- Member Since 4th Jun, 2021
- offline last seen Oct 16th, 2021
CelestSwirl
I drink coffee, sleep, and hope to write stuff that looks nice.
CelestSwirl
Joined 4th Jun, 2021 ·
Offline
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This has great potential.
Okay, you wanna take criticism, author. I see this one is very "potential"
I feel and know absolutely nothing.
A introduction is meant to ensnare attention, not put me to sleep with the sheer amount of pointless cruelty, lack of the Pattern Of Mind and the sheer cliché of it all.
The only saving grace is the small nods to her history, that was fantastically done, but other than that I'm bored and confused.
Decent browse, I suppose, though lacking in engagement. Possibly a problem with length, could use a bit more I'd say.
A bit more flushing as well, but that's neither here nor there.
Villainlestia
i like this one
10855239
Wow, this was harsh! I guess I can see why you think I'm boring, I try my best to write things I like, but sometimes I lack ideas. This idea was not a very developed one ^^'
10855952
It's not that you lack ideas dearie, quite the contrary, all you have is ideas and that's precisely the problem.
You're running on a skeleton frame without the real meat of the story, mostly the how's and why's of, well, everything.
Now, I certainly don't expect a epitaph of completion within the first chapter, but I definately don't want a half empty page either, a little nod here or there to, reasoning, would be nice.
Development, you need more development, my precise moppet, you said it yourself.