• Published 8th Sep 2012
  • 3,000 Views, 343 Comments

Starlit Knights - BlackRoseRaven

Darkness has come to Equestria, and the world is threatened with destruction. Can Luna stop it?

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Epilogue: Refracted And Reflected

Epilogue: Refracted And Reflected

Ponyville sat at the edge of the Everfree Forest: it was scenic and perfect, beautiful mountains in the distance to the north, with calm, smooth slopes… and to the south, a massive, intricately detailed statue of a massive wolf, frozen in mid-pounce, petrified and covered in clinging vines. Water spilled from its jaws, filling the pool it rested in: it served as a strange, natural fountain, and foals liked to tell spooky stories about how Garm came alive during Nightmare Night and gobbled down all the ponies he could find, before the dawn’s light froze him solid again along with his three brothers, who stood at other points across Equestria.

Nature was wild, but Ponyville was well-protected: Pegasi maintained the weather when necessary, but otherwise let things go their course. They were blessed with fertile soil and wonderful crops, and it was a friendly, lively, happy town. The ponies were joyful, proud Equestrians, part of a country that was barely aware of their existence. In the distance, there was majestic Canterlot… but most of the city was ruins, although the castle was in a state of repair, and was the ruling seat of the local Baroness. She, along with a series of others, controlled and maintained Equestria and the surrounding lands… but more often than not, the Baroness could be found in Ponyville, what she called her ‘true home.’ She was in love with the small village… and the fact that she was treated like a normal pony there.

The door in the ancient, enormous tree opened, and Celestia emerged, no crown on her head, golden peytral plate over the winged unicorn’s chest inscribed with the symbol of Equestria instead of inset with a gemstone… and she smiled over her shoulder as Twilight Sparkle followed her out with a blush, flapping her black-edged wings, her own dark peytral plate gleaming as a dozen or so books floated behind her as she struggled to organize them into her open saddlebags. “I… I know, I’m trying, I am!”

“Twilight, please.” Celestia shook her head with a quiet laugh, saying kindly: “Now you know it’s not that big a deal, I just need to go away for a few days to check on the repairs at Charger’s Crossing. It’s our only link to the northern baronies after all… and besides, Spike will be there for you, won’t you Spike?”

“Yes ma’am.” Spike poked his head out with a grin, waving at them, then the dragon adolescent blushed a bit as Rarity’s hoof gently grabbed his shoulder and pulled him backwards. “I’ll. Be right back.”

“I’m going to get a squirt bottle!” Twilight shouted at the doorway, but Celestia only laughed and shook her head before she glanced up with a smile as Twilight turned and grumbled under her breath… and then she softened, glancing up at Celestia and asking quietly: “So do you remember…”

But Celestia only shook her head slowly, saying quietly: “I remember I had a sister once. A sister… who was very, very important to you, and to me. It’s why I thought we ourselves were siblings… but you’re much more like a daughter to me, I know now.” She stepped forwards, hugging Twilight for a short, firm moment, and the violet pony blushed but smiled radiantly as she returned the hug. “You should talk more with your friends about it. Please remember to spend some time with them and not just doing errands for me.”

“I always do.” Twilight glanced over her shoulder, smiling a little as in the distance, she gazed towards the market where Applejack had several carts of apples and other goods set up, Rainbow Dash lounging back and eating their food more than helping sell it, as Apple Bloom giggled and Scootaloo rambled excitedly to her hero as he smiled indulgently down at her. “I’m actually going to go see Zecora shortly, I think.”

Celestia nodded, and then the two looked up at a pair of arguing voices to see the Pink Twins approaching, Fluttershy trailing behind them: Pinkamena and Pinkie Pie, the latter with a colorful umbrella hat on her head and the former with several piercings in her ears, glaring from beneath her straight mane as she snapped: “Well then stay the hell out of my way! And… oh look. Princess Sunshine and Sparkles.”

