- Member Since 27th Apr, 2015
- offline last seen Last Thursday
DHeroRedMagma
The Low Budget Anthro version of Some_Leech. Now with 30% more Human trash!
DHeroRedMagma
Joined 27th Apr, 2015 ·
Offline
Sequels1
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DHeroRedMagma · 1.9k words · 74 18 · 2.8k views
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I guess that makes me a freak.
I'm a little surprised Magma didn't check out the Monster Girl Encyclopedia if he's really that into sexy hellhounds.
10765765
He doesn't have one
10765758
Guilty.
I just think that we need a sequel. Just so that our boy Magma can get some Payback against Loona, and be the dominant one. 😈
10765806
Perhaps
10765814
I do know one thing. When Blitzo finds out about this he is going to be coming for Magma, and hell is going to break loose, especially when he finds out he knocked Loona up.
10765825
Oh shit!!! Your right! Unless, the Author wants to involve Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie in the sequel?
congrats you got syphilis
When you know what the spell words
10765959
They got magic? So, they will probably cured it.
10766069
shhhh
10765959
got a spell to cure it
10766141
Ha! I knew it!!!!!
10766140
It's too late for covering
10765959
Totally worth it
As much as I want to enjoy the first Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss crossover on this site (that I'm aware of), and a clopfic at that, the way Loona was portrayed here makes it very difficult to do so. As a Vivziepop fan who adores I.M.P.'s sarcastic Lupine Hellhound, and also has intricate knowledge of her personality and thought processes due to research for a fanfic-in-progress of both of Viv's series, I can honestly say that this portrayal of Loona is rather inaccurate, and to no small degree at that. This is the same Hellhound who literally punted a baby in a carriage across town as an outlet for her anger and frustration, and a stranger's baby at that, regardless of said baby being an Imp. She wouldn't give a shit if it was an accident or not, she'd still be pissed off as all get out, and knowing the general dispositions of HH/HB demons as a whole, it would take a LOT more than a mere halfhearted apology to keep her from ripping Magma's throat out with her teeth. She also wouldn't just immediately drop her anger at someone just because of a mere revelation that they're actually a living mortal. He'd have to drop down, get onto her knees and beg her for forgiveness for her to refrain from utterly mauling him.
And before someone says "but it's a clopfic, so her behavior doesn't have to be believable, and it doesn't have to be realistic, just shut up and beat your meat!" let me be the first to set you all straight by telling you: If you know a character as well as I do, seeing that character act so utterly out-of-character for the simple excuse of it being a one-shot clopfic makes it hard to enjoy the fic. At all.
Sorry if I seem like a nitpicky asshole here, but this was not your best work, D. In fact, and unfortunately, I'd even go so far as to call this particular work... "mediocre" at best.
10768846
How 'bout someone who actually cares about the character beyond just their sex appeal?
10768704
Okay well firstly I am sorry you didn't enjoy the fic, as a writer my main goal is to produce writing everyone enjoys, while I am aware I cannot please everyone I will address this.
First, this is your opinion and I respect your right to have one.
Second, I am aware as I have watched Helluva Boss and enjoy the content of it which is what lead to me making this thing in the first place. I aimed to make Loona here more of a cranky/grumpy Tsundere type like in the episode Spring Broken. Had I followed along your perspective I don't think it would have "realistically" gotten far then.
Third, The whole "This character wouldn't act like X" line can be said for about almost any canon characters work in MLP, Helluva Boss, etc. It takes place in the world I created and honestly it feels like you are solely upset due to the whole "My waifu" type deal to me. Which I do not find surprising since about a large body of my work has been my OC fucking others waifus. And also just saying if this makes you upset cause I "used her for her sex appeal" I don't recommend you read anything I write.
And finally, you may find it mediocre but frankly as I said it is your opinion and I respect that. But I beg to differ, I spent a good amount of time making this as best as I could and looking at it seems more people enjoyed it and aren't hung up on said issue. It's like seeing art and complaining that is something a character wouldn't do which I have seen happen before and seen artists simply say "It's your opinion". You didn't have to like this fic and I respect the fact you didn't like it, but calling it mediocre and claiming it isn't one of my best was spitting in my face.
That's all I have to say on it.
10769482
Okay, firstly, if this were a mere "my waifu" issue, I would've just simply downvoted the story and foregone the comment entirely. I adore Loona as much as any utter fanboy, don't get me wrong, but I'm not so petty and obsession-crazed like that.
Secondly, I don't take issue with people using her (or any character, really) purely for her sex appeal, otherwise I'd have made similar comments on all your clopfic oneshots instead of just this particular one alone.
Thirdly, if you were trying to make her seem a bit tsundere like she was toward Vortex in Spring Broken, that was not accurately conveyed in this story at all, and I just gave it another brief read just to make sure. Literally none of the shyness or awkwardness she displayed in that scene was present here, so that makes this depiction an outright failure on that front.
Forthly, when I called this fic "mediocre," I meant in comparison to the couple dozen clopfics you've written that I've read so far, including Casting Couch Auditions. Those were at the very least "decent," this is quite frankly lower in quality than those.
