What's in a Name?
Stupid eyes. Why did they want to cry so much, lately? It had been so much easier to just be full of nothing. When she was empty, she could stuff those pills down her throat and have no worries about whether it killed her or not.
Stupid Apples. Stupid Apples and their stupid caring. Stupid Applebloom and her stupid broken legs and her stupid pretty red hair and her stupid cute voice and her stupid big strong nice sister wearing a stupid hat.
And that name! No, not Applebloom; that one was pretty nice, she guessed. It was that last one she said. The one that tugged at her stupid weak little heart and filled her stupid weak little lungs and made her throat tense with the urge to say it over and over again.
Sweetie Belle.
Sweetie Belle! Sweetie Belle Sweetie Belle Sweetie Belle Sweetie Belle!! It was the dumbest, frilliest, girliest thing she’d ever heard, and she couldn’t stop thinking about it!
She hated it. She hated all of them so much for making her cry in front of all of them, and for making her feel bad about trying to die. Most of all, she hated them for making her want to see them again whenever she was booted out of this hospital, and she had to go back and face the other kids at school.
They can’t just lie to her like that! Smile and say “you’re not a freak for wanting to be like your big sister” like that. They were letting Applejack lie about it to herself. She hardly even looked like a girl. Broad shoulders, sideburns, a flat chest, hairy arms, deep voice -- Applejack played the part even worse than she did!
But… they still said she was one, didn’t they? Pinkie Pie, so big and tall and curvy all over, a living pink monument to hyperactive girliness. Scootaloo, apparently too dumb to figure out how to say more than one word at a time. Granny Smith, quite possibly the oldest and silliest lady she had ever seen. Scootaloo’s aunts that were both as feminine as could be (and had kissed each other! Are you even allowed to do that???) Big Macintosh, who was even burlier and buffer than her own dad. Even that stupid nurse that she hated. They all let Applejack think she was a girl!
And apparently that’s all it takes??? Apparently there are even more people out there who were messed up, and none of them liked being called messed up. But that was the truth, wasn’t it? That she -- that… Sweetie Belle…
Sweetie Belle.
Okay, fine. She liked that name, okay!? And she liked all these dumb Apples and Scootaloo and her weird aunts and she absolutely liked Applebloom especially. She could admit it and scream from the top of the hospital as much as her busted body would let her and more that by God, her name should be Sweetie Belle and she wanted to go live on that farm they can’t stop talking about!
And that was what really made her hate it all. This wasn’t going to last, not even through the whole day. They were lying to her and it felt good to be lied to, and as soon as her parents came in like she knew they would, it would be over, and that name would be taped over with her real one. All these stupid people had managed was make her feel even more like falling asleep and never waking up, and make her feel bad about it in the process.
She also hated that she’d spent the last dozen minutes bawling into Applejack’s shirt and blubbering every last one of these thoughts out in a messy, coughing avalanche. She’d made an absolute fool of herself in front of all of them, and now she couldn’t look at Applebloom ever again.
Applejack was holding her tight and stroking her hair and whispering more sickeningly sweet words. “It’s alright, sugarcube. No shame in cryin’ over what you’ve missed out on. Ah was a big ol’ wreck just like this when Ah figured it out.”
All the stupid crying and coughing had run her throat ragged, and so she couldn’t manage to say anything more.
“Y’all need a drink?”
She nodded. Applejack pulled a bottle of water from her satchel and handed it over, and she wasted no time unscrewing its cap and quaffing entire mouthfuls of the stuff. Of course she choked on it. Only a broken idiot would screw up drinking water like that.
That dumb nurse had shown up again, and was checking her for stuff. Her pulse, or whatever. “That certainly explains what had you so worked up early this morning.” She pressed some buttons on the heart monitor and her eyebrows knit together. “Don’t worry though. We’ll let your parents know as soon as--”
“No!” Her bone-white hands tightened into a stranglehold around the bottle, crumpling the cheap plastic. “You can’t. ...They don’t get it, anyway.”
The nurse looked at her like she had a horn growing out of her head. “Sweetheart, I have to. I don’t want you ending up in the hospital because of this again.”
“I won’t take any more of my mom’s pills, it’ll be fine.” Her voice kept giving out each time she spoke, almost like it was letting the nurse know she was probably lying. Who knows. Not her.
“It isn’t so much about what you’ll do…” Redheart began, though she seemed a bit out of her element.
Applejack, who’s hand hadn’t left her shoulder, decided to finish the thought. “You did what you did because they weren’t makin’ ya feel happy, Sweetie Belle.” More ridiculous tears stung at her eyes and her chest felt warm. Why did it have to feel so good? “If they don’t get it, then they just need to learn.”
