Have you ever felt cheated out of your destiny? Felt like greatness should have been yours?
I have - no, I do - or I was.
It's my destiny to be great. I know that now. Or maybe I've always known and just kept holding myself back. The worst - no, the best - part is that nobody knows who I am. That almost makes it too easy.
But I'm going to change that. You'll see. Soon everyone will know who I am. They will see that I'm extraordinary.
I will finally be recognized for the greatness I deserve.
A big thanks to Uz Naimat, Brony1337, TOA, and Fan Without a Face for their help with editing and providing the cover art.
And be sure to check out the sequel Paralysis a commissioned request I made for Novelle Tale to write.
Chapters (7)
Fascinating traps. Only one that seems a bit off is AJ as I’m not sure how it would know when to do what it did, whereas all the others seemed to either have built in activation methods or just did their job by being there. Also while his moves against Twilight make perfect sense it would have been nice if there was a reason for his actions against the other 5 and the others beyond. Regardless a great bit of horror.
This is proof it's never too late to have a (hopefully) iconic horror fic!
10770989
Simple it was from the weight of the apples in the almost full barrel. And to tell you the truth, AJ was the hardest one to figure out.
10771169
Ah. Yeah that makes sense. Suppose the only problem then would be wether AJ or Big Mac was closest.
10771207
What do you mean by that?
Additionally, now that I’m not as busy as before IRL,
The idea was that he wanted to take care of everything even remotely Twilight related. That would also include her friends and family and admirers and so on and so forth.
BTY, what did you think of his plan Discord spoiled in the alternate ending?
10771045
Thank you, might I ask what made you think it was worthy of being considered, as you put it, ‘iconic?’
10771589
Well you said it was weight based, so assumedly it was waiting till it needed to be unloaded or something, if at some point over the course of it Big Mac had been minding it instead of AJ it could have gotten him instead. Admittedly the later portion of the plan would likely have done AJ in.
As for what’s revealed during Discord’s alternate end it was a good and effective method for ensuring his survival while still giving him a method to check up on things. Do have to question how he would think that he would have such direct control over the funeral, as I can imagine that would be in the hooves of Luna or Celestia depending on how distraught anyone would be. Also I am surprised he wouldn’t have more definitive personal plans for Celestia and Luna. As Celestia had wronged him by inaction and Luna would arguably be the biggest part of Twilight’s legacy.
Also brief question, was the Twilight trap inspired by the microscope in The Phantom?
10771622
Yes and no. It was, only to the point to have her be exactly in the right place for the best effectiveness. As for the rest of what you stated, the story was mostly improvised, I wrote it in three days after I concocted it up in one afternoon (mostly rough draft material).
But if you think about it, what better way to have all of them gather in one place? And assuming things had gone according to plan, Discord having handled the perpetrator, or him getting away with it, him being there would be (more or less) unthinkable. You follow?
It was mentioned that it could only fit her, so it was too small for Big Mac to use.
10771600
I... read the alternate ending. Good story nonetheless. Maybe my high praise does seem a bit over flattering?
10771680
Not at all.
Well this one hell of an entitlement story 😱
10771982
All to prove that he is superior. He even held his own against Discord. For almost 5 or something minutes.
This wasn't a bad read, though I have difficulty believing he could remain smug in the moment he knew he'd still remain nothing. Since being nothing had been his entire motivation, the idea that he'd die and never go on to have any notoriety whatsoever doesn't really work well. He played each mare pretty well, but unless he had the greatest possible fashion taste in addition to his impressive intellect, he'd never have gotten Rarity to wear the necklace right out of the box.
Still, well written. It kept me moving to the next chapter, despite me telling myself I shouldn't be reading this at 2 in the morning. Ah, but I'll sleep just fine. Oh, for the record, I asked about how he'd handle Discord before I moved on to the alternate ending, and I'm not sure why Discord wouldn't move Flutteshy out of the danger zone first, and he's plenty powerful enough, and frequently omniscient enough, to not have to ask what the fellow is doing in the first place.
But, yeah, the whole motivation was apparently his lack of notoriety, his being overlooked and his greatness not being acknowledge, so the moment that was a wash he should have been a ball of rage according to that dynamic.
Never did get to what happened with Spike, either.
10810550
I’m currently working on attempting to improve the story, but as I said to another user in the comments:
As for his smugness. It was his clone being used as a backup. And his goal had been achieved by eliminating Twilight. A feat of that magnitude would definitely be noteworthy. But yes he greatly underestimated Discord.
There was this instance,
10810590
Well, awesome writing for such a short period spent on it, I have to say. Even if more time had been spent on it, honestly.
So, does his clone not have any mind of its/his own? That kind of ego seems to indicate that a clone might actually backfire.
Anyway, it's a good story and I enjoyed the read.
Although, Twi is a mare of more than 5 friends, not a few of which are rather powerful indeed. Did this individual honestly plan for every last eventuality? I guess I'm a fan now, heh.
10810862
In the alternate ending, Discord leaked the information that it was to be done during the funeral, where all the friends and families of the Elements of Harmony bearers would attend. But that was before the narrator was replaced.
I don’t know much more about them than what was shown in ‘Too Many Pinkie Pies’ but it would appear that their personality matches those of the original, and they can be taught.
10811111
Oooh yeah yeah yeah, right, that was explained, my apologies.
True, but they have enough self awareness to want to live and sorta set their own goals, yeah?
10811128
My answer to the question about the clone, as stated in my previous comment:
In said episode, the Pinkies we're fully aware of the consequences if they became distracted from watching the paint dry, but they still did anyway. So I do suppose that they have a mind of their own.
that was intense...
good job!
10848147
I was leaning towards jump scare realization, I’m glad you liked the first chapter. Have you read the other ones? Which was your favorite?