PONYMON: Equestrian Adventures

by InsanityBerry

Chapter One: Welcome to Ponyville!

Ash Ketchum, a young boy was wandering around his home town of Pallet Town, Kanto. He was bored, and he had nothing to do. His friend, a pok He wished he could speak to his friends, Brock, Dawn, May and Misty, but they lived far away. Suddenly, an odd, rainbow-coloured whirlpool opened up in the ground, with distorted images of strange coloured creatures that looked quite similar to Ponytas. "What is this thing?" Thought Ash, as he stared at the multicolour creatures, conversing, dancing and playing. Ash was curious to see what the odd thing was, so he ran to Proffessor Oak's lab. He explained that an odd, rainbowlike whirlpool opened up in the ground, and that he didn't know what it was. Ash showed the Professor the portal, hoping that he would have mn explaination to what it could be. The Professor didn't know what it was, either. Ash thought. threw a fairly big rock in the portal, and listened to see what would happen. Ash heard a high pitched girl’s voice cry out. “Ouch! Who threw that?” Ash felt bad for hitting a girl with a rock, so without thinking, he recklessly jumped into the rainbow whirlpool.

The inside of the whirlpool was bright. Ash felt strange in his stomach, and his body started to warp, twist and change. He then felt a sensation of white hot agony, like he was cut several times and had salt rubbed in his wounds. His hands and feet turned to hooves. He fell and landed on all fours. A long, black tail grew from his flank, but his hair stayed the same. The whole experience was bewildering and painful. He got tangled up with his clothes. And on both sides of his flank, there was finally a tingly sensation, as he received his Pokéball cutie mark. He finally stopped feeling the pain of changing into a whole new shape. He breathed out, and looked around. He was no longer in Pallet Town. He was now in the Everfree Forest.

He wandered away from the forest, tripping on his clothes several times. After passing a cottage made from a tree on the outskirts of the forest, Ash eventually found himself in a town, filled with odd multicolour

“Hiya stranger! Welcome to Ponyville!” said a pink pony. Her mane was as pink as sweet strawberry ice-cream and her cutie mark was a bunch of balloons. “My name is Pinkie Pie. Who are you?” Pinkie Pie was prancing around and jumping. “Boy, you’re hyper. Hi, my name is Ash Ketchum.”
“You’re an earth-pony too! And your cutie mark sure is strange, Ash Ketchum.” Squeaked Pinkie excitedly. She jumped up and down and giggled.
“What’s a cutie mark? Is it the Pokéball on my butt? What does it do?”
“Oh I can answer that question,” said a purple unicorn. “Cutie marks are obtained when ponies discover a unique characteristic that sets themselves apart from others.”
“Gee, Twilight! I could have answered that. Here is a new pony, his name is Ash Ketchum! Ash Ketchum, meet Twilight Sparkle. Twilight, meet Ash Ketchum!” said Pinkie Pie joyfully.
“Pleasure to meet your acquaintance, Ash Ketchum” smiled Twilight as she offered Ash her hoof.
“The pleasure is all mine, Twilight.” Ash said, as he happily shook Twilight Sparkle’s hoof with his own. “Also, you both can call me Ash, if you want.”
“Well that’s a relief!” giggled Pinkie Pie as she jumped up and down. “Ash Ketchum is quite a mouthful. So, Ash. Where do you come from?”
“I come from the Kanto region,” responded Ash.
“Where in Celestia is that place, Ash? I haven’t even read of a place called Kanto,” Mused Twilight curiously.
“Honestly, I don’t know. I came here through a weird portal,” replied Ash, as he stared steadily at the ground.
Then, Pinkie burst out saying, “Come on Ash! We should go and meet my other pals!”

Ash, Pinkie and Twilight went off. Ash met a cool blue Pegasus who was extremely fast called Rainbow Dash. She turned out to be a tomboy, and she reminded Ash of his friend, Misty. He met a beautiful and fashionable unicorn named Rarity, who spoke with an English accent. He met an honest earth-pony called Applejack, who worked at a place called sweet apple acres, and then, Ash met the yellow Pegasus pony he accidentally hit with a rock. Fluttershy, who was said to be the kindest pony there was. She introduced herself. “uh…hi there. My name is Fluttershy…what’s yours?”
“I’m Ash Ketchum. Hey Fluttershy, did a rock hit you by any chance?”
“Yes, a rock flew out of a strange colourful whirlpool. In fact, it’s over there.” Fluttershy made a gesture towards a tree, and there, right at the root of the tree was the portal.