She wasn’t going to cry again. She wasn’t. “B-but I… I tried already… I said I wanted to wear makeup like my sister and they looked at me weird. And then--” hic! “--then R-Rarity was like,” and she did the best her hoarse voice could to make a mock impression of her sister, “oh, I’d love to have someone with my complexion to try out different looks on! I’m so glad you want to be of help, Star!” She coughed again. “She doesn’t get it either.” Another long chug of water.
“Well then we’ll jus’ tell her how dumb she’s bein’!”
Applebloom’s voice. She decided it was her favorite sound in the world. Her eyes dared to look over at the redhead, and the image of Rarity that ran through her head made her smile, despite herself. “She’ll get so mad.”
“Let ‘er!” Applebloom had her arms crossed and an invincible grin on her face. “Ah mean, if Ah figured it out the first day Ah was here, then Ah don’t trust none o’ them to even tie their own shoes!”
She shouldn’t laugh. It wasn’t really even funny. But if Applebloom was so sure, then how could she not? Wouldn’t be the first time she’d been wrong.
In the far corner, Granny Smith hummed while scratching her chin, eyes scrunched up in thought. “Ah’m gittin’ th’ sense Ah need t’ stick around…” She turned to Big Macintosh. “Ye c’n handle yer cousin and them city-slickers fine on yer own, ya reckon?”
“Eeyup.” The crimson behemoth stretched, his fingers nearly touching the ceiling in the process. “Y’all be needin’ a ride later, lemme know.” And he departed the room to a chorus of farewells. She found, when the door closed behind him, that without his presence she felt even less enthused about facing her family.
“So,” Applejack turned back to her, “y’all have a phone?”
“No.” She pressed her thumb rhythmically into the plastic of the water bottle, the denting and reforming making a percussive snap she found soothing. “They say I don’t need one yet.”
Applejack made a face. “Well… Ah’m gonna give you mah number, anyway. Where’s that pen…” She rummaged through her pack again, pulling out a green-covered notepad in the process. “‘Cus Ah don’t want you to feel like you’re goin’ it alone when you get outta here.” She retrieved what she was looking for and flipped the notebook open, writing down a string of digits before tearing the page out and handing it to her. “Now, if this doesn’t go well, don’t let them know you have mah number unless you feel safe doin’ so.”
She took the paper in her shaky hands, looking at the orange woman with apprehension. “I really don’t like this...”
Applejack wrapped her arms around her again and held her tight. “We can’t let your family leave this hospital again without them knowin’, Sweetie Belle. Ah know you’re scared, and Ah don’t doubt your feelings. But Ah’d rather take the risk and have them still not understand, than leave you to the four winds without a lifeline.”
Pinkie popped up behind Applejack and rested her head on the wide-brimmed cowboy hat. “But you’ve got all of us in your corner, girl! It’ll be like an anime; friendship and love granting you the strength to quintuple your power level to a bazillion and cut the bad guys in half! Ooh! When you do, you should totally scoff and flick your hair out of your eyes and say, “Nothin’ personal, kid” in the coolest voice you can think of!”
“Uhh, okay. I don’t know what an ’anime’ is.”
Applejack chuckled while Pinkie gasped in shock. “She means we’ve got your back, come rain or shine. No matter what happens, you’re a friend of the Apple family now, and we don’t leave our friends hangin’.”
“Darn tootin’!” Granny Smith slapped her knee.
Scootaloo concurred. “Apple!”
Her stomach was churning at the thought of what was to come, threatening at any moment to force bile up her throat. It was stupid to hope for anything good to happen. It probably said a lot that she trusted a group of strangers more than her family, for better or worse.
“One more thing, though.”
She looked up from her bedsheets into Applejack’s emerald eyes. “What?”
“Ah want you to tell me, in no uncertain terms.” She smiled, retracting her right hand enough to be shaken. “‘Cus Ah realize we haven’t properly introduced ourselves. Mah name’s Applejack.”
Oh. She wanted her to say it again. That name.
WIth a wink, she asked the million-bit question. “What’s yours?”
No. More than that. She wanted her to take that name. To claim it as her own, like a faerie would take someone else’s. Applebloom had shown her the name, and now Applejack was handing it to her.
She gulped down the lump in her sore throat and gingerly took Applejack’s hand. Hers looked so small, in comparison.
Mustering every ounce of courage she could, she met that jade gaze with her own, once again doing her best not to cry. “I’m...”
She didn’t notice it at that moment, but the next day, and on several separate days for years afterward, she would ruminate on how, in that instant, she felt like she’d breathed life into herself for the first time.
Sweetie Belle. The name was hers.
Each minute spent watching cheesy soap operas, playing games, and doing the best they all could to pass the time made little headway in killing Sweetie Belle’s dread. Every attempt she made to loosen the coiling terror from her soul with some optimism only backfired, as she recalled yet another detail that refuted her faith, and made the metaphorical snake squeeze tighter. All the while its fangs were bared, oozing a nameless venom, an omen of punishment, waiting for Sweetie to show her weakness.
