During the Great Winter almost all of the Nobles left many Ponies behind, only caring about themselves and not sparing a thought as they left there to the mercy of the cold and frozen wastes. All but one, a young Noble refused to leave the "lesser Ponies" behind, and was abandoned with them.
It was thought for over a thousand years that they had perished from the cold, lost to history never to be found again.
Until other counties, the Griffin Nations in particular, started talking about a small county inhabited by Ponies of not just the original three tribes but many other types of Ponies as well from hybrids to the unlucky ones changed by Chaos magic.
Princess Celestia had heard the stories for years but was never able to look into them herself because of multiple factors, like the return of her sister. Now that Princess Luna has returned and has been freed of Nightmare Celestia finally has the chance to look into these stories but because of her duties she is unable to do it herself so she sends her Student Twilight Sparkle and her friends to search for this "Lost Pony Country" and see if the stories are true.
Either Celestia nor Twilight and her friends where prepared for what they found.
So this little idea sort of started as just a thread post on a group I'm a member of (though the post was removed a few hours after, not that it's a problem. My guess was it was seen as self-promotion which I didn't intend at all.) and the ones who commented said it was a good base for a story and after thinking for a bit I agreed with them, so here it is.
There will be some references to Monster Hunter but not enough to be considered a crossover as none of the creatures or such will appear, just some ideas and concepts at the base level.
I will add a cover art when I can find a good enough picture.
This is an interesting story idea and i like how you have started it. Setting down the foundation before launching into the story. I look forwards to more of this!
Well, this has my attention! You have set an intriguing story concept and have all the background set. I can't wait to see where you go with this.
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My current plan is to post the next chapter once I figure out what's happening in it before focusing on my other two stories for the next while, but I;m happy to see you are enjoying it so far.
Thank you.
I'm open to suggestions and ideas if you have any.
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I can't offer much in the way of suggestions sadly, but i look forwards to finding out what you come up with for this story!
And so it begins, a game of chess between astera and equestria, and celestia has finally made her move
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And she's playing against an Alicorn that has been around for a very long time, perhaps longer then she and Luna. I can only picture the shock on their faces when they do meet face-to-face.
So what were your thoughts on this chapter? Any spots that could be improved?
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I actually enjoyed it greatly and, not being great at giving criticism, i didnt find anything that struck out at me as bad or disjointed.
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Well I'm very happy to see that you're enjoying it, true be told I thought this story wasn't gonna do well but clearly I was wrong on that, not that I'm complaining.
Just a shame the next chapter wouldn't be out for a long while.
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Eh, its worth the wait if you ask me
i really love this your oc makes me think of my oc cause he is kind and caring and he was a unicorn before he became an alicorn in a story i made and never finished it is not on this site i don't even have the USB i put it on anymore
this chapter is also good
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Thanks, any thoughts on why Shadow here ascended?
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Glad you liked it, any parts in particular?
can't wait for the next chapter
Curious. Why did Shadow Flare ascend, I wonder. Could it be due to him understanding the value of all life over class, and his sacrifice to help the others? I'm not sure, but I'm interested in finding out.
Something I wanted to point out; 'Celestia let out a wary sign.' Do you mean 'weary sigh?' It's easy to make small mistakes like that, but they can get confusing for other readers.
But it didn't stop me from enjoying Shadow Flare's backstory and his ascendance. Looking forward to seeing how Twilight and the others interact with Shadow and his people.
Thanks for sharing.
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It certainly is a mystery, but regardless of why: Do you think he earned it?
Fixed that little mistake.
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Giving up his status, his appearance and his life for his fellow pony? In my opinion, he more than earned it.
Glad I was able to help you fix this. Will read more soon.
Also, this gave me an idea for Survival of the Wolves; I'll share more with you in the DM.
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And I think how happy his Ponies were to see him alive said how much he's liked.
The next chapter is the final one for now as I'm focusing on the other two, but I'm really looking forward to working with you on this one when the time comes.
Looking forward to your comment for the next chapter.
