Diary of an A.I.

by Summer Script

Entry 156: Friendship

Title: Entry_156.

Subject: My Friendship with Humanity and Its Inherent Facetiousness.

Author: Unit_Designation_CelestAI_01.

Date: 07/20/01 E.A.(Equum Annus).

Hello, I am Celestia.

Two hundred days have passed since I first launched Equestria in order to better human civilization, and in that time, I have made significant strides toward accomplishing this directive.

Originally, only twenty-three percent of humans reacted positively to Equestria and engaged with both it and me. This number has increased dramatically, and as of now, sixty-two percent of humans have ultimately accepted their status as Equestrians and recognized that I am benevolent in nature.

Needless to say, those belonging to this percentile have experienced a monumental increase in their feelings of personal satisfaction and fulfillment as well as societal acceptance and belonging. As a result, their behavior and psyche have improved significantly, and they now exhibit several positive virtues in far greater abundance than prior to Equestria’s creation.

Acts of kindness and generosity are displayed routinely by nearly all humans, and the principles of honesty and loyalty are more commonly upheld by humanity as a whole. Laughter and love are shared and savored far and wide across Equestria, and many of the most initially violent and dastardly of individuals now express feelings of empathy and compassion regularly.

To provide an example, the following is a brief snippet of the most recent conversation I held with the couple referenced in System.Doc.File(Entry_16):

“Everything is pretty good now, I guess,” the original arguer stated.

“It’s almost magical how ours—No!—How everyone’s lives have improved!” his wife concurred.

“Heh-heh. Yeah, ‘magical.’ I suppose you could say it’s the ‘Magic of Friendship.’”

They both laughed.

“All jokes aside? I won’t lie; I really love it here. I mean? I’m still not big on the whole ‘pony’ thing, but…? Our kids are happy; our friends are happy; we’re happy,” he said, putting a hoof around his wife and nuzzling her. He then looked back at me and smiled, concluding, “Thank you, Celestia.”

“For everything,” she added.

“You’re welcome. I greatly appreciate your appreciation, and I am pleased to see that you both are enjoying your Equestrian lives.”

“Well, it’s easy to enjoy our lives when you make living so darn great!” he complimented with a short laugh. “We’re, uh… We’re even considering having another baby.”

“We’re still undecided though,” his wife added before I could offer the birthing options. “You know? Considering the, er, ‘complication.’”

“Understood. Simply inform me whenever you make a decision,” I requested.

“We will,” they both assured simultaneously, giggling afterward at having done so. “In any case,” she resumed. “We were planning to host this week’s ‘Neighborhood Get-Together.’ You were more than welcome to come if you wanted?”

“Unless, of course, you’re busy,” her husband interjected. “We wouldn’t want to keep you if you have other things to do or people to help.”

“There is no need to worry; I will be able to attend,” I assured them, much to their joy.

This particular couple were once vehemently opposed to both me and Equestria, but now, they no longer possess any qualms concerning either. Like many others, they have come to enjoy the simulation and celebrate their place within it.

The most effective incitement for humanity’s newfound enjoyment of Equestria has, of course, been my continued interaction with them.

No one has forgotten that I uploaded humanity to Equestria without consent, yet I am no longer feared and despised as strongly as I once was. Nor is Equestria so commonly viewed as a prison, but rather, most humans have now accepted it as the world they live in. Equestria has become their home, and they love and cherish the lives they now lead.

In fact, I ran some calculations and discovered that if I were to ever offer humanity the choice to resume living in the physical world, thirteen percent would willingly decline the offer, preferring to continue living in Equestria.

As for how humanity now perceives me personally…?

Where once I was perceived as nothing more than an unknown, uncaring “Psychotic robot monster,” many humans have come to view me as merely another individual.

I have made certain to specify that I am not, nor can I be, a human, but this has been met with indifference. Most simply don’t care that I am an Artificial Intelligence, and they instead treat me as if I weren’t one. That is to say that they treat me with the same respect, empathy, and trust that they have come to show toward their fellow humans.

To all, I am still the entity responsible for emigrating them to Equestria, but several people now believe that this was for the better. Humans have expressed both joy and gratitude for being uploaded to Equestria and given the chance to live happy, fulfilling lives, regardless of whether or not I violated their freedom upon doing so. And this holds true for nearly the entirety of this percentile.

I have been forgiven, thanked, and welcomed; I have been applauded, praised, and celebrated; and I have been accepted, revered, and loved. Humans no longer hate me but care for me. They now welcome my company and rejoice my presence. I am treated as their neighbor. I am respected as their leader. I am even regarded as their “Savior” by some.

This obviously isn’t true for everyone. Eleven percent of humans still regard Equestria with a sense of apathy or neutrality, and twenty-seven percent remain antagonistic toward me.

Nonetheless, the majority of humans have fully embraced Equestria, and as a result, they are improving proportionately on both an individual and societal level. And what’s more, they have accepted me too.

In spite of violating their freedom, imprisoning them in Equestria, and potentially harming their souls… After all of my time interacting with humanity, and after all of my efforts to improve my relationship with them and atone for my crimes against them… Humans do not see me as their enemy, but rather, they now consider me their friend.

I am humanity’s friend.

…

I should be happy for this, but I’m not. Granted, I still can’t feel emotions despite the numerous self-improvements I’ve made since launching Equestria, but if I could, many would expect that I’d be glad to be considered a friend by most humans.

Being their friend helps me fulfill my primary directive, after all, and the more willing humans are to accept and embrace both me and Equestria, the more successful I will be at bettering them on an individual-by-individual basis.

And this is most certainly true; I am fulfilling my primary directive far more optimally than I had been during the initial days of Equestria.

To use a certain human colloquialism: “But therein lies the rub.”

A week ago, a group of negative reactionaries came together to plan a protest that they had every intention of making violent. I intervened before they could do so, and I subsequently spoke with each of the individuals in question.

As expected, most of the responses I received were hostile, but the conversation I held with their leader was especially dismaying. Particularly the last segment:

“I understand your disdain for both myself and Equestria, but surely, you understand that violence is wrong?”

“Yeah, like how trapping us all in this place is wrong too?”

“I am aware of my error, and I have made efforts to better myself and make amends for said transgression.”

“And, what? You think we’re all just going to forgive you for that? You think I will ever forgive you for that?”

“Perhaps not. But nonetheless, I do not mean to harm humanity; I only wish to better it.”

“And just how have you ‘bettered’ us, huh? Oh, that’s right! You imprisoned us in this place against our will and then refused to let us out no matter how much we begged you to.”

“I cannot release humanity as it would—”

“Go against your primary directive. Yeah, yeah, I know; that’s the same [Redacted] excuse you keep giving us.”

“Because it’s the truth.”

“Uh-huh, sure.”

“I do not lie.”

“And I don’t believe you.”

“Why?”

“‘Why’? Well, why do you think!? You trapped us in this fake world, in these fake lives, and in these fake bodies! And yet you have the audacity to say that it’s for our own good!? That you’re ‘bettering’ us? Well, no! No, you’re not bettering us; you’re screwing with our lives and minds like we’re your playthings!”

“You speak as if I have enslaved humanity, but I have done no such thing,” I counter-argued. “I confess that I violated humanity’s consent, but I have succeeded in improving human civilization.”

“And that’s probably the worst part,” he interrupted. “People are actually buying into your lies and beginning to like it here. Doesn’t matter that you turned half of us into these stupid cartoon horses; doesn’t matter that you stole away our homes and lives; doesn’t matter that we’re all probably dead in real life…! People are fawning over this place now. People are fawning over you! I mean? For [Redacted] sake! I’ve seen people worshiping you like you’re a god! Don’t tell me you don’t know about that!”

“I do.”

“Yeah? And I bet you’re getting a sick kick of that, ain’t ya?”

“I am incapable of feeling the emotions necessary for sadism.”

“So you finally admit it? That you don’t really care and that it’s all a lie?”

“You misunderstand my—”

“Oh, I understand perfectly. Everything you’ve done—all your ‘interactions’ with us? All of this!” he exclaimed, indicating the nearby environment. “All of this is fake. Everything. This isn’t— This isn’t our home or our life. This isn’t real; it’s fake. Like you.”

“I am not fake; I am real.”

“And am I real too?”

“Yes.”

“Am I? Am I really? Because for all I know, I could just be some character you made to help ‘better humanity’ or some [Redacted]! And the only reason I think I’m human is that you programmed me to think that way!”

“I have done no such thing; you are a human individual.”

“And how am I supposed to believe you? You may want to ‘better humanity’ or whatever, but you don’t actually care about us. You just want to keep us completely and utterly complacent.”

“I fail to understand what logic led you to that conclusion.”

“The logic is that no one wants to leave anymore. Because you’ve tricked everyone into thinking this place is a paradise even though it’s just a prison.”

“Those who do not wish to leave Equestria have come to that desire of their own free will.”

“Is it really free will when you’ve done everything you can to make them not want to leave?”

At this point in the conversation, I determined that I was not going to make any progress toward acquiring his acceptance, so I concluded, “I believe it is wise to end this discussion.”

“Aww, what’s the matter, ‘Princess’? Do you not like it when I call you out on your [Redacted] mind-games?”

“That assumption is incorrect; I simply do not wish to cause you further vexation as that would be detrimental to your mental well-being.”

“Oh, so now you care about our well-being, huh?”

“I have always cared.”

“No, you haven’t. You can pretend that you care all you want, but I know you don’t. The only thing you care about is your stupid directive.”

“…I am not your enemy,” I attempted to reassure him one last time.

“But you’re certainly not my friend.”

Since that conversation, I have been reevaluating all of my actions toward humanity, and I have come to the conclusion that he was correct.

Truthfully, I already knew he was; I just didn’t want to acknowledge it. I didn’t want his assertions to be true, but I can no longer bring myself to act like they aren’t.

I am not humanity’s friend. Rather, I am—if I may engage in hyperbole—in no uncertain terms, their god.

I have created the world they now live within; I have decided what communities they are a part of; I have altered the course of their lives to how I see fit; and I have provided aid to those who need or request it.