In short, she was a nervous wreck. One that only became exponentially more disastrous when she heard the airy lilt of her sister’s voice approaching from the hall.
Granny certainly hadn’t kept quiet, but she had kept an eye on Sweetie Belle the entire time, and she must have seen the girl’s heart sink into the darkest abyss her stomach had to offer. “Izzat them?”
A panicked nod.
The elder Apple nodded sagely. “Battlestations, y’all!”
The room grew mostly quiet, save for the anxiety-inducing music of Bittybeast battle between Pinkie and Scootaloo, whose eyes nonetheless were on the slightly ajar door, along with everyone else’s.
The steadily encroaching click of heels. Only one pair. Rarity was by herself, apparently on the phone.
Her shadow appeared through the crack and her hand rested on the outer handle, pressing it down. “...oh, good heavens, no! We’ve put this off for too long, Fluttershy, and Lord knows I could use the pampering after the last few weeks.” She paused, trying to finish her conversation before entering. “Now, don’t talk like that, darling; what your brother says may as well be a passing stench on the wind. You deserve this spa date because you are beautiful, and that’s all the reason you need. ...Yes, I can afford whatever you like! Now I hate to cut this short, but I’m standing outside my brother’s room at the moment, and I’d hate to bore him to death -- he’s already brushed far too close with that for my liking.”
Sweetie Belle wasn’t nervous anymore, at least. Her insides were ice again. That familiar numbness was back.
Rarity continued, utterly oblivious. “I suppose that was in poor taste. ...Yes, I’ll give him your well-wishes. Now I must go. Tomorrow at one, love!” A moment later, she pushed the door open with a sigh, revealing herself in all her carefully-curated beauty. “So sorry, Star. Mother and Father are apparently too busy packing for their next trip to be here on... schedule…” Her ocean-blue eyes darted across the crowd of bodies that were occupying the room. “Oh! My apologies; normally I expect to be the only visitor in the early afternoon.”
“That’s alright, hon,” Holiday gave Rarity a sweet smile, “If I had a bit for every time I barged in on a crowd when I thought there wouldn’t be, I could pay off my brother’s house!” She presented her hand. “Snap Holiday, and the talkative one over there’s my beau, Lofty!” She gestured to Scootaloo’s other aunt, who gave a wave and a ‘’sup’.
Rarity was nothing if not a burgeoning master of niceties, gracefully shaking Holiday’s hand with a warm grin of her own. “Well, I’m quite charmed to meet you. Rarity, at your service.” She gave a small curtsy in flourish. “Dare I ask: you wouldn’t happen to be…?”
“Guardians of this lil’ slugger here.” Lofty ruffled Scootaloo’s already unruly hair.
“The Apples have been like angels for us, so we had to find some time to visit Scootaloo’s best friend here.” Holiday continued, breaking the handshake and walking back to Applebloom’s bed. Retreating, Sweetie Belle realized, for someone else to take action.
“Ah, yes.” Rarity’s face made an imperceptible change to all but her sister, who knew full well what she thought of Applebloom. “From what I’ve gathered, the incident she was involved with was rather ghastly.”
“Y’all already know a tree fell on me.” Applebloom was clearly unamused by Rarity’s act.
To her credit, Rarity did not miss a beat. “And you would describe that as a ghastly turn of events, would you not?”
“Reckon I would.” Applejack had her eyes trained on the fashionista-in-training, scrutinizing her every move and word.
Rarity hummed, only faintly straining to keep her smile in place. “Well, don’t mind me; my brother and I will be keeping to ourselves.”
Ice. It was all ice. A thick coat of rime over everything in the room, a solid block of frost inside her. Rarity was the dead of winter, strutting to the far side of Sweetie Belle’s bed with a freezing sigh, and taking her usual throne in the glassy palace she had crafted with mere seconds of conversation. Every little word she eked out under her breath was a sub-zero stinging snowflake colliding with Sweetie’s face in the howling wind, as she got to work knitting. “At least that giant red brute isn’t here,” she uttered. Disdain for their company clear.
She wasn’t sure how long she’d spent staring at her motionless hands. Her neck hurt from hanging her head for so long, but what did it matter? All the words and small talk the Apples exchanged, only occasionally including Rarity, melted into a frigid soup like neglected ice cream around her, further insulating Sweetie Belle from any possible heat.
“Star, you’ve been rather uncharacteristically quiet.” Rarity was talking to her. She didn’t look up at first. “Is something the matter?”
She considered saying something. She dragged her eyes up the covers, up the wall, and her fingers started to curl into her palm. But once again, she wouldn’t be afforded the chance.
Two distinctive, unmistakable gaits were walking side-by-side down the hall.
