Effective immediately, this series is now cancelled for a rewrite.
As they tread upon the other side of a Dimensional Gate, two companions scout the area in search of a group of traitors from their world into a strange land. A land ruled by magic instead of cogs and gears. A land untouched by a hundred years of war. A land until today, protected from alien incursions. A land where equine creatures talk and the mythical exists.
Set a month after season 9's "The Ending of the End", the Mane 6 will find that even strangers from a world traumatized by the Great War, Comradery holds a greater bond than iron.
While this is my first fanfic, this story touches one of the many worlds and races my sister and I put together so technically this is a crossover of sorts to "a wider web" of other (potential) stories. However, no prior info is needed to get into the plot and story as I hope this will be the first of many to connect the "wider web" I was referring to.
I see great potential in this story.
Great start! Can’t wait to see were this goes!
me gusta
Why do I feel like I know Joshua from somewhere....
Anyways, good start. Don't see too many historical fics on this site, especially with a focus on the Great War era (although this story gives some War of the Worlds vibes as well). Eager to see where you take it.
Carry on.
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You are not far off from a War of the Worlds like vibe.
Their world of origin I actually took inspiration from a the Civ 5 scenario and mod "Empire of Smoky Skies" then later roleplayed them in a game of Stellaris similar to the The Greater Terran Union.
good job Joshua, part of the plan to gain the help of the locals and you convinced then your a invading army
Not yet, he's just leaning that way. Now to see if what the sergeant said earlier stuck ...
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Oh you have no idea what I have planned for that.
Wow
My only criticism so far is that there is not enough of this story to chew over. I'll probably read over the material created so far once more (or several times more), but so far, I'm enjoying the story.
I know that expecting accurate historical knowledge from a previously insentient horse is a bit much but actual number is not even close to a million (currently estimated 4000-3000 BCE).
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Good point, but perhaps you can look at it as horse years or alternate world history or plain exaggeration from a dramatic horse like Joshua.
Either way, I'll take that into account next time. (I won't bother editing that for now unless it will be a problem)
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exactly
kinda want a chapter with the whole division in ponyvile, just imagine big mac trying to deal with multiple giant horse flirting with him etc
Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth, I didn't think I would read it here.
Ps. Good chapter.
Well your dimension's magic probably. Not this dimension. Was it mentioned he got pumped with healing spells right? And he interacted around magic being used around him already. Soo obviously they're safe from Equestrian magic
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Oh I wish I could spoil to you what I have in mind about that but I guess I will leave you with this bit of information: Equestria isn't the first world he encountered magic from.
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Ah, well my point still stand. There's a chance Equestrian Magic might be benign cause again i can't be sure he wasn't atleast magic scanned or someone touch him with abit of magic while he recovers. His horse is filled with magic now too. But its your story, so you do you.
I just feel the need to point this out but-
A human is capable of loosing 2 liters(ish)of blood and living. As such I think a rifle round to the shoulder that failed to over penetrate would be all that life threatening.
Just a nitpick and excellent job so far with the story!
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Noted. To be honest, I know very little about anatomy and military but history and geography has always been my passion.
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Ah good, glad to hear you at least have a passion in what you are writing. I don't truly care about these inconcistancies, I juat felt the need to point it out.
wow 👍
This interests me, and it's well written!
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I hope to read more soon
honestly that ending killed any interested i had in this story
This is an interesting moral conundrum, I like it! Well written, and will be interesting to see where it goes. Percival brings up good points, so does Twi... bet they are both wrong! Just a feeling. I wager it's something right in front of our noses, but hasn't been singled out... or maybe it will sideswipe us!
Can't wait to see where this goes, thank you for sharing this story with us!
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Yeah, to be honest I see your point. I might need a massive rewrite and review.
I'm really enjoying this story so far! Honestly the only thing I could want would be for Percival to gain the use of magic, kinda like Merlin. If you want to turn him into a pony that's fine, and I would still read the story, but if you plan on turning him into a local, maybe consider something other than a pony, such as a griffin or dragon.
Anyways, like I said I'm really enjoying this story, don't let people bully you into changing your Creator aspect. My story's main character is a Christian, and while it does get a negative comment here and there because of it, I have a high like to dislike ratio.
Most importantly, thanks for putting your time into something that you can't collect funds for.
Have fun dude!
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On the contrary, it's not so much peer pressure from comments. I am just not happy with the chapter's outcome. I kind of rushed working on it so I just feel unsatisfied with it.
Anyone else reading Tesra in this voice?
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let us see where this adventure takes us!
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I haven't thought of that actually.
Interesting, I remember reading the original chapters and, despite already liking them, these are way better. Things are explained longer and it feels logical.
Good job, mate.
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Thank you. I was really unsatisfied with the original and I could honestly say this has really satisfied me when I finished writing. Glad to know this was an improvement.
10859416
And it was already a good chapter, you just made it better.
General Apple Bloom! You are a bold one!
Very interesting idea. A bit odd that technology would stay roughly the same throughout the century-long great war, considering how fast technology advanced in the real 20th century, but still cool.
This was AWESOME!
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Oh trust me, they may be primitive but you'll later see why they have barely changed across the century. (I'll address that in a chapter in the future.)
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"British soldiers don't duck,"
That is a lovely quote which one shall use as the basis of this statement: A good British officer makes himself a target as an example for his men! If he shows no fear, his brothers in arms shall also show none!
Hopefully thats the New World Order screaming, and not the Seargant's division!
Nicely done, pal! I actually liked the action displayed in the chapter!
You got featured! Nice work!
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I honestly don't know how to feel about it. I wrote this story as just a means to improve my writing (as well as show off bits and pieces of my original stories) yet here it is featured in this website with over a thousand views.
I'm a little choked up about it.
Nice, he didn't roll ones when firing plasma)
I can't wait to see what caused the Timberwolves to attack Ponyville like that.
Just one doing that to an entire species is enough to be justifiably cautious of it.
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Remember, Equestria has several types of magic.
10878920
You misunderstand me. Just one type of magic being toxic is justification to be cautious of it as a whole.
10878927
You have a point I suppose. I guess I'll take that to consideration in my future projects.