Writer, artist, musician. Im just trying out all sorts of things... and now im trying my hand at fan fic. this should be interesting
Twilight Sparkle is trouble by what a captured changeling said to her. Now during a quest to fid the truth, she finds a secret unlike anything Equestria has ever seen. Who knows about this ancient piece of parchment? Who all is involved, and more importantly, What she do with this new found information?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Er, you have the entire thing(this chapter) pasted twice here.
edit: Same with chapter 2.
Confusing at times but not bad.
Doublepasted again.
....hands?
A few grammar errors, but I really like your take on their relationship.
Luna and Celestia responded well and fairly in character.
Might need to fix grammar errors, and get rid of the double pasting.
Thank you to all who pointed out the double pasting issue. This has been fixed. Thanks to all who left comments and criticism. This was my first ever attempt at writing fan fic. Ill learn from my mistakes and make the next fic even better.
wait, where did I say hands?
I readith thy story, and I enjoy said story. I must complain, however in one certain aspect. Said aspect is the overall lack of rhyming from Zecora the Zebra.
" The queen’s words shocked her. Was the queen of the changelings actually going to just let her go? No, the queen of the ponies was letting her go. She could see that in the changeling’s eyes. Behind the large, green, inhuman eyes, there was a kind, gentle pony Queen trying to control her body but filled with despair for what she had become."
"Behind the large, green, inhuman eyes..."
"...inhuman..."
No. Just, no. Ponies do not talk about anything "inhuman". That breaks one of the biggest rules of MLP writing. The only ones allowed to reference humans are humans/ex-humans and Lyra. Pinkie Pie can break this rule because she can break the fourth wall.
To The Monkey Ninja, Im glad you enjoyed it. However i am sorry about my inability to write proper Zacora dialoge. Also I shall fix the said mistake and remove the human element from the tale.
This chapter is still pasted twice.