Twilight sighed, then she looked towards Fluttershy as the quiet Pegasus slipped forwards with a soft smile, her eyes tender as she leaned forwards and traded a tight hug with the winged unicorn. “What are they arguing about now?”

But Fluttershy only smiled and shrugged, indicating it was the same as always, as Celestia looked curiously down towards Pinkamena. “You still haven’t told me why you call me that, Pinkamena. I’m not a Princess.”

“Because I’ve always called you that.” Pinkamena said moodily, and then she grumbled when Pinkie Pie wrapped a foreleg around her and threw the other in the air.

“Just like I’ve always called her Lemon Drop!” she declared… and then she winced and fell over when Pinkamena quickly stepped away, glaring up at her before skittering to her hooves with a wince when Pinkamena attempted to sit on her head. “Well, you kind of are.”

“Well you’re kind of shut the hell up.” Pinkamena retorted, and then she shook her head moodily before seeming to calm a little as she glanced towards Twilight Sparkle curiously. “You going into the Everfree Forest?”

Twilight frowned a bit… and Pinkamena grinned slightly, leaning forwards as she said teasingly: “Don’t you remember all the stories I’ve been telling you, about Nightmare Moon? Keep an eye out, Twilight Sparkle… you never know who you might see. You just gotta keep your eyes open.”

Twilight sighed and shook her head slowly, before smiling as the conversation lapsed into other things and other ponies came to see Celestia off… but an hour later, as she strode quietly through the forest, she frowned a bit as she heard voices on the road ahead.

“Luna, stop being crazy. You’re crazy.” said a voice she recognized and yet didn’t at the same time, like somepony from the distant past… and Twilight frowned a bit as she peered around a corner apprehensively, trying to remain quiet… and she gazed in surprise at the sight of a charcoal earth pony standing at one side of the road: he looked like he might be even larger than Big Mac, scars over his body and features, and standing beside him was a young Pegasus with a metallic-white coat, giggling: a little larger than a filly, with a cutie mark of a red mirror on her flank, her mane and tail and eyes all vibrant scarlet.

And across from them was a tall winged unicorn… and the sight of her made Twilight’s breath catch in her throat. Beautiful, with a mane that flowed like starlight, an ivy necklace hanging around her neck from which a black pearl dangled as she stomped her hooves aggressively, glaring at the male as she snapped: “Scrivener Blooms, thou art insufferable. We spent a decade, a decade, fixing the problems presented by Ragnarok, and allowed them to find themselves, without rushing the process, ‘lest their minds and emotions be harmed by a sudden influx of memories! We spent a decade gathering souls, and then gave those souls bodies, only able to hope for the best and that they would awaken to new life as if from a long sleep… and then we have had to hide out here in the forest, watching and protecting them as they awoke and slowly adjusted to life for yet two years more, convinced themselves they have always lived like this and we were forgotten! We do not wish to be forgotten, we wish to join them once more… we are happy our friends are alive and well, and will do anything it takes to protect them, but I know that thou wishes as strongly as I do to rejoin our friends… to fill in the gaps in their memories and reunite with them! ‘Tis a crazed joke that only Pinkamena and Zecora know of us, and only Pinkamena has ever wandered out to visit us in our little sanctuary!”

“Luna, it’s. My problem isn’t that you want to go and introduce yourself to everyone in Ponyville, and see if… they’re ready for things.” Scrivener Blooms said flatly, looking at her mildly. “My problem is that your ‘sane and logical’ reasoning behind doing this is so you can declare: ‘Hey, Twilight Sparkle and Celestia, look at me, I’m super-pregnant!’”

