Where to now?
"Ok then, that's cool and all and I would probably like to learn more about my species, but maybe later, because I think we'd probably want to get out of this forest first, any ideas?"
Huh, the one thing I haven't thought about yet, where to go now?
"Honestly, I'm just as clueless as you are, just pick a random direction and we'll go from there"
As he pointed, "How about that way, it looks a bit more clear of trees than the other directions."
I suppose that's a good point, "Sounds good"
As we were about to set off, I heard a little wince come from James, "Are you ok Ja- oh."
I noticed the back of his front left hoof was heavily scratched, it seems it bled a little, but it was all dried up now.
"Yeah, I kind of forgot to mention those Timberwolves did get me a little bit and I didn't really jump into a bunch of bushes, I fell into them"
Who cares how he got into a bunch of bushes, he didn't get eaten and that's the most important part.
"It's fine, just come to my side and wrap your hoof around my neck"
He did just that, we then set off in the direction James pointed. It was quiet as we were traveling through the forest, apart from the usual chirping of birds now and then and the rustling of trees, I quite enjoyed the peaceful sounds, it's a nice change from the loud city noises.
James then interrupted such peaceful sounds, "Sooo, what's the plan if we find a way out of this forest?"
Luckily I was thinking of that during the silence "I was actually thinking about that. I was wondering, if we weren't the first humans to come here that is"
"Oh?"
"Yea, and if we aren't, then I think I know the perfect ponies to tell our little story too"
James gave me a concerned look "Wait, you actually think there's someone we can tell our story to without us seeming crazy?"
"I suppose that is a valid point, but if we aren't the only humans to have passed through equestria then somepony must've known"
"I see, and who are these ponies you're thinking of?"
"Princess Celestia and Princess Luna"
"What?! Aren't those the rulers of equestria or something?"
"Indeed, and that's why I think somepony of their importance are bound to have knowledge of humans, because I don’t think humans are common knowledge among normal pony folk, and I think it's better to trust somepony than nopony"
James was still concerned, but he trusted my knowledge of equestria and just gave a quick nod.
Then James came to a stop, I looked at him and his face only seemed embarrassed, "What is it?" His face only burning more red when I asked
"I, uh, I need to go" It took me a quick second to realise what he meant,
"Oh, ok. Heh, now that you mention it, I kinda do too"
As I quickly pointed "You can go behind that tree and I'll go behind these bushes over here"
I helped him over behind the tree, I heard a quiet "thanks" as I left to the bushes.
Taking a pee as a pony wasn't to much different, 'just let it go' I gave a quick mental giggle at that. After I was done, I did notice a pony's thing doesn't hang out as much as a humans, it kinda returns back into a seth of some sort, but I didn't really give it much of a thought.
But then I heard a surprised yelp from James, "Uh, you ok James?"
He looked back at me with his face burning like crazy "Oh nothing, it's just I’m, uhhh, I'm a girl" Oh, right, the one thing I forgot to say about changelings.
"Oh yeah, I didn't mention that thing about changelings yet, I think there's some kind of special word for it, but in a nutshell, changelings actually have both genders"
"Wait, what?"
"Yeah your Male gender is on the inside to protect it from outside elements and that kind of thing, it usually comes out for mating and that kind of stuff, changelings separate their gender by mentality, not physicality"
He blushed a little at the mention of mating. I giggled a little at his expression.
"I suppose you'll have to get used to having and using a female part most of the time, or at least until you find yourself a very special somepony" I gave a quick laugh and James giggled a little too.
"Until I find a mate, in other words"
"Yeah"
"Well then, I suppose it's not everyday you become a double gendered bug that can change its form to any other. Anyways, should we continue?" We shared a laugh and I nodded, James got out from behind the tree and then he wrapped his hoof around my neck again and we continued through the forest.
It was getting closer to sundown, but it wasn't to long before I stopped to a sudden new sound I could hear in the distance. James looked at me and must've noticed my ears twitching to look for where the sound was coming from. "What is it Matthew?"
My eyes widened from realization and in a quick whisper to myself, "water..." I immediately went into a gallop almost causing James to trip, but he was able to keep up on just his three hooves. "Wait, what- did you-- say?" He tried to ask while trying to catch his breath from the sudden change of pace. "You'll see when we get there"
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10850635
Says the one who presumed said advise/criticism was about writing, on a site for story's, not about character design.
10850635
No, I have no intention on meeting the main 6 anytime soon
10850639
Oh right, like I said your story happens too fast, make me confuses a lot. Because of lack of detail
Here something I advice, write each chapter in 1k words. If you can write each chapter 2k words or more, that will better. This, can solve the " lack of detail " problem and also make your fic better.
10850646
Oh thank you, some actual writing advice, I do have a few chapters already written and they are in the 1-2k word range, and some not. But you can judge on word count all you like, I'll write my story how I want.
10850650
Eh no, they are not reach at 1k words here? And, you should slow down now. The flow of your fic is too fast.
10850651
I didnt say they were published, well more like forgot to specify they weren't, my apologies
10850654
... Why am I feel not good?
10850655
What?
10850659
Let start chapter 1, shall we? After I read chapter 1, I don't know anything about you and your friend. Not even have an infomation. You just say "go to work, watch MLP" then one day you have accident (not know what type though) then became a pony...... Really fast huh?
A question is about the MC (main character). What is his job, why he have a car, why he like MLP? Ect...
10850663
Ok geez, i get you. I understood the "too fast" you said like ages ago. I don't care if you have a damn diploma in writing or somthing. I don't, I don't make story's for a lifetime like some people may do. But for goodness sake, if you really don't like my story you can leave
10850664
Then you gonna pour any talent in that MC, huh? The explain is the most important of a fic. It will judge that your fic is "Mary Sue" or not. Are you even a writer ? Re-read that story as the reader and give me your feeling.
10850666
No, I'm not a good writer in the slightest, (If I was, you wouldn't be complaining)
And I have had enough of this so can you just kindly leave
Hey, I just wanted to day, you've doing pretty well for your first fic. And there isn't much I constructively criticize. I can say that you could mess with the pacing a little bit and maaayyybe chapter length. And I noticed, at least in your most recent chapter, that you've made some long sentences. Maybe divide them up with a period or two.
But that's all I can offer, I still would love to see your story, and you as a writer, progress.