The Soldier and his Rider

by Joe Toon

Chapter 9: Bunnings

"Sergeant. Sergeant, get up."

"Ugh! My head! Bloody Hell, my head!"

"Georgie, you might want to do as she said."

"Ugh, give me five more minutes. This headache is killing me!"

"Um, Sir. I think it would be in your best interest to get up."

Percival found himself face down on a floor as he turns to see the ponies and Joshua surround him. Rarity, Applejack and an old brown coated mare with glasses glared at him with disappointment. Rainbow Dash on the other hand gave him a smug grin whilst Pinkie kept her smile she always wore. Only Joshua and Starlight Glimmer gave him a concerned look.

"Sgt George Arthur Percival, I am ashamed of you! ASHAMED!" Rarity berated as she scowled, "What possessed you to bring alcoholic beverage into a party, with foals participating no less?"

"Settle down, Rares," Rainbow Dash puts a hoof to calm the fashionista, "The way I see it, he might just as well be a bigger party animal than Pinkie." She turns to the human with a rather impressed smirk, "Seriously though dude, that was pretty wild of you to bring that stuff last night."

"W-what are you ladies on abou...?"

The sergeant finally sat up from where he laid and saw a sight he never thought he'd ever see in his life. He was still in Ponyville's Town hall and noticed a number of ponies who were also sprawled on the floor covered with makeshift blankets. Some of them were coming around albeit suffering from the same hangover he was having. One particular mare who was a teal-coloured unicorn was actually right next to him holding his hand with her hooves while a cream coloured earth pony mare tried to coax her to wake up.

"Hands! Lovely hands!" muttered the unicorn.

"Lyra please, get up!" the earth pony tried to shake her awake before glaring at Percival, "You! You get your filthy claws off off her! You've done enough last night already!"

"Unhand me woman!" Percival yanked his hand from the unicorn, "What have I ever done to you?"

"You brought liquor into a party!" the cream coloured mare pointed accusingly at him, "You intoxicated about a quarter of the town from your stunt with that stupid cider of yours!"

"Please Bonbon, lower your voice," one of the ponies pleaded, "Some of us haven't exactly recovered from last night."

Although still in pain from the hangover, Percival began to piece together what was going on, "Is it some sort of taboo to bring liquor to festivities?"

"Quite so, sergeant," the spectacled mare replied sternly, "Such beverages are not allowed in the general public!"

"Mayor Mare's right," added Rarity with a scoff, "Such beverages are reserved only for the appropriate establishments such as tap houses and..." she then blushed slightly, "...other occasions."

"Looks to me like my cider is still better," Applejack gave a smug smirk at the sergeant.

"Opinions, Ms Applejack," Percival muttered as he rubbed the crown of his head, "Opinions."

"To be honest, it wasn't that bad," the prismed maned pegasus snorted a giggle, "You should have seen Twilight down the stuff, it was hilarious! It was, "all for science!" she said when she wanted to taste that cider of yours. Next thing we knew, the egghead was singing along with that song of yours before she passed out."

"Please, for the love of my sanity keep your voice down!" the human gritted his teeth in pain, "Your voice could wake up the dead and it's killing me here."

"Speaking of the Princess," Joshua turned to Starlight, "where is she?"

"Oh, she had to return to the capital of Canterlot," replied the lavender unicorn, "The Royal Guards and Spike escorted her last night to recover from, this."

"I see."

Suddenly, the doors of the town hall flung open, exposing the blaring sunlight into the building. A booming voice cried out as the doors opened, "WHERE IS HE?!"

Groans of pain were heard across the hall as all turned to see who it was that made the noise. There standing by the entrance was another human (wearing a hood and cloak) with Fluttershy who was cowering behind it, accompanied by... a black lop-eared rabbit. The presence of the human and the rabbit was one thing, it's just that it wasn't the human who's voice that yelled; it was the rabbit's.

"WHERE THE BLOODY HELL IS HE?!" the rabbit continued to screech with an unusually thick cockney accent as he walked right in the town hall.

Nopony could stop his ranting for they were too stunned or in a hangover to process what they were seeing. The rabbit surveyed the building until he finally stopped right next to Percival who was now lying flat and groaning from the noise.

"Well. Well. Well. Sergeant Percival," he crossed his tiny paws in mock(?) disappointment, "Is that liquor I smell? Liquor displeases the Lord. Hand it here so I may dispose of it!"

"I don't have it with me, sir," Percival grunted.

"Is that right?" Without warning, the rabbit kicked him in the stomach, causing Percival to cough and squirm in pain. "Get up, ya lazy bum," the rabbit continued to berate him, "or I tear you a new one!"

