Dwelling In Dreams
Let Me In, Twilight Sparkle
“Are you feeling well, Twilight?”
From the moment Twilight had arrived in Canterlot, Luna had noticed that the normally chipper alicorn seemed off. Not in a way that most ponies would notice, but Luna knew her marefriend better than most ponies, and she could tell something was troubling her.
“What? Me?” Twilight chuckled loudly, a bright, fake smile appearing on her face. “No, I’m feeling fine. No problems here!” She gestured toward a nearby ice cream shop. “Look, they’re finally not busy. I’ve always wanted to try their hay-nut flavor. C’mon, my treat!”
She ran off without waiting for Luna to respond.
Nice try, Twilight, Luna thought. She didn’t want to anger Twