Ponyville Local News 007
“Ponyville Local News is brought to you by Carrot Farms. Go get yourself some Carrot Bread, the hottest product on the market. Come to our stores located in Ponyville and taste the best thing in Equestria.”
“Hello Ponyville! Welcome back to another broadcast of Ponyville Local News at the top of the hour! We hope it’s been a great week for all of you out there. We’re happy to say that the tension left by SMILE has all but disappeared. Life is good.
“So, let’s get right to it! Carrot Top and Applejack have declared a friendly competition to be held next week at Sweet Apple Acres. From a sunrise to sunset, they’ll set up their stands in a race to see who’s product sells more.
“Applejack, who’s been struggling thanks to Carrot Top’s recent success, gave no comment on this competition. However, Carrot Top was more than happy to share her thoughts.”
“Oh, I’m so excited! I have so much respect for Applejack and all she’s done for Ponyville. She’s the reason why I can continue working on my farm. I think the whole thing will be a nice showcase of our greatest hits, and we’ll be able to give ponies some delicious food, which is all I can really ask for.
“Huh? No, I don’t care about winning. It’s all about fun, and I don’t intend on turning this whole thing into a serious competitive match. I’m just going to go out there and have a great time!”
“Make sure to pinpoint next Wednesday on your calendar, everypony! It’ll be a fun day for all! Personally, I’m banking on Applejack to steal the show, but good luck to Carrot Top too.
“In other news, the Golden Oaks Library has been completely finished and restocked with books. It will once again be opened to the public starting tomorrow morning, so make sure you show up!
“Of course, don’t forget to give a little friendly wave to my gal, Twilight Sparkle. Just be careful. She’s shy.
“And now for an announcement from our local police, just in case if you haven’t heard it enough already.”
“The filly Scootaloo still has not been found. Please look for her. She must be returned to her family. It is imperative. If you find this filly, report to Ponyville police immediately. If you withhold any information regarding this filly and her location, there will be serious consequences. It’s important to make sure she does not leave this town. Find this filly. It is of the upmost importance. Thank you for your compliance.”
“Now time for the big, serious news you all have been waiting for. Berry Punch is being put on trial for her actions in the Town Hall riot last week. Her reported crimes are “inciting chaos in the town,” and “working against authority.” These are two major crimes, and this could possibly result in a banishment, which hasn’t been properly sentenced in over a decade. Some ponies are furious about these charges, and we were able to interview a few of them. Here’s what they have to say.”
“It’s bullshit, that’s what it is. I’ve known Berry Punch for most of my life. She would never do something like this, not ever. Sure, she’s a little tipsy sometimes, but she’s never lost her mind this bad before. They’re signaling her out, I’m sure of it. They just need somepony to blame.”
“I was in that crowd last week, and nopony there was a leader. You know, I only saw Berry Punch by the end. I don’t think she did a damn thing. She’s a good soul, she doesn’t deserve this. All SMILE’s fault, I tell you.”
“You know what it is, right? It’s them aliens, that’s what. First they turn my moon red, and then they mess up my toilet. Now they're turning us against each other. They mind controlled that lot at the town hall, that’s for true. Luckily, I got my eggs, hairclip, and towel, so I’m safe from their evil influence. I suggest you all follow my lead before they get you too.”
“Okay, okay, so the last one was a joke. But I’m sure you still understand someponies are pretty heated about this whole thing. So we tried to ask the mayor herself, who will be chief judge at the upcoming trial next month. Unfortunately, she told us to shove it, so we couldn’t get any information from our town hall.
“We were also unable to get Berry Punch’s or SMILE’s opinion about the trial, so instead we asked local smartie, Twilight Sparkle!”
“Um, I’m not sure. I mean, we’ll just have to see. I trust the mayor has a fair view of this whole situation, and will decide accordingly. I mean, I’m not very… familiar with Berry Punch, and I wasn’t near the town hall that day, but… I don’t know. I’d like to think she’s innocent, but I just can’t really say for sure.
“Huh? Oh! Um… I’m sorry. I’m not in the mood for dinner. Sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
“Oh ho! You just heard Time Turner get shut down! Almost like our radio show when you took over for me!
“Ho ho! It’s all jokes, it’s all jokes. Anyways, now here’s a few ponies who believe Berry Punch is guilty. Let’s hear what they have to say.”
“She’s a drunk. I’m not surprised. This was going to happen sooner or later. She’ll get what’s coming to her. Banishment is too good for her.”
“It’s just one, huge blemish on our little town. Well, we don’t keep blemishes here, no sir. We got rid of that retard with the stupid eyes, and we’ll get rid of our local drunk.”
“You know what it is, right? It’s them aliens, that’s what. First they turn my moon red, and then they mess up my toilet. Now they're turning us against each other. They mind controlled that lot at the town hall, that’s for true. Luckily, I got my eggs, hairclip, and towel, so I’m safe from their evil influence. I suggest you all follow my lead before they get you too.”
“HAHA! I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I can’t help myself! It’s just too good!
“Alright, anyways. Before our final piece of news, here’s a word from our sponsor.”
“Hello everypony! My name is Carrot Top, and I’m just a simple carrot farmer in Ponyville. All of our products are handmade, and are filled with our special ingredient: love! Try our new Carrot Bread for a snack, or buy our naturally grown, delicious carrots that will get the whole family smiling at dinner! So come to our local stores and taste the best thing in Equestria.”
“Oh, and some more exciting news: a local hero is coming back to town! That’s right, our very own Rainbow Dash is coming home next week. She’s spent the last couple of years fighting the good fight out east, and now she’s sent back here for some much deserved rest and relaxation. It’ll be nice to see an old face again, and I can’t wait to greet her! I suggest you all give her the biggest salute you can muster, because she deserves it.
“Well, that’s all there is to report. I hope you all have a great day, and make sure to stick around for some rocking tunes. Up next is Too Good For You by The Running Max. Enjoy, and Long Live Equestria.”
Leaving you now
That’s what I say
Gonna get a piece of you away
Under the bridge
Where you belong
Nowhere to go
Sound the alarm
Anybody gonna help me through this time?
Anybodyanybodyanybodyanybodyanybody
Leavingyounowleavingyoun
Undertheunderbridgetheunder
Nowherenowherenowherenowherenowhe
Anybodyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyanyanyanayanayany
P……………-
“Sorry folks, looks like that tape’s busted. Sorry to give you all a scare like that. I swore it looked good. Instead, here’s My Sweet Celestia by Hayrisson. Enjoy, and Long Live Equestria.
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This is honestly kind of creepy. Love it
Scootaloo knows something.
That seems very suspicious.
Ok, something isn’t adding up. Notice the difference between the ones who thinks she’s innocent and the ones who think she’s guilty.
Starting to believe the alien guy, honestly.