• Member Since 11th Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen March 20th

themoontonite


When I look into the future, I see failure.

T
Source

There was always a plan. Twilight knew that. When she was younger, the plan seemed less grandiose. Excel in school, settle down, start a family. Simple things. Simple life. When she was younger, she thought the plan was her plan. Now that she's older she knows better. This was never her plan. She was just part of it.


Written in an hour during a fit of sleeplessness and edited with the help of the endlessly kind and tremendously intelligent Regidar. Cover art taken from here.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 15 )

The way this hits me all at once with absolutely no recourse, and how it screams out the emotional rawness that onslaught of bad news and free-associated weights and responsibilities pushing back any time you want to forge your own way, even knowing that it still wasn't really your idea... That blasted-out sense of defeat all that leaves you with...

Oof goes the Super Mario. I guess I just wish it didn't resolve so fast.

God, excellent work. I have a lot to live up to if you can just crank this out in an hour.

Wow. No words can adequately describe the feelings this stirred up. This piece really gives the sense that Celestia was a major driving force behind Twilight's rise, turning her into a hero, an Element of Harmony, a princess...

...and a walking corpse. There's nothing left in her aside from her duties; Twilight's been hollowed out and replaced with Princess Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, Element of Magic, most miserable pony alive.

I love the use of present tense here. It's not a recounting of events, it's constant and on-going. The world around changes, different places and people, but the raw emotion just... is.

This is good. There's a desperation here and more than a little breathlessness, without being too fast paced. I get bouts of acute insomnia and this evokes that same feeling. I've read a lot of stuff on here and its always nice to find something that can stay raw while still being palatable to a wider audience. You should be proud of what you made here.

If only I could be so grossly incandescent.

I'm searching for my own sun...

Hate to say, but this felt more inconclusive than anything. It wasn't bad at all. It actually had my attention fully, and the premise was fantastic to write around. However, Cadence and Twilight's conversation felt just abruptly concluded. It was on the right path, but I think the convo was more at the halfway point of being concluded. It just needed a better close, but no hate whatsoever on you. You did well for what you described.

10805449
nah i completely agree. the ending was even more rushed the first pass and after the second go around i think i just kind of folded πŸ˜” glad u enjoyed it otherwise!

10805449
The answer was simple, and Twilight just needed someone to just tell her the facts: no, you can't have a kid....but you can still be a mother.

10806841
I understand that, but I'm stating that the execution of getting that message across could've been done better. The way it was done was too quick, and didn't match the pacing of the rest of the story. Like I said, it wasn't bad, just seemed inconclusive imo.

"Bury your body in my graveyard."

Woah. The pain is immediate. I love writers who can attack sensitive subjects without overdoing it--but there's something to be said for not underdoing it either. This fic dances on that tightrope beautifully. The emotions are super-charged and real. Loved it.

A wonderfully atmospheric little story.

I'm loving the new ending. No one gets to choose who they become.

11203094
i really appreciate all the kind words! i dont think ive told u that yet - it means a lot to me. im glad you enjoy what i write πŸ’›

I hate to admit I don't remember the original ending clearly at all, but I put it in the heartwarming shelf originally so... That had to have been something lol.

I do echo the ending seems abrupt, but I think that's kinda the point isn't it? Twilight has reached the Point of No Return in terms of acknowledging her situation, she can no longer sit in denial. What happens now is all up to whether or not she's able to cope with this truth or not.

At least, that's how I see it. Very good!

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