"What in Sam Hill do ya'll think yer doin'!?" Applejack stepped in between the rabbit and Percival before Joshua stopped her. "Joshua, why'd ya stop me?"

The farm pony stopped when she saw the nervous look on Joshua's face. Wait, does he know these fellers?

"Apologies my good mares, but we have business with Mr Percival here," the human finally talked. The voice sounded feminine. It was in fact a woman with a tan complection and appeared to be a lot older than Percival as she lowered her hood and made her way towards the group.

"And just who do you think you are?" Rainbow Dash snarled, not taking a liking to what they did to Percival.

"Ms Dash, please don't confront them," Joshua pleaded, "that's Sgt Major Bunnings of the SGI. The Secret Global Intelligence."

"Sgt Major?" Pinkie gasped with surprise, "You mean the one with the rabbit?"

"It is the rabbit," Joshua flatly replied.

All looked at Joshua incredulously before turning to the rabbit in question, who was now snarling irritably.

---

3 hours ago

"Permission to speak freely, Sgt Major?"

"What is it, Polaris?"

"For goodness sake Bunnings, will you get yourself a grip? You've been scowling for two weeks now and you've just about terrified every local we've come across. How do you plan on them cooperating if you keep threatening to beat them to a bloody pulp every time they want that fluffy tuff of yours?"

"Oh sure, try to be civil when every pony you've come across literally wants nothing more but to hug you. Try being a 15 inch fuzzball that everyone from their mothers wants to hug all your life, then we can compare notes!"

"Oh for the love of... THEY. ARE. PONIES. PONIES! Of course they would be affectionate animals that want nothing more than to hug you. They're like children here, so cut them some slack. Besides, with all that stress you've pent up, you could use a hug."

"Oh you did not just say that to me Polaris! You did not just take a piss on me! I may be 15 inches high but I can still beat your arse seven ways to Sunday! Say that to me again and I will rip your fing head off as well as the next pony that hugs me!"

"Oh, a human. Are you friends with Mr Percival?"

"Wait, you know the Sergeant Miss?"

"Why yes. My name is Fluttershy. My friends and I met Mr Percival yester... (Gasp) Oh what a cute little bunny! Is he yours? Can I hug...?"

Click! (Sound of a Glock)

"Eeep!"

"Go on. I dare you. I FING DARE YOU! I'd love to see who'll be the first bloody pony to try me! I'm about blow a fing fuse so a little target practice might get me to vent off some steam."

"C-c-could you please mind your language? It's not very nice. If you don't mind, of course."

"I. DON'T. GIVE. A. F... Hey, what are you doing? Polaris! Put me down! PUT ME DOWN YOU...! (MMFF)"

"Please forgive him, he's had a very rough two weeks. You were saying that you've met the Sergeant?"

"Yes."

"Do you know where he is?"

"Yes."

"Could you perhaps take us to him?"

"Okay."

---

"You threatened Fluttershy?!"

The five mares (Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Starlight Glimmer) gasped after bringing the group into the mayor's office to be questioned. Fluttershy joined of course to share what has transpired a few hours earlier. The rabbit who lashed out at the mare in question was seen scowling on the desk, his forelegs crossed as he stood on his hind legs. The woman who accompanied him said nothing and wore a blank expression. For a brief moment, it seemed as though she blended in the background, almost being forgotten until any of the ponies kept eye contact on hers.

Percival (who was still recovering from his hangover) was seen holding a small glass with a raw egg inside and was seen salting the content before reeling from the sudden outburst. Joshua leaned close to him to provide support before he would drop on the floor.

"Look, it's not like I was going to hurt the lassie," Bunnings scoffed at the mares' protests, "I was just trying to get her to bugger off!"

"Why I never! The nerve of you!" Rarity leaned closer to the animal and glared daggers at him, "You ought to be ashamed, using such vulgarity in the presence of ladies."

"Not to mention bein' straight up rude!" Applejack stomped a hoof in protest.

Bunnings replied with a thump of his own hind leg, "Now you listen here! I've not the patience for niceties and quite frankly, I don't care if your the bloody queen of England!"

"And I for one don't appreciate that attitude of yours towards my friends!" Rainbow began to size up on the rabbit, "You better watch yourself buddy, or I'm going make you taste the rainbow!"

Bunnings wasn't even intimidated at the slightest from the pegasus' warning. "Oh put a lid on it, dye-job," he scoffed nonchalantly.

Rainbow's eyes twitched at the insult, "What did you call me?"

"You heard me, false pride."

"THAT'S IT! IT'S ON FURBALL! I WILL BLAST A SONIC-RAINBOOM SO HARD UP YOUR FLANK, YOU'LL BE SEEING COLOURS FOR THE REST OF YOUR MISRABLE LIFE!"