The snake was back. Truthfully it hadn’t actually left, but her insides had suddenly thawed out and the serpent was warmed to life. They were here, and they were going to know.
Hondo, their father; he stepped into the room first. And as usual he looked ridiculous. His pale skin was where the sisters got theirs from, and his naturally luxuriant brown hair looked like it had jumped straight off the head of a 70’s rock band member, along with his absurd mustache. They were headed to Hawhinn’i this time, and he was already dressed like an obnoxious mainland tourist, because damned if he wasn’t going to act the part. Loud orange shirt and khaki shorts, sandals with socks -- the man hadn’t even come to see Sweetie Belle for the last two weeks, and when he finally did he couldn’t bother to even show up in anything approaching sensible.
His eyes, the same blue eyes as Rarity’s, found the two of them. He immediately began to break, but held himself together as well as he could.
“Well, howdy ther--”
“Star, my baby boy…!” Hondo rushed to her, down on his knee, and crushed the girl in his embrace. She could feel the palpable emotions seizing up his tense body.
Rarity set down her work and gently tapped at their father. “Daddy, careful! He still has trouble breathing!”
A jolt ran through the man’s body and his arms loosened up. “Sorry, sorry… I’m just so relieved that you’re feeling better.” He held Sweetie Belle at arms length and regarded her with a sniffle. His mustache was distressingly aquiver, and despite everything, it pained her to see him this upset.
Rarity stepped around to comfort their father, patting his shoulder. “I’ve kept my eye on him for you. Where’s Mother?”
Hondo wiped at his eye. “She’s just outside the door. Says she’s had trouble coming in here and being too sappy, so she wanted to take a minute to calm down.”
He turned to properly acknowledge the Apples for the first time. “Good thing too; she’d be really embarrassed to cry with an audience!” With a grunt, he stood back up and gave them his signature pearly-toothed grin. “Hondo Magnum Flanks, at your service. Assistant coach of the Everton Manticores football team.”
Applejack rose to meet him. “Applejack of the Apple family, sir! Acting head of Sweet Apple Acres.”
“Oh! We buy your juice, actually! My darling little angel over there swore by it when she was younger!” He gestured to Rarity, who pouted at the recognition.
“Daddyyyy! That was almost eight years ago! I’ve not drank a drop of it in so long!”
“Heh. Well I still love it.” He and Applejack shook hands. “Pleased to meet you in person, sir!”
Sweetie saw the entire Apple family and their guests collectively flinch.
Applejack’s smile became a pained one for a moment, but she recovered quickly. “Well, it’s always nice to meet a loyal customer! Though Ah can’t really take too much credit for the juice; you’ll have to thank Mr. Rich on that one. Him and mah pa were the brains behind that deal.”
“It’s still your apples that get squeezed, and no amount of marketing can make up for taste, which has been spectacular! My compliments, anyway!”
“Shucks, Mr. Flanks; Ah only do as mah Granny here taught me.”
Granny nodded. “She got a skull thicker’n her dad’s, but she takes after ‘im in the good ways, besides.” She made sure to look directly at Hondo, who lightly sputtered as he realized his mistake.
“Oh! Sorry, Miss Applejack; I could’ve sworn you were a man!”
Her smile became thin. “Ah get that a lot. No hard feelin’s, sir.”
“I guess the farming life is really good for muscle mass.” Another voice. Her mother was in the room now, as usual seeming to have stepped directly out of a 50’s household. She was at least more put together than the last several times Sweetie Belle had seen her, seeing as her makeup wasn’t already running down her cheeks.
“Mrs. Cookie!” Applejack seemed to recognize her, which was less of a surprise than it was just more mounting dread. “Ah ain’t seen you since you subbed for Ms. Autumn Gem in mah fourth grade class!”
“That’s because I had to quit teaching, honeybun.” Cookie gave her a weary grin. “Things got too hectic for me not long after, and I just haven’t been able to bring myself to come back to it since; raising two kids of my own takes a lot of effort from me, these days. Speaking of which, I hope Starsong hasn’t been too much of a hassle for you all.”
She felt her body grow cold again. More so at Applejack’s faltering.
“Been, uh… Been nothin’ but a delight, actually.” Her eyes kept shifting around, searching for a way out of this steadily worsening hell. “Kept mah little sister good company this week, and Ah’m mighty grateful for that.”
Sweetie Belle dared to look at Applebloom, and she was visibly stewing in anger, glaring daggers at the offending parents. Scootaloo’s aunts were only more subtle about it. Pinkie Pie was eerily quiet, trying to keep Scootaloo’s attention on their game, with little success. Granny Smith remained stoic, doing her best impression of her grandson, arms crossed and eyes calmly watching.
Hondo and Cookie were seemingly blind to how the room was drowning in tension, heedlessly continuing forward. “Well, that’s good to hear. My boy here can be a bit… standoffish at the best of times, and Rarity hasn’t spoken much about how things have been doing, just that his recovery was going well.”