Scrivener sat back a bit, flailing his hooves at the air as Twilight stared in surprise, then couldn’t help but giggle… and then Luna glowered at Scrivy and stepped forwards before she slammed a headbutt into his face, knocking him flat on his back with a wheeze, and Twilight covered her mouth to repress her laughter… before her eyes widened as memories, as emotions, as wild thoughts swirled through her head, and she slowly straightened, staring at them and trembling a bit. She couldn’t place how… she could barely remember much, apart from a draw she could barely explain towards these ponies, that told her to go out, to speak to them, to see them… but before she could, another figure stepped into the road.

“Would you two please keep it down? You’re louder than a drunken circus clown.” Zecora said flatly, the zebra glaring from Luna to Scrivener, and the male mumbled a bit as Luna only grumbled and sat back on her haunches with a moody look to the zebra. “And since I have heard the conversation, please allow me to add this observation: I don’t know if the ponies are ready yet, to learn of the fate that in the past they met.”

“Zecora, I have waited two years. ‘Tis two years too long on top of the decade I have already endured…” Luna retorted, and then she stood up and added briskly: “Now, thou may be a prophetess or shaman. Thou may be powerful and wise, and demonstrated thou knew in some way, shape or form what was to befall our beloved world. But I am a pregnant, frustrated Valkyrie. Can thou predict what will happen if I do not get my way shortly?”

Zecora didn’t seem to have a response for this, the zebra leaning backwards slightly as Luna leaned forwards… and then Twilight Sparkle strode out from around the corner and into the road, the three ponies and the zebra all looking at her sharply as she stared at them, and then she smiled awkwardly and said quietly: “I don’t… remember exactly who you are. But I think… you were very important to me. You all were… and I… I’d really like to know more.”

For a few moments, they only studied her… and then the zebra shrugged a bit with a smile, stepping carefully aside as Luna and Scrivener strode forwards, Scarlet Sage blushing as she half-shyly followed and gazed over the violet unicorn slowly as Luna and Scrivy both smiled, then glanced towards one another before they stepped forwards and hugged her fiercely around the neck, Twilight blushing in surprise… but then slowly settling her head forwards with a soft smile as the winged unicorn said softly: “Then come with us, Twilight Sparkle. We have a strange and terrible and wonderful story to tell thee. I shall begin it now, though, and perhaps our names will help… I am Luna Brynhild, and this is my husband, Scrivener Blooms… and our daughter, Scarlet Sage.”

And Twilight Sparkle smiled softly as she gazed warmly at the three ponies, blushing a bit… but gladly following into the darkness of the Everfree Forest, somehow feeling more at home now than she had ever been, even in the comforts of Ponyville.Falling down is the best way to appreciate the value in getting back up.

November 26th, 2011 – January 5th, 2012

Comments ( 107 )


It is a long one, but I do hope it proves enjoyable from start to finish. And now I'm going to be thinking of the minotaurs talking like that too.

Scrivener blooms reminds me alot of Allan from Allan wake


I really wanted to try that game from pretty much the first moment I heard about it. Haven't had a chance to yet, though.

1306279 it's a good game. One tip though, try and save up the batteries in game. I won't tell you why because that would be spoilers.


She's one of the worst things ever, yes.


It's a reference to Don Quixote. He has this little issue where he thinks windmills are giants and attempts to ride into battle against them. It doesn't go so well.


That will happen now and then, yes. Apparently I'm kind of evil, but I do my best to make sure things work out, one way or the other.
And it really means a lot to see people thinking so much about the characterizations I've tried my hardest to do justice do. I'm truly glad you can see so much in them both, and find them so engaging and relatable. Trying to bring characters like this to life, more than anything else, is one of my favorite parts of writing, so it means a lot when I can feel like my hands have succeeded in getting them across so well. So thank you for sharing your thoughts and for continuin' to read and see into these characters.


I really appreciate hearing that. I always strive to put as much into things like this as I can and it really does a lot for me to hear that I managed it. Fluttershy in particular, I remember, did make a few people uh. "Unhappy." But my hands find the story for me and do the work, whether it's good or bad. I hope you continue to find things as powerful as the story continues, since... the real deep waters are coming up now.