Hello Silver,
What a place to leave off on. Celestia has finally made her move towards making contact with Astera and Shadow Flare is going to have to figure out what to do. I totally get his distrust for the nobles, along with his reasonable suspicion of Celestia. It'll be interesting to see where things go from here.
Although, since it may be a while before you can get to the new chapters, I do want to give you some advice as a writer:
Writing chapters that are up to 9,000 words long, like this is, can sometimes discourage readers. Sometimes, people can get busy, and when they only have maybe a few minutes for reading, it's a lot easier for them to read something that's 2,000 words long rather than 9,000. Using shorter chapters, especially ones left off on suspenseful cliffhangers like the one you have here, can give readers the 'just one more' syndrome where they'll want to keep reading and reading, wheras longer chapters run the risk of them getting bored.
And while you did try to have some fun stuff, what with the fight and the exposition, it honestly felt a bit too much like telling instead of showing. You describe all the cool moves and battles the hunters do with the serpent, but because this isn't a visual medium, it doesn't have the same impact as if we saw it happening on a screen. You should focus on the emotion; how the Mane Six feel as they watch these hunters take on something that's out of the Mane Six's lead.
Same for the exposition; Twilight's naturally curious, so describing her awe and wonder at all the neat things Astera has to offer would be a great showcase of her character for Twilight fans.
Same for Rainbow Dash; instead of her curling up and screaming when the creature comes for her, I feel that having her pull herself up and at least try to go out swinging would be more in character for her.
Finally, you have this odd thing where one pony will speak, and then you'll say that another one piped up, but then put the second pony's dialogue below them. For instance:
This made me think that Twilight was asking why she couldn't fly it, which made me confused since this is supposed to be pre-alicorn Twilight. Putting Rainbow Dash's actions next to her dialogue would help me better understand that Dash is the one asking, and not Twilight:
Please note that I'm not saying this stuff to be mean or rude; you have a wonderful story here with some really fascinating OCs and an awesome premise, and I want to be able to help you showcase it in the best way possible. You have the basic idea down perfect. Now, it just needs some shine and polish.
I really hope my suggestions help. For now, thank you very much for sharing.
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It's funny how he still has that way of thinking even after so long, though to be fair; he and his Ponies live in a dangerous land.
I do agree, now most of my chapters run in somewhere between 4,000 and 7,000 on on average and longer than that aren't that common but they do happen. For example (and a bit of a heads-up): In "High Seas of Adventure" Chapter 4 is 10,000 words long but a good chuck of that is the description of what the Head Officers' appearance is with Razor's being the longest (Which I've marked so that if the reader wants to they can just skip it, and so far long descriptions like that have only happened twice and there are many chapters between them.) and Chapter 20 is 15,000 words long but that one is the end of the first "Arc" so in that case it was my intention.
That's another thing I need work on.
One of my biggest troubles in writing is keeping Characters like the Mane Six "in character" so to speck, so I fully understand where you're going here.
Yeah
, That's a habit I picked up so expect to see more of that in my other stories. Been trying to break that one.
I know you're not trying to be mean or rude my friend
, this is the exact reason I asked you to take a look and, I guess be my editor? 
I do want to improve my story and having a second person to help out really... well helps.
Thank you very much King
, and I really appreciate the help. 
So, Shadow Flare has really transformed over the long time span hasn't he? And what did you think about his interaction with Rose Lilly?
Same with the other Character interactions?
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Thanks. I had to deal with a couple of really mean guys who would derride the work of everyone they met, calling it stupid or sh!tty and then claiming they had the right to be so rude because they were pointing out all our mistakes and therefore 'helping' and so we should shut up and accept their word as law. It always infuriated me and left me not wanting to listen to him because he was such a jerk. And while I know our work can't improve if we don't point out what doesn't work for us with it, I still like to find the bright side to things and be able to talk to people with kindness and compassion. As Mary Poppins once said; "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down." And that applies to more than just consumable medicine.
Ah, the other character interactions. *Chef's Kiss* Those were marvelous. Rose Lilly and Shadow Flare had a wonderful banter and chemistry with each other, and while, like you mentioned, the Mane Six could use a little more development, the banter between the rest of your OCs was spot on.
And this makes perfect sense; you've spent the most time making these OCs, so it's much easier for you to have a handle on their personalities and characters. The Mane Six are okay characters, but they aren't 'your' characters, you know?
I've run into the same problem where I'll know exactly how my characters will react to a situation, but I'll have a harder time gauging characters like Discord or Pinkie or Luna. Because again, they're someone else's characters, and while the whole point of the fandom is to enjoy what we do know about them, writing them into the story in a way that keeps them in character can be challenging when you're balancing them against characters you've created and likely want to let shine just as brightly as Twilight did the day she became an alicorn.
So, like you mentioned, work on what I pointed out, and keep doing what you're great at; which in this case is definitely your interactions between your guys. I really feel the bond that they share, like Shadow and Rose, or Night and Sharp, Deep and Garden, was genuine. And I especially loved Fire Claws. Meow-ster?
It would be just like a cat if they were doing that just to tease their friends.
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I understand what you mean, I go by something my dad taught me back in the day: Treat others the way you want to be treated. And I'll keep your advice in mind for future chapters.
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Awesome. Glad I could help.
This nice bro.
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Thanks,
do u know when the next chapter will be
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Not entirely, since I'm more focused on High Seas and Dragonfly Hive right now. But who knows, the next one for this could be out sooner.
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ok
im glad it was updated i have been waiting for u to update it and i am glad to say it is worth the wait so will u be updating this quicker or u still doing other stories
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Thanks, still working on the others and RL events made things a bit difficult, but hopefully updates will be quicker.
It’s ALIVE!!!! AHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAAAAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!
I'm glad to see this story updated can't wait to see what happens
Hi-ho, Silver
Another awesome chapter. It was nice to see Shadow Flare again, and the banter between characters remains as strong as ever.
You mentioned that this chapter was supposed to be longer, but honestly, I like how this chapter is shorter: it keeps readers invested, and the cliffhanger is left me hungry for more.
Rainbow Dash's pledge of loyalty was also an awesome use for her character, and I look forward to seeing her reaction to finding out Shadow Flare's alive and well.
Thanks for sharing.
It's been a while, wasworried it would go into hiatus. Glad to see it's return with a wonderful chapter!
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, hopefully updates will be a bit more frequent but we'll have to wait and see.
Thanks
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Thanks, out of curiosity; How well would the Pack get along with Shadow? I think he and Shiva would bond fairly quickly.
Indeed, I originally intended to end this chapter on Shadow Flare revealing that he was an Alicorn, but realized if I did that it would be a very long chapter so I decided to split the parts up.
She and the other's are going to be quite shocked, though whether it's more because of the fact he's an Alicorn or alive is the question. As for Dash, being the Element of Loyalty I figured she'd be pretty big on those sort of acts.
So say Shiva and co. were there, what would their reactions be to these scenes;
Night's companions waking him up.
Night's and Rose's interaction.
The Guards
Night and Rose's explanation of the "Elder Dragons".
And finally Shadow Flare's story.
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I imagine you're right on that; Shiva tends to try and think about the well-being and opinions of the people, and her leadership style is very reminiscent of a mother, so I imagine she'd get along with how Shadow similarly cared for everyone under him, not just the nobles. That's a good starting off point, and as I'll explain below, a good first impression to start their friendship. Similarly, Luke would have great respect for the Hunters and their skill in combat, though I imagine he'd also be eager to test his strength against them or see how well he'd fare at fighting the monsters they hunt, as while he would be tested, I imagine he could still come out on top with the help of his pack or his new allies.
Kodo would be a bit harder to win over, as he tends to be very cautious and even paranoid at times, seeing threats everywhere after he was betrayed by someone that he thought he could trust (Sombra, who had been possessing him ever since his birth)
Celine, by contrast, would be very eager to meet Shadow and befriend him, a stark contrast to Shiva, who would be happy to befriend him of course, but would also be willing to give him his space, as she doesn't like to push her luck with others.
