A Fluttery Visit

by 23 KM To Nerdiness

An Unexpected Visit

"Hehe, don't worry, Carrie. I haven't forgotten about you. You, too, Charlotte."

Down in her quaint little garden behind her humble cottage, a chipper Fluttershy delicately nourishes a patch of fresh carrots protruding from the rich soil with a watering can gripped in her teeth. She gives a warm smile upon the dew-covered leaves of her produce perking up in the cozy warmth of the sun.

"Drink up, little ones." she squeaks.

Suddenly, her fluffy but huffy companion Angel Bunny squeezes through a gap in the gated garden and comes sprinting in, hopping and waving his paws with a look of worry.

"Yes, Angel?" Fluttershy muffles, turning to drop her can.

The frantic furball tugs at her hoof, pointing at the cottage.

"Oh? What is it?"

Curious, Fluttershy follows the mute mammal leading her out the backyard and around her home. Out in front, the pegasus spots a tall, dark creature with a scruffy white mane stomping over her simple bridge leading toward her doorstep.

Angel panics and hops atop the unresponsive mare's back, yanking at her soft hair before ultimately taking cover within it as the beast towers over the two.

The creature extends a claw and hovers it around Fluttershy's neck, brushing her hair to the side while retrieving something from under his armor with an unnerving grin...

BLOOP.

And plants a lovely daisy behind her twitching ear.

"MMMM..." he utters sweetly.

"Glad you could make it, Borris." Fluttershy chimes. "Hee, did you pick this one out yourself?"

Angel emerges from the pegasus' fuzzy pink locks and passes out.

"Mmmm..." the creature groans softly, blushing.

"It's very sweet of you, thank you so much."

Regaining his sanity, the confused bunny taps to gain his happy owner's attention.

"Oh, remember that little...hiccup during the Friendship Festival in Canterlot a few years ago?"

Angel crosses his paws, tapping his foot expectantly.

"Everypony saw a beast, but I saw a lost soul. We talked, some tears were shed, and after everything settled, he stuck around during the festival and I told him my door is always open to him. Isn't that right?"

Angel rolls his eyes in disgust as the creature nuzzles his head under Fluttershy's soft arm, kicking his large meaty leg in delight.

"Well, come on inside. You must be exhausted."

Fluttershy grasps the creatures claw with a wing and dips through her front door.

THUMP! Borris bumps his head against the arch of the small door.

"Oops," Fluttershy squeaks sheepishly. "Try Harry's door."

Borris takes a few steps aside and squeezes through a larger door with ease.

Inside, the curious Storm creature watches as his humble host prepares a flat mound of throw pillows beside her cozy couch. With an inviting wave, Fluttershy guides the gentle giant over to rest upon it.

"That feel comfy?"

"YEH."

"Care for some tea? I'm sure the Storm King never appreciated a good cup."

"Mmm-mm." Borris shakes his head.

"I'll be right back."

Once the mare flutters into the kitchen, Angel hops up onto the sofa's arm close to the idle creature. Looking back at the grumpy bunny giving a mean stare next to him, Borris gives a casual friendly wave only to receive a blown raspberry.

Soon, Fluttershy returns carrying a wooden tray with two fancy saucers and cups of hot herbal tea.

"Here we are," she says, giving her guest his drink. "Just for you."

As Fluttershy fixes her own cup-

"AUGHH!!!"

Borris suddenly drops his teacup, slamming his fists against his mask, tea dripping down his chin fur.

Angel dives for the falling cup and saucer, catching it just in time with an irritated frown.

"RAWRRH!" Borris wails.

"Too hot?" Fluttershy says. "Remember to cool your tea, silly. Like so."

Borris grabs his cup and follows along with Fluttershy as she lightly blows the rising steam above her drink and takes a slow sip.

"Much better?" she hums.

"Mmhmm," Borris nods with a thankful grunt. "SOARR-EE..."

"Oh, it's okay. Accidents happen. What do you normally do when you're upset?"

Borris rises to his feet and raises a sharp Storm spear, lightning sparkling bright at its tip as he lets out a mighty roar.

"Um......I don't think conquering lands is the most productive option." Fluttershy utters. "Have you ever tried meditation?"

"Hmm?"

"Do what I do. A friend of mine showed me this."

The two set their cups down, Fluttershy crossing her legs into a butterfly pose.

"Ommmmmm," she hums. "E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E..."

"OMMMMM. E-E-E-E-E-E-E!"

Borris' shrill shrieks shakes the room, startling the tiny critters in the living room, who scurry off in droves.

"Ooh, um...maybe we should try something different." Fluttershy states. "Care to help out in the garden?"

"RURRH." Borris nods.

"Yay."

Finishing their drinks, the two stroll through the back door of the cottage and enter the healthy garden. Borris' bewildered demeanor is shook by the abrupt swooping of a flock of birds, to Fluttershy's amusement.

"Nothing warms the heart more than feeding the feather babies," she whispers. "Here, take these."

Fluttershy grabs a small burlap bag and pours a small mound of bird seeds in the palm of Borris' massive claws. Intrigued, the beast inches toward the flock, arms extended.

"HRRRR..." he utters, shuffling the seeds around in his cupped claws.

The skittish critters dart off in every direction, leaving bits of their feathers strewn across the ground.

"Oh, dear." Fluttershy says.

"Mmm..." Borris sighs, hanging his head.

PECK.

"Mmm?"

PECK.

A little bird nibbles on a few stray crumbs on the ground near Borris' offering.

The creature glances at the feather baby, who consumes the trail of seeds and eventually stumbling into his still palms, gobbling down on its mini meal.