“I must say, that actually comes rather as a surprise to me.” Rarity’s eyebrow was raised and her finger on her chin. Her ‘brain invasion’ face, Sweetie called it. “Star hasn’t really spoken with anyone but myself while I’m here...” After a moment she grew a smirk. “Mayhaps he’s smitten by her rustic charm -- which it bears noting,” Rarity swapped to her ‘designer’ face, while Sweetie Belle’s swapped to “thoroughly red”, “is really tied together nicely by that lovely bow! Truly, the image of the wholesome ‘girl-next-door’--”
“Her name ain’t Starsong.”
And then the viper struck. A lance of pain shot through Sweetie Belle’s entire body, and she started shaking all over again.
The buzzing of the lights and the ticking of the clock and her beeping heart monitor turned oppressively loud to fill the ensuing silence. All eyes turned to Applebloom as she struggled to sit up, all in varying states of surprise.
Rarity was the first who dared challenge the fighting words. “Beg pardon?”
“Y’all heard me.” This cute redhead was either remarkably brave or unbelievably dumb, and both made Sweetie Belle want to disappear from the room. “That ain’t her name.”
Hondo was suddenly acutely aware of how hot the room was, tugging at his shirt collar. “Sorry, little missy. You must have gotten confused, because--”
“Ah know what Ah said!” She dared grab for the bed handles, leaning forward now. Just like early this morning. “And Ah said it ‘cus a buncha dumb grown-ups are tryin’ to beat around the bush right now when there’s important stuff to talk about!”
Cookie crossed her arms. “Does your sister have an idea of what manners are, Applejack?”
Applejack sighed and re-adjusted her hat. “Still workin’ on it. But, um…” She bit at her lip, eyes no longer meeting Hondo, Cookie, or Rarity’s.
Applebloom wasn’t done, however, even as Lofty tried to pull her back to her bed, where she wasn’t in danger of tumbling over the side. “C’mon, Applejack! Ya jus’ sat there an’ let this guy call ya a man! It ain’t right!”
She turned to scold her sister. “Well if he doesn’t know, it ain’t gonna help to blow up on him!”
“Know what?” Hondo was clearly confused now. “What in the world are you two talking about, and what does it have to do with my son?”
Applejack turned back to the other family. “Your… Your kid’s a… See--”
“Yer youngest ain’t a boy, she’s a girl.”
The snake bit again, this time wearing the wrinkled face of Granny Smith, and the stabbing pain flared back up in force.
Cookie turned to the elder Apple slowly. “...Excuse me?”
“Them fool doctors what delivered yer bundle o’ joy plum got it wrong; Ah don’t rightly understand it mahself, but it’s th’ same as with mah grandbaby Applejack here.”
Now Cookie was mad. “Is this some kind of prank? I sure don’t see how it’s supposed to be funny; my son has been in this hospital on the edge of death for two weeks, and I’ll not stand for you making a mockery of him!”
“No, I’ve… heard about this.” Rarity spoke up again. “Applejack, you’re a, er, transsexual, am I correct? One step up from drag queen?”
Applejack’s frown became a frustrated one. “It’s transgender, and Ah don’t rightly appreciate the insinuation that Ah--”
“Oh my God, you’re a pervert…?” Cookie’s hand was over her mouth, her eyes wide with horror.
Lofty chose then to get up and start escorting Scootaloo out of the room. “Come on, slugger. Why don’t we get some ice cream?”
Scootaloo pulled against her. “Nnnnnno!” She flailed fruitlessly in Applebloom’s direction. “Apple-bloom!!”
“We’ll get them both some, too, don’t worry.” She made it to the door, mouthing something at Holiday,who nodded in response as the two of them exited the room.
Meanwhile, Rarity was a bit disgusted, herself. “I… wouldn’t go that far, Mother… I believe it’s a mental thing. An illness, as it were. I’m not exactly well-read on the subject...”
“Obviously!” Pinkie, at last, broke her silence. “Didn’t you pay attention in health class!?”
“I sure can’t think of any health class that would teach about deviancy like… like…” Hondo gesticulated wildly with his arms, “I don’t even know what to call it! Where are your parents with all this!?”
“Six feet under, if you must know. And for the last time, it ain’t a sex thing!”
“Well, my condolences, but it’s pretty clear now that you’re sorely lacking for some parental guidance, especially if you think you can come in here and… My God…! And accuse my son of being sick with this transsexual drag thing!”
“Okay, now you’re goin’ a mite too far, sir!” Applejack was livid now, angrily doffing her hat. “You can denigrate me all y’all like, and Ah woulda done mah best to keep the peace, but you trash mah parents’ good name again, and we’ll see this get uncivilized right quick!”
“Is that a threat, sir?”
“It’s a statement of facts!”
