Ponyville Local News 002
The Ponyville Local Radio is sponsored by Pinkie’s Gum! Now in Very Berry flavor. Buy your Pinkie Gum today, and enter a world of flavor!”
“Helloooooooooo Ponyville! This is DJ-Pon3 coming at you with the Ponyville Local News! It’s been a couple of days since our last broadcast, but now we got a fresh pair of local news that will knock all your socks off! It’s going to be great.
“And we all know what has Ponyville excited. Princess Celestia is coming here to celebrate the Summer Sun Celebration with us. The Princess herself! So everypony best behave yourselves.
“Ponyville is in a frenzy getting ready for the big day, and that unicorn Twilight Sparkle is sure going through a lot of trouble to keep up with it all.
“Oh, and I’d like to talk about Twilight for a little bit. We’ve got some letters asking about the interview we did with her, and how there seemed to be something off about everything. Heh, well let me tell you, there was nothing wrong with that interview. The whole castle thing? Just a silly rumor, that’s all. We were just so shocked she heard of it, or that somepony told her it, we couldn’t say anything! So no need to investigate any further. Because there’s nothing wrong there. Nothing.
“Alright, so let’s get on to the news!
“Applejack has confirmed Sweet Apple Acres will be making their signature Apple feast for the Celebration. You’d think after eating nothing but apples for a year I’d grow tired of anything remotely tasting like an apple, but that fruit is the ambrosia of the goddesses. I’ll never tire of it, and I don’t think many will.
“Carrot Top of Carrot Farms has released a new item for their stores: Carrot Bread. It’s been taking Ponyville by storm, and is one of the fastest selling products in Ponyville history. In fact, it’s even overtaking Sweet Apple Acres in sales! We actually were able to ask Applejack herself about the Carrot Bread and she just had this to say: ‘It’s just a hot item. It’ll eventually wear itself out, and us Apples will be back on top in no time.’
“The Carsoul Boutique has declared bankruptcy and is shutting down. The once popular store has struggled to stay open for years now, and it has finally reached its limit. The close now brings Ponyville to zero fine clothing stores. That’s bringing a lot of pressure to the Boutiques owner Rarity, who’s all of a sudden getting tons of orders from distressed ponies looking for a quick dress or suit. A little too late, huh? Should have ordered when Rarity was still in business. Looks like you’re going to need to go order out of town if you want to look nice for the Celebration. Now me, personally, I look good in anything, so I’m not worried.
“Time for a quick word from our sponser.”
“Hello every pony! This is Pinkie Pie here to sell you my gum, Pinkies Gum! Really simple right? In every stick of gum, you get the maximum amount of flavor that others on the market simply can’t compete with. And, in every packet, you get a free mini comic book to read with your friends! So try Pinkies Gum today. I’m sure you’ll have a blast, hee-hee!”
“We also got some more news on the Berry Punch case. It turns out that the victim was a pony by the name of Ruby Red, and the witnesses were her friends. Turns out that they were the ones who instigated the fight, and Berry Punch was just defending herself. Proven not guilty, Berry Punch will be released and the witnesses and Ruby Red will receive lashings as punishment. Guess there’s a happy ending here! So moral of the story: Don’t lie. It's as simple as that.
“Now we have a message from our local police.”
“A small Pegasus filly has run away from her parents in Cloudsdale and is hiding out in Ponyville. She is purple maned with an orange coat and purple eyes. Her name is Scootaloo, but it is entirely possible she is under a different alias. Please report to your nearest police precinct if you have spotted this filly.”
“Damnit, can we find the damn girl already? Her parents are probably worried sick!
“Alright, so just one final piece of news for today. There’s been a pony that has been spotted in Ponyville trying to help others prepare for the celebration. You know, the one with those eyes? Anyway, she has been kicked back out of town every time, but now she’s getting threatened with lashings upon further return. So please make sure she doesn’t get in again, huh? She doesn’t know any better. She’s, uh… what’s the word... a-ha! A retard, that’s right! So please keep the retard away from the celebration. It’s for her own good.
“And that’s it for the news! I hope everypony has a wonderful afternoon, and I look forward to the Summer Sun Celebration. I’m probably going to watch the sunrise with my coltfriend, and sipping on some Manehattan Iced Tea. That’s right, I got a coltfriend! Nope, not giving out names just yet, but just you wait. Now we’re back to the music with ‘My Sweet Celestia’ by Hayrisson. Enjoy, and long live Equestria.
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Real smooth.
If she’s still getting orders, then why did she go out of business?
Lashings? That’s a thing?
Are they falling for this?
10809421
For the Rarity part, I probably should have explained it better. Most of the orders are coming after she closed down. She was getting orders before, but now they’re skyrocketing as ponies realize they can’t get any new dresses. Ponies don’t realize they need something until it’s gone. Plus, the Boutique was failing for a couple of years. It wouldn’t be in the best of shape. So unfortunately, it was only a matter of time.
I’ll go back in and edit that part to try to make a little more sense.
10809429
Oh ok