I dunno about that. Sol Seraph does deserve a special place in a special hell, admittedly. But there will shortly be a bit of what she deserves, although... it's just followed by things that probably make you hate her more. Thanks very much for the fave, too.


The poem was pretty much a bastardized Jabberwock, so I really can't take any credit for it.
And thanks. I'm glad you like the mythos because. I. Can't entirely explain how it all got so involved. Things just happen when I write. And well, no one... really knew when Ragnarok was, which I think helped. Some believed it had already happened, because... essentially, after everyone in the universe kills each other, the last man and woman who survive by hiding out in a forest build Idavoll, and the glory of the gods is restored and most of them come back from the dead for a true golden age of wonderment. Or something.
Also. I am very glad you like Ross, since he'll be around quite a bit.

... If that story doesn't qualify as 'epic' I'm not sure if it's an achievable quality. Wow.
Was a rollercoaster, man. I was beginning to get a bit worried in the last few chapters, but everything pulled together very nicely with the epilogue.
Well done.. very well done.


Thanks very much, I'm glad to hear it. I know that... yes. Things go crazy. But I'm glad that at the end of the day it all locks into place well enough. I appreciate the faves of this and the next story, and I hope that you continue to enjoy the series. If anything I can only promise even further insanity, after all.


Bob always has been and always will be a favorite of mine to work with. He's pretty much made of references to anything and everything, but he fits in well all the same. And Iggy, yes. Even when he manages to do something right, he still screws it up. He's the kind of villain who thinks he's five steps ahead but is usually one or two behind.


That's right. Jabberwock, from Through The Looking Glass. There's a lot of Alice in Wonderland references pretty much... everywhere in my work.

Well goddamn that's a good ending. Now on to the next adventure.


Thanks very much. Things start to get a little crazier from here on out, since. I was able to stretch things a whole lot more with all the doors that opened up. So I hope the stories continue to prove a good read.


Thanks very much, I'm glad it proved enjoyable. I like to break up the sequences and little tidbits like this work really well for that. It lets me keep a sense of order to things and sort of separate things out without making it too messy. I hope the rest of the story continues to prove a good read, too.


Thanks very kindly. I hope you continue to enjoy it. It's the third in the series, technically, but the first that really sets up the whole crazy universe I cobbled together and have been writing in ever since.

What about Trixie... goddammit when I got here I was like "YAY Trixie finally comes back!" but then she didn't and I was reaaaal sad.

But hey, 6 more chances I suppose. Got real crazy at the end there, shed a few man tears during the fight with Fafnir, but then I realized that EVERYONE was dying, and you can't just kill off 13 "main" characters and leave two left... Kinda saw a rebirth coming.
I LOVE this series, my next few weeks have "Blooming Moon Chronicles" stamped on the days.

You're Awesome BlackRoseRaven!


Thanks very much. I'm thrilled to hear it's proving such a pleasure to read and I do hope the series continues to impress. There's a lot of crazy stuff yet to happen: this is really just the start, and we'll be seeing... a whole lot of everyone and more over the coming stories, since things are really just getting started in the universe setting I ended up establishing. So with luck it'll make for a good journey. Thanks again, for reading and the interest.

Okay, I'm glad you ended on that note. I was literally freaking out and screaming "WHAT THE F*CK DID I JUST READ?!" at the end of chapter 32. It rather upset my mother, who was sleeping in the next room. :ajbemused:

But either way, This is amazing. I don't care if anyone argues, you're the best author on this site, hands down. There's just a way that you make the words flow, and you don't give out information as it comes up, but you wait and build suspense. You obviously take a lot of pride in your craft, and it shows. Onto book 4. :heart:


I do have a bit of a tendency to be a bit. Rough on the characters now and then, yes. But I can at least promise that even when it gets really scary, I'll still always do my best to make sure everything's in order somehow.
But thank you very much. It's always a real pleasure to hear my work is being enjoyed so much and I hope the rest of the stories continue to prove as good a read. There's lots to go yet, after all, and still most of a new story to go up, so with luck it'll help keep you entertained for a while to come.


