The Secret To Happiness
The human picked up a small spoonful of apple-flavored ice cream tentatively, carefully observing it from different angles as though expecting it to jump out at him.
“Go on then,” Apple Bloom told him, smiling widely. “Try it! It’ll taste good!”
“Humph, says the pony telling me that they won’t try it until after I do. Are you sure this thing won’t jump out and try to kill me for eating it?”
“Ah don’t see why it would, unless Dis- err, somepony else were here,” the filly answered, being careful to not say his name, lest he show up because of it. “Besides, Mrs. Cake’s ice cream is the best in Ponyville! So combined with the best apples in Equestria, it’ll taste amazing!”
“Well… I guess it’s not mint, so I’ll trust you. But if it jumps out at me and tries to kill me, I’ll blame you.” With that, he looked around as though checking to make sure it was okay for him to take a bite before slowly placing the spoon in his mouth. He immediately made a face when the cold treat hit his tongue and almost spat it out until he remembered that both he and Apple Bloom were sharing the bowl.
“That…” he started as he swallowed, Apple Bloom looking at him hopefully. “That tastes… super duper ultra gross. It’s disgusting.”
“Nuh-uh! No way!” the filly protested. “Give that here!” she demanded, stealing the bowl from him and taking a bite for herself. A second passed before she made a face, too, having to avoid spitting it back into the bowl.
“See? It’s nasty, just like I said it would be. Told you.”
“No! It’s just… it’s…”
“It’s super duper gross,” Archard finished for her. “I told you it would be.”
“It’s not gross… it’s just…” She looked around at her friends who were looking back at her with their eyebrows up, waiting to see what she would say before she finally admitted, “Fine, it’s gross. But Ah’ll bet it’d taste worse with any other apple.”
“Bah wha?” Pinkie Pie suddenly said, appearing in the bakery out of nowhere. “Gross ice cream? I don’t believe it! Your taste buds must have been swapped with a dragon’s or an Ursa Major’s or some other strange creature, like that thing!” As she said it, she pointed a hoof in Archard’s direction as Snowy nodded along happily.
“How many times do I have to say it?” Archard asked aloud to nopony in particular. “Words hurt! I don’t want to be called a thing! If anything, I’m a monstrosity! Not a thing. That’s just rude, honestly.”
“Ummmmm… Pinkie Pie?” Scootaloo asked as the whole restaurant was turned nervously towards the manticore she had on a leash behind her. “Wh… whatcha got there?”
“Oh, this?” she asked, suddenly pulling something from behind her back. “A smoothie. It’s goooooood! Isn’t that right, Snowy?” As she said it, she let the manticore have a taste of her drink. “And also: how can you hate ice cream? All ice cream is amazing, especially mint chocolate chip! That one’s the best! Although vanilla and hot sauce is a close second!”
Archard shuddered at that and shook the memory of Chaosville from his head, replying, “Mint ice cream is the worst. It screams too loudly, and has such sharp teeth. It devoured that elephant like it was nothing…” At that, the pink mare gasped loudly.
“You must be that creature Twilight was searching for and said would destroy the town and Zecora said could grant wishes, cause only a super strange creature like you would hate mint ice cream! I found it, I found it, I found it! Take that, Rainbow Dash! I win!” She hopped around the restaurant happily as she cheered for her victory before Rainbow Dash suddenly flew in and crashed into her.
“Ouch… hey! There it is! I found it! Haha!”
“I’m a he, not a- whoa!” Archard tried to tell her before it was his turn to be knocked down as she wrapped her powerful wings around him. “What are you doing?”
“I got you!” she shouted happily. “See that, Pinkie? I told you I would catch it before you did!”
“No, that’s not fair, Rainbow! I found him first! You just followed me, didn’t you?”
“I did,” she admitted, “but we weren’t seeing who could find it first, it was who could catch it first, so that means- oh! Oh… that feels nice…”
“See, Scootaloo?” The human said as he pet the blue pegasus’s wings. “I told you even Rainbow would like it. I said it before, I’ll say it again. These hands were made for petting, and pet’s just what they’ll do. One of these days these hands are gonna walk all over you... err, something like that.”
“Oh, that- oh my gosh! Right there… that’s the perfect spot…”
“Awww, Rainbow you look so cute getting petted!” Pinkie Pie got out happily. "Adorable, almost as adorable as Snowy! Oh, Mrs. Cake! Do you have any mayonnaise?"
“I… I’m not cute…” she tried to say as her ears were scratched, completely failing to convince her friend. “It’s just… these hands feel so goooood…”
“No, Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo yelled. “Don’t give in to the petting no matter how good it feels! You’re stronger than him! I believe in you!"
“Oooo I wanna feel them! I wanna feel them!” Pinkie told him eagerly, bouncing up and down as she said it. “Snowy does, too! I bet they feel amazing!”
“Well, I don’t know about Snowy, but I do have two hands, so get over here and-”
“Stop right there!” somepony called as they pointed an accusing hoof in Archard’s direction. The entire room save for an annoyed looking Mrs. Cake who was rolling her eyes looked at the stallion curiously as he continued, “I know about you and what you do! You can’t hide from me!”
“Well, the only pony I’m trying to hide from is Twilight,” Archard responded casually as he made sure to keep rubbing Rainbow Dash’s mane, “and not even her really. She was just being mean to me. And I’m sure before long the whole world will know what great pets these hands can give. Would you like some?”
“What? No! I’m here for the wishes! I was told you grant wishes, and I want mine granted.”