"Oh for the love of God, please will you all just shut up!"

All turned to Percival who was now struggling to stand from his hangover as he attempts to swallow his concoction.

"Um Georgie, why do you have raw egg yoke, salt, pepper, hot sauce and Applejack's family cider in a cup?" Pinkie asked curiously.

"It's called a Prairie Oyster, good for hangovers. I would have preferred Gin but the cider will have to do." He closed his nose, swallowed the concoction and coughed. "Ugh! Could have been better."

"Bah, Humans." Bunnings scoffed.

It was at this point where Starlight Glimmer gained the opportunity to ask what was in everyone's minds, "Um, excuse me but would you mind telling us who you are and why you are here? I mean, we know your name but don't know who you are, your affiliations or whether we could trust you."

"Who we're affiliated with is classified. Why we are here, is him." Bunnings pointed at Percival who was now slowly recovering from his predicament.

Wait, me?

"Classified? What do you mean classified? Joshua literally told us that you two are part of some secret organization!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

What?

"You know, I've been curious; how did you know who I am?" Bunnings pointed at Joshua, "Those unlucky enough to know me would normally be six feet under, unless they're part of the organization." Noticing a shudder from the group, he continued his intimidating interrogation on Joshua, "So I'll ask again; how do you know me?"

The stallion took a large nervous gulp before answering, "I-I actually heard of you from Rosana. She's Captain Wood's steed, also my brother Seabiscuit's mate."

"And let me guess," the rabbit deadpanned, "she eavesdropped our meeting with your captain about our involvement with your division and told you and your horse buddies."

"That and rumours about you among the riders were prominent before this mission. I just never really thought about it until we came here."

"Well now that that is out of the way allow me to properly introduce ourselves; I am Polaris Willsing and this is Sgt Major Bunnings of the Secret Global Intelligence. We are liaisons from Earth sent by the SGI in cooperation with the Inter-Universal Volunteer Army to investigate this world," Polaris nodded a bow with a smile.

"Polaris, we shouldn't be telling them that! That's classified!" Bunnings stamped his foot in protest.

Polaris rolled her eyes, "Bunnings, we have not time for this. The sooner we cooperate, the quicker this will be. Besides; the term "Classified" only applies to the common folk on Earth, not aliens. Even if they managed to get to our planet, they're talking ponies. Who are they going to tell without being experimented on?"

"... Fine," Bunnings grumbled with a snarl.

Polaris turned to Percival, about to say something when she noticed the Sergeant's shocked expression, "Polaris Willsing? THE Polaris Willsing?"

"You've heard of me?"

Percival's eyes went from dazed shock to gleaming admiration, "Yes Ma'am, I have! You are a living legend; the most elusive Endowed from the Mystic Isles of Earth! Word was that you volunteered to help out the IUVA from time to time in your endless quest for redemption (whatever it is). The lads talk of your exploits as though you're some sort of ghost story."

"Well that's surprising," especially considering my endowment she muttered.

"She's Endowed?" Starlight asked curiously, "Like the ones you told us about yesterday?"

"They both are actually. If the rumours are to be believed; she is very powerful. Although, I don't know about Sgt Major Bunnings, the fact that he's from the SGI means he is quite the big shot." He turned to the rabbit and asked, "What branch from the SGI are you from, sir?"

"Task Forces and Faculty." Bunnings plainly replied, "The rank I got from Task Forces but I mainly work for the Faculty."

The sergeant took a step forward to eye at the two, "To what honour do I have that command sent a living legend and an SGI Officer to extract me?"

"You ought to know, Sgt Percival," Polaris flatly replied, "As a member of Thera's lower Aristocracy, your safety is of concern by the noble families. Or at the very least, knowing what became of you in the event of your untimely demise. Besides, a certain Duke's daughter kept pressuring your Commander to send a search and rescue after you went silent for a week."

The news of that requested rescue would have brought a smile to Percival's face were it not for that small discrepancy he just heard, "Wait, I beg you're pardon? What do you mean I've been silent for a week?"

"What do you think, Blueblood?" Bunnings snarked sarcastically, "For a full week you haven't sent a single report from your scouting mission via wireless. It made a lot of noble families in Britain nervous to lose the last son of the Percival household so command asked the two of us to find you. We spent almost a week tracking you across this Pony-infested countryside looking for you. I swear, the only relief I got out of this trip was when I get to beat the shit out of some monsters we came across."

"But, that can't be sir."

"Of course it can be." the rabbit bragged, "I bashed a Winged Lion, Scorpion thing just yesterday. I have its teeth to prove it."

"What, a tiny guy like you? No way." Rainbow snarked causing Bunnings to snarl at her.