Then, out of the blue, a pony flew out of the portal. Ash immediately recognised the pony as Gary Oak. “Gary? What the buck are you doing here?”
“I don’t know! Why am I a pony?” he retorted.
Suddenly, several Pokémon from Ash and Gary’s world rushed through the portal, and rushed through Ponyville, making other ponies trip and freak out. The Pokémon made a huge mess, eating food from picnics, biting anypony who tried to chase the Pokémon away. More and more Pokémon kept coming through the portal. And then, the Pokémon ran out of Ponyville.
“Oh no!” Exclaimed Fluttershy worriedly. “Those creatures are going to destroy Equestria!”
Gary laughed. “What’cha gonna do about it, losers?”
“Well, I’m going to save this place! Everyone here is so nice, and it’s partly my fault!” shouted Ash with all his enthusiasm.
“Me too!” said Fluttershy. “ I bet you’re going to need some help, Ash!”
“You two losers can’t do it! I will do anything and everything to stop you!” yelled Gary, who sounded somewhat frustrated.
Before Ash could reply, Fluttershy grabbed his hoof and called out. “Ash! Let’s go!”

Ash and Fluttershy were gallopping after a renagade Rattata, chasing it through the many streets of ponyville. but no matter how fast Ash and Fluttershy ran, the Rattata was faster, and then the duo lost track of it. Ash was getting quite frustrated. "Hey Ash," said Fluttershy quietly. "How about i see where it went from the sky? it couldn't have gotten far."
"Sounds like a good plan! I'll keep searching on the ground, 'kay!" replied Ash happily. He liked Fluttershy already, but he barely knew her. Soon, Ash was very lost. He decided to call out to Fluttershy. "Fluttershy! Where are you? I'm lost!"
a few seconds later, the yellow pegasus returned with the Rattata following her loyally. "Princess Celestia said she had some things for us in my cottage! It's not too far away! let's go!"

The trip to the cottage was like a blink of an eye. Her cottage was built into a large tree, and it seemed to be an animal sanctuary, yet all the animals seemed scared of the Rattata. Ash and Fluttershy went inside, and found a large backpack on Fluttershy's bed, filled with Pokéballs. Next to the bag was a letter, it read:
" Dear Fluttershy
I have noticed a vast outbreak of small animals, known in another universe as Pokémon.
these balls i have given you are to hold the Pokémon you befriend. The balls shrink the pokémon you befriend so they have space, and the bag holds these pokeballs. If you run out, then send me a letter and i'll send you some more.
I trust that you and Ash can catch them all, and i know you won't let me down!
Love from, Princess Celestia.

"Come on Ash! We have a job to do! Let's go!" Said Fluttershy with pride.
And so Ash and Fluttershy started their great Equestrian adventure!

Comments

[InsanityBerry]

is it any good?

[mauvsheep]

"Gary Oak wants to let them destroy Equestria."

Gary may be a dick, but he's not evil.

[Pino Graham]

1229862 yes make it Cyrus that is more his thing than anyone else

[InsanityBerry]

ok, sure.

[Draco Dei]

SPOILER ALERT!!!
((The author has requested critique, and I am providing it.))
((EDIT: This ended up pretty harsh... going to cut it short so the author can either re-write or clarify what they want from me.))

-Ok, disclaimer time: This cross-over sounds difficult to do well, and the ratio of thumbs seems to indicate you didn't do it well. That said, what else am I here for if not to be one aspect of your potential improvement? And my own style does run to taking horrible-sound ideas and twisting them into pretzels to defy the expectations of the basic ideas and make them fresh and new I should be well suited to this in some ways.

