Equestria's Hitman.

by The_Chill_Author

Chapter 4: Time To Make The Donuts.

I was in the Everfree Forest where I had fought Gunner and his men. I had made use of the logs to make a training dummy, I had really thought of making Dojo. After all, why not? It's not like I have anything else better to do than hone my skills. I'm like a Tiger, I have to sharpen my fangs by chewing on bones. The bones being the training dummy. Er... I'm not going to chew on it but punch it. You know what I mean, right?

"Hm." I gaze at the spot of land that I now occupied. 'I could make an outside Dojo, no, bugs would annoy the students and who knows what monsters are out there.' I thought as I set up more training dummies, as I set them down I felt a disturbance in the forest. I look around before I shook my head, I didn't want to be bothered as I worked. When I was done, I walked up to one of the training dummies, I look at my fist before holding it up to the dummy's face.

"Time to make the donuts." I went into a fighting stance, I was going to punch the dummy but a certain puffy-haired nuisance popped up in front of me. I held back my fist and stared at the being... My eyes open wide and I knew then and there... I fucked up. It was Pinkie Pie.

"You make donuts? OHMYGOSH! You should totally work at Sugarcube Corner! It's the bestest bakery in the whole wide world! I just thought you were a big scary Hitman, I didn't know you were a baker as well! Can you work at Sugarcube Corner? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?" Pinkie Pie asked, over and over again. I just stared at her, I didn't know what to say. I couldn't think, she had effectively made me an idiot.

"Pinkie Pie, I can't say y-" I was cut off by the pink menace.

"YOU CAN!??!?!" She boomed in my face, I was nearly knocked over my feet by her.

"I said I can-" I tried to argue but she had already grabbed my hand, I glare down at Pinkie Pie. "Don't you d-" The pink menace dragged me all the way to Sugarcube Corner and supersonic speeds, dare I say faster than I. I was at Sugarcube Corner's entrance, the door right in front of us. Though I was currently on the ground, looking up into the skies.

"Why must you hurt me this way?" I asked Pinkie Pie before getting up, I dust myself off and gaze at the pink pony.

"Sorry if I hurt you, but I was just so excited! A Hitman that can bake! Come on in!" Pinkie Pie grabbed my hand and pulled me to the door, but I held my ground. Digging my heels into the earth, I was not going in there. "Come on Hitty! Get. In!" She struggled to pull me in, Pinkie then defies to Laws of Physics and stands in the air to get at eye level. Just to glare at me in my eyes. "Alright tough guy, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way." Pinkie Pie and I locked eyes for a solid five seconds. None of us breaking our gaze, Pinkie began to growl, being the man that I am I growled back. We both began to growl at each other, Pinkie Pie leaned her head back to look down at me. I did the same, no way was she superior to me.

"Uh, Pinkie Pie?" A voice spoke, it sounded female. "What are you two doing?" We continued to lock eyes with each other and Pinkie Pie began to speak.

"Hitty can bake but doesn't want to work at Sugarcube Corner." Pinkie Pie growled out, I then bared my teeth and the menace did the same.

"Well, he probably has his reasons, he is a Hitman, and being seen in a bakery may hurt his reputation." The female said she made a solid point.

"That is correct, I am a Hitman and I am renowned for my behavior and attitude. I am seen as, and I quote, 'The Most Deadliest Hitman on the planet.'" I cross my arms, Pinkie Pie did the same and leaned towards me, I did the same and we were butting heads.

"What if you work at Sugarcube Corner just for the rest of the day? It wouldn't hurt anypony and we wouldn't tell. Cross my heart, hope to fly and stick a cupcake in my eye." The female spoke, Pinkie Pie stretched out her hand.

"Do we have a deal then, Hitty?" Pinkie Pie said with a deep and gruff voice, I stretch out my hand and I took Pinkie Pie's hand. I frowned at her.

