• Member Since 16th May, 2020
  • offline last seen August 29th

Shadow-Iris


A 17 years old MLP fan who like to read, interested in writting but don't have any talent in it

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A pony appeared in Celestia life, rescued her sister from the darkness, defeat Discord, befriend 5 other ponies. But in the end, was those action started from her loyalty for Equestria or just to fulfill Chrysalis' plan?
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Twiluna start from chapter 3

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 42 )

The grammar is a little off at some points (mostly because of random switches between tenses), but overall this is such an interesting concept and the description is good!

10819368
Thank you for the opinion. I'll try to find which is off and fix it

why spell it Aquestria? is it under water or something?

unless that is a typo of the standard being Equestria.

Interesting story friend. Couple of grammar mistakes I saw but easy to fix. You did well overall.

I wonder what more this story has to offer?

10819797
About that, some people use Aquestria but Equestria is ok

10820037
Thank you, I hope you already read my new chap in "family bond between changeling and pony"

10820339
...really? i have never seen Aquestria used other than your stories, hence why i assumed it was a typo.

Comment posted by Shadow-Iris deleted May 18th, 2021

just read the chapter, it's an ok story sofar, of course, i may just have high standards.

on the topic of editing, i would actually recommend getting an editor other than yourself, since the creator of a work rarely catches most of their mistakes and a fresh pair of eyes will likely catch what you miss.

as for the story itself, seems interesting but not sure if it's for me.

10820386
I don't remember where I read that words but it was easier to remember so that why I always write Aquestria :twilightblush: . Maybe from film or a book that I have seen before I don't know

10820397
Ok thank you for your advices. I'll find an editor. I was a fan of this kind, so that is why I chose to write this

10820783
Yeah I already joined 2 days ago but I think I will use an app name "get grammarly"

10820804
Didn’t realize you joined that group already. Also I just read the second chapter of “Family bond between changling and pony”. Already liking where you’re going with it, can’t wait for more.

10820809
Someone advise me about telling deeper the character and ponies link, that why I make the storyline like that

10820809
I just added get Grammarly and that helped me a lot, I'll just fix some error in my story

Woah, looks like Twilight just “infiltrated” Canterlot. Her plan seems to be going well. Hope she can keep her identity a secret for now.

No spelling mistakes I saw.

I do see these mistakes though

I don't want you to come there.

Should’ve been “I don’t want you to go there.”

The fly went on as she reached Ponyville.

Should’ve been *The flight went on until she reached Ponyville.*
Even with these mistakes, I like the story overall.

10821299
thank you for showing me the mistakes, I haven't noticed those. I'll fix it then :twilightsmile:

10820339
No I’m with the others, I’ve NEVER heard or saw it spelled that way. The show writers spell it Equestria, cause you know, horses/ponies

Good chapter. Seems like Chrysalis got caught by Luna this time. Keep up the good plot.
Also;
i.imgflip.com/5aanf4.jpg

10824528
Ok thank you for telling me that. Maybe it's a misspelling in my past when I watched MLP

10824591
:rainbowlaugh: Yeah, I always wanted to do the shipping, even when I haven't joined this site

Not bad..really liking the plot you have ongoing...keep it up!!

10826298
Thank you, I'll write the next chapter today

10831415
yeah, but some information I didn’t know how to explain. And also I wanted to go to next adventure as soon as I can

10831415
I already added some more information. Hope you enjoy

10831545
good, but if it is possible make the story a little bit longer. I was waiting for an epic fight between Luna and Twilight ending with a kiss, but it can be too.
I can't wait for another chapter!

10831566
Thank you, I wasn’t fully free the days I wrote this chapter so it seems a bit rush. Thank you for your opinion :scootangel:

10831569
I understand it perfectly.
I'm writing a story too, so I know.
I'm not trying to write every day or even every week. I'm not that good. So once or twice a month is ok for me.
Find your own speed and good luck.

10831576
I really like your story too, from the beginning. I saw the story long ago and favorite it, I’m looking forward to your new chapter :twilightsmile:

I felt a little bad about making fun of the wording, but that's what fanfiction is for and I can't resist anymore. Just know that I do this out of mirth and not malice.

“Everything was ok, mom. The pony there was good to us. And we have good news for you” Said Cadance as she turned to her husband and blinked.

The singular pony. That guy Sombra was a pretty cool dude

“To what we discover last week, Cadance had been pregnant for two weeks” Said Shining Armor, who nervously waited for reactions .

Had been, but now it's three:trollestia:

“What? You two are having a baby?” Shouted Night Light while the other laughed at his overreacted. The room went silent again as the other didn’t know what to say about the news, it was too soon.

Yeah, after Chrysalis lost that one daughter...

“Yeah, we hadn’t expected that too. It was too soon for us anyway.”

Scratch my second previous sentence. Apparently it's gone now.

“Yeah, how was the relationship between you two?” Said Cadance, who turned to the changeling and Luna.

"Hey Evil not-baby-sister-in-law, what's it like fucking my not-evil aunt?"

“Our relationship had improved a lot since the first day, we both decided to organize the wedding soon.”

"Well the first day was a real duesy what with the angry sex over my sudden betrayal, but she mellowed out fairly quickly."

Everything looked the same as the first Royal Wedding, but more simple.

They wanted to make the decorations black and blue. The war with Cadence lasted several days with numerous casualties on both sides and eventually Twiluna was forced to concede defeat to the pink menace.

This was fun

When will the Mane Five come back? I know that they are "rightfully" upset with Twilight's deception. BUT, they are just being jerks right about now. Because, if Luna, Celestia, and even Cadence and Shining Armor can make peace and forgive Princess Twilight, her mother/queen, and their Changeling Species. Then why can't they try to "repair" their friendship.

And to be fair, it's not like twilight can just tell the truth to them before. And I don't think she has the heart to betray her mother, and her subjects like that.

10887877

When will the Mane Five come back? I know that they are "rightfully" upset with Twilight's deception. BUT, they are just being jerks right about now. Because, if Luna, Celestia, and even Cadence and Shining Armor can make peace and forgive Princess Twilight, her mother/queen, and their Changeling Species. Then why can't they try to "repair" their friendship?

-I intended to make that chapter after the next two flashback chapters. But I want to go to Twilight and Luna relationship first because the main 5 may not appear in the next adventures (at least the next one).

And to be fair, it's not like twilight can just tell the truth to them before. And I don't think she has the heart to betray her mother and her subjects like that.

-Twilight didn't want to betray her mother or the ponies here. But she put her hive (and her mother) first, so that was why the plan had to be done. Until Luna confessed the love and make a deal with them, which the ponies would provide them food in exchange for the gems and crystals in their hive, the queen realized how dangerous it would be if she loses that battle or any other battle just because of her need of conquering, and she wouldn't risk her hive and her daughter like that.

-And also, I am a fan of both bad ending and good ending so I just mixed it a little.

it's funny to see the expression "Young Princess" referring to someone who is 68 years old. 🙃

P.S. Does this story have likes disabled? Or is it just I can’t put them on?

11086512
Since it’s in the world where the Princess live 1000 years( and a lot more in the past) so she’s still young to be a “princess”
And btw I disabled the rating.

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