• Member Since 16th May, 2020
  • offline last seen Last Friday

Shadow-Iris


A 17 years old MLP fan who like to read, interested in writting but don't have any talent in it

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An adventure began after the ‘misunderstanding’ in Royal Wedding, which leaded Twilight to choose her own way to survive and form a kingdom for her own.
Warning shipping: Chryslight
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The story was based on Friendship's Kingdom and Rise of the Harmony Kingdom

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 43 )
Comment posted by Shadow-Iris deleted May 27th, 2021

A good premise and i look forwards to reading more of it!

10834905
Thank you, I will try to update the story as soon as I can

10834849
I think they are refering to the occaissional slips in tense and such, for example, misunderstood would be misunderstanding, or one a couple words adding an s onto the end despite it not being plural in the context. It's nothing too big and will improve with time and experience so don't worry about it too much

10834909
Thank you for showing me the errors, I'll find the word which miss "s" tomorrow, it's night in my country nos

10834912
As i said, don't worry aout it too much, the story and theme gets through well still. I will simply advise to read through chapters before you post them to double check for errors

This is an interesting proof of concept at least. Can’t wait for more.

10835410
Thank you, look like the new story had broken my best record in just one day😂. I'll try to update more for this

10834948
I did it but I didn't know how the chapter still had some errors. Maybe because I was hasty, or I wasn't really good at that tense. But I'll try to improve anyway

Oops, pressed the wrong bookshelf’s for this to be put into. The canceled bookshelf was a mistake!

10835752
It's OK I sometimes click wrong too

10835642
It wasn't bad enough to put off the story so don't fuss over it too much

I like how this is going. Maybe for the next chapter, you can have Celestia and Twilight's "friends" go looking for her only to run into "Cadance" who reveals herself to be the Changeling Queen Chrysalis and mocks them for not believing Twilight; who was right all along; and says that she was never the real Cadance. She sneers, saying that those tears she cried were crocodile tears to trick them into turning on Twilight. And it was successful. Celestia demands to know where Twilight is. Chrysalis just laughs and says, "How should I know? Last time any of you fools saw her, she was at the rehearsal. By now, she pretty much ran away because of you!"

10836205
Thank you for your idea :twilightsmile:, I'll add some more information too, because you know, I'm shipping Chryslight

10836184
Ok, I won't force things on myself that much, thank you anyway

10836238
So, when's the next chapter going to be ready?

10837324
I'm not sure since I decided to take a little break and finish the next chapter for my second story first

Great chapter.

"You found your voice again, huh princess. I thought you would feel shame about your action. Your student may run away from this terrible kingdom so you can't apologize to her," Answered Chrysalis in a satisfied voice "And to answer your question, I found her ... interesting and attractive. She was the one who found out that I was fake anyway, so I want her to be my equal~"

Your student may have run away

Interesting turn of events to be sure

"You think so? After what you just did to her, you still think she will save you? There is a little chance she will be back but there even a smaller chance she will able to rescue you."

There is a little chance she'll be back, but there is an even smaller chance she will rescue you considering that she felt betrayed by you all. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't befriend any of you ever again after this.

"I'm Chrysalis, queen of the Changeling, I am here to conquer this 'little' kingdom. And about Cadance" The queen turned to the familiar pink Alicorn and laughed "The one you met in three days was me all the time but you didn't realize it except your friend" She mocked and dropped her disguise again.

The Cadance you met with these past three days was me this whole time. And you fools never noticed it except Twilight Sparkle, whom you all wanted to punish for what she did at the rehearsal when she was right all along.

“Yes, Princess, we haven’t found her while we are around the castle. Maybe she just woke up and leave a while ago or someone brought her somewhere else?.”

Maybe she woke up and left a while ago, or somepony brought her somewhere else?

"Your magic is useless for me now, thank Shining Armor's love for Cadance, my power increased a lot. I'll get what I want soon" Laughed Chrysalis evilly.

Your magic is useless against me now. Thanks to Shining Armor's love for Cadance I've been feeding off of, my power increased a lot. I will get what I want soon.

"Why it was our fault? We haven't do anything to her" Asked Rarity as the other nodded except Fluttershy who shied away when she remembered their mistakes

Why was it our fault? We haven't even done anything to her.

You have so many grammar errors in here. And the first letter of actions in dialogue (asked for example) should never, ever be capitalized.

After putting a sleep spell on Twilight, the Sun Princess was embarrassed and disappointed for her student’s action. That was her old foal sitter who she spent a lot of time with in her childhood, and now the unicorn dared to shout and nearly attacked the Love Alicorn without any proof, that was unacceptable. Was the unicorn just behaved in the past just because of her mentor?. She wasn't sure but she knew after this, she needed to talk with her. But for now, she should stop her from attending the wedding for the safety of her niece.

sleeping spell

Do not capitalize the starting letter of something like laughed, said, etc. And put the correct ending punctuation, a coma(,) after said, a period(.) after anything that's not said, same for an exclamation point(!).

"I'm Chrysalis, queen of the Changeling, I am here to conquer this 'little' kingdom. And about Cadance" The queen turned to the familiar pink Alicorn and laughed "The Cadance you met with these past three days was me this whole time. And you fools never noticed it except Twilight Sparkle, whom you all wanted to punish for what she did at the rehearsal when she was right all along." She mocked and dropped her disguise again.

Changelings is spelled wrong.

"You're so naive, without the Element, you think that you will win? You don't believe me? Fine, I will show you how useless you are without your friend."

without the bearer of the Element of Magic

Ok so I just started reading it, and it seems ok from the start and now... keep up the good work! The story seems intresting!

10842047
Are you gonna continue this story? I would be eternally grateful if you did.

10934860
Yes, I do. But I think I’ll write the chapter next week because I just had some extra classes I need to deal with.

10934980
Are you gonna continue this? It's already the middle of September.

Story is good, but the grammar could use a little work. Going to continue this? I'd like to see where it's going.

When will there be a continuation

11025947
Honestly, I'm not really sure. My school started too late and very rushing right now so I mostly don't have motivation to do. But I may have a chance to continue on Christmas if my motivation getting better.

Then good luck with your studies.

11027535
plz update ... im going to bookmark this

11123672
I can't sadly. I am busy with my study right now with 1st semester test-which I thought would end before Dec so I can write but it was hiatus till Jan, and online classes killed me. And the main reason I didnt write anymore because I'm kinda not interested in MLP anymore. But the other story are on hiatus so I'll need to read this again before thinking about continue this. It had been awhile and I had changed to Dreamtale so I spent most time reading than writing.

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