• Member Since 18th Feb, 2015
  • offline last seen 18 minutes ago

daOtterGuy


I write gay romantic comedies with ponies now. Get off my back, MOM.

E

Rarity is visiting the Crystal Empire to woo Double Diamond while he is participating in the Winter Games.

Nothing will stop her from being with her beloved Prince.


For the May Pairings (2021) contest.

Edited by the amazing SockPuppet.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 12 )

This was a pleasure to read; really fun! Can't say anything else without ruining it.

That...escalated quickly.

Suspenseful and well written. Good job!






But uh, what happened to him....? Cuz I'm scared

Although I can think of or guess multiple scenarios, I'm still not really sure why Double Diamond hasn't shown up for a particular event so far. I think it's either ambiguous, or kind of without obvious motivation on the part of the pony who was carrying a...kitchen tool.

To the author - hi. glad to see you're writing again😁
i've doing okay with everything that has gone on in the past year or so:rainbowlaugh:

p.s: just wanted to give ya a small update & have no interest in reading this fic as i'm too fixated on way too many things irl!

Oh hey! Stalkerity in action!

Wow! I was afraid you wouldn't stick the landing. But...you did it! excellent stuff! :rainbowderp:

As I figured out what was going on in this story, I wasn't sure I was going to be on board with Rarity's characterization. It's like a funhouse mirror version of her that only really scans if you accept the distortion.

If you can get over that, then this was a suitably engaging story that I'm loathe to discuss without spoiler text. A lot of the fun of it comes from the buildup and reveal of information.

The buildup and reveal was perfect. I doubted just how evil she was at the end, too. Nice job doing more with less. Knowing when to hold back is a great skill, and it's clear that you know what to focus on and what to keep ambiguous. Definitely a good suspense story.

A most frustrating moniker for a hopeless romantic such as herself. A title that announces to the world that Rarity Belle, eligible bachelorette, one sixth heroine of Equestria, and fashionista extraordinaire is unmarried and, even worse, single.

cdn.discordapp.com/emojis/875099698791321610.png?v=1

Double Diamond felt his mind begin to cloud with dread as he recalled the unicorn in question. She had a purple mane that shrouded her face in shadow, blue eyes that seemed to convey malicious intent, and a pale white coat that gave her an aura of malice.

really enjoyed this contrast with Rarity's description of him, very fun structure

His terror ended when time inevitably ran its course and Rarity was forced to leave by train to wherever she had come from.

Probably Tarturus.

More likely Ponyville.

snrt

Drawn perfectly in what was possibly hundreds of post it notes was an image of a mare winking back at him with a rose clenched between her teeth.

never would i have thought the mental image of hundreds of pictures of Rarity would be unsettling to me

By the end of it the Guard were laughing along with her and the whole thing had been thrown out.

oof, a bit too real! disturbingly believable, with her own access to power as you point out in the very next paragraph.


And the buildup at the confrontation to a false resolution with ominous undertones, followed by that last scene which was just cinematic perfection, very nice and understated. But back to the confrontation. This line struck me:

Rarity stopped Double Diamond’s rambling with a single hoof to his face, “Now, now, Double Diamond. I caused you undue harm, and I simply cannot abide not doing my utmost to remedy the situation. Stop overthinking it.”

because it felt very similar to how I write Rarity! I mean, it feels like your Rarity lines throughout really felt closer to the version of Rarity I have in my head than actual canon Rarity, if that makes sense? Like they would be how I want to write her, which made your depiction of her resonate with me, which was strange because this Rarity is strange!

Rarity as a force of nature. As a carapace, all passion and delight and flourish and melodrama, but with inscrutable motivations and a complete lack of genuineness. What's interesting is that this a consequence of taking Rarity's (and the rest of the Mane Six's) bizarre position in society seriously. Such familiar and easy access to the highest levels of state power (the Princesses, the ruling monarchs!), and even beyond that, access to power itself directly, through their Elements and the knowledge they gained from their bizarre adventures (Starlight Glimmer!). all adding up to ponies that it would be truly frightening if they were anything other than the genuinely good and somewhat naïve characters depicted on the show. anyway, i can totally see that you're into horror!

in room #404

Error, room not found.

I must say, just y the first scene I'm loving this Rarity. It has the right balance of creepy and amusing to be a both entertaining and dangerous "antagonist", and by gods do you point out how much of a bitch she can be at her worst.

And this only persists during the entire story, the fact that you never go over the top with the creepy factor in her makes the two twists the story has work perfectly, and specially the ending, which could truly go either way. that I think shows writing prowess, as the balance is much more difficult to pull off.

Another thing that this balance allows the story is to be absolutely hilarious at times despite the kind of Rarity we're dealing with. Each section of Double Diamond (which I have to add, I have never written/read in any meaningful way) was a delight of hilarious, since his over the top reactions really sell this to be a probable comedy.

This is a kind of story that only a good writer can pull off, and you've proven to be so.

PS: I was slightly disappointed that the explanation for Rarity's knowledge wasn't Pinkie's party archives, I feel like that would've been a more believable reason and add some of Pinkie's creepiness to the fix, but I can see that Double Diamond might not believe something so personal.

This story is creepy, and doesn't try to hide it. Rarity is painted both as a stalker, but also to me at least, as a different being. Well, until she isn't. The bit where the misunderstanding happens is amusing, but it also confuses me. Considering it seems like she actually did kill him, I have to wonder what it was all about.

Anyways, the suspense was perfectly done. You lay out Rarity's attitude from both perspectives and keep her thoughts cryptic and full of possibilities. Double Diamond is in his right to be scared, because this is far from normal behavior.

The setting was great. It made use of the Crystal Empire, it gave Diamond a reason to stay, and it made the final section all the more terrifying. This story could not have been better in any other location.

I'm honestly surprised that this isn't a horror, but at the same time, it made the ending hit a lot harder when I didn't expect anything like it to happen. Bravo!

Hi hi, you have a review of this story awaiting you in the Reviewer's Mansion! Come take a looksee!

Well, I didn't expect the story to go in this direction, lol. At first, I wasn't a fan of Rarity's characterization, but then I saw you were going for a crazy stalker story. This was pretty fun, even if the very end doesn't make much sense except as a twist.

Login or register to comment