“Oh? That? Wow, I didn’t think people would actually care about that, but um…” He considered the idea for a moment before telling the pony, “Fine, but you only get one wish, so you better make it good. Also, I’m not very good at granting wishes, so you’re not allowed to hate me forever when it doesn’t come true.”
“Wait, only one wish?” the stallion asked as he put a hoof under his chin. “I guess I’ll need to make it good then. Ummm….I wish… for true happiness!”
“Oh good! That’s something easy!” the human replied happily as he took his hands off of the blue pegasus, much to her annoyance. “Come here.”
“Ah don’t mean ta get up on ya, Twilight, but we can’t keep- whoa, what happened to you two mares?” Applejack asked as she came upon a very sticky Sparky Showers and Mercure heading home.
“Those three fillies happened,” Sparky said grumpily as she tried to move the mane that was stuck to her forehead with a hoof. “As usual.”
“Heh, that’s my sister fer ya, always gettin’ herself into trouble,” the mare laughed as lightbulb went off in Twilight’s head.
“Did you see where they went?” she asked as she stepped closer. “Were there any creatures with them? We have to know, this is important!”
“It was in the market center today with those three… wonderful fillies and made a complete fool of me. I mean, does my flank look fat to you?”
The four ponies and the zebra looked over Sparky’s flank for a moment before deciding it would be best to stay silent on the issue, Twilight instead saying, “Is it still there? Did you see where it went at all, or hear where it was going? We’re trying to capture it.”
“We don’t know and we don’t really care,” the mare answered. “Although I remember it complaining about how mint ice cream was the devil's food and how it should be destroyed on sight, along with pineapple pizza.”
“The creature is more strange than it would seem, seeing as it doesn’t like mint ice cream.”
“Yes it is, Zecora, but that leads me to believe it went to Sugarcube Corner. It seemed to know this town well, so I bet it’s going there to try and do something, something to destroy the building!”
“Hmmm, there’s nothing in my notes about ice cream,” Lyra said, “but speaking of which, we should probably go back and get that chicken. We left it in the Everfree Forest and it could be useful.”
“You didn’t keep your eyes on it?” Twilight asked angrily.
“You never told me to, and this is all your fault anyway, but I don’t think standing around talking about it is gonna do us any good.”
“Also Twilight, I don’t think it would do us any good to try to scare some creature into submission,” Fluttershy told her. “We should approach it with kindness and talk to it gently. From what I’ve seen from Archard, he’s a very lovely person, and I think you should give him a chance.”
“Fine, I’ll give him a chance when we catch him. For now though… Zecora, since you know the Everfree Forest the best, can you please go bring that chicken back for us? And make sure it’s not hurt?”
“I assure you, it won’t be trouble. I will head off on the double.”
“Good, now the rest of us- I’m pretty sure it’s at Sugarcube Corner, so our best plan of attack is to corner it and then-”
“No, Twilight, we should try talking to it first,” Fluttershy told her. “Like I said, I had a wonderful time drinking tea with him, and I say he deserves to be treated with respect, the same as any other pony. That was the reason he ran away in the first place remember?”
“I just wanted a tiny, tiny little bit of blood!” Twilight defended. “It wouldn’t have even been that much! Just enough to see what kind of DNA he has! Nothing more!”
“Twilight…” the pegasus said sternly, giving her friend a look that told her she didn’t approve of running tests on the human.
“Fine, I won’t run tests on it… but we still have to capture it, and if it looks like it’s gonna hurt somepony or get away, then we can’t just sit around talking to it. Now let’s please stop standing around talking and get to catching it!”
“Okay, but also, I could go for some mint ice cream,” Lyra added. “Mint ice cream sounds really good right now.”
“Or apple flavor,” AJ suggested. “Made with apple family apples! It’s my favorite one there. Ah can’t understand how anypony would say they don’t like it. They’re not right in the head if they don’t.”
“Fine, you can eat ice cream after we catch it, now can we please get going?” Twilight pleaded. She didn’t wait for their answer though as she teleported them to Sugarcube Corner.
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Acceptance is the first step to enlightenment Applejack. Apples are good, but as ice cream flavor? ck
The stallion looking for happiness... it can't be Blueblood, right? I mean, this 100% sounds like a Blueblood thing, but why would he be in Ponyville? Really, who else could this be? Any ideas?
...
In addition: who else agrees that pets and boops should be a charged affair?
No one person deserves that free of a power. No One.
Edit: It's now the 20th so...Happy Birthday Boopy!
You were born on Talk Like a Pirate Day?
Llluuuuuucky!
10982462
Well, it's the 19th today where I'm at. My birthday is the 20th.
Pretty random... Not really funny. Still kinda entertaining ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
lovely story, a bit of lighthearted humor, as much as I prefer more serious stories, this is nice
nicely done
Happy birthday
a amazing chapter...
and happy 22.
This story keeps tumbling further and further down the rabbit hole.
Happy birthday! And thank you for the early birthday present!! I wish we could get more chapters, but this was still nice.
Heheheh, I wonder how much longer Archard is going to purposely (and accidentally) perpetuate the mistake that he can grant wishes. Hopefully not much longer. Honestly, keeping that lie going is a SERIOUS dick move, man!
Happy birthday, you get mint ice cream cake for your birthday >:)
lovey chapter and happy late birthday
Insert totally deserved laugh track, because that was a perfect reference
wait, noooo
more chapter....
So the stallion wants true happiness, eh? Sounds like somepony is gonna get a bellyrub and make all the other ponies super jealous.
Mmmmmmoooooorrrrrreeeee please must have more
That stallion knows not what he wished for...