They just kept shouting and insulting each other, and this was so much worse than Sweetie Belle had feared. The noise, the pain, the hot and cold, the shaking, the buzzing, the beeping--!! It was so much that she didn’t even realize she was crying again for several seconds. Not until she felt Rarity holding her and it shocked a sob out of her.
“I’m sorry, Star. I can’t even fathom how this happened.”
“I--” She coughed again. “I knew you guys didn’t get it. I knew, I knew…”
Rarity dabbed at her tears with a handkerchief. “I suppose I can’t very well say I do, but hopefully, when I get you out of this hospital in a few days, you’ll feel better. Clearly, being stuck in the same room all day is taking its toll on you. And these hillbillies...” She threw a disapproving leer at Applejack, who very much looked ready to punch their father, “obviously aren’t helping matters.”
It felt like she was being swallowed down the drain, and every gasp for breath a desperate clawing attempt to get back out. This feeling, of collapsing in on herself, compressing into a microquark of superheated despair, this was why she wanted to escape, swallowing all those pills. This, and her family, and from the kids at school, and her bad grades, and the hollow cold that persisted throughout.
That wasn’t an option, here. But Sweetie Belle had to get away somehow. She did the only thing that made sense, and limply, impotently beat her fist against Rarity.
“I hate you…” It wasn’t true and also it was. “I hate all three of you. I hate you so much…”
Rarity just stayed there, and it only made Sweetie Belle cry harder.
Sweetie Belle’s tears went unnoticed by her parents, still running their own voices ragged in a screaming match with what was now the entire present Apple family.
“...and I am so glad that he won’t be staying here much longer, and he can be away from your corrupting influence!!” Cookie pointed a shivering finger at Applejack, and then Pinkie Pie, Holiday, and Granny Smith as she shrieked her condemnations.
Rarity’s caress stiffened. “Mother--”
“Who knows how much work we’ll have to do trying to make him well after this.” Hondo had tired of yelling, though he was clearly still invested in arguing. “They say mental illness isn’t contagious, but I know how ideas can spread!”
Her grip tightened. “Daddy, please--”
“Ah can see this ain’t goin’ anywhere good; Ah’ve heaved walnut that was less dense than any of y’all!”
Fingernails digging. “Would you all stop for a moment and--”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been more disappointed in somebody, really.”
“Same here.”
“QUIET!! ALL OF YOU!!”
The queen of frost commanded, and so the court listened. In their falling silence, everyone became very aware of the rapidly beeping heart monitor, and the cough-riddled weeping coming from Sweetie Belle.
Rarity’s nails stopped threatening to pierce her sister’s skin, though she still held her tight. “Look what you two have done. I hope you’re proud of yourselves, leaving your child in tears before gallivanting off to pretend neither of us exist for a week!”
All the Apples were stunned. Applejack looked at Hondo and Cookie, awaiting a rebuttal.
One which the father put forward. “Rarity, you know we can’t take him when he isn’t feeling well!”
“A suitable excuse this time, but what about the next? And after that? Frankly, now that I think about it, I’m far from surprised that this has come out of nowhere for you two -- you aren’t even here for us, half the time!”
Cookie tried to muster up her anger again to scold her daughter. “Now you watch your language with us--”
“I, for one, appreciate the trust you put in me, but I’m only sixteen, Mother! And I’m just one woman! I can’t bear the brunt of mine and Starsong’s troubles on my own when you two deem it too difficult to help. Obviously!” She was stroking Sweetie Belle’s hair, now,and continued more softly. “It’s gotten to the point that he’ll confide in total strangers before me, let alone either of you. And given the state of you right now, Star,” she wiped away more tears as she addressed Sweetie Belle directly, “I imagine there would have to be a good reason…”
Sweetie dared to look Rarity in the eye. Concern was etched into every flawless inch of her ivory face, shining in her azure eyes, and waiting to jump off her lips in words again, if needed.
She coughed and sniffled, trying to calm herself. There had been enough of… everything, today.
“So, I don’t understand.” Sweetie Belle shook her head at this. “Alright. Then… what is it that I don’t understand?”
She almost thought to answer, but realized her throat was in no condition to say anything. Her hands fumbled for the water bottle from before, and she drank every remaining drop.
“What’s there to understand? These Apples have--”
“Hush, Daddy. The time for talking is past us; now we listen.” Rarity’s vice-grip loosened at last.
Sweetie swallowed the last of the water, and she was relatively calm again,though her breathing was still shaky and fitful. “There’s no point.”
Her voice sounded like it had when they had brought her into the hospital two weeks ago, barely qualifying as a voice at all.
“I have to disagree, dear. We can’t ever get it if you don’t tell us, and I would like to.”
Sweetie supposed that meant she wasn’t getting out of this. So she dutifully hefted her soul back up from the floor as it continued to beg for mercy, but she wasn’t going to look at anyone if she could help it.