He continued wandering around his small town.
-There is no need I can see to advance time like this. Nothing has happened so saying he continued is pointless. I could see you being tempted to ensure that the reader feels some level of the bordom that he does, but trust me, it is risky idea, and definitely NOT something for the start of the story. Story starts are where you need to grab the reader. For instance my stories SEEM to start, respectively, with a hostile creature appearing out of nowhere on the highest tower of Canterlot Castle, and with Big MacIntosh smiling in contentment about having stabbed Fluttershy to death as he cradles her corpse to him. Now granted, these are "not everything is as it seems" starts, but at least they should encourage the reader to keep going. Consider having him start in the middle of a thunderstorm, as Pikachu successfully polarizes himself to cause a bolt of lightning from a cloud to strike him for no damage. Describe it in vivid language, and then have Ash find an empty feeling inside as he wonders what to do next since the next tournament opportunity isn't for a while, and he was expecting to have to spend weeks of training for them to pull off that feat. I have no idea if that works with Pokemon, but maybe it will get your mind moving.

Suddenly, an odd, rainbow-coloured whirlpool opened up in the ground. Ash was curious to see where the portal would lead.
-Oh good-grief... this is horrible. I bet you aren't even going to hint at where the portal came from? Such things don't seem to be native to the Pokemon setting from what I know. Excluse plots are fine, but they need to HAVE an excuse, rather than being, if you will allow the play on words, inexcusable. Does he have his Pokeballs with him? Is he going to run home and get Pikachu? Contact Professor Oak or someone who actually stands a chance of understanding this thing? This is a bit of a pet peeve of mine, but: Do you have any idea how dangerous random portals could be? Even moving a long way could send you flying at 100 mph or something if momentum is conserved due to the speed and local direction of the planet's surface varying. Interdimensional travel is a absolute nightmare from an epidemiological POV (if the germs aren't close enough to infect you, then the atmosphere might not be close enough for you to breath, and the food almost certainly is no good for you). And that isn't even getting into the possibility of anti-matter, in which case the air explodes probably makes Hiroshima look like a modestly sized barbeque grill with the energy release (not that there is much you can do about that with a spontanious portal other than not breech it in case it requires force to actually transmit anything with mass).

He threw a fairly big rock in the portal, and listened to see what would happen.
-WOW! That is actually vaguely intelligent of him! There may be hope for this story yet. Horribly bad idea on his part, but that is realistic given his age, and it is better than jumping though it. Also, how does he know it is a portal? Are whirl-pool portals common in that world? You didn't mention him being able to see anything through it.

so without thinking, he recklessly jumped into the rainbow whirlpool.
-Right... change this so he doesn't think of this as being a portal until he hears the voice. Also, some internal thought would be better here... in fact, doing a lot of this stuff as internal monologue in his head would make it more "show, don't tell". Make sure the monologue sounds natural, rather than stilted.

twist and change.
-AARRGH!!! Spontanious ponification for no reason that is likely to ever be adequately explored? The cliche and pointlessness burn! Of course, you COULD pull this out with sufficient arcanobabble (like Star-Trek technobabble, but for magic rather than futuristic technology). Otherwise, just keep him as a human, and have Twilight examine him six ways to Sunday, unless you have some crisis come up, in which case she should be lammenting the fact that she can't take the time to do so. Of course, maybe you will be original enough that he won't come out anywhere near Ponyville and will only meet background characters, but I honestly I am not getting my hopes up. At least ponification means he will probably not be capturing ponies in Pokeballs (but maybe stuff like Timberwolves?).

and all of his clothes vanished, except his hat.
-Ok, this just underlines the lack of any sort of logic with things. I mean having clothing meld into transformations is a staple of fantasy, but mostly so you don't get adventurers without their vital equipment, or people in general ending up naked every third scene. Have him get tangled up in his clothing if you insist on keeping the ponification (which with three chapters out you might want to go ahead and do).

He was becoming a pony.
-Don't belabor the obvious. If you must do something along these lines, have his pain-wracked mind focusing innanely on where the ponyta(s)* suddenly came from or maybe even why he is now a ponyta.
*Or whatever that Pokemon is called.

-((So, yeah.,.. can't tell if I am just in a foul mood, or if this really is the best way of approaching this story. Stopping here for the author's thoughts.))

[Draco Dei]

1245365
It wasn't hard for me to read. I only needed to read two paragraphs of it after all. I just wondered if my pre-existing bad mood might be making me phrase things in a less than diplomatic way, rather than achieving both diplomacy and accuracy... or if you would prefer a bit more "kid gloves". For example the bit about "The cliche and pointlessness burn!" was more for purposes of communication than my actually finding it that much of a burden to read. Good to know you don't want "kid gloves" and I hope I gave you enough that you won't be going through TOO many more iterations on your path to polishing this story.