Deep Within The Psyche

Pinkie pranced through the fields of Ponyville, humming a quiet tune to herself. A cool breeze rustled through her mane as a butterfly landed on her nose. She giggled at the feeling of its feet, though it flew away soon after.

As she followed it, something caught her eye. A strange flower… Poison Joke? Hmm… Maybe she shouldn’t try to see if that’s the case. Maybe she should just leave it be… “Nah.” She said, “Maybe I should go take a small peek to be sure. I mean, what could go wrong… besides the spotted tongue thing, but I’m sure it won’t be that bad.”

Pinkie leaned in closer for a better look. It smelled surprisingly of strawberries, with a hint of honey somewhere in the mix. “Huh?” The mare shrunk back as the blue and golden-striped petals shriveled inward. Before she could do anything else, a puff of yellow pollen burst from the flower, dusting her snout and making her eyes water.

"Okay, I should've seen that coming!" Pinkie coughed, wiping her muzzle. She blinked to clear the pollen out, but something wasn’t quite right.

For one, when did the world get so blurry? And when she looked around, little yellow dots followed her vision.

"Ooooo! Pretty dots..." Pinkie slurred. She grabbed at the air with her hooves, swiping at the intangible dots and trying to chase them down. "Cooome oooon, dots, I'm not gonna hurt you..."

She trudged over a cragadile's back in her wandering, stomping down on its poor snout before it could even try to take a bite out of her. A quiet whimper rose from the creature as it watched her bounce away. Wandering further, she proceeded to slam face-first into a tree.

"Ooooo! Pretty stars..." Pinkie mumbled, falling to her haunches. “Are you here to join the dots?” Her ears perked at the sound of quacking. “Ducks!” She neighed cheerfully, spotting a pale-yellow and pink silhouette and four, smaller, brown ones walking towards her. “Can I pet them?”

Fluttershy, for her part, didn’t seem to notice the mare at first. She was busy strolling backwards down the road while letting the ducklings follow her. "Don't worry, little ducklings. We're almost the--."

Angel squeaked at the sight of Pinkie’s tail.

"What is it, Ange--oh?" she gasped, dashing toward her friend with the ducklings following close behind. “Hi, Pinkie Pie. What are you doing lying on a tree?”

Pinkie Pie gazed at her friend. Three separate Fluttershies stared back. She giggled. “Oh… Nothing… Flutter-Three...”

“Flutter-Three? It’s me! Fluttershy, remember?” Fluttershy just then noticed the dots floating around Pinkie’s head. She raised a brow and waved a hoof through them, but they didn’t go away.

This certainly wasn’t normal, even for Pinkie Pie!

Fluttershy glanced down the path, which led further into the Everfree. Maybe Zecora would know what was going on.

With a sigh, Fluttershy heaved Pinkie over her back and rushed into the Everfree, but then heard Angel squeaking and skidded to a halt. Angel thumped in frustration and pointed to the ducklings.

“Oh! Sorry, little ducklings. I’ll take you to your pond.” She turned around with a grunt, trudging back toward the pond.

Zecora placed the jar back on the shelf. She turned around, stirring the herbs into her cauldron. “Now, tell me, young Fluttershy. What happened to poor Pinkie Pie?”

Fluttershy sat next to Pinkie Pie, panting. “I… I don’t know. Me and Angel were busy guiding some baby ducks to their pond. The next thing we knew, she was knocked out on a tree.”

Zecora eyed the dots drifting around Pinkie’s head. She swiped a hoof through them, only for them to come back and scatter around Pinkie’s head again.

“Hmm… Indeed, these dots keep returning, I’m sure.” Zecora retrieved a green book from a low shelf, and flipped through the pages. “I think I may have seen this before.”

“Ohhh! I just hope Pinkie will be okay." Fluttershy patted on her friend's side.

Slam!

"We came as fast as we could!" Twilight panted, walking inside while the others entered behind her. "Are we too late?"

"Nope. You've all arrived just in time," Zecora assured. "Glad to see you've come for Pinkie Pie."

"What happened to her?!" Rainbow Dash asked.

"What's with all these floating dots on her head?" Applejack swiped at them, to no effect.

"Let me show you the truth," Zecora began. The other ponies and Spike gathered around her, though they backed away a bit to give her some space. "For this is an ailment I've seen in my youth."

