The Irish Man

by The Irish Brony

The Win?

I walk through the town of Ponyville. It was a nice and beautiful day outside like it always is. No clouds in the sky, and the perfect temperature. It has been two days since me and Dash started the challenge. She hasn’t done anything for those two days.

“She must be planning something big,” I think as I walk up to Applejack’s stall.

“Howdy Brogan!” Applejack says, tipping her hat towards me as I stop in front of her.

“Has it been busy today?” I ask.

“It's been on an off all day,” Applejack says, looking into the little chest that sits on the wooden stand. “How bout yawl, what is yawl out an bout for?”

“I need to ask you for a job,” I say. She looks up at me with a slight surprise on her face.

“What on earth would yawl ask me for uh job?”

“Because it’s easier to ask someone who has already met me then to go and find a new pony and ask for a job,” I explain. Applejack slowly nods, seemingly absorbing the information.

“Yawl do make uh mighty fine point thayure,” Applejack responds as she throws me an apple. I catch it and look at her confusingly. “Take that as uh yes. We might be able tuh put your hands tuh good use on thuh farm,”

“Thanks Apple,” I say before asking. “Can I call you Apple?”

“Ah don't say wha not? We are friends, after all?” Applejack says with a smile. I smile back and start to slowly walk backwards.

“See you early tomorrow for the job Apple,”

“As early as yawl can git chur plot awf thuh bed!” Applejack yells back at me as I turn and walk away. I look down at the apple in my hand. It was a granny smith, or at least that’s what it would be called on earth. Then, for just a second, I felt it. The air pressure changed for just a fraction of a second. I look up to see a white cloud above me.

“Damn, the pressure sensitivity for my bones have also gone up,” I think to myself as I feel the presence of someone watching me. “That ability will never stop being creepy to me,” I think as I lean down and pretend to tie my shoes. Rarity had made them out of my old ones. They were bright green with accents of red.

“Nice, you fell for it,” I feel the quick change in wind speed from above. I quickly lay on the ground and rolled out of the way. I hear a loud thud as I feel dirt hit the back of my neck. I stand up and look back to see Dash lying on the ground in a tangle of limbs.

“Nice work airhead,” I say as she stands up and rubs her head. She shoots me and angrily glar as she flies over to me. “Apparently the pressure sensitivity of my bones have increased, so I literally felt the cloud float over me,” I explained with a smug grin.

“Rub that smug grin off your face!” She yells at me while pointing at me. “There is no way that's a thing!”

“I don’t remember exactly how it works, but it’s real,” Dash looks at me angrily, but it seems she’s calming down a bit from my poke at her.

“Good thing I still have three days,” Dash says with her confident grin back on her face. “Soon you’ll be on the ground, doing my dirty work for a day,”

“Maybe you’ll be the one on the ground scrubbing the floors as I admire you from behind,” I say with a confident smile as I turn around. I don’t even need to look to know her face is red. “That time I did it on purpose,” I start walking away until I feel something hard hit my back.

“Ok, note to self, don’t turn your back on her when she’s angry,” I think as I quickly place a foot out to stop me from being pushed onto the ground.

“Damit,” I hear Dash wispear into my shirt.

“Should have gone for the punch,” I say, grabbing her neck. “It would have been easier,” I then push onto the bottom of her neck and she cries out in shock. Her wings stifin and her arms losin as she falls to the ground. She looks up at me in surprise and amazement like a kid seeing a candy store for the first time.

“How did you know to do that!” Dash says, jumping up in the air and hovering to eye level.

“Blam Twilight for that,” I explain. “Me and her had a chit chat about some very private stuff and we started talking about pressure points on ponies,” I turned half way around to show her my neck. “Apparently in pegasus there is a lot of space between the neck bones, easily able to cut off the brain from the body for a few seconds. Only long enough to disable basic body functions like flight,” I say, pointing at my own neck. “Don’t try it on me, it doesn't work, trust me,”

“Wow, I thought you were lame before,” Dash says as my smile grows. “I didn't peg you as an egg head!” She says, laughing at me. My smile fades into a frown.

