• Member Since 10th Mar, 2014
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Scout Feather


Hey, it's me. I'm back.

Comments ( 26 )
Comment posted by RubyDubious deleted June 8th

Hooooo... The focus on pleasing the filly in this one is... very nice. Very nice. Not nearly enough stories where that's the main point like this, and lets be honest, the real treat is making sure the filfils are extra pleased.

10826410
ditto. I normally like to contribute my own articulate comment, but you sir have hit the nail on the head. well said and read XP

10826410
I'll have to take more time another day when I'm less tired and stoned to give you a proper response, but just wanted to give you a big thank you for this. You were a big inspiration for this. Thank you.

Five eyes peered up at him expectantly, waiting for his instruction and go-ahead.

I know it might be nit picky, but it should say five sets of eyes.

He let his hoof wander back, and in front of the whole room, softly groped her pert rear.

The rest of the story had been flowing very nicely except when I came across this sentence. It just doesn't seem correct. Just a suggestion, but might I recommend: He allowed his hoof to wander back, and in front of the whole room, he softly began to grope away at her pert rear.

It accentuated her curves more, let him see more of that delicious plot.

Again, same thing. The sentence doesn't flow in a very appealing way when written like this. There are a few more examples that I noticed while I read, but I think you get my meaning.

and quickly rectified this was a soft squeeze

I mean... you're technically probably not wrong, either, but I believe you meant with.

giving her something of a wedgie

Again, just a friendly recommendation, but somewhat works better here.

The filly convulsed and shook as she hit her peak and came crashing down...and then it was abruptly over, and she was basking in that warm afterglow, and she collapsed onto the floor, panting and sweaty and exhausted.

This is sexy, but it's still a long run-on sentence. Just another suggestion: The filly convulsed and shook as she hit her peak and came crashing down. It was abruptly over, and all she could do was momentarily bask in that warm afterglow, and she collapsed onto the floor, panting and sweaty and exhausted.

That's all I got! Loved the story.:pinkiesmile:

10843615
Thanks for your suggestions! I made a few of these revisions.

Keep in mind some of these things come down to stylization. In particular the run-on sentence you're referring to is done intentionally as it's making use of the pacing, as things are very erratic and sudden. In particular my overusage of 'and'.

Shadex #7 · June 2nd · · 3 ·

A possibility of more ? It was very good I must admit as a Connoisseur I was sad when it ended

wubnub #8 · June 2nd · · 60 ·

Disgusting, you wouldn’t write a story on sexual actions with a minor so why does writing one about young animals make things any different? This feels like a loop hole for those with perverted fantasies about underaged sex. I cannot explain how much this is wrong given that the story is purposely written for clop purposes. If someone feels compelled by these sorts of things they need mental help!!!! Not encouragement through satisfying their fetish

another nice work by you. You never fail to impress me!

Comment posted by RubyDubious deleted June 8th
Alcatraz #11 · June 2nd · · 5 ·

This needs more

i hope this story will continue?

10843735
Just block them and move on. This guy only makes foalcon, so it would be in your best interest to just move on with your day.

Shadex #14 · June 2nd · · 7 ·

10843735
People do write erotic fiction involving children which is legal at least In the US, so it’s not a loophole for someone wanting to read a fantasy, on the get help part you do know that you can’t change someone’s sexual interest right? It’s vastly better for pedophile/Hebephile Leaning individuals to consume media like this and stuff like lolicon, etc then it is for them to actually hurt a child. Child sexual predators ie those who actually commit an act on a child deserve to be executed.
Now I am not a pedophile or hebephile or any of the other ones, I am but a Connoisseur of all forms of porn.
If you see a story involving foalcon just move along simple as.

wubnub #15 · June 2nd · · 20 ·

10844303
I disagree that it should be accepted but I appreciate your take saying that it is better than preforming on those actions. I personally feel like content like this creates more problems than solves but I guess that’s my opinion. Thanks for actually responding with a reasonable well thought out take instead of some others

10843724
I’m not sure that’s in the cards, as I tend to write an idea and move on, but never say never!

10843806
Maybe you’re just easy to please!

10844021
Won’t rule it out but probably not!

10844090
See previous comments!

10844411
:rainbowwild:

10844456
Well, maybe, but i am just impressed at your idea and how detailed you make them

Comment posted by Wild--fire deleted June 2nd

Directly linking to explicit art isn’t allowed as per FiMfic rules, sorry Wild--fire

Ok sorry about that my bad

any possibility of a version of this story for female readers?

10844905
I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean. Unless you're asking for a version with a female protagonist? I don't know why that exclusively makes it for 'female readers'.

At any rate, I don't do alt versions, so no.

... ok so... can we please get a sequel? :twilightblush:

10882769
Since you asked so nicely...

...Probably not.

10882845

Aww :( now I’m sad :(

Login or register to comment