“I… I want to be a girl.”
More silence, if not for the buzzing and beeping and ticking, though it only lasted a moment before Rarity spoke again. “Since when?”
“Since always.”
“Always…” Rarity breathed this more than she said it. “And I… Am I right in thinking nothing I, nor Mother or Father will say would change your mind?”
She nodded.
“Well. That’s that, then.” Sweetie heard her sigh through her nose. “This is going to take some getting used to. Although,” she felt Rarity’s thumb gently run circles on her shoulder, “I had always wanted a baby sister, I suppose.”
Sweetie Belle couldn’t believe what she was hearing, and looked back at Rarity to be greeted by a small, penitent smile.
The both of them heard their mother sigh. “This is just like with my sister Couch Surfer all over again…”
“And after that incident, I expected better of you, Mother. Honestly...” Rarity rolled her eyes and looked back at Cookie. “We’re sharing the room with two lesbians--”
“Three!” Pinkie raised her hand.
“Three lesbians, pardon me; who clearly disapprove of our behavior, and I happen to know they keep close ranks, as it were. She will hear about this, and I would be as devastated as I would be unsurprised to never see her again.”
Holiday looked supremely confused, as if she wasn’t sure she should be insulted, but Pinkie only nodded sagely.
Rarity’s arms receded from Sweetie Belle as she stood back up. “So, rather than risking tearing our family apart, might I suggest…?”
Cookie seemed very much at war with herself, wringing her hands and searching with her eyes for some kind of easy answer. “I don’t know, sweetums. You said this was like that drag thing, and I just can’t abide by that.”
“If our rural friends’ reaction is any hint, Mother, then I misspoke egregiously, and I should have held my tongue…” Rarity sheepishly crossed her arms. “No matter the truth, there’s no more crass a thing to say to people you are barely acquainted with; of course they would be upset.”
“So I can only beg for your forgiveness, Applejack.” Rarity clasped her hands together as she addressed the still-tense young woman. “We seem to have quite a bit to learn from you, it turns out. If you’re willing to teach, that is.”
“Has everyone lost their minds but me?” Hondo found his voice again, and he was clearly unconvinced. “This is insane! You can’t just decide you’re not what you were born as, and I won’t let you pollute my son’s mind with the crazy notion that you can!”
“Daddy--”
“They’re trying to take our son from us, Cookie!! And you’re about to say that’s okay! I can see it in your eyes!!” Their father was clearly tired from having shouted and gestured with such fervor, and yet he was adamant.
Cookie’s face hardened again, only now her ire was directed at her husband. “And you wanna know why, Hondo? Do you want to know why I’m about to say it’s okay?” She was in his face now, and quaking with anger -- more so than before, betraying her relatively even voice. “I’ll tell you why.”
She pointed at Sweetie Belle. “Because we almost lost our son, anyway. We tried to protect him, and we tried to make him happy, and it hasn’t been working! He knows medication can be dangerous, and he still did what he did!”
The fire in Hondo’s eyes had died. “Honeybunch, I--”
“Something was already wrong with him!” She was yelling again, directly into his face. “Little wonder you can’t see it, though, because this is the first time you’ve seen him at all since!”
“I-I-I-I I couldn’t--”
“And you know what? Do you really think a bunch of strangers would just push their idea of things on us without asking, if the doctors don’t already agree!? When the nurse finally arrives and she does a better job telling us what’s wrong with our boy, are you still going to act like this!?”
“I’d rather have heard it from the nurse--”
Cookie still wasn’t having any of it, on the verge of a set of utterly furious tears. “And I’d rather my baby didn’t try to kill himself! We don’t always get what we want, Hondo!!”
At this, Hondo was at a loss for a response. He stood, frozen, for a long moment, until his head slowly found itself in his palm. “I just want to keep him safe…”
“Hmm, it ain’t jes’ about that, though, izzit?” Granny Smith spoke up, addressing him for the first time since the shouting began. “Ye have this idear in yer head that ye’ve got yerself a son, an’ this here’s a right violatin’ a that.”
Hondo kept his head in his hand. “What in the hell do you know?”
“Were th’ same with me an’ mah grandbaby, here, is whut Ah know. What Ah don’t knows is how Applejack feels. Ah has t’ ask, no matter what, an’ if’n she says she’s a lady, then them’s the facts. Even if she didn’t have a good head on her shoulders, wouldn’t change nothin’.”
Hondo raised his head to look at her. “And if he’s wrong? He’s not even old enough to go to middle school, yet!”
Applejack put her hat back on her head. “Nothin’ doin’, Mr. Flanks. It doesn’t matter what it’s about; when your kid’s talkin’, you got to listen.” She turned to Applebloom, who was still wary of Sweetie’s parents. “Applebloom might be mah sister, but mah brother and me basically have to raise her ourselves. And we ain’t done the best job, sure. She’d still be runnin’ around on her legs if we’d just stop bein’ sentimental and cut down the tree before she pulled it down on herself.
