This story is a sequel to The Displaced Tournament - Presented By Hetap
Two years.
It's been two years since Shiva, Thanos, Black, Dr. Doom, Death, Link, and Eric saved Equestria. Ryker had been banished to a realm of infinite torment (Hellsing Abridged World), and the Displaced Tournament seems like a bad nightmare. Now, Princess Elia has made another offer to the Void, eight universes full of ten fighters will participate in the Displaced Tournament of Power.
King Katakuri approves.
Here are the Displaced.
New Dragon In Town - Fimfiction
The legendary Saiyan - Fimfiction
My Little Pony- An Apocalyptic Displacment - Fimfiction
The ultimate surprise - Fimfiction
FIGHT LIKE HELL, FIGHT LIKE DOOM MARINES! - Fimfiction
Chapters (20)
Well, I'm enjoying this to Hell, Heaven, and back. Seriously, I LOVE tournament fights like this! Shit gets crazy fast and is always exciting, and you all brought that and the hilarity to the table with Royal Flushes from each of you!
Really captured the spirit of the ToP from DBS, I feel.
^
This is why the mood is PHENOMENAL for this story, absolutely in love with it!
I do have critiques, however.
Flow is good, not great, but good. The only thing I can think of to improve it would be less repetition of transistions and transistion phrases and less repetition in general. Basically less "I did this" or "Then"'s at the start of sentences.
Grammar and spelling are in need of editing in multiple areas, and descriptions could use a little touching up. Nothing too grand, just getting more use of less words (my recomendation would be to look up short quotes or metaphors to use for descriptions, or make your own) but in general a bit more showing instead of telling can go a long way.
For example; Arkham quickly opened a bag, pulling out several earbuds and handing them out, as well as a capsule to Akainu. "For easy communication." He explained at their looks.
Readers can imply from the mention of earbuds alone tgat they are for communication, but, by adding in a quick description of the other characters reactions, a reader can also get a clear picture that many of the characters are confused, even without it being told to the reader with a "He explained at their confused looks".
Aside from all that, my only critique is inclusion.
For inclusion, most readers will not know who everyone is right off the bat. This ties into descriptions. But, since there is oodles of ground to cover for this crossover, as well as for each induvidual story, AND a lot of characters, lengthy descriptions are not needed and would bog down the writing as well. (Another reason this has been done well, you've all used short descriptions, just not always very descriptive descriptions).
Keeping with inclusion however, some authors appeared to be somewhat sidelined for great stretches of the last chapter. Trying to include everyone is not easily possible in one scene, I understand this (cough cough, personal experience, cough cough) but including some aspect of them in following scenes is not impossible. Something small like a mention of the other teams chatting with others or amongst themselves or huddling together or swilling beer or what have you in the background is a good example.
Regardless, those are my only critiques. Everything else has been aces so far, and I'm really enjoying the story and these characters! Can't wait for more! 😁
One other critique;
That is a bit of a dangerous usage of 'any' there. Maybe try something more descriptive, like
11161049
Sometimes having multiple authors can be a drag, but, we're making it work!
11161581 Ya damn well are.
11161610
This is going to be fun, but also long, who do you have on wining?
11161621 I'm not sure, honestly. I don't know most of these Displaced aside from Sora and the Marines, so I'm waiting to find out really.
Still going strong, nice~ Liking how things are shaping up. A few things, though...
The first sentence in red is a bit confusing, as the sentences before make it seem unnecessary. After all, he already coated his weak points in Armament, so why whirl around before they even hit him if he'd already defended himself? Is Twigo the kind of person who would overprepare himself for an attack? If he isn't, then why do this when he's going to grab their weapons anyway?
The second red sentence is just repeating what's already been stated, so it's not needed.
Third red sentence is about the same situation as with the first; why would he grab their necks if he has their weapons? Why not use that grip to toss them aside, or use their own grips on said weapons against them by tossing them to the sides? He also could have slammed them to the earth with just their weapons thanks to his Armament. So it's just the same question; Is that how Twigo fights? As a character, is that how he fights? If so, then good. If not, then why?
The blue portion is just a spot where I feel some more impact/oomph to the sentence can be made. Something like, "Hah!!" with that triumphant exclamantion, Twigo chokeslammed the two with enough force to crater the earth beneath them.