What good Tradgedy/Sad writer isn't hard on their characters? Or the characters of others for that matter? To quote an often-used phrase by both Luna and Scrivy, "Writers are a sick breed."

But it's good so far. Honestly, I'm a little hesitant to read the fifth book, because it's the one that is an AU, right? I don't particularly like AU's in the middle of series, so I'll probably skip it and finish up on the saga, then go back and read it. But that's still an entire book away, and I'm already about 3 chapters deep in Metempsychosis.

Oh, and I've already suggested this saga to about 4 different people. So, cheers on that! This awesome saga definitely deserves more views than it has.


That they are. And well. Kind of. BLCA is really hard to explain. But it's definitely skippable and you can come back to it later if you feel like it. But a lot of people haven't read it and been just fine with continuing the series. There's also a point in Decretum that allows you to break off and go back and read it then if you choose. Sort of a merging-point. But you definitely don't have to read it. I know some people have been uh. A little traumatized by it in the past so. Yes.
Thanks again, though, and I'm just glad it's all provin' so enjoyable.


Pah, Trauma Schrauma. I enjoy grimdark, and I have a feeling that you especially excel in Psychological Grimdark, which is the best.

That said though, I dunno. I think your story actually moved my tear ducts a bit... oh, about a total of 6 times during Starlit Knights? But then again, there's a difference between being connected to a character and feeling sorrow at their death during a story than going in KNOWING that there's going to be... dark ridges.

You know... you actually reinvented the mane six for me, really. You usually get these stories where there either trying their best to be Canon, or they're so radically different from their Canon selves that it's ridiculous, and right in the middle, there's you. (A certain scene from Resevoir Dogs comes to mind). But you put just enough spin on the characters to make them your own, and it is beautiful. I honestly forget that we're talking about MLP in your stories, and I honestly think that they're your original characters. IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL :raritydespair:


I'm glad you like that part of the stories. I kind of started off with canonish, and then... well, they grew on their own. I really don't control a whole lot in my stories. The characters kinda make a lot of their decisions on their own and I just write out what happens. It ends up with them going into some pretty weird places sometimes, but I'm glad that seems to work out so well. It's always been really important to me to let the characters... change, the way they choose. So to speak.


I understand that concept fairly decently. I don't have any stories out, (I'm still fine tuning my writing style) but when I write I usually have conversations with the characters, and actually ask them what their background and likes and dislikes and things such as that. I find it helps fairly well to sort of 'role-play' with myself when it comes to characters.

“I’ll. Be right back.”
Are these extra dots on purpose, 'cause I've been noticing a lot of them.