"Hmmhmm." he giggles softly.

"Good job," Fluttershy whispers. "I knew you could do it."

"ACK!" Angel gags rudely.

The grateful bird finishes its seedy serving and happily nuzzles against Borris' thumb before taking off.

"There, now wasn't that nice?"

"YEH."

"Animal friends always make my days more wonderful. They're so huggable."

"HUM HUHHHG?"

"Hmm?"

"Mmm...HUHHHG?"

"Hee, o-of course you can."

Clearing her throat, Fluttershy flaps up to Borris' height and rubs her blushing cheek against his forehead, spreading her arms wide across his fuzzy chest. The creature slowly pulls the affectionate pony into a warm embrace.

"Hugs make everything better."

"Mmhmm."

"Pffffft!" Angel responds, crossing his paws with a pout.

Borris chuckles reaching over, clutching the grumpy grump in his claws and pulling him into the hug, to his annoyance.

"FRAHH, BRUM FURGH."

"Hmm? What is it?"

"MMM, FRAHHH BRUMM......FRR?"

"Can you invited some friends over? Of course you can, silly. I always love sharing my flutter philosophy with new friends."

The creature sets his cuddle buddies down, allowing the kind pony to make her way for the living room, him not far behind.

"So, when will they arrive?"

"THAH HEER."

"They're already here?"

Surprised, the mare trots over and opens the front door.

"Oh, my..."

Idly standing by the front gate stood twelve more storm creatures, frantically cowering around beneath a harmless butterfly's graceful flight.

"Hee, looks like our weekly Flutter sessions might be a little booked." the pegasus giggles. "You up for it, Angel?"

Angel let's out an agonizing groan, keeling over with a dramatic THUD.

"Borris?"

"Mmhmm!" he nods happily.

"Yay."

THE END.

---

Comments

[ExplosionMare]

Nice to see Thrash and Fluttershy reunite

[23 KM To Nerdiness]

10930240
Had to change the name to Borris, 'cuz I ran into a fic with a similar plot and according to the author, that's his confirmed name or something.

[HiddenEntity]

Awwwww, this was such a cute story

[damiranc1]

I love Angel's behaviour here :3

[ExplosionMare]

10930242
Oh dear
I guess that’s bound to happen sometimes

[RedYak]

This was really sweet and funny. Love it!

[WolvenHeart]

Awww this was adorable. Fluttershy is best pony!

[qw3rtyklak]

"Yay."

Oh god my heart melted.

[Kikio3000]

Aw, so cute! And..."flutter philosophy" lol.

[Okie Brony]

Now, that was cute.

media2.giphy.com/media/AFlAxHddRi3Bu/giphy.gif?cid=ecf05e47teanpicrak85rk70auhadudl7bkogdv0pevzz60h&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g

[BronyDad]

Hey there! So, I thought you seemed like a pretty cool guy and figured I'd read one of your stories. This was really cute and I liked it a lot. I loved that Borris pulls a spear from out of nowhere and does a sort of warcry. That got a laugh out of me. Now, I want to talk about your writing, although looking at the number of followers you have and the fact that every one of your stories are successful (which I'm only a little bit jealous of), you clearly don't need any advice from me, but hey, pointers never hurt, even if you've heard them before. Plus, this is what I do, it's kind of a sickness...

Your writing is good. I like your style (even though stories in present tense annoy me, but that's my preference), and while the BLOOP and THUMP would have normally pulled me out of the story, here they fit in perfectly, and I'd even say added to the charm of the story. There's two things I really want to point out:

The first being your verb usage for speech. You only used the word 'said' (or says since you use present tense like a crazy person) three times. One of the biggest tells for a literary agent that the writer is an amateur is the use of other verbs instead of 'said'. You should use 'said' for about 80 percent of the time. You actually used 'utters' a lot in this, about as much as I would use 'said' in one of my stories. The squeaks are okay though, this is Fluttershy after all. Try to keep this in mind, and if you feel you are using 'said' too much, then try using more actions like nods or shrugs. You do a bit of that here and that's good.

The second is your show vs tell. Now, you do a great job of showing, but then you inexplicably tell in the same sentence. There are a few examples of this:

"Oh? What is it?"

Curious, Fluttershy follows the mute mammal leading her out the backyard and around her home.

This one isn't that big a deal, but you can remove the word 'curious'. It adds nothing to the sentence. The spoken line above shows us that she is curious, so we don't need you to tell us that as well.

Angel panics and hops atop the unresponsive mare's back, yanking at her soft hair before ultimately taking cover within it as the beast towers over the two.

Start at 'hops' and read this sentence. Isn't it obvious from your description that he is panicking? Again, you do an excellent job of showing his feeling, but then tell us in the same sentence.

Angel rolls his eyes in disgust as the creature nuzzles his head under Fluttershy's soft arm,

Why do you have to be like this!? When has an eye roll ever not been in disgust? Unless it is in good nature, but that is usually obvious. Though with this I would add "Angel rolls his eyes and makes a face as the creature..." but yeah, this is another example of you showing and telling at the same time.

So, that's it. I just wanted to point these things out. The story's great. Grammar, punctuation, flow, it's all good. Really enjoyed it. Thanks for writing!

[23 KM To Nerdiness]

11501103
I'm happy you enjoyed it!

Yeah, part of me never 100% throws my all into pony fics, but I would appreciate it very much if you'd like to give a fantasy novel series I'm working on some feedback. It's overall called HeartWood, but the first big novel I'm working on is called Kyle & Lucy (the two cuties on my profile pic).

I share my progress through my blogs for thoughts/critiques.

[BronyDad]

11501122
I'll have to give that a look then.