"We have an accord," I said in a western accent, we both shook hands and stared at each other. Pinkie Pie then grinned ear to ear and turned to the female, giving her a thumbs up.

"We have a Hitman as a baker Mrs. Cake, yay!" Pinkie Pie said, throwing her hands into the air. I just cross my arms and sighed, I look at the being that I theorized to be this 'Mrs. Cake.' I mean she does have cake-

I shook my head, I really need to meditate, Ponyville is driving me insane. "Hmph, I believe a tour is in order," I said, putting my hands in my pants pockets. Mrs. Cake nodded with a smile.

"I believe so, allow me to give you a tour of Sugarcube Corner." Mrs. Cake said she has good manners, Pinkie Pie suddenly popped up next to Mrs. Cake. I looked to my left where she was previously at then at where she was currently. "I'm not even going to ask how."

"Mrs. Cake, can I give him the tour? Please?" Pinkie Pie showed Mrs. Cake puppy eyes, I could do nothing but facepalm. Mrs. Cake sighed and just nodded wordlessly. "Yay!" Pinkie Pie cheered before motioning me to follow her, and I did as she wished. I, Mrs. Cake, and Pinkie Pie went into the bakery, when we went inside it felt like I was hit by a rainbow. I stumbled backward and clutched my chest, I took a breath before I was forced to cough in my fist.

"This bakery it's very..." I then observe my surroundings, my eyes were currently watering due to the sweetness of the room, I wipe my eyes. "It's very shiny."

"Yuppy! It's squeaky clean all thanks to me, the Employee of the Month for... Hm, hold on let me count. One, two, three..." Pinkie Pie began to count on her fingers and I facepalm before I crossed my arms. I looked down at the pink menace and I clear my throat. "Oh, right, follow me Hitty!" Pinkie Pie grabs me by my hand and pulls me over to the counter. She then jumps on top of it and lays belly first.

"I don't think that's very hygienic," I said as I looked at Pinkie Pie being her, she then moved her legs back in forth like a child.

"Don't worry, I'm cleaner than Princess Celestia's horn! Anyway, this is a counter used for a TON of things. Like using the cash register, receiving orders, or giving orders! Oh and this is the dingy thingy! It goes DING!" Pinkie then presses the ding button. "And this is the FABLED cash register!" Pinkie Pie then rolls off and hits the ground before jumping up with the cash register in her hands. "Look at it, so majestic, so beautiful, and it's filled with cash. Now, don't steal or I'll have to show you my Pink Typhoon!" She struck a Karate pose doing weird sounds.

"Understood," I said with a nod, I then gaze towards the customers who were acting like this was normal. I don't understand ponies sometimes. I was then dragged to the kitchen.

"And THIS is the kitchen, where you make BEEEAUUUUUUUTIIIFULLL and yummy pastries!" Pinkie Pie said, licking her lips as a trail of drool escaped her mouth. I looked at her with pure and unadulterated disgust.

"Uh-huh..." I said nodding up and down, I would do anything to get out of this situation right now.

There was then a ding by the cash register. "Oh! A customer, I'll be the one who tells you orders and you make them! M'kay?" Pinkie Pie tilted his head.

"Understood," I said with a nod, "I will bake with the best of my abilities."

"See ya when I get an order!" Pinkie Pie zooms to the counter and I could hear her from here. "Welcome to Sugarcube Corner, home of all things sugar, can I take ya ordah?" Pinkie Pie asked the customer.

"Ah'll take the Apple Crush Cupcake and some water to wash it down." A deep voice spoke, Pinkie Pie zooms over to the Kitchen.

"Apple Crush Cupcake coming up, recipe is on the wall!" Pinkie Pie said, pointing at the wall, there was a row of recipies for each cupcake and pastry. For Apple Crush Cupcake you had to cut up an apple into square like pieces, bake some apple flavored cupcake and some frosting. I nod and get to work. First I reach for some fruit that was on a basket and I got out a kitchen knife from the knife holder, I then chopped sway at the apple, going lightning fast. They were then like cubes, the core was placed on the side. And I put the cubes in a bag before I begin to bake the miffin thingy after making it with my own two hands, baking is cool but tedious. After a while the oven let out a ding and I opened it, grabbed the muffin which probably tasted like apples and put it next to the apple cubes. I then grab the frosting before expertling putting frosting on the now cupcake. I then plop down the apple cubes onto the frosting. I then go to a small window and put the cupcake there.

"Apple Crush Cupcake ready to meet it's demise!" I called out before walking off. Someone then took the cupcake. This was going to be tedious will it?

---

"Hit, you know what you're in my office... Do you?" Mrs. Cake asked me, I crossed my arms.

"Because Pinkie Pie says you need to talk to me about my baking skills." I told her, Mrs. Cake nods.

"It's... It's too good! We need you to stop, be a receptionist, you're fast, precise, and you make the best pastries! I'm sorry for my outburst but if you keep this up they'll expect US to be this good and that'll drag the business down." Mrs. Cake said, I nodded.

"That's logical, I'll man the desk, if that is all I'll go ahead and leave." Mrs. Cake nods and I get up, I open the door and walk out of her office. I was then held back by Pinkie Pie and she spun me around. The then pushed me in front of a mirror and I stopped spinning, I look at myself in the mirror and saw... I was wearing all pink. I had a pink apron, pink shoes, pink pants, and a pink baseball cap.

"Now you look the part, go on now!" Pinkie then pushes me to the cash register. I stand in front of it, "Now remember, be VERY careful with the cash register. It's a legendary tool." Pinkie Pie then moonwalks away. I groan and pinch the bridge of my nose.

'This idiot...' I thought in my mind, I then heard a thing and glared down at the customer. It was Rainbow Dash.

"H-Hit?! BAHAHAHAHA!!!" Rainbow Dash erupted into laughter, pointing at me. I had my unreadable expression but it was just silent rage.

"Welcome to Sugarcube Corner, what may I get for you today?" I said looking down at Rainbow Dash.

"Ohh man this is rich, a Hitman being a baking place worker! I-I'll have just a medium chocolate milk." Rainbow Dash waved idly and was cracking up.

"Medium chocolate milk!" I called out, Pinkie Pie answered back.

"Okie dokie Hitty!" Pinkie Pie said, I feel like I'm Squidward and she's Spongebob. Rainbow Dash is... Sandy I think.

"So how did you even get in this situation, did you wake up and decide to be a baker?" Rainbow Dash asked me.

"Hm, no, I was in the Everfree Forest and said 'Time to make the donuts' and now I'm here." I answered Rainbow Dash.

"That's all? Come on there must be more to it than that!" Rainbow Dash said, looking at me in my eyes.

"No, no there is not." I said, looking at the Rainbow menace. I then heard, a ding.

"Order up!" Pinkie Pie chirped, I turn around and got the chocolate milk from the windown. I then give it to Rainbow Dash.

"Farewell." I bid Rainbow Dash goodbye, she rolled her eyes

"Yeah, yeah, bye. I'mm tell everyone about that, haha!" Rainbow Dash said, walking out the store.

"Good riddance." I said, as I crossed my arms. I then wait for the next customer, I then close my eyes as I did so.

"Hit!" I opened my eyes wide, it was Twilight. She and Spike had opened the front doors and Twilight saw my attire, Twilight and Spike cracked up.

"Pfft, you're wearing pink! Hahahaha!" Spike laughed, slapping his knee and pointing a finger at me. Okay Woody with your Toy Story lookin' head ass motherfu-

"Welcome to Sugarcube Corner, how can I serve you today?" I asked Twilight in my monotone voice.

"Oh, I'll have the Apple Crush Cupcake." Twilight wiped a tear from her eye, I clenched my fists.