She turned her book to a page with an illustration, depicting the same flower that Pinkie Pie found in the field.

"Hey, that's-" Twilight said.

Zecora nodded. "It is a flower called Wild Bloom. A very rare type of flower, I presume."

"Woah, woah, woah! You knew about this flower, Twilight?" Applejack asked.

"I used to study them when I was in Magic Kindergarten. Though, I've never actually seen one for myself because of how... rare and dangerous they were."

Zecora nodded. "Indeed they are. And the effects they have are quite bizarre."

"What kind of effects, Zecora?" Fluttershy asked.

The zebra flipped the page. "Once its pollen enters the mind, many strange things will happen inside," She explained.

"Like?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Yellow dots above one's head, though, there is something else that I dread. If the pollen grows within the brain, then I fear your friend... will not be the same."

The others gasped, except for Twilight.

“What in the hay does that even mean?!” Applejack asked.

"Well, there might be some permanent changes like being unable to talk, walk, or even think ever again," Twilight explained in a hesitant tone.

“What?!” Her friends yelled.

“There’s gotta be something we can do to fix this! Can’t you just make some sort-of potion to get rid of it?”

Zecora sighed. "I'm afraid not. None of my brews will be enough for these dots."

"There's gotta be something we can do to save Pinkie Pie!" Applejack chimed.

“There is a way to save the day,” She said, adding some spice into her cauldron.

“Um… Would you mind telling us the complete answer, please?” Fluttershy squeaked. “No offense.”

“Of course, Fluttershy, none taken. I will speak so that I am not mistaken. You must enter Pinkie’s mind, and the source of the dots is what you must find. Once it is found, to complete your quest, just bring it back here, and I’ll do the rest.”

“Okay. So, we just go inside Pinkie’s mind, find the source, and bring it back to you. Got it.” Rainbow Dash saluted.

“But we must hurry along, for now your friend does not have long. If you don’t get the source in time, she’s doomed… trapped in her mind.”

“Okay. But how do we get inside her head?” Applejack asked.

Zecora stirred the blue liquid in her cauldron. She scooped out some of it and poured it in six small bottles. “This will take you inside.” She passed each one of them down to the others. “Drink it and you will enter her mind. You only have a few hours in her brain, or you’ll be sent back here in vain.”

The friends looked at each other for a second or two before shrugging. After drinking it down and waiting for it to land in their stomachs, they just stood there motionless, not feeling any particular effects.

“Huh…” Applejack said. “Isn’t there supposed to be some sort of–?”

Their eyes suddenly gleamed a holy white. They all slumped to the ground and writhed in pain as multiple waves of spectral energy escaped from their bodies and flowed into Pinkie's head. Zecora looked on in concern and horror, but she knew she could only let the process run its course.

Twilight and her friends groaned as they recovered from their stupor. That was quite a wild ride. It felt almost like having their cutie-marks being stolen by Starlight all over again. Maybe not as painful as that, but it was pretty close.

As Rarity got up and stopped her swirling eyes, her mouth agape in incredulity. “Uh… are you guys seeing this?”

The others gasped as they gazed at Pinkie's mind. In the mindscape, they saw rainbows showering gumballs, pink clouds, mountains, and a big yellow-orange sun waving and smiling at them. Fluttershy giggled gleefully at the sight, while Rainbow Dash groaned in irritation.

"Don't let this place distract you," Twilight ordered. “We have to find the source before it's too late. Do we still have one of the empty vials?”

“Right here, darling,” Rarity assured her, levitating it to show her.

“Excellent.”

"But how are we gonna find it if we don't know where to look?" Applejack asked.

"Maybe I can help!" a high-pitched voice called, from out of nowhere.

The ponies glanced around, trying to find out who said that.

"Down here, silly billies!"

Looking down, they saw a pink, bipedal cupcake with black limbs and a red bow, tapping on Twilight’s hoof for attention.

“Okay, this place is weeeeird…” Rainbow stated.

"You know the way around this place?" Applejack asked.

"Yeah!" She nodded her body enthusiastically.

"And your name is…?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Sweet Cake. But you can call me Sweets if you want."

Rainbow snickered before getting a soft nudge on the foreleg by Applejack.

"Well, can you take us to the source, Sweets?" Rarity asked.

"The source…? Oh! You mean that large, yellow, sparkling thing over there?" Sweets pointed at a giant glowing ball in the sky, which was slowly descending towards the horizon, in contrast to the stationary sun. "Yeah, it's heading towards the center of my home for some reason. C'mon! I'll show you how to get there."

While Sweets skipped down the large, candy-covered hill with a chuckle, the others found themselves entangled by the purple road that stuck to their hooves like gum.

"Oh! I forgot to mention. That's chewy taffy you're stepping on. Here, let me help you out," She said, quickly eating the taffy off, much to Rarity’s disgust.

Sweets guided the ponies to a large, circular room. Formed like a donut, the walls were made of pink gumdrops, the floor was covered in pink chocolate, and the ceiling was made of chocolate cake. Pink gumball machines lined the outer edges of the room with chewy taffy on them.

Rainbow Dash leaned against one of the gumball machines and sighed. "Man, this is really starting to get weird."

Sweets chuckled with her short, cheery giggles. "It sure is! And it's always fun! Though… We can't play here for long."

"Why not?" Fluttershy asked.

Her question was answered when the entire world started shaking violently. The ponies lost their footing and fell over, but Sweets grabbed onto one of the gumball machines for stability. Outside, the sky flashed with lightning.

"That's why," she replied.

"What's happening?" Twilight asked.

"I think it's the source! It's messing up Pinkie's mind!" Applejack replied.

"C'mon!" Rainbow yelled.

The gang quickly regained their balance and galloped through the room towards the exit, but everything started tilting. The walls were also starting to shift around, like slippery ice. Luckily, Sweets kept her grip on the gumball machine, while grabbing Applejack’s hooves to keep her from sliding down the large hole at the center. Rainbow and Fluttershy carried Rarity, while Twilight and Spike helped Applejack and Sweets to the air. As the tilting got more extreme, the walls began to collapse.

"We gotta get out of here!" Applejack yelled.

"But the exit's blocked!" Sweets pointed at the door hampered by debris.

"And the walls are coming in on us!" Twilight yelled.

"What are we gonna do?" Fluttershy gasped.

"I'll tell you what we're gonna do! WE'RE GONNA BASH DOWN THOSE WALLS!"

Before the gang could question what she intended to do, Rainbow Dash charged at the most stable wall and busted a hole through it, creating an exit.

The group quickly leaped through the opening and ran to solid ground just as the room crumbled to pieces.

"We made it!" Fluttershy shouted.

"Yeah, but we still have to reach the source," Twilight said.

They had gotten closer to the glowing ball, which was now huge in the sky, but it was still sinking fast, shocking the seven friends.

"C'mon! We have to hurry!" Shouted Applejack.

The group raced their way around the hills, dodging bolts of lightning and puddles of rain.

The source was now descending behind a giant mountain surrounded by white bubbles. The gang ran up to the mountain and started scaling it to reach the source. Unfortunately, the bubbles started popping, revealing large, golden, glowing creatures and giant, black-and-white orbs with purple eyes, growling at the group.

"What the hay are those?!" Applejack shouted.

Fluttershy whimpered while clinging to Rarity.

"Looks like we're gonna have to do this the hard way!" Rainbow Dash snarled.

The orbs and creatures charged at the group, who dodged their attacks. Rainbow flew up and charged at one of the orbs, hitting it with a kick, and knocking it down, but it rose back up. Twinkling rays of light shot out of its eyes and mouth, hitting the group.

"Ow!" Rainbow growled, rubbing her head as she fell to her knees.

"I'm going to have to stay and fight these things off. You guys just keep climbing the mountain," Twilight ordered.

Fluttershy whimpered again.

"Fluttershy, I'll be alright. You guys just go on ahead," Twilight said, trotting over to Fluttershy.

She gave a short smile. "O-okay."

As Fluttershy and the others continued climbing up the hill, Rainbow Dash flew up and punched at one of the orbs, which collided with the other orbs, knocking them back. She did this for each one, but the orbs still got back up.

"I don't know how much longer I can take this! I'm… exhausted…" Rainbow Dash muttered.

"Don't worry! I’ve got you covered!" Applejack assured her, bucking at the orbs and creatures with Rainbow. "You guys hurry!"

The remaining friends continued climbing towards the peak of the mountain and found a large and deep hole below them. The source was hovering over the hole. Suddenly, the world shook, causing the mountain and surrounding hills to crumble, forcing them to jump over to another part of the mountain.

"C'mon! We're running out of time!" Applejack yelled.

"Hang on, I still have an idea!" Rainbow yelled back.

She flew up high and charged at the orbs and creatures with a power dive, ramming into them, sending them and herself flying over the large hole. The orbs and creatures were quickly smashed into a wall, knocking them down. Rainbow Dash charged at the orb that was attacking Applejack and knocked it back, but the orb and creatures got back up.

"You know what you're doing, right?" Applejack said, breathing heavily.

"Yeah. Now get going!" Rainbow yelled.

Applejack nodded and continued on.

With a groan, Rainbow flew up above the orb and creatures and hovered above them. "Alright, you're going down."

The others had managed to make it to the hole. They were just about to touch the orb, but it burned them.

"Ow!" Rarity yelped, blowing on her hooves.

"We can't grab onto it. We'll have to find another way," Sweets stated.

"Over here!" Twilight yelled, soaring over to the other side of the source. She grabbed onto the orb with her magic, straining to hold it.

"Twilight! What are you doing?" Fluttershy shrieked.

"I'm trying to shrink it down. If we can reduce the source's size, we can bring it back and save Pinkie!" Twilight said.

The orb started shrinking down with Twilight’s magic. But when it was about to reach the size of a soccer ball, the orb suddenly lit up again, burning Twilight.

"Ow! It's still too big! Rarity! Fluttershy! Spike! Help!" Twilight yelled.

"Right!" They exclaimed.

Rarity supplied her own magic to hold down the orb, while Fluttershy and Spike fanned it with their wings as hard as they could.

"You can do it! You can do it!" Twilight encouraged.

"I’m… trying!" Rarity yelped.

The orb started to shrink a little, but it was still too big.

"I can't hold it down any longer!" Rarity stated.

"I'm about to lose it!" Fluttershy gasped.

Sweets bit her nails as she watched this unfold. She had to do something to help them. She just had to! Looking around for something, anything, to help them, she quickly saw a large puddle of rain and got an idea. She quickly dashed for the rain, scooping some in her black hands. She didn’t know if it would work, but she had to try.

"I can’t take it, either!" Spike shrieked.

The orb was starting to rise back up.

"We're running out of time!" Rarity yelped. “

"I'm trying!" Fluttershy yelled.

With a deep breath, the four friends held onto the orb as hard as they could, but it was starting to get to the point where it was too big to fit in their forelegs. Sweets was in the puddle, about to use its water.

"What are you doing?!" Twilight yelled.

"Just hold on! It'll work!" Sweets yelled back. "I hope."

Sweets splashed at the orb, making the shrinking a bit faster.

"That's it! Keep going!" Spike yelled.

Sweets did so and the orb got smaller and smaller.

"It's working!" Rarity yelped.

Finally, the orb was as small as a beach ball. Rainbow came in, dove from the sky, and pounded the source down to a golf ball. Applejack and Rarity dropped the orb, and it was caught by Fluttershy and Twilight. When the orb was back in the hooves of the six friends, it glowed white and shrank down to the size of a marble. Rarity produced her empty vial, and nudged it inside - the source was now safely contained. The creatures shrunk out of existence and everything in Pinkie's mind started reconfiguring itself back to normal.

Sweets sighed in relief.

"I can't believe we all did it."

We really did it!" Rainbow exclaimed.

"Thanks for your help, Sweets. That was pretty clever of you." Applejack asked.

"Thanks, but I don't like being congratulated that much."

Applejack chuckled. "It's okay."

"Do you think that Pinkie will be okay?" Fluttershy asked.

"I think so." Twilight answered.

"Well, only one way to find out." Rainbow stated.

The ponies waited for an hour as they watched the world still reconfiguring itself. After that, their bodies were glowing white before turning into waves of energy again and flying off. Sweets waved goodbye with a tear in her eye.

Flowing out of Pinkie's mind and back in their own bodies, they all woke up. The light from their eyes faded away as they rubbed their dazed heads.

Zecora strolled up to them. "Well?"

Twilight showed her the source. The zebra took it, and dropped it into the boiling cauldron, which then evaporated it into a large, green mushroom cloud.

"Great! Now that you've stopped the source inside, you have saved Pinkie’s mind."

"Thank you, Zecora." Twilight replied.

The others then turned to Pinkie Pie, who groaned as she got up from her seat and rubbed her head.

"What happened?"

They all tackled her for a group hug.

