Been around the Fandom since 2011, only now deciding to add to it. Here's hoping I continue to improve as a writer.
Trixie came to Ponyville with one goal in mind; she wanted to spend some quality time with Starlight. Because it’s Ponyville, and because she’s Trixie, that, of course, meant everything Trixie planned for would fall apart. Now, she’s being dragged all around town by her best friend and getting into trouble with the town all over again. Trixie swears none of this could be her fault, right?
On hiatus as of 7/27/21. Rewrite pending.
Credit to crazydiamond for his help in editing.
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That was great. I'll be looking forward to more.
Quick update for anyone coming to check for the next chapter. Last night I made quick pass through in editing before work, checking for any major issues and I found some that I fixed. The reason I found them in the first place was because it was the wrong draft I was editing. Whoops.
I was about to post when I realized the problem. Chapter will be a bit later than I intended today as I need to find what changes I need to keep now. Sorry for the delay, this one's my bad.
I've really liked this story so far. This feels like a rougher Trixie than I often see in stories. She's insecure and mean. She's easily humiliated and she has an ego. She's not the best friend. Her fight with Starlight feels real and justified. Trixie is having a bad time and she isn't pleasant to be around because of it. Starlight has identified a problem and wants to force it to be fixed. They're both being bullheaded.
I've always liked the idea of trying to write Trixie being a friend to Starlight without being too whitewashed. I often see these wick little turn arounds for her to be a little sad pony that just needs love. She is a bit of that here... But I like her thorns. She's got a little bite.
That said, this chapter in particular frustrated me a bit. Maybe I missed some subtext, but Trixie felt RIGHT here... Or at least like she had a point. She didn't approach the argument maturely, but she had every right to not want to be dragged around town in a big moral high ground lecture tour by her friend on her vacation. It was important to Starlight and Trixie could have avoided it all by owning up... But the dressing down she gets in this chapter feels unearned. At least to me.
This climax might have worked better for me if the narrative hadn't confirmed what Trixie said and thought about Applejack and Fluttershy. Neither of them likes or wants to deal with Trixie (perhaps for good reason) and frankly AJ brings up Trixie's past with the town immediately when telling her to talk about her issues or go away. FS is FS, and Trixie is being uncharitable but I feel like she did nail what FS was feeling in the moment. If the story was all from Trixie’s perspective, I could see this being a case of an unreliable narrator and Trixie seeing what she expects to see... But the way the story is written (as a third party omniscient narrative) we get a glimpse into what AJ and FS are feeling. So Trixie feeling like an unwanted outsider feels justified, especially when considering those feelings are probably being magnified by insecurity and inadequacy from a moral perspective. Now I know that, again, Trixie doesn't address this well or maturely and instead lashes out at Starlight instead of recognizing these emotions and dealing with them introspectively... But I feel her stance is reasonable and understandable.
So it drives me up a wall that Rarity gets to sit on a pedestal and lecture Trixie about friendship. Now, Trixie’s interaction with Rarity didn't have the same perspective as the ones she had with AJ or FS. We don't get a peek at what Rarity was thinking. In fact, I feel like we get a Trixie-limited perspective that is dramatically at odds with what Rarity claims is the truth of her feelings towards Trixie. This works in the context of this fight, because of we can take Rarity at her word then Trixie is being paranoid and harshly judgmental. And she is, but the pervious narrative AGREED with her judgment. And I think that's what bothered me about it all.
If Trixie has a point, then Starlight getting upset at the dressing down of her friends is still reasonable but from my own perspective just serves to avoid confronting the very real and interesting dramatic problem that Starlight saviors DON'T LIKE Starlight's best friend. And that the getting is either mutual or any thoughts of reconciliation aren't entertained at least. So what should be Trixie’s big moment of having Starlight better understand why how she's been approaching this conflict with Trixie has been insensitive (who would WANT to be dragged out to be shamed in front of people you don't like and you have good reason to think don't like you), Starlight becomes the victim. And Rarity gets to, without context, give Trixie a verbal lashing. And, personally, I feel like the lack of empathy towards Trixie in the lashing is plenty of evidence that Rarity is NOT Trixie’s friend (not that I think the point is that she would be positively disposed to Trixie at this time of she was). If she thought of herself at Trixie’s friend or wanted to be a friend she could have offered Trixie advice or a reprimand... But she digs into the guilt even though it seems clear that Trixie is lost and guilty and has had a bad day. Trixie is at her lowest and Rarity kicked her.
Honestly, if I had had a day like Trixie’s and my friend was dragging me around to do something I REALLY FELT that I didn't want or even need to do and I was as stubborn as Trixie... I feel my instinct would have been to just give up and go to the spa alone or something. But she didn't and I assume it's because she had a very strong desire to hang out with her best friend regardless of how upset she was. And so she held on until she burst.
So, I dunno. I have strong feelings about this chapter and I'm really looking forward to seeing how it all gets resolved! My personal hope is that Starlight realizes how controlling she's been and that just because her friends are great doesn't mean they don't sometimes treat others unfairly and have their weaknesses. I hope Rarity realizes how ironic her tongue lashing was. I hope that Trixie realizes how unfair she's been and how her uncharitable thoughts towards others can do easily become self fulfilling prophesies when she uses them as an excuse to act cruelly.
Thank you for the chapter and story and I hope you find this review interesting and enjoyable instead of overly critical or meddlesome. I wouldn't write so much of I didn't like your story!!
Please forgive any typos... I'm writing this on my phone and I didn't reread this when I finished, haha. :)
10876588
Don't you worry, this is exactly the sort of thing I've been craving for; someone taking the story/characters and ripping it all down bare. For the most part, I agree with what you're suggesting that something is off with the perspective, and I did consider the idea of it being a first-person story for Trixie. If I went with that, it would have either meant making a massive rewrite of the entire story or awkwardly switching from first-person to third-person. That's something I've personally never liked much, so I pressed on with the third-person perspective but didn't fully change how I should have been approaching some narrative elements. Namely failing to limit the perspective more than I did. As it is, there's a consistency issue with the narration. I've tried to mitigate it as much as I can, but mistakes early on hurt my chances of fixing it properly.
Ultimately, through my own stubbornness, mistakes were made that'll keep Gingerbread House of Cards severely flawed. And I'm kind of okay with that, mostly since I feel like I see where I went wrong and can do better in the future as a result. But, that's enough of that for now. I definitely have plans to talk about that more in either a separate blog post or the authors notes when the last chapter is posted.
I am glad to hear you're enjoying it despite the problems and hope that I can deliver a satisfying rest of the story!