These are the only bits that really glared out at me, but I'm still enjoying this quite a bit! Looking forward to reading more!
11175461
I'm sorry, my brain can not process the ability to not repeat what has been said. But I would like to say one thing; Zeref and Ganondorf are going to fight, and it will be the most epic fight in history.
11176550
Their fight will indeed be a great one. And I can't wait to read it!
Aside from the repetition and grammar, this is still very enjoyable. The only other critique I can find is the below.
To me, it's a bit confusing when put together with the paragraph where Luna points out her 'terror aura' affects magical and mundane senses, because there's no information about how Kyle managed to snap out of it, nor an indication that he was faking what seemed to be it's effect on him, even after he seemed to get some kind of resolve from that brown haired man.
So really, I'm just confused. Did he fake that laughter, that unyielding rage, to get her to drop her guard?
Hope to find out, and can't wait to read more! 😁
Now this is a nice little scene; serene, heartwarming...
...Aaaaand she ruined it by being quite literally the MOST genocidal Celestia I've seen. Props for making a good antagonistic Celestia, because damn if I don't wanna punch her.
I like this sentence, it's concise! However, it might add more venom to Celestia's tone, more impact, if the second utterance of 'human' was replaced with a more insulting word for humans. Not a fun thought to entertain, but as they say, 'some villains just don't care'.
*Snorts*
Okay, Tia, okay.
Yeah, nuke the sun! Let's see how it likes having sunburn!
Pffft! XD That certainly blindsided my funnybone and cracked it in half!
Nice!
Love the scene, though just the 'said' feels a bit too cut and paste to me. Something more descriptive but still describes the dialogue, like, 'cursed' or 'swore' or similar might have more impact.
*Blink* I'm confused. Why is Katakuri so annoyed? Yeah, Del coulda answered the question himself via deductive reasoning, but getting annoyed to the point of-
-that feels a bit out of nowhere for his character.
I like Akainu's attitude. Very confident, very self-aware of his power by the sounds of it. Once again, though, I'm confused. Wasn't Ichigo just saying a bit ago he wanted some action? Why would he not pursue a fight despite the refusal?
I apologize in advance, but; Whuh?
I apologize in advance again, but, again; Whuh? Do their teammates get no say? Again, I apologize, I'm just a bit off-put by how they're addressing their teammates and comrades, it feels almost callous.
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! FUCKING LOVE THAT SONG! ICHIGO YOU GOT SOME CULTURED TASTE!
Tsunade? Damn. Props to you then, Spike. That's a hell on multiple levels, at least when she isn't beating you to a damn pulp. Very kind outside of training though. Miss seeing her in the series.
Another bit of confusion here, so let me get it out of the way quick; Why would she throw it up? Is she waving to them? Or do you mean she's holding her palm out?
Ahh, the joys of being able to summon or craft whatever you want with whatever materials are on hand...
Good sentence, I like it, however, 'Del's Spikes', 'Jackson's Spikes' and so on feels repetitive to me. Maybe a temporary nickname for each version of a character?
This? This is one of many reasons I like this story. The transitions can be a bit messy, but at the same time, there are ones like this that are not only quick as Rainbow Dash on crack but clean at the same time! It's fucking brilliant! 😁
😁
Regardless, that's about all I can think of in terms of critiques and what I like about this chapter. Well, aside from the obvious fact that I REALLY like this chapter and this story! Keep it up, because I can barely keep myself in my seat to wait!
11183552
No, he just found it funny how Luna and Pennywise are so similar.
11183939 Ah, gotcha. If that's the case, then how did he resist?
11184209
He simply reassured himself, closing his eyes, saying it was not real. I mean, that's what Arkham did.
11184419 Fair enough.
Sheds Le Proud Tear
Beautiful.
11214551
Yup
Quick question, do you accept OC’s?
I fucking love the sheer amount of humor in this chapter. Especially the throwbacks. Gods that was divine! 🤣
11214551
Agreed.
So what are the stories used in this I know of Ghost Alvasa stories but not the rest
Why that world? I’ve never actually watched that series or even the actual world of Hellsing, but wouldn’t it make more sense to send him to the canon Hellsing world and not a world where everything is played for comedy?
11762765
The main reason is because Abridged Alucard is a bit more... Fond of Ryker and does unsavory things to him.