"Pinkie Pie, you're okay!” They all squealed.

"Uh... Thanks, guys. But what happened to me?"

"We'll tell you about it later. Right now, we've still got work to do." Twilight explained.

"We do?" Fluttershy asked. "I thought Pinkie Pie was safe…"

"She is, but we still have to make sure this won't happen again. Pinkie Pie. Can you tell us where you found that flower?"

"Hmm... I think it was somewhere in the Ponyville fields."

"Okay. Where, exactly?"

"C'mon! I'll show you," She bounced out the door. The others followed her.

"Bye, Zecora!" Twilight waved.

"We'll meet again, Twilight and friends. I’m glad we can put this to an end."

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Comments ( 16 )

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Dr Freaky

Dr Freaky #1 · Feb 26th, 2022 · 3 · ·

It was alright and definitely not bad, but I am not the best when it comes to writing advice. It felt like it was a bigger story premise then the story length would allow but I am sure that you could pull it off if you tweaked it a bit.

Solid Punch

Solid Punch #2 · Feb 27th, 2022 · 2 · ·

Idea was good, but realization is kinda meh. Not bad, not good, not much. I think it needs more plot and shenanigans. And length.

Soft Shake

Soft Shake #3 · Apr 5th, 2022 · 2 · ·

I agree with Solid Punch and Dr Freaky. It's alright and the premise is great, it just seems a little hollow. I think maybe what it needs is some extra personality in the narration, or entertaining banter between the characters, that sort of thing. If you're looking for advice I think I'd say that you should try and be more confident and self-indulgent in your writing, have a little more fun with it.

Flora Blossom

Flora Blossom #4 · May 31st, 2022 · 2 · ·

Not sure if I should be amazed. But I am now. Sure it was a bit short but that's what one shots are. :3 Short and not long... Well, at least this person did improved a lot while I was playing reviews all day long. :3

PioneerofImagination

PioneerofImagination #5 · Jun 3rd, 2022 · 2 · ·

This certainly wasn’t normal, even for Pinkie Pie!

And that's saying a lot.

I'm… exhausted…" Rainbow Dash muttered.

That's a first.

Heroic412227

Heroic412227 #6 · Jun 3rd, 2022 · 1 · ·

11202845
Thanks, but I don't know exactly how to do that, though. Can you help me?

Soft Shake

Soft Shake #7 · Jun 4th, 2022 · 2 · ·

11261187
Happy to try, but I'm still a learning writer myself so take my advice with a grain of salt! (I know you probably mean help in general for future writing, but I'm still going to focus on this fic as an example because that's easier with the intention to help in the long run)

So for this story the character stuff is there at least a bit, but there could've been more. Maybe it would have benefited from throwing in something a bit more unexpected. For example, Rainbow Dash is super determined and impulsive here like we know her to be, Fluttershy is overwhelmed because of course she would be, Pinkie's mind is littered with sweets and weirdness as expected and so on, but there's nothing really memorable about it because its all stuff we already know and generally agree upon about the characters.

Now that doesn't mean you should actively stray from the canon or anything, but its better to use it as a starting point rather than a destination. Perhaps delve into your personal interpretation of the characters (particularly the characters you want to focus on like in this case Pinkie Pie) a bit more. Something that is somewhat unique to you. Interpret-able from the prompt (the show), but not universal. (I would give examples but I've tried and realized I get too carried away with them and worry it would confuse my point.)

Otherwise, reading it again, I think for the "extra personality in the narration" I was talking about maybe it would help to narrow down your tone. Like for example, the genres "adventure" and "random" are indeed genres in their own right but they don't really say anything about tone. For instance, is the aim to be mostly comedic and silly or more dramatic, action-packed? I couldn't really pinpoint that while reading it. So I guess my advice for that would be to decide and stick to your tone and write with that in mind. (Even if its multiple, it helps to have control over specifically which scenes are what vibe.) In the same vein, know what you want your readers to feel while reading it. That'll always help with voice and lasting impression.

But the best advice I can give you for finding a voice, tone, and just anything involving writing at all (which you've probably heard before), is to read good stuff. All the advice in the world will never beat learning by example when it comes to writing. So just read a whole lot of good stuff, and keep writing of course. Even if you're not actively trying to get better, your writing will probably still improve the more you read.

Hope this helps! (Also hope this is what you meant by help!) Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk more writing words cuz I love doing so!