Twilight Sparkle Reviews The Shinning On The Radio

by Twinsez

The Shinning by Stephanie Queen

Hello Equestria! This is your Princess of Friendship, Twilight Spar- no that’s not good.

I thought that was fine.

No, it’s not. I shouldn’t be introducing myself as the Princess of Friendship. I’m only reviewing a book! Just… I’ll mention it after my name.

O-okay.

*Ahem* Hello everypony! My name is Twilight Sparkle. You know me as the Princess of Friendship, but I’m also just you know what? I think I should just leave out the princess part in there.

Yeah, I-I guess that was sort of unnecessary. I like how you changed Equestria to everypony though.

Yeah? I thought that was a good decision. More friendly that way.

Yeah, I think so too. Should I stop recording?

No, it’s fine Fluttershy. We’ll edit this after.

Okay then.

Alright, three, two, one. *Ahem* Hello everypony! I am Twilight Sparkle, and no. I should say I’m the Princess of Frie-

Twilight, can we just do the recording? Angel Bunny gets mad when I don’t give him his supper on time.

“Oh, of course. I’m sorry Fluttershy, I’m just nervous about this whole radio thing. I’ll just calm down and… yes. I think I got it now. Alright, let’s get through this.

Hello everypony! I am Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship. With this new radio format popping up over Equestria, I would like to hop in on the trend to talk about one of my favorite pastimes: rea-

Uh, Twilight?

*sigh* Yes Fluttershy?

I don’t think you should call radio a trend. It, uh, might make the ponies who are really into radio kind of mad.

Yeah, you’re right. I shouldn’t say that. Just… you know what. Let’s get through my script as much as possible, and we’ll cut out the parts we need to redo after we’re done.

Can’t we just stop recording?

We could, but I really want to get comfortable talking with a microphone.

Okay, I guess that makes sense.

Alright, so let’s see here. Um… liketohopinonthetrendtotalkaboutoneofmy favorite pastimes: reading! And not just any boring old history textbook, but a fun and exciting novel. Now sit down and listen to Celestia’s Royal Radio Station 91.3 to hear my thoughts on literature today. Now recently, I have been reading a lot of horror stories. But not just any spook old tale your granny tells you, but ambitious horror novel that doesn’t just seem to- that’s too many justs.

That’s too many what?

Justs.

Oh yeah… I guess there is a tad too many.

Okay, going after reading a lot of horror stories. Alright… Most importantly, horror stories that do more than just scare me, but also contain a tight plot and many important themes. And I think I found that type of novel with The Shinning by Stephanie Queen, a recent classic that has been given rave reviews by critics and consumers alike.

The book focuses on the Terrences, a troubled family whose father takes a cartak- shit. A troubed falimy wos f- and now the train goes off the rails.

You almost got it.

A troubled family whose father takes a caretaker job at the Underseen Hotel during the winter. Unlucky for them, the hotel has a more sinister side to it, one that may not be entirely grounded in reality. Do you think I should say supernatural instead of not grounded in reality?

If you think that would work.

Yeah, okay. A side with a supernatural twist. And, unknown to the rest of the family, their son has his own special gift and, uh, my handwriting got really sloppy there. Uh, his own special gift that ends up coming into direct conflict with the hotel… sure. That should be good.

The book was absolutely riveting from start to finish. I really enjoy the beginning of the novel, as Stephanie Queen takes the time to make sure we’re familiar with the characters and get to know them. There’s also a chilling scene of foreshadowing with the kid Donny, and the very first chapter gives us this foreboding that sets the tone for the rest of the book. I love Donny’s relationship with the cook, and their scenes together are very heartwarming. Even if they are cut short by tense exposition in the middle of their conversations.

The farter is a- wow. Do not tell me I just said that. Heh, now there’s a blooper.

Heh, that was pretty funny.