"No sir, that's not what I meant," Percival corrected, "I've been sending wireless reports the whole time while I was out on mission. In fact, my last transmission was just two days ago when I confirmed a New World Order presence with a Code Orange Foothold."

Bunning's eyes widened at Percival, "What?"

"They are here?" Polaris shared her companion's expression with utter shock.

"You didn't know?" Joshua asked, "I thought you two were sent to rescue us after we got shot at two days ago."

The two Endowed shared a glance of realization before Bunnings barked out, "Sergeant, your communique! NOW!"

Percival opened his rucksack and pulled out his damaged device before handing it to the rabbit. "It was shot at when we tried to make our escape."

Without a word, Bunnings grabbed the communique and with the utter amazement to all who saw; he tore the device open apart like cardboard. He then proceeded to look into its interior and took out a small glowing device from the inside. A bug.

"SONOVABITCH! It's been bugged!" Bunnings crushed the device with one paw before throwing it to the floor with a loud crunch; further damaging it beyond repair. "The Bastards knew this whole time!"

"By the Oracle, how long have they known we were here?" Polaris rubbed her forehead with her hand.

"Would ya'll mind tellin' us what the hay is goin' on?" Applejack raised her voice in an attempt to calm down the situation.

"Yeah! And could you please tone down the swearing?" Pinkie yelled out, "I've just about given up censoring the story if this keeps up!"

"How much do you ponies know why we're here?" Polaris asked.

"From what the Mr Percival told us, it is by our understanding that you are here to find a group of traitors from his world." Rarity recalled, "The New World Order, was it?"

A strained sigh came out of Polaris, "His communication device was bugged. Basically, our communications have been intercepted and compromised this whole time."

"And there's a big chance that they were listening in our conversation just now," Bunnings growled at the thought.

"Oh my. that can't be good, right?" Fluttershy muttered as she trembled.

"Oh it is worse than you think," Polaris continued, "Alpha Site might be in real danger. We have to go back!"

"It's worse than that," Bunnings added, "We can't contact them, they may have either bugged or jammed our wireless. We can't go back to base, we might get ambushed on the way there. We're buggered! We're absolutely buggered!"

"Why not just ask for Twilight's help in Canterlot?" Starlight suggested.

"You mean the Princess?" Joshua asked.

Bunnings raised an eyebrow, "What princess?"

"The two of us were rescued by Princess Twilight and her friends, sir," answered Joshua, "She's apparently the ruler of Equestria."

"Oh yeah, Twilight could help you with your problem," Pinkie pitched in.

"And with our support, we could make it a lot easier for all of you," added Rainbow.

The four of them thought for a moment when out of nowhere a scroll appeared before Starlight and dropped in front of her. She picked it up and opened it with her horn (much to the wonder of the outsiders) and exclaimed with a wide smile, "It's from Twilight! Apparently she's called George and Joshua to Canterlot to see her and... Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Discord and another pony?"

"Wait, the other Princesses are there?" Applejack asked, sharing the group's shocked reaction to the news.

"Maybe they've got some news that could help your situation?" Starlight concluded, "Either way, you might need some help if we're to get you all home in one piece."

Bunnings pressed a paw on his chin in thought. He looked to Joshua and Percival who was looking at him expectantly then he turned to Polaris who gave him an approving nod.

"Well bugger me, let's go see this Princess."

---

"They are aware of our presence. Should we abort?"

"No, maintain surveillance and follow them."

"What about their Alpha Site? What if they are warned of our presence?"

"You two worry about the maintaining surveillance on the Sergeant and his group. We'll deal with the Alpha Site later."

"Very well, High Elder. For the Shadow King!"

"Hail the New World Order!"

Author's Note:

G'day all,
I was pretty much in a writing binge for this chapter and I might have rushed it a bit. Let me know if there's any inconsistency or problems of any sort and I'll have it fixed in a jiffy.

Also once again, please let me know what you guys think of the story so far. Any feedback (positive or negative) is more than welcomed.

Comments

[Fireheart 1945]

10913191
Forgive me for wanting to clarify; without a doubt on the horseshoes, or without a doubt on my asking before?

[Joe Toon]

10913192
Yes.

I'm kidding. Yes, shoes are shodded. No, this is the first time you asked, let alone comment on my story.

[Fireheart 1945]

10913259

Ok, sorry.

Also, the hunter chapter says Joshua picked up Percival's gun... did he do that with his mouth, or...

[paladinwolf]

A rare photo of Bunnings...
images7.memedroid.com/images/UPLOADED412/5fd9180d366ee.jpeg

[Joe Toon]

10913266
I'll leave that to your imagination.
10913299
Perfection.