Party Hardy
“Come on, every creature,” Discord said in a jovial tone. “Party in Twilight’s library starting now! You’re all invited, so long as you always choose me over Arching. He must be made to feel the terror and gloom that comes with rejecting friendship, especially friendship so good as mine.”
“Ooh yeah, whoopie!” Pinkie Pie cheered. “I love a good party! But I’ll say, having Archard around is fun, so much fun that I’d never be able to last one second pretending I didn’t like him! After all, he helped me find Snowy Bumblebees! And what can a pony ask for after they have a manticore as a pet?”
“Choose me and I’ll give you ten manticore pets,” the draconequus offered, snapping his fingers and summoning ten to the library. The sight of them got a couple of panicked screams from the two researchers and a gasp from a gentle yellow pegasus, and he snapped his fingers again to send them back off from where they came. “Well, domesticated, of course.”
“That sounds like so much fun! But I already have Snowy, and he’s a lot to take care of! Plus, I need to throw Archard a ‘Welcome-To-Ponyville-Super-Scary-Alien-Monster-Creature’ party soon! Oh, maybe we could combine your party and mine, and make it super duper extra special!”
“Oh, sure, make it super special and reward that cretin for all that he’s done so far,” Discord said grumpily. “Crashing our tea party, and then rejecting an invitation of friendship I offered after he so rudely left in the middle of it. And now there’s this business where Twilight and Lyra are held up finding a way for him to get to where he belongs so he can stop causing such a ruckus. I am the Lord of Chaos, am I not? It’s my job to cause chaos, not his. Frankly, it’s very upsetting, and I won’t stand for it.”
“You should be nice to him, though,” Fluttershy told her friend, floating over to the draconequus and floating in the air near his head. “He’s very nice once you get to know him, right, Twilight?”
“Yeah, right,” she said, mostly sarcastic and only half paying attention. The silence that Fluttershy gave made her realize her mistake, and she quickly said, “I mean, yes! He’s not… that terrible? I mean, he’s kind of annoying, but he’s not that bad once you get used to him, I guess.”
“See, Fluttershy? Even the Princess of Friendship doesn’t like him. How can you expect me to put in effort to make friends with some creature who nopony likes, and especially one who disrespects me?”
“I didn’t say that specifically, but…”
“You could try talking to him,” the mare suggested. “He honestly seemed like he was angry. I think you should talk it out with him if you can.”
“Why should I do that? We’re in the middle of a party, are we not?” He snapped his fingers again, this time bringing forth loud pop music and colorful flashing lights, along with party decorations and snacks.
“Wow, I consider myself to be a master party planner, but I have to say, you’re good,” Pinkie Pie said in awe. “My record for getting a party going is seventeen minutes. One day I wanna be good enough to set one up in three seconds!”
“I really think it would be good if you did though,” Fluttershy insisted. “I could even be there with you, and we could–”
“I’d truly rather refrain from engaging in such things, my dear Fluttershy,” he insisted. “Now let’s get down to boogying instead of bringing down the mood with chat of that human. Pinkie Pie! Bring us into song!”
She did no such thing, the whole room staying silent for a long moment as music played and lights flashed. Discord moved his arms back and forth and tried to get the group into a dancing mood by dancing himself, but it did not work. He only went on for a minute before he stopped again, frowning just as deeply as the ponies looked confused.
“You know, I blame him for this. He’s truly ruined these last two days by simply existing in Equestria. I won’t stand for it.”
“You can fix things by sending me back to Earth!” the human called from upstairs, although didn’t head down. It got Discord to cross his arms and scowl deeply, his annoyance only growing.
“I will not be rewarding such insolent behavior,” he called back. “It might hurt me to have you here, but it’s quite against my principles to give you what you want after this.”
“Discord, please,” Fluttershy practically begged. “Can you talk to him and try to see his point of view? I don’t want you two to be upset with each other. I can–”
“I will not, Fluttershy, so please stop asking. I will not be speaking to him from this moment onward.”
The yellow pegasus sighed in disappointment, then floated on upstairs, explaining that she was going to talk to the human. The frustration on Discord’s face deepened, but then he smiled, deciding, “We should get this party on a roll, right Pinkie Pie?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I do like a good party to cheer up the mood, but if everypony isn’t gonna be here, it’s gonna be pretty hard to cheer them up. We should super duper invite Archard! After all, Princess Celestia said he was a guest according to Twilight, and that means we should throw the best party ever for him!”
“Why? What’s so special about him that every creature cares so much? I’d say, he’s used his mind powers to get into your head, if Lyra Heartstrings’s book is to be believed.”
“Oh, humans definitely have mind control, but you can tell if someone’s mind if being controlled,” the pony explained. “Plus, I’m pretty sure he hasn’t been using it since Twilight hates his guts.”
“I don’t hate him! I just– he caught me off guard is all! Our personalities don’t really click well.”
“And that’s exactly why he shan’t be here!” Discord finished. “He’ll ruin the mood of the guests. If Celestia has any issues, she can take them up with me directly. She knows where to find me.”
“Discord! Can you come up here, please?” Fluttershy called. “Archard has something to tell you!”
“I’m not going up there,” he said to nopony in particular, keeping his arms crossed. “I can’t be made to.” There was a long period of silence before the mare called again, and he sighed, finally giving in. He snapped his fingers and appeared in the room the human and pony were in, the former sending a death glare at him with his clothes soaked through.
