being the secret lover to the Sovereign? Super awesome! And practical. I don’t have to worry about creatures bothering me in order to try to get access to you. I don’t have to worry that something awkward I say to some visiting diplomat could get turned into an international incident. All I get is the best part.” She booped Twilight on the nose. “You.”

Twilight smiled. “And you’re sure you’re okay with me taking you away from Ponyville?”

“I’m not a piece of luggage! I chose to follow you here. And I loved my life in Ponyville, but I also love my life here. Really.“ The human smiled at Twilight lovingly. “I love being here for you at the end of a long day, or even the middle or start of one. I love talking about nothing with you while cuddling, or not talking at all and just making out. And, of course, I love all the amazing sex that we have. I love that relieving your stress when you need it is my duty.”

Twilight’s cheeks reddened. “I love all those things, too,” she squeaked. “I just don’t know if I should love it. If I’m taking advantage of you.“

“Twilight…”

“I know!” Twilight frowned. “I know we’ve talked about all this before. I’m sorry I keep making you go through it again just because I’m anxious.“

“Don’t worry. It’s very hashtag relatable, yet another thing I love about you.” The human sighed. “Twilight.” She took both her forehooves in her hands and squeezed them softly. “Do you trust me?”

The alicorn looked at her. “I do.”

“Then trust that you’re not taking advantage of me. And that if I ever don’t want to do something, or ever want that side of our relationship to be something different, that I’ll tell you, okay? Because I will! Don’t mistake me wanting to do pretty much anything with you at pretty much any time of the day for being a doormat.” She chuckled. “I mean, that isn’t even true! A few days a moon I’d only want to do mouth and hand stuff, but we’ve been over that. See? I know my boundaries.”

“You’re right,” Twilight admitted. “With everything I know about you, you would tell me.”

“You know it!” The human laughed. “Now, do you feel more comfortable about that side of us?”

“I…” Twilight’s voice faltered as it trailed off, but as she looked at the human’s excited face, she found the resolve in her voice. “Yes. I am. Because I trust you.”

“I’m so glad!” The human smiled at her. “So. Do you want to try it again?”

Twilight smiled back. “Yes.”

The human stared deeply into the alicorn’s eyes.

“I love you, Twilight Sparkle, both as my marefriend and my Princess.”

The alicorn stared back with a piercing violet gaze.

“And I love you, both as my marefriend, and my…” She took a deep breath, smiling as she emphasized the next word: “Concubine.”

The human held Twilight tighter, to counteract the chill that ran down her spine as she heard that word, though it did nothing to the goofy grin on her face.

“And as your concubine, I am ready to serve you with all of my heart, mind”—she softly caressed the coat of Twilight’s chest—“and body. I am ready to do anything my Sovereign asks for.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Really, now? Anything?”

“Yes, anything.” The human smiled. “My only desire is to serve the will of my Princess.”

“Well, then…” Twilight said, drawing out her syllables. “You can serve my will… By…”

The human looked at her with unhidden excitement. Twilight smiled wickedly.

“Turning around so that I can be the big spoon!”

The human groaned. “But you’re so much shorter than me! I’m going to get, like, no leg coverage at all!”

“It’s what your Sovereign asks! Or do you need me to say it in Pony Latin?”

“If you do, I won’t understand it, but will be very turned on by it.” She pouted some more, but then obeyed her Sovereign’s command, turning herself around. Adorable forelegs and hindlegs then wrapped around her torso, which she hugged close to her, her arms in turn covered by a soft wing. She felt the warmth of Twilight’s barrel against her back, then the tingle of alicorn magic draping a soft blanket over her legs.

“You did say your legs would be cold,” Twilight whispered in her ear.

She cooed. “You’re so thoughtful. I’m going to be absolutely heartbroken when you trade me in for a newer model in twenty years.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I could never make you miss out on the best part of being with me.” Twilight nibbled the human’s ear, which made her squirm happily. “In twenty years, I’ll finally be as big as Celestia is now.”

“That sounds nice.” The human smiled. “Then our legs can wrap together when we’re cuddling.”