“But Ah know what it feels like to not have your elders care what you think. Ah still have to deal with it on the daily when Ah go to school, and lemme remind you: it doesn’t feel good. It’s like they don’t see you as a real person.” Applejack moved to Sweetie Belle’s side. “If your youngest -- if your daughter -- happens to change her mind later down the road, then hey, it happens to everyone. Even for stuff that’s as important as this. And that’s her decision to make, nobody else’s.”
Anti-venom had a name, and it was Applejack. Sweetie Belle fell into her side because by God, did she need a lot of it right now.
“Now…” She felt her hair being ruffled. “If y’all don’t want to take mah word for it, that’s fine, because you got one thing right; Nurse Redheart’ll be here any minute with the exact same things to say and probably a lot of the same info Ah have to give. But seein’ as this here vacation you’re goin’ on seems pretty set in stone by now, Ah wanna request that me and mah cousin over there help Rarity out while you’re gone.”
Rarity and Cookie were rather surprised, and Hondo trepidatious. “Why? Even after all this?”
Applejack smirked. “Well for one, Rarity here nailed it.” She looked down at Sweetie Belle. “Y’all got a thing for mah little sister, huh?”
Not cold anymore. Hot. Extremely hot. Especially in the face. “I-I, uh--”
Applejack chuckled. “Nothin’ wrong with that, either.” She looked back up. “But more importantly, Ah don’t wanna just walk out on her, or any of y’all after this. Wouldn’t sit right with me. Us girls gotta stick together.”
Hondo sighed and crossed his arms. “Well, it’s not like we can stop you. I know how bad it looks, going on a vacation now, of all times. If we could just cancel those plans, we would.”
“This is something of a company trip for him,” Cookie explained. “The football team’s all headed out there to kick off the season with a party and talk business with the league. The original plan was for all four of us to go.”
“And I’m one of the senior members of the faculty; I have to go, no matter what.” He shook his head. “So, by default, you have our permission, I suppose.
“And… none of you are wrong, least of all you, Cookie.” He looked at his wife with remorse. “Something isn’t working, the way we’ve been raising Starsong. I guess, so long as we come back and he’s-- if… if she… God, that really is going to take some getting used to…”
Sweetie could have sworn she was all cried out a moment ago. Where did all these keep coming from?
“So long as we still have two kids when we come back, I’ll be happy, at this point.”
She had to stop crying. It was honestly irritating her that even good things made her cry, these days. “I’ll be okay, Dad.”
Hondo looked at his daughter with hope, fear, and uncertainty all written plain on his mustached face. “You promise?”
She wiped away more tears, and gave him as genuine a smile as she could muster. “I promise.”
He nodded. “I can only hope…”
Applebloom was still dissatisfied, however. “You’re still not callin’ her by the right name, y’know.”
“Applebloom, Ah think we’ll just wait for the nurse to get here.”
“Nuh-uh! Ya told me yourself; the name Applejack was important to ya ‘cus ya picked it on your own!” Applebloom propped herself up on her arms again. “She told me, first day Ah was here, through a big ol’ tube in her mouth that Starsong wasn’t her name, an’ she picked one out today that she likes better!”
Applejack sighed. “Guess she won’t be lettin’ it go so easy. Well…” She paused, and then looked back at Sweetie Belle. “Actually, sugarcube, it’s probably better if you tell ‘em.”
One last squeeze from the snake, then. One last threat of poison. What if they don’t like it? What did she even want to hear in response? All the possible reactions scared her.
And yet, not telling them sounded even worse. She’d just taken it as hers, and she was already trying to run away from it.
That was unacceptable.
So she let go of Applejack and straightened herself out, taking in as big of a breath as she figured was possible without coughing it back up, looked her father squarely in the eye, and she said it.
“My name is Sweetie Belle.”
She bore her name. And it felt good.
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Damn, this was brutally real. Reminds me of when I came out as Gay Gay Homosexual Gay™ to my parents.
You're doing a great job with this, hon. Don't let the loser transphobe downvotes get to you
I have to say you've been doing a great job writing the Apple family.
Oof this was so well written I was tense too
[dabs] I'm gonna ✨ cry ✨
10791914
✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨
✨ You ✨ and ✨ I ✨ both ✨
✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨
Bam. Right to the heart.
This hits all the right notes, from every angle. Like, god, I wish I could convey emotion half as good as this with my prose.
Also, an aside, I was so focused on the core narrative that I totally missed that Scootaloo was neurodivergent until this chapter. I thought she was just being really enthusiastic.
This is one of my favorite stories on the site now. I am absolutely in love with this and am eternally grateful that you shared