“One time, one single time will I speak to him again, and after that, no more. Now what is it he would like to say to me?”
“He just wanted to say he’s sorry for any misunderstandings he caused, and for making you feel like you weren’t important. Right, Archard?”
“Yeah,” he agreed, although he sounded like he absolutely did not.
The human and chaos god gazed into each other’s eyes in a battle of wills before the latter spoke. “Good,” he told him. “You should be. You’ve been nothing but disrespectful since you’ve first entered Equestria. I’m glad you’ve seen how awful your actions have been.”
“Now Discord, that’s not–”
“How awful my actions have been?” Archrard asked, flabbergasted. “My biggest sin has been harmless jokes, and that was only because I thought none of this was real! If I knew I was really here and not in a coma, I would have acted differently!”
“Archard, this isn’t–”
“No. Sorry Fluttershy, but I’m gonna keep going! Yeah, I acted kind of like a shithead, but it’s not like that attitude hasn’t been reciprocated by multiple ponies. Hell, the entire town was chasing me down and planning to lock me up so I could be their slave! Granted, their version of slavery involved tying me up and using me to give them pets, but still! Half of the ponies here treat me like I’m an idiot when I’m not! I’ve been brought here against my will! Sorry that I wanna have a little fun so I don’t go crazy and snap like this. I know I’ve committed the grave sin of wanting to explore the town during your tea party and wanting to go to bed when you decided to throw a party. How could I have done that?”
“So then you do admit to your transgressions against me, is that correct, Arching?”
The human balled his fists and shut his eyes tightly, looking like he was about to scream. He didn’t though. Instead, he kept his frustration down and said, “I’m sorry that I’ve caused you trouble. I will make sure not to do so in the future. Do you forgive me?” He spoke slowly, forcing each word out.
“I’ll consider doing so,” Discord answered noncommittal. “Not yet though. I want to see genuine change from you before I decide it’s good enough. It’s particularly terrible that I had such good rapport before you ditched our tea party. We could’ve been the best of friends, Arching.”
“Well, we can’t be the ‘best of friends’ if you keep calling me Arching when my name is Archard. I’m trying to give you respect, but you’re not sending any back.”
“Well when you send a half hearted, sarcastic, forced apology that Fluttershy told you to say–”
“I apologized! I was sincere! Me declining an invitation to a party because I’m tired is not the same as you doing all this and just leaving me completely soaked like I am!”
“And how would one be able to tell it bothers you when you clearly play up your trip to Chaosville and make it out to be worse than it was?”
“Yeah, I intentionally play it up, but that ice cream really was fucking awful. Like, genuinely. I’m trying to make the best of a situation that’s not great, and being over the top is how I have fun. Forgive me if you don’t like that.”
“Oh, it wasn’t that bad. It was mint chocolate chip ice cream.”
“Ice cream isn’t supposed to bleed and scream!”
“Well, regardless, this is besides the point. Once I hear a genuine apology, I’ll perhaps start to consider whether or not I want to think about sending you back home.”
“I gave you a genuine apology,” he said through clenched teeth. “I can say it again if you want me to. It won’t be any less genuine if I do.”
“Well perhaps if you–”
“Discord, you can’t be like this,” Fluttershy interrupted. “You’re not being fair to him. Can you give him a chance? He’s trying his best, and feels sad and anxious that he’s not at home. Do you think you can start over with him?”
“Humph. Well, I certainly can’t say I want to, can I?” He put a claw to his chin, considering the idea, then decided, “Perhaps I could try, but only if Arching–”
“Archard. It’s Archard, and if you keep calling me Arching, I’m just gonna not respond and walk away. I’ve never gotten hassled this bad over my name until yesterday.”
“Well, I’d certainly appreciate it if you wouldn’t interrupt me when I’m speaking to other ponies,” Discord said. “It’s quite rude. Now, as I was saying, I will consider attempting to mend fences if you agree to stop being so… you.”
“Fine. You’re my best friend now. Can you send me back home, please?”
“Not quite yet. A certain pink pony told me that having a party would solve every issue we have, and so I’m curious to see if such words are true. Not to mention, you did skip on the party I tried to throw last night, so it’s only fitting.”
Archard let out another breath and closed his eyes for a long moment. A second later, he opened them and put on a wide smile, one that seemed genuine, declaring, “Alright then! Let’s have a party!”
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Nice work!
Ahh the lamas with hats reference
Poor Archard. Before everything is said and done he is going to truly snap with Discord and when he does the Ponies will be completely scandalized. This is gonna be good.
More
You mean "hearty," sirrah.
"you wanted a mask? Fine, here's a mask."
I feel sorry for archard and my sympathy with the ponies is dwindling
This is hilarious and I hope he gets back at discord for not saying his name right and for the bleeding ice scream
WE DON'T
Bleeding ice cream? I hope it was cherry sauce or something. The screaming I could deal with. Just put some earplugs in.
11408609
What if Archard can't get home?
Fluttershy
The questionis not what could go wrong, but would could get right at this point. Literally bottom of the barrel the two male are trying to out bottom one another...
11438917
The IRS will sue his ass and get him in the Multiverse Jail perhaps?
A great ch thank u