See? We’re having fun here! Also, I’m feeling a lot more comfortable in front of the microphone. I got through a whole paragraph without a mistake. I told you you’d relax me here. And it’s not that hard recording, right?

I-I mean, it’s not that hard, really. I did get the hang of it pretty quickly.

Alright, let’s get serious now. So, uh, once Stephanie- no, don’t keep saying her name. Once we get inside the hotel, it actually takes a while for something really exciting to happen. But don’t you fret horror lovers! There’s plenty of scenes that still feel eerie and terrifying, especially a certain fire hydrant scene that manages to be one of the most well-written scary scenes in the whole novel. We also get into the mind of Jeff Torrence, the father. He’s a former alcoholic, and Stephanie Queen does a beautiful job writing out his backstory and characterizing his breakdown. From his early childhood to revisiting the day he quit drinking, Stephanie does a wonderful job making us feel bad for him. And the way she twists these events during Jeff’s eventual collapse is nothing short of superb.

The ending is what really.... what did I write there? I think that’s… incredible. Why do the e’s look like theta symbols?

Uh, what are those?

Nothing, it’s trig. Moving on. The ending is really incredible. You wouldn’t think action would work well in this type of novel, but it sure does. The hotel finally reveals its true power, Arby’s breaks away from her typical earth mare stereotype in the beginning into a strong confident badass.

Can you, uh, say badass?

Oh yeah. It’s in the regulations.

Oh, okay.

Alright, so anyway. The ending, while incredibly sad, is also incredible- wow. I just realized I’m saying incredible a lot.

I think it’s fine.

But it’s not! I’m being too repetitive! Now nopony is going to take me seriously.

Oh, I guess it’s not alright then.

Okay, well, I’ll just try to say things that aren’t the word incredible. Let’s see here… the ending, while very sad, is a brilliant climax to all of the characters we’ve come to know and love. Honestly, I don’t have many bad things to say about it. The pacing could be a little wonky here an- no. Don’t use wonky. While the placing could be a little slow at times, it’s not serious enoug-

You said placing.

Celestia damnit!

Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset.

No, it’s fine Fluttershy. You know what? This was a mistake. We basically got nothing good from this whole thing. Let’s redo the script, practice my lines, and then do it again. We could still knock it out today if we try hard enough.

So… should I stop the recording?

Yes.

Okay… how do I do that?

Just press the button with the two horizontal bars.

Oh, okay. Uh, oh dear. Now there’s two lights blinking.

Wait, two lights? How did we get to two lights?

I don’t know. Now there’s a red one with the yellow one!

Wait, a yellow light? How did we get the- wait. What button did you press at the start of this session?

I’m… I’m not sure.

Fluttershy, yellow means we’re live. That means we’ve been live the entire time.

...oh dear.

“WE’VE BEEN LIVE THIS WHOLE TIME? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIO-

*We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties. Don’t Fret! We’ll Be Back With You Momentarily. Thank You For Tuning Into Celestia’s Royal Radio Station, Where We Play The Music That’s Absolutely Royal!*

Comments

[Super Trampoline]

Not to be confused with The Shining

[Twinsez]

10750927
Of course not. Do you want to get sued?

[Smakleapp]

Yeah, I wonder if she is serious. Well that’s a whoopsie

[_Undefined_]

Perhaps I should have seen that ending coming. But I didn't, and it made me laugh.

[AFanaticRabbit]

I think this is an appropriate followup to the funny ending.

[The Red Parade]

Nice, the rambly narration is perfectly befiting of Twilight. Neat little piece!

[The Hat Man]

This is almost as funny as that time Twilight was asked to sell frozen peas.

[Atom Smash]

Oh this was fun. I didn't think anything would top Twilight casually using the word "Shit" in a normal conversation, but the ending... That made me laugh out loud.

[dziadek1990]

Twilight needs to learn about little something called "improvisational theater" where minor mistakes are allowed when presenting the story to the audience.

[TheOneAJ]