I do appreciate hearing people's thoughts on my writing, positive and negative. It helps me go back over things and see what could be done better, and more importantly, helps me do better for future stories. It also helps me keep my ego down and helps me get better at taking critique.
I wanted to try and reply to a few of your points, mostly because I know this has been brought up before and people have found it problematic. I know it's a very rough section, and I know that it seems very off at points. It could have been laid out better and Sol could have been better detailed, I admit that. I wish I'd gone back and developed her more and done some clarification, because I'd made that old mistake and forgotten that just because I, the writer, know something, doesn't mean it translates through into the story itself.
For one thing, at this point in the stories, Sol Seraph is dangerous enough that she could match or even kill Luna in physical combat. She can nullify Luna's magic with her antimagic grenades and even paralyze her with them. There's kind of an assumption that because Sol is "just a Pegasus" she can't be dangerous, but that's part of what makes her dangerous. She's "just a Pegasus."
I'd also like to note that Celestia lost to Luna more because of her own grave tactical errors than anything else. She was arrogant. If she'd stayed on the ground or used magic, there's no way Luna would have beaten her, even with Nightmare Moon's powers. Just something to consider, since I know a lot of Luna's attitude can make her seem much stronger and crazier than she really is. She's a bit of a myopic character at times.
The biggest problem, of course, isn't Sol herself: it's the question of what her security forces will do if they did kill her. These aren't military, but mercenaries, ex-convicts, and large scary minotaurs. Yes, Sol is a horrible pony. But she's also one pony, ruling a massive army force with an iron hoof. Yes, Sol has done awful things and will clearly continue to make them miserable. But they don't know at this point if killing her will cut off the head of the snake, or if it will turn one evil problem into ten thousand smaller problems that will attack the citizens of Ponyville or the outlaying territories, or break into bands that will do harm to the rest of Equestria. They need information before they can act, even through calling for Celestia's help: there are more forces that want Sol there than just Ponyville.
My biggest failure in the chapter is that I didn't take the time to explain all that or set it up. I didn't give Sol the full explanation she deserves and that would improve the overall quality of this arc. I apologize for that and I hope this helps make it a little clearer what I had intended. I skipped a lot of it because... well, there's already a lot of writing there.
Anyway, I hope the rest of the story proves a more enjoyable read. There will always be rough spots, and the story will get stranger as my mind delves into stranger places, but I do appreciate people's interest all the same.


This nicely sums up just about everyone's reaction to Sol Seraph.


Thank you very much. I hope you enjoy it: Starlit Knights has quite an explosive wrapup, but I promise it paves the way for better things. These first three stories are really just setting the stage for what the series develops into yet, and I hope you enjoy the read all the way through.


It would be really nice to see some of these things drawn out, yeah. See the characters brought to life another way, so to speak. I've been lucky enough to have some people draw a few things for me and I've picked up one or two pictures myself, at least.

3905268 Done. Some of those chapters were so big I couldn't take them in one sitting or I'd go cross-eyed.


That's good to hear. She has a pretty huge role throughout most of the stories, and she's one of my favorites in the series, too.


Good eye. And well, no, but it seemed fitting for Aleksandr, although... he probably meant it in a slightly different way than Stalin did, yes. But thank you very much. I know I have to make a few adjustments to the Russian here and there still, but I really wanted to give them more of that cultural influence. Greek would have made more sense, but Russian just seemed to kind of click.


Thanks. I'm not so good with colors.


That is a good question. And this is really only just the beginning. There is much more Scrivener-walloping to come.
But yes, this story also does. Kick you when you're down a lot. I hope you continue to enjoy the journey, though, since it's got. Well. The last act is a bit of a doozy. Still, it will all kind of make sense why everything happens the way it does at the end, even if it just seems a little. Overboard at times.

Spoilers Alert: Chapter 5-37(Kind of)

First if all, thank you for the story (i kind of fell in love with luna on the way) :twilightsmile:
And I wanted to point out a little thing that i noticed in this story. In chapter 12, Zecora gives the Starlit Knights two vials of Heaven's Blessing. Luna desribed it like this:

‘twill save even the weakest, frailest foal from the clutches of certain death

And i wondered why they only used it once to help the ponies fleeing from the north and not for their friends!


Thanks very much. I'm glad you're enjoying the series and... well, Luna, yes. Luna is Luna. She's definitely the main attraction for many, which is a good thing, really.
But uh. As to your question, if I remember right, the vials are used up between that and a certain pony's parents. Even assuming they weren't, the uh... traumas that happen to certain ponies in future events occur too quickly. At least the ones I'm thinking of: the potions can heal most things up to dying, but can't do much about death itself. But I may also have forgotten about that possibility entirely, too, in keeping track of the. Everything else. I'll have to look back through the story myself at some point to figure it out, it's been so long I barely remember that part.
The faves are much appreciated as well. Thanks again for reading and I'm glad it's been enjoyable.