“Outch, that one hurt,” I think as she calms down. She looks at me in triumfit smile.

“Looks like you're not the only one who can push ponies buttons,” She says, punching me in the shoulder lightly. “For the record, that dosn’t count,” She says, I agree with her as she continues to talk. “You're a cool po.. Uh.. human,” she corrects herself. “We should hang out more after this challenge,”

“I agree with you there,” I say as I start to walk away. “But I need to get to Fluttershy’s house! I promised her I would help put up bird feeders,” and with that, I walked away from her and towards Fluttershy’s house.

---

I carry a barrel of apples to the wagon and place it in with the rest of the barrels. I take a deep breath in and wipe sweat from my forehead. I sit down on the edge of the wooden wagon and look around.

“It looks like all the apples have been cleared from this area,” I thought as I spotted something blue in one of the apple trees. I smirk and slowly walk over to the tree. I look up to see a sleeping Dash in the tree. I punch the tree, almost immediately regretting it as I clench my fist in my other hand. The tree shakes and Dash falls out of it with a high pitched squeak.

I flex my fingers and turn to look at her on the ground. She shakes her head and looks up at me angrily. “What the hell was that for!” Dash yells, standing up quickly and poking me in the side.

“You're supposed to be tackling me, not sleeping in my boss's trees,” I say, turning around and walking towards the wagon. It then dons on me as I turn around to see her flexing her wings and checking them for damage. “Were you spying on me?”

Her head snaps up to look at me. Her eyes wide with a hint of pink. “NO!” She blurts out, taking flight and hovering over to me. “It wasn’t like that!” I could no longer hold my smile in. My grin slowly creeps onto my face as hers becomes angrier.

“I should have said eavesdropping instead of Spying?” I ask. She nods, still pouting. I turn around and pick up the front of the wagon. “I would recommend you refrain from trying to tackle me while I’m working,” I explained as I pulled the wagon down the hill.

“Why?” Dash asks, flying next to me. “You afraid Applejack might get jealous?” I look over to see Dash making a mocking kissy face while she cradles her mussel with her hoofs.

“No,” I state bluntly, turning to look back at the barn fastly approaching. “Why would you even think of something like that?”

“I don’t know?” Dash says, flying in front of me. I’m still impressed at how she can fly back words while talking. “Maybe because you keep hanging out with her,”

“One, she’s my boss now,” I start to explain as I stop the wagon by the barn. “Two,” I hold up two of my fingers in front of my face. “I hang out with Fluttershy and Twilight a lot to, and three, I don’t think of ponies like that,”

Dash lands on the ground in front of me. She has a devious grin on her face as she turns around and walks slowly to the barn. Swinging her hips slightly more than normal. I look away as my face turns red.

“I could change that for you,” I hear Dash’s best attempt at seductive voice. It was bad, but not terrible.

“Dash, stop doing that before you embarrass yourself,” I say, looking up to see Dash was leaning against the barn in a way that emphasizes her back side.

“Ahd agree with Brogan on thus Rainbow Dash,” Applejack says, stepping onto the porch from inside the house. Dash’s head quickly wips over to look at AJ, then quickly looks down with embarrassment written all over her face.

“Can you believe she just tried to seduce me?” I ask, pointing at her with my thumb.

“Ya, Ah didn't peg Dash as uh slut,” Applejack jokes as she walks over to me. The both of us have a good laugh as Dash turns to us with a bright red face.

“It was a joke,” Dash mumbles.

“From the way you were acting I thought you worked at the local club,” I say jokingly. They both look at me with dead pained expressions. I look at the two in slight confusion. “Too far?”

“To far,” The both reply plainly as Dash’s face returns back to normal.

“Well,” I say, turning around and grabbing a barrel. “These apples will not unload themselves,” I say, trying to get out of the awkward moment. I carry the barrel into the barn, as I walk in I can hear the two talking to each other. I place the barrel next to the rest and start walking back outside.

“Ahl agree he is cool, but sexy?” I hear Applejack say in a whisper. I smile and chuckle to myself.

