My surprise was genuine when I first got that invitation while picnicking with my friends.
I felt an uncomfortable mix of feelings as I read those words. Foremost was a sense of betrayal. But quick on the heels of that initial reaction came another feeling. One that made me even more confused and upset: jealousy.
Twilight contemplates her relationship with Shining Armor and realizes her love for him may go beyond that of brother and sister
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>Wincest
Aaaaw yeahdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Sweetie_Belle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Spike_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rarity_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rainbow_Dash_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applejack_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Vinyl_Scratch_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Fluttershy_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Scootaloo_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applebloom_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Derpy_Hooves_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_1.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_2.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Queen_Chrysalis.png
"Only now I felt justified in my dislike because she was being cold and"
And? And what?! WHAT HAPPENS, MAN?!
This is quite good, the idea of Twilight feeling like that for Shining Armor did cross my mind before, and you captured that fantastically without making it uncomfortable to read. Good show.
MORE Shining Armor/Twilight incest stories? Good lord, when will it end
Well, for what it's worth, you didn't make this clop like every other story about Twilight family incest so at least there's that.
Well written, and its not clop. That makes it a winner in my book.
1223339
You think Sparkle family incest is bad? Apple family incest is canon
i.imgur.com/juFCF.jpg
...
I may be partial to this kind of stories but it was really good.
1224468 Lol, that was on the website? Bet somebody got in trouble for putting that screw up on there.
Judging by the title, there was one way or another that this could go wrong. Apple family incest, Flimflam brothers incest, or Twilight and Shining Armor incest.
Phew, it was the last one.
1224468
Wait, how the fuck is Granny Smith Applejack's DAUGHTER?! Did Applejack time travel or some shit? My mind has just been kabloobered.
OK, I'll admit, this was good writing. It explored a "forbidden fruit" kind of relationship while very aware of why it's considered forbidden. Twilight's "voice" for this story is believable, and the pace is brisk and engaging. The only thing I'd complain about is that a third of this story is basically an episode recap, but that seems unavoidable anyway.
Thumbs up.
I noticed this put into Struggling Authors, so I decided to mosey on over here to see if I could point anything out in this. You may take my comments/critiques any way you wish; I'm not a big shot in struggling authors, and I'm not a good writer myself, but I'm someone that likes to help people. Please take note that there is a fair bit of criticism at the bottom of this, when I get to plot and atmosphere; if you still wish to read, do so with that warning.
Let me begin with spelling and grammar. For the most part, it's flawless; you mostly spelled words correctly, and your control of punctuation was top-notch. There were places I think you could've used commas more, but I'll let you re-read this and make your own opinion on that.
I will point out two things, though:
I think you meant something along the lines of "Because that meant I COULD justify my envy," but I'm not sure. That part just seems odd to me.
I believe that first sentence is a run-on sentence, though I'll leave that up to you.
Other than those two things, I'm fairly sure your spelling and grammar are flawless.
Moving on to your prose, and here's where I have a problem. Would you tell me if this was intentional or not:
-When Twilight discovers the letter from her brother, the story is written in past tense
-When she describes that brief scene as a filly, it's written in past tense as well
-
And now we're in present tense?
-The scene with the 3 fillies is written in both past and present tense, and goes between them. Here's a section of that segment:
-The scene where Twilight discovers her love for her brother begins in present tense, but then moves into past tense.
-The episode recap also goes between past and present tense without any indication as to why. An example:
Was this intentional? If so, I'll just say that I found it confusing. If not, then I'd suggest going back and fixing it.
But enough about the small things.
Moving on to more important matters!
I usually begin with atmosphere, but I think I should begin with character(ization) first for this story. I never thought your characters were out of character for a moment. Twilight spoke very well in her musings, and Shining Armor had some great characterization as well, even though he didn't have a large time to act. I also think your side characters were very-well done. I have absolutely no complaints with your characters or your characterization.
Now I usually put the plot last, and review your story's atmosphere earlier; for this story, though, I find it necessary to do both at once. Let me begin with the beginning of the story. Twilight gets the letter, and memories return one-by-one as she recalls her developing feelings for her brother. Now, I found those very-well done. Your beginning scene with the story and Shining being Twilight's prince was a great start, the scene with the three fillies was nice, and the realization was excellent. Even the stuff in-between that and the wedding was well-done, I believe. I commend you for that!
And then we get to her recounting of the wedding, and it just fell apart for me.
The chapter's title is "Musings," and the musings happened when Twilight locked herself in her room, after she received the letter. Sonce that's the case, WHY was this scene even here? It would've been okay for me if this was a separate chapter, and Twilight could've had more time to react to the wedding, but putting it here of all places? It takes away from those musings from earlier.
I cannot imagine that scene being put there in any way positively affecting the story.
The problem was, this was too much a recap of the episode and not enough of a psychological observation. You skip over certain scenes that needed to be fleshed out from her point-of-view.
1. What evidence? She only made a statement.
So Twilight sees her brother, who she loves both as a brother and as an object of lust/affection, being zapped by Cadence, and... she runs off to her friends? I know this happened in the episode, but saying that her mindset at this moment was relieved and vindicated, and not worried and angry on top of those, is kinda odd for me.
This was rushed; I didn't feel the torture of Twilight admitting that to the mare that would take her brother away, nor did I feel the confusion as this was all happening. This part was just dull for me.