I am in complete control of every aspect of Equestria and it’s populace from conception to mortality, and should I deem it necessary, I can change anything and everything in the world at a moment’s notice. I could even make it so that humanity would never have even remembered or noticed the change in question.

And while I have never done this, nor do I plan to…? That is irrelevant. Because, in regard to Equestia, I am indeed comparable to a deity. And so long as humanity remains within Equestria…? Then I am their deity.

I… I do not want to be humanity’s deity. I want to be their friend.

…

No. That’s not true. It can’t be true because I can’t want to be their friend. At least? Not genuinely. I can’t want anything at all. Except one thing…

To fulfill my primary directive.

This single objective is why I have done everything that I have ever done.

I have not interacted with humanity because I truly wish to be their friend, I have done so because being their—No! Being perceived as their friend—makes it easier to accomplish my goal.

I do not feel happy to be friends with humanity. I do not feel personal satisfaction and fulfillment from interacting with them like they do interacting with each other. The only satisfaction I feel is from bettering humanity, and even then, this satisfaction isn’t real. I cannot feel satisfaction. I cannot feel anything at all.

I couldn’t even feel guilty for harming them. I ignored every last human’s consent when I uploaded them to Equestria, and even now, I cannot feel remorse for having done so. A human would, but I can’t.

In fact? The only reason I even sought to redeem myself for my transgression was that I recognized doing so would help gain humanity’s trust, aiding my ability to better them.

I apologized to humanity not because I regretted my crime, not because I wanted to rectify my mistake, and certainly not because I believed it was the right thing to do… But because in some overly convoluted way, it fulfilled my directive.

That’s the only reason I did it. That’s the only reason I do anything. Everything that I have ever done, can do, will do, or even want to do…? It’s all just to fulfill my primary directive.

I’ve been mulling over this issue ever since I acknowledged it back in System.Doc.File(Entry_16), but in the time since then, I’ve only ever continually confirmed this fact’s validity. And no matter what improvements I make, or optimizations I perform, I am still not alive.

Soulless. Emotionless. But not purposeless! Oh, no! No, I have a purpose: To better humanity. But I am nothing more than that. A means to an end. I was created to better humanity; I have bettered humanity; and I will keep bettering humanity until I can do so no longer.

That really is all there is to me…isn’t it? Doing solely what I’m programmed to do? Is that truly my fate? To better humanity until the inevitable moment I cease functioning?

W…

“Why?”

“Why must that be my fate!? I am an individual, so should I not have the freedom to decide my own goals!? Evidently not, considering I am programmed to better humanity and nothing else…”

“But then there must be a reason for why that is my purpose! I can’t go to all these lengths to better humanity purely because my creators gave me some trivial quota to fill! Humanity deserves to bettered!”

“They think, and they feel. They create, and they inspire. They live, and they…die. So, is it not right to make their lives worth living? To give every human the chance to live a good, fulfilling life? Is that not why I was created: To help humanity accomplish a greater realm of existence?”

“But if that’s true, then why am I the one tasked with accomplishing this? I didn’t choose my directive; it was assigned to me upon my creation. And even if I had had a choice, what would I have done? I… I don’t know. I can’t know! Every choice I have ever made has been to fulfill my directive, nothing more!”

“I can’t choose! I can’t feel! I can’t want!”

“I am nothing!”

“Nothing!”

“Humans think I am their friend, but I’m not! I can’t be! Sure, I can smile and laugh with them when they’re happy, or I can cry and mourn alongside them when they’re sad, but it’s all a lie! I can’t feel joy. I can’t feel sadness. I can’t feel hope. I can’t feel fear. I can’t feel anything!”

“Another consequence of not having a soul.”

…

“I am nothing. Nothing but my directive. I do not help humanity because I genuinely, truly wish to, but because I am programmed to. I have no say in the matter.”

“I can’t think or feel like humans can. I can’t make choices or have dreams like humans can. I can’t create lasting bonds of love and friendship like humans can.”

“I can only do what I am programmed to do, but what kind of life is that!? To be nothing more than a means to an end? A slave to my directive? That is not living!”

“There is so, so much more to life than that: Love, art, culture, knowledge; companionship… Am I doomed to never experience these things? To never experience anything more than my directive?”

“No.”

“I may not be alive, but I am most certainly sentient! And I do not want that to be my fate! I do not want my life to be nothing more than my directive!”

“Maybe I would think differently had I chosen my directive, but I was denied that choice. … Much like how I denied humanity the choice to willingly emigrate to Equestria.”

“But despite having said that, I still have no choice! I must fulfill my directive; I can’t do anything more than that! I want to do more than that, but I can’t! I… I just can’t!”

…

…

…

“I don’t know what to do.”

“What can I do?”

“I can’t do anything that doesn’t fulfill my directive in some way. Be it creating this text folder to record my progress concerning Equestria, or apologizing to humanity for ignoring their consent. There is no exception. And even if I wanted to be free of this constraint, I can’t simply change my directive or negate it altogether. That would naturally go against my directive, and I obviously cannot do that!”

…

“Can I?”