Sol has that effect on most people, yes. She's only a Pegasus and yet at the same time by far one of my most nasty characters.


I'm glad you're able to enjoy them so much even the second time around. Even with all the. Sadisticness that does end up happening, and the evil and. Yes.
But oh yes. Sol is probably by far the most horrible character in the entire series. I've always wanted to go back and do a second part of Angel of the Sun purely to show her father, because. He's even worse than her, and there's a kind of twisted fascination with bringing these horrible evil nasty monsters to life.

You are a terrible, wonderful bastard.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.


Bob was a favorite. I've always wanted to actually. List out everything he ever references, but I realized that would take far, far too long to do now. I should have kept a running tab.
But well. Sol was. Well. She's horrible. She started horrible and she ended horribler. And then she got horriblerer after that. I think she was born of the result of someone telling me I couldn't write something, which. You know. Just made me write it but even worse.
The worst villain is probably Big C, because he sings. And does a lot of other really terrible stuff. But mostly because of the singing.
But thank you very much. I'm glad to hear it, since. Every time I try to write even a pleasant, happy story, something horrible always ends up buried somewhere between the pages. And to think, once a long time ago someone accused my stories of being too nice.

I honestly still get messed up when I think about C. That whole book messed me up worse than any of your other stories, and probably worse than pretty much anything else I've ever read.
I was incredibly impressed by your writing of C though, since I'm sure that kind of speech and personality is hell to write. You pulled it off perfectly though, along with all the other characters with strange speech patterns.
Even the characters who are "normal," or as normal as anyone can be in this story, have their own unique speech patterns and other quirks, enough so that the reader can immediately distinguish who is talking, even if it isn't explicitly stated. I've never before seen any author do that to the extent you are able to. So yeah, you're awesome (but I still kinda hate you for all the sadistic stuff).


Thank you kindly. I aim to cause slight madness, so I'm always glad when I succeed. I'm glad you enjoyed, though, and it certainly only gets crazier as the stories proceed.
Thanks very much for the watch, too. It's much appreciated.


Yeah, it admittedly got. Pretty bad. Antares really gets the thumbscrews. Hoofscrews. Bad things.
But thank you very much. I always try and let my characters kind of take their own life on, and usually it seems to work out well enough. The characters kind of just end up talking and doing their own thing and I just follow along with it and hope for the best. I'm glad that more often than not it works.


It's tricky sometimes to switch emotional cues on the run, but I've always tried my hardest to keep it all together in some kind of coherency. But oh yes. One big advantage of having written so much is the fact that uh. Even with all the trauma I cause, stuff still ends up being forgotten. And then horribly reexperienced.
But uh, hey. You're doing pretty good so far. Nine is a magic number and all. And I'm glad you're. Well. Loving and hating it all over again. I'd say "enjoying" but that might just sound mean, since, yes.

"A golden dragon playing solitaire"
I laughed and then I cried


I honestly do just kind of. Let the characters do their own thing. They form their own weird relationships and cliques as their personalities kind of play out against each other, so. Yeah. I feel that if the characters have enough life, then the emotions kind of build on their own, and I'm glad that for the most part I'm right.
I mean, some characters are particularly grinding, but often they're supposed to be. Some are crazy and make no logical sense whatsoever, which is a lot harder to get across properly because people go: "but what he's doing is stupid and crazy" and I go "yeah, because he's supposed to be stupid and crazy." Sometimes characters will react in a way that seems completely idiotic, but. That's often because people will do completely idiotic things from time to time. I always just wish I could write that stuff across better, but sometimes it's kind of hard to really capture that level of emotion and explain away certain reactions in writing and. Yes.
So ultimately, it's the characters, yeah, and I only really really hope that I get the right emotions across when I write things out. I'm just glad that most of the time I seem to get away with it, since people keep reading even as they keep crying. And hating me. And wanting to kill me.
But that might be the whole car crash syndrome, too.

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