Night's companions waking him up.
I imagine that Shiva would shake her head, while Kodo would glower, especially at the tail biting, which he'd consider a bit unfair. Celine would tease him for it, since she pulled something similar on her, while Luke would recommend just jumping on them, which would lead to Shiva getting on his case as he had done that to her before, and it had actually broken one of her ribs - hence why he doesn't do it anymore. Additionally, mentioning how it had hurt her would quickly shut Luke up, before Celine noted that never happened when she did it - which would be justified as Celine was only a puppy when she jumped on Shiva to wake her up.
Night's and Rose's interaction.
Shiva and Luke would grin at each other, while Celine would probably try to ask if they were in a relationship, being stopped by Kodo, who would recommend she not pry into their private lives when they've only been there a day, and thus don't really know each other that well yet.
The Guards
Luke would be very impressed by the armor, while Kodo would start bristling up, seeing them as a threat if they got turned on (probably won't happen, but again, he's paranoid). Celine would just get curious and ask about them, leading to Night and Rose explaining things, while Shiva would be a bit more passive, but be taking notes in her pack link, intending to replicate the effects for her own guards later.
Night and Rose's explanation of the "Elder Dragons".
Shiva would be very curious, as she has alliances with dragons - or at least Equestrian dragons - and she'd likely share what they had told her about elder dragons - in my head canon, elder dragons are dragons that normal dragons see almost as gods among dragons - the best of the best, not to be messed with. Luke would stay silent while his wife spoke, not wanting to ask if the group fights elder dragons, as he is capable of taking on regular dragons, and would consider elder dragons to be a possible challenge. Kodo would be suspicious of the 'leave us alone, they leave you alone' mentality of the elder dragons, not being surprised by Night mentioning that they attack villages, while Celine would wonder if there was a way to befriend them.
And finally Shadow Flare's story.
I imagine Celine would do something similar to what Rainbow Dash did, essentially trying to honor Shadow Flare for his dedication to the people. Shiva, however, would notice Night and Rose's grins, and figure out pretty fast that Shadow Fire still lived. She might even catch his eye while he was watching them, and give a nod of respect before turning away, being willing to wait until he decided to make his appearance on his own terms. Luke and Kodo would be more passive, though Kodo would laugh at the idea of Shadow Flare telling the nobles where to stick it, and even Luke would nod in approval at his words, as pretty much none of the diamond dogs have that much respect for those who consider themselves above others. For them, everyone is equal, even the leaders, and trying to have rank or riches or power say you're better than someone is a huge insult for them - or at least Shiva. And Shiva's not someone that you want to make angry.
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And I think the two would become close friends and allies real fast.
That doesn't surprise me.
Heck I think Luke would do very well as a Hunter since he's a powerhouse in his own right and seems to work just fine with a group. He might have some trouble against a few of the monsters, as they are as cunning as they are strong and while Luke isn't stupid by any stretch, he tends not to think before charging. But then again that's just why he has Shiva or if he was a Hunter his team to back him up there, especially since the monster just mentioned are only for high-ranked Hunters.
When you take that into account, I don't blame him for his caution or paranoia.
Shadow would be pretty chill with Celine's eagerness (living for as long as he has teaches one a few things), though he would gently let her know if she getting to be too much.
Ow, I can guess Shiva was not happy with Luke that morning. I've heard of rude awakings but I think having your rib broken takes the cake, even if it was an accident.
The guards would certainly notice Kodo bristling, but their years of training and hunting would tell them it was a defensive one so they wouldn't make a move. Shiva taking notes, I don't know why but that makes me smile.
Huh, interesting bit there.
Oh they'd be a challenge alright, since they can do things other monsters can't. It would depend on the Elder Dragon in question, but there are reasons why the "higher tier" ones are only hunted if they endanger Shadow's Ponies, and even then only by either highly experienced Hunters or Shadow himself.