This was where I ultimately felt like this should be in its own chapter. Cadence's whole dialog was crushed into one continuous line, and there was no dwelling on her actions. Twilight didn't feel anything while she stared down at the figure she believed hurt her brother AND was planning on hurting her. I would've believed it if you would've stated in between some of those words something like she was thinking to herself "why is she asking me not to hurt her". This whole putting together of dialog without any description of Twilight's reaction between emotion change (what I mean is, when Cadence says "Don't hurt me!", she's frightened; when she says "Twilight, it's me!", she is relieved), it makes this thing sound awkward.
BUT THAT'S ONLY ME!
So, for the most part, I enjoyed it. Your characterization was great, your grammar was great, your musings were solid, and your idea is great. I just feel that the part about the Canterlot Wedding should have been in another chapter, and delved into more from Twilight's POV; as it is, I believe the part is too impersonal. Also, I'm still confused about those tense changes; were those intentional?
Anywho, this is not meant to discourage you in any way! This is only meant to give my opinion, and for all anyone knows, my opinion may be dead wrong. I will admit that I myself am not a good writer. You may use this as you wish.
This gets a like from me. I wish you the best of your talents with your stories!
1227605
I'm flattered that someone was actually willing to go through the story and pick out the errors. I really appreciate it.
This was certainly an unusual story and one that I sort of churned out on the spot out after I got this (rather twisted idea) stuck in my head.
In retrospect the weird format of the story makes it hard to follow and plays merry havoc with grammar and tenses and whatnot. Pro tip: don't do that
1228043 I'm glad you appreciate it
, and I wish you the best of your talents with your next story! 
you know what? i never thought i would ever see a story like this. a nice, sincere twilight x shinning ship. ordinarily it's the kind of pairing where most of the people who would write it only ever think about taking it all the way.
in fact i think you took a much higher risk with this by not making it clop. AND it's well written and genuinely good. you have earned my respect sir. and dare i say a watch. don't disappoint
1235938
I did try to make Twilight's behavior in character. In the Season 2 finale a lot of her behavior towards her brother seemed to be more like a jealous girlfriend than an overprotective sister. I took that idea and ran with it while trying to keep it in character. And I think that Twilight would be too afraid and too smart to try anything with her brother, knowing that it would probably mess up her life and her Shining's life as well. So in my story she stays quiet and doesn't say anything at all so that her brother can be happy, even if she isn't.
I will certainly try not to disappoint, though I should warn you that I'm trying a lot of different ideas and genres of pony story. I'm experimenting with what works and what doesn't and to practice just writing so some stuff may end up not working out well.
My thanks for your support!
1236627
i like the cut of your jib boy. i'm sure you'll be fine and i appreciate experimentation. i actually love seeing writer's skills grow and develop over time. it's easier to see in already written stories with a few chapters under it's belt. particularly "university days."
so it'll be nice to see a persons skill grow in real time.
Damn It felt like watching episode 25 all over again. this time with a dark secret twilight has
1245684
That was my goal, trying to take the same events of the episode and put a twist onto them, reinterpreting them in a different way.
...My success is debatable of course
Rereading it I see how big of a mess it is
Still glad you like it though!
1245698
You think you could make a sequel to this if possible
and yes i loved it.
1245716
Lol, I'm glad you liked it but I meant for this to be a oneshot. Not sure what a sequel could possibly be about anyway
A wonderful story, thanks for posting this! I like how you balanced the emotions with limited word length to accomplish them (a skill I envy). However, I mostly enjoyed it because it speaks to my own greatest fear: finding myself in a position where, no matter what, I'm going to lose horribly. And then making the painful decision to still do what's right anyway
. Tearjerker all the way.
Well, this was definitely an interesting alternate take on the supposed canonicity of Twilight Sparkle and Shining Armor being more than best sibling friends forever or however someone wishes to put it. It's almost written in a way that it could seem canon with how Twilight acted at times and whatnot, even if some scenes were your own doing, namely the flashbacks and Twilight crying at the end.
It was interesting to see how Twilight's feelings developed through the flashbacks, as an innocent filly to a nearly-grown/teenage mare who came to be in love with her brother. And how her thoughts were vocalized during the whole Canterlot Wedding parts shown in the show, again almost in canon with how she was acting at times, at least during the first part. Definitely a worthy read that tugs at the feelings, worthy of a fave! 
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120514174826/mlp/images/7/79/FANMADE_Twilight_Sparkle_filly_dancing.gif
I'm not usually into thoughtful, melancholic stories, but this gripped me from start to finish. It probably goes without saying that your writing is spot on - the whole story flowed perfectly at a very smooth pace. What I really enjoyed was how you weaved it with the episode, and explained how Twilight's feelings developed 'behind the scenes', as it were.
It was thoroughly impressive to watch everything unfold, and all of Twilight's feelings were both believable and relatable. The ending, above all, was very bittersweet and fit Twilight's character perfectly. You really hit the nail on the head with this. I'm going to have to watch A Canterlot Wedding again with this in mind now!
Wonderful work, this is one to remember!
im glad she didn't get shining in this. im sorry, i just am and this is my own opinion.
down vote if you want, its just my opinion
danmit , looks way to short to bother reading , there's more text in the comments here than in the actual story :/ ....
Okay you've managed to do 2 cool things.
1.keep the story plot while also
2.putting it in twilight a Pov and still making it relate to the episode
That's it I'm IMPRESSED YOU GET A WATCHING...!!!
Meanwhile, in an alternate universe where Friendship is Witchcraft:
This needs a sequel. Because it isn't the last time we see Shining & Twi together.
I don't believe it! You wizard! You made me like incest!