“Yeah.” Twilight nuzzled her muzzle into the human’s neck. “I’m really looking forward to that.”

“That’s not the only thing I’ll be looking forward to.” The human reached her hand back to grab Twilight’s flank. “When you say you’ll be as big as Celestia, you mean every part of you, right?”

Twilight groaned, then laughed.

“You’re the absolute worst, did you know that?”

The two nestled comfortably in their embrace, feeling the sweet, simple joy that came from just being in each other’s presence. Pony and human. Marefriend and lover. Sovereign and concubine.

Comments ( 11 )

Such a sweet cuddle-fic.

Not bad, I've certainly seen much worse, and wrote, worse first fics. Overall, the writing is nice in the beginning, it's a bit of a tangent but who doesn't like that every now and again. Most of the word count is dialogue, which is also good. This could have easily been another two-thousand words if you focused on building up the room's decor, but you showed some restraint. I can appreciate that considering how much I go on and on about setting.

Dialogue is also nice, not clunky or robotic and it has some genuine personality in it.

Now, for a bit of a critique. I think a lot of the negativity may stem from repetition. "The Human" appears around 50 times, and "Human" appears around 60 times. I feel like this story would work better if the woman had a name, you referred to her as "the royal concubine" every now and again to break it up, or if this story was Second Person. A lot of second person stories have a similar personality to this one. The one line,

Twilight um-actuallied,

felt very "human" to me, like something a person telling this story instead of reading it would say. Also, "You" allows for a wider amount of readers to put themselves in this character's position. The fact that the concubine is a woman doesn't add much to the story, especially since we never get her name. It's mainly a cuddle fest where there's only hints of a sexual love and relationship, but not any actual sex or sexy playfulness, like a wing stroke between the human's legs or a wandering hand that finds a special place on the alicorn. I'm not saying you have to make this sexy, I love cuddle fics, I'm just saying that you may want to consider how the human's physique and personality can play into the story.

Also, one final critique, the fetish tag isn't necessary. Sure, they talk a bit about domination and how Twilight's role as a princess is "hot", but that tag is usually reserved for stories with actual sex or kinks like bondage or those diaper-fetish fics. The sex tag kind-of gets a pass because they're talking about sex, but the fetish one doesn't need to be there. Some could argue that pony on human counts as fetish, but on this site, it's pretty much par for the course.

Overall, this was a nice story. If there was one thing I'd ask you to take away from this, it's to be happy with your own writing. This is a nice story, and leagues above some of the other failed attempts at first fics that liter this site. You don't have to do anything we've suggested, but I'd appreciate it if you considered our words. I really did enjoy this story, and I hope I can see you make even more wonderful stories in the future.

Wtf did I just read. It was still good somehow though.

10867217
Thanks for the very thoughtful critique! I do agree that the Fetish tag probably isn't "necessary", but I tend to err on the side of caution about such things.

I don't know why/how this has many dislikes. It looks fine to me, for a first story. Probably of ''waifu stealer'' but other than that, keep up the great work! :twilightsmile:

This story put so much into perspective for me.
Like what it can mean when a story has the same number of upvotes as downvotes, and how to take critiques.
I broke the perfect balance of upvotes and downvotes just because...for once I'm the reason we can't have nice things like that perfect balance of no more upvotes than downvotes, I guess.
Sorry I upvoted and broke it. :twilightsmile:

10867642

I don't know why/how this has many dislikes. It looks fine to me, for a first story. Probably of ''waifu stealer'' but other than that, keep up the great work! :twilightsmile:

"Dandy Horse, please come to steal my waifu, and 'accidentally' let me catch you in the act." :twilightblush:

"that I wasn’t asking really you for"
"that I wasn’t really asking you for"?

Also, if you don't mind me asking: why an alt, for this and the sequel? You don't have to answer, of course, but I'm curious.

Lovely!

10884503
oh since my main account is becoming more "prominent" i felt a bit odd about my very self-indulgent HiE fics appearing on ppl's feeds haha

11227882
Ah, righto; thanks for the answer!

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