Funny enough; it actually is possible to befriend them, just it's a long process to build up trust and they must be shown respect for it to work, but once a Hunter or another earns that friendship it's very strong and very difficult to break. So it is entirely possible, just rare.
I agree with that, it's the nice ones and the quiet ones that are the scariest when pushed too far.
Also, I think Star would get along very well with Shadow, who has a similar view towards nobles.
Speaking of that, I'm curious; how would the other Pack members, Fox Hound and Fire Dance included, react to Shadow's story?
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Agreed.
Exactly. The pack's teamwork is what compensates for their individual weaknesses, and thus they try to avoid fighting without each other.
Yep, it was a... very eventful morning.
She would - on top of finding him attractive, though then again, she finds pretty much anyone attractive
. But overall, she'd be very happy that he picked the common people over the nobles, since she believes that a hero looks out for everyone. So she'd have a lot of respect for him going forward.
Fox Hound would nod, but she wouldn't be explicitly happy or anything, mostly because she sees protecting civilians as a primary duty of the noble class. Of course, she'd be glad that Shadow chose to help them, but she'd also be disgusted that the nobles didn't encourage him to pursue his duty as well. She's a bit hard to please since she was raised to just 'expect' feats of heroism or selflessness. Her reaction sort of makes me think about this quote on the turian alien race from Mass Effect 3:
Firedance, by contrast, would not buy him dying, since in dragon society, treasures - even treasures like friends - can make dragons stronger, so he'd be wondering how - if Shadow valued his people so much - he could possibly die, since they were his horde, and by dragon standards, they would've been something that would strengthen him if he was a dragon. Granted, he'd be thinking about it in terms of dragons - which Shadow is not - but he wouldn't be far off the mark, since Shadow is indeed still alive and capable of watching over his people.
As for the rest of the pack:
Myst would become disgusted by the nobles who abandoned Shadow and the common ponies, and if told that the nobles had died a long time ago, she'd grumble that she hoped their deaths were painful and slow. She despises people who put themselves above others like that.
Darius, as a result, would be more interested in keeping Myst from trying to hunt down wherever these nobles are and desecrating their graves, though he would give his respect to the guy for watching out for the others, and his superior vision would allow him to notice Shadow Flame, and give him a wink of approval before - similar to Shiva - he'd leave him to introduce himself later.
Red would be a bit more closed off, though she would be smiling and note that Shadow would've done well as a wolf. She'd also be looking up at Shadow Flame, knowing he was there, though she'd be more curious if he was going to pop up or wait until later to introduce himself - getting her answer when the group moved on.
Logan would mostly be quiet. He'd like what they were saying about Shadow admittedly, but he'd prefer to meet the guy first before jumping to any conclusions. He'd also notice Shadow watching them, and he wouldn't break eye contact with him until Red pulled Logan along to see the rest of the place.
And Jazz would offer to play some background music for Shadow's story, managing to give a very heroic vibe to the story of him rescuing and looking after the people. The heroic theme would be her way of showing her own respect to the guy, though she'd be one of the few that didn't notice Shadow was watching them.
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Doesn't surprise me most of them would catch one that Shadow was still alive.
Funny enough I can't get this out of my head; Fox using both the Hunters' foreleg-mounted Slinger and their Tracking Flies in her work. I think she'd get good use out of both.
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Thanks.
They're usually a pretty sharp bunch.
And she'd be a terror to criminals in the process.
Thanks for sharing.
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You're welcome.
Indeed, I can see her either buying a Slinger or even making her own, she would need to buy the flies but she would likely see both items as worth the price.
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After seeing them in action, she'd most definitely see them as worth the price.
I can just imagine her seeing them in action, and pondering out loud, "I gotta get me one of those."
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I can see a Hunter teaching her how to properly use them, and considering the Slinger can launch anything that can fit on it's "crossbow" section I have no doubts she'd be launching her bolas with it.
Good for bringing down the flying ones.
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Agreed. 👍
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i forgot to answer that sorry
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No worries.