“Probably talking about a stallion that Dash likes,” I think as I walk out of the barn and grab another barrel. “It might be Big Mac, I’ve seen the way she looks at him,”

“Hey, laddies,” I say. That gets their attention. “Are You two going to stand around looking pretty, or are one of you going to help me like you promised me,” I say, glaring at Applejack. She smiles awkwardly and scratches the back of her head.

“Ok, ok, yawl don't have tuh tell may twise,” Applejack says. Satisfied with the help I started walking my barrel into the barn. Right as I enter I hear Applejack wispear to Dash. “At least he's hard workin', unlike yawl,” I chuckle as I can visibly hear Dash stick her tongue out.

---

I sit underneath a tree in the ponyville park with Dash next to me. We had been laying there for over an hour after I was done with work.

“You know what I did at AJ’s farm was a joke, right?” Dash asks .

“I know,” I responded. “I do the same to you, so why not pay back,” I say, turning to look at her with a smile. She smiles back and stands up.

“Glad that's cleared up,” She says as I look at her in confusion.

“We sat here in silence for over an hour till you had the nerve to tell me that?”

“More or less,” Dash says, shrugging.

“Well,” I say as I stand up. “You only have one day left to get me,”

“Be on your guard, because I’m coming for that booty,” She barely finishes that sentence before bursting into laughter. I soon laughed at the comment.

“You're going to have to bring your A game tomorrow,” I responded as I walked towards Fluttershy’s cottage.

---

I lay underneath the same tree that me and Dash hung out in yesterday. I haven’t seen her all day. It seems like she threw in the towel, but that doesn't seem like Dash. I keep my eyes closed as I feel the nice hot rays of the summer sun brush against my face. I feel a slight breeze from my right and hear a very faint clop.

“So, you’re trying to sneak up on me are you?” I think as I hear the soft clopping come closer until she’s right on top of me. A few seconds pass as I mentaly brace for the takel. I sat there waiting for a few minutes.

“Your fake sleeping aren't you,” The raspy voice confirms it’s Dash. I didn't respond to show her I was asleep. “This isn’t fun when you're asleep,” I hear her start to walk away. I opened my eyes up slowly and turned to see where she was, but she was nowhere to be seen. I sat up and looked around for her.

“Did she take off that quickly?” I think to myself as I stand up.

“Got you,” I hear Dash’s voice right in my ear as I feel her body ram into the side of my chest. Her hoofs rap around me as we both go tumbling to the ground. Everything happened so fast I had no time to react. We finally stop rolling with her standing trimpitly on top of me.

“Rainbow Dash comes out victorious!” Dash says, pumping her hoof into the air with a big grin on her face.

“Good work,” I say as I cough. “I was not expecting that at all, but why didn’t you attack me when I was sleeping?”

She lowers her hoof and looks down at me with a smile that says you are inferior to her. “That would not have been fun if you were sleeping when I did it,”

“Now that’s over, can you get off of me?” I ask. Her smile turns into an evil grin when she whispers into my ear.

“Some stallions would pay money for me to sit on top of them,” and with that I burst out laughing as she steps off of me. I pull myself together and sit up to face her.

“What are you, a prostitute?”

“Some stallions wish,” She says, wiggling her eyebrows in the most over the top commedict way. We both start laughing at our antics before standing back up.

“Well, I guess I’m a man of my word,” I say. “Tomorrow I am in your serves,”

“Good,” Dash says, flying up to eye level. “I have some cleaning I need you to do in my house,” She’s about to fly away before a yell back at her.

“How am I supposed to walk on clouds?!”

“Ask Twilight! She has a cloud walking spell!” Dash yells back before dashing off to who knows where.

“Well, Looks like tomorrow is planned out,” I thought as I jog towards Twilight's castle.

Comments

[Comet_Chaser]

Reading any of the Apples southern drawl as you've written it, it physically hurts to read...... the story so far has been great and really enjoyable, and I'll continue to read it. But fuck me, that drawl is fucking awful......