Fifthly, if you say you've been trying to write this for anything longer than a week, then this is actually rather eye-opening as I honestly thought you wrote this in, like, two days, tops. If you've been writing each fic for weeks apiece, then they should frankly be of a much higher quality than your best I've seen currently is, almost on par with Some Leech whom you've claimed to emulate. Regardless of whatever jobs or other responsibilities you have.
10769543
I'm on a fanfiction website because I read and write fanfics. Duh.
As for your comment about me acting like an SJW, that's actually kind of ironic considering you're acting like one right now just by saying that. While admittedly I could've worded my first comment a bit less bluntly, it was partially a critique of the fic and how it could've been done better, and the "mediocre" part was in comparison to his other clopfics I've seen, even though I admittedly didn't specify that at the time I posted it.
10769630
Uh, no. Calling someone an SJW for giving criticism, and more or less saying they should f#@& off instead of commenting, makes you an SJW.
Also, D himself literally said in his reply that her Spring Broken behavior was what he was trying to replicate, actually.
10770123
So is it that you chose not to use your brain or that you simply don't have one? Because you seem to keep blatantly ignoring several things that have been said, both by myself AND DHero here in the comments.
1: DHero himself said that he WAS trying to replicate her tsundere behavior from Spring Broken.
HE said that, NOT me. And my suggestion that he try to make her personality closer to that of HB canon wasn't just for personal reasons, it was to help him make it more appealing to the more avid HH/HB fans on this site and improve the story quality.
2: I rated his work as mediocre in comparison to his own other works I've seen. For a while his writing quality went up a bit, primarily with the Casting Couch Auditions series, but now it has gone back down again, with this fic being part of the quality decline he's having. I know others have noticed it, but they've decided to remain quiet about it for whatever reason and it's not doing D any favors when no one speaks up about it. It's bad when the writer or artist's work quality stagnates, but it's far worse when that quality actually goes down.
3: Though I was admittedly mean about it, I did give a few ways on how he could make this clopfic better, should he come back to edit it in the future. Granted, I could've been nicer in how I went about trying to suggest how he improve his writing here.
All the while, YOU are doing nothing to critique his work or anything else to push DHero towards improving his writing, just White-Knighting for the sake of self-gratification.
10769482
10770123
10770241
While NeonChaos711 admittedly has a point — you can write any character, canon or not, however the hell you want to — whenever said decision causes the quality of your work to suffer, then it immediately becomes a bad decision. And when I say the quality of your work has mildly deteriorated for a while, I am indeed being a bit harsh, but honest. And I doubt I'm the only one to notice that it happened. The difference is, I'm actually letting you know of it. As opposed to others who've probably noticed your works' quality decline as well, but said nothing. NeonChaos711 may or may not be included in that number.
Now, there are a few ways off the top of my head to rectify this deterioration of your fic quality. One is to ask around to other writers, both SFW and NSFW, for tips and ideas on fics you're writing, or on just fic ideas you're having trouble deciding on. You have absolutely no clue how many are willing to take the time out of their day to help you for free. Most of them tend to be on Discord. Hell, just having another person to bounce ideas off of every once in a while works wonders for your writing.
Another way is to watch online reviews of video and literary series, chapter and episode reviews, and even reviews of other fanfics, and take notes on what the reviewers praise and what they disapprove of. After a while, some of their dos and don'ts might even start to seem like common sense. I myself have done this, and the quality of my works (that I admittedly have yet to post the vast majority of) grew noticeably better practically overnight. Just be careful to make sure you're taking notes on multiple different reviewers instead of just one, just in case that one turns out to be one of those utter garbage types that either just praise everything senselessly, or talk shit about it at every turn just because they can.
A third way to take that first step to improvement is to practice with online roleplay, as crazy as that might initially sound. The other participants and server staff, depending on their experience, will push you to gradually do better and better with your responses over time, which will eventually up your writing quality to such an extent that you'll feel like it should be in one of those before-and-after shots on TV.
The fourth and final way I can think of to boost your writing quality is to take a step back, look over your own works, compare them to the ones your fans say are your best fics, and take notes on what they say you did right and what you did wrong. This one is slow in comparison to the others, and it's actually not even guaranteed to work — especially if your audience just decides to be a bunch of Yes Men — but it means you'll get better through the Rite of Trial and Error.
So all-in-all, you have five options:
When you actually take the time to look at the options you have, the choice of which one not to go with is pretty obvious.
I'd have spoken up sooner about this, D, if I'd been as diligent a follower as your other readers. But I only just got back around to reading your stories again, and just your most recent ones at that. I do apologize about my bluntness and lack of tact in my earlier comments and critique, and hopefully you understand that I'm actually trying to help you grow better as a writer.
I'm not really a fan of Helluva but I do like Loona and I do love your stories and this was a very funny, cute, and sexy crossover. You did a great job with it. :)
Okay, so, question; why would his marefriend such a book if they were in a commited relationship?
Seems kinda sus to me, bro-
10801548
It's more of an open relationship
10/10 story and writing! Keep up with the amazing stories!
Also just curious but does that mean in this universe hell is not only canon, I'm guessing red magma and hollow would end up there in the future since there so horny? Lol
Ps thank you if you respond to this comment! :3
12162350
It's more a multiverse he accessed and yes in more of my work you can see it and other wacky adventures
12162909
Ohh that makes sense and I'll definitely read more of your stories in the future! :3
Ps thank you for responding and have a great day!