"I'll have the Drake Gem Muffin." Spike ordered, I then turned back to the Kitchen.

"A Drake Gem Muffin and an Apple Crush Cupcake order up!" I called out.

"Okie dokie Hitty!" Pinkie said from the Kitchen causing Twilight and Spike to erupt in laughter. I just growled.

"Oh I gotta tell the Princess THIS."

"You wouldn't." I said, looking at Twilight. She smiled.

"I would, 'Dear Princess Celestia,'" Spike began to write down Twilight's words. "'Through recent discovery…'"

"Oh! Hitty is really good at baking! He's AMAZING!" Pinkie said from the Kitchen, my eyes began to twitch.

"'I found out that Hit is really good at baking, even Pinkie Pie praises it. He is currently working at Sugarcube Corner, stop by if you have the time! Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.'" Twilight Sparkle said with a smile.

"Aaand sent." Spike breathed green fire and the letter floated out the window.

"When did you have the balls?" I said, glaring down at Twilight.

"Since I found out you can't harm us." Twilight smiled, "Also it's ovaries not balls."

---

The Princess of the Sun sat down upon her throne idly, she was tired and the Sun Meeting was over. It drained her being there, she closed her eyes to take a little nap before her eyes shot open when a letter floated down in her lap. Celestia smiled and opened the letter, she loved her letters from her student. When she read what was inside her eyes became hidden by shadows…

"Uh… Pr-Princess Celestia? Is everything alright?" A Guard spoke, curious as to what could get the Princess so worked up.

Celestia clenched the letter and she began to smile, the smile was unnerving. "Yes… Yes… YES!!!" Celestia then shot through the roof. "I knew it, I knew it, I knew that Hit would be good at baking!"

The Guard looked up, "...Okay Golden Heart, move on, just move on." Golden Heart shuffled away.

Meanwhile Celestia flew towards, breaking the sound barrier in the process like a jet. Celestia had her eyes set on Ponyville. Celestia began to slow down and floated elegantly before her feet touched the soil of the town. Celestia raced to the Sugarcube Corner and reached for the door and took a deep breath.

"Okay Tia, it's just Hit being in an adorable outfit. Calm do- I can't take it!" Celestia opened the doors and saw Hit smiling. Smiling in a cute outfit.

"Hello my beloved, welcome to Sugarcube Corner what can I get for you my lady?" Hit said in a kind voice, not in a monotone one like he always had. Celestia's pupils shrunk to nothingness and she turned red.

"B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b…" Celestia raised a finger, steam came out her ears. Her heart began to pound, she could hear it ring throughout your ears. Hit walked up to Celestia and tilted his head before putting a hand on her shoulder.

"You okay my darling? You seem rather hot, well you're always hot but you seem a bit off…" Hit put a hand on Celestia's forehead as Celestia twitched.

"D-d-d-d-d-d-a-a... H-h-h-h-o…" Celestia squeaked, and Hit smiled softly.

"You seem to have a fever, why don't you go back home and rest okay? Then we can have a talk." Hit said sweetly, Celestia turned around.

"O-o-o-ok-k-k-kay…" Celestia said shakily, still red as an apple. Celestia walked out the door and flew away. Hit then turned around and crossed his arms.

"Hmph, and that's how you deal with a Princess."

Comments

[KarasAdamas]

Damn, did it get hot in here or is it just me.

[Lioth]

Holy fuck that bit at the end was GOLD!

[ZFTim]

Time to make the donuts.

[J-90]

Hmmm... Making fun of somone due their workplace outfit? Yeah that will surely inspire friendship

[Buck Swisher]

"Hmph, and that's how you deal with a Princess."

Textbook.

[Theresa]

And didn't pinkie break her word that nobody would know about him baking?

[The_Chill_Author]

11176600

It wouldn't hurt anypony and we wouldn't tell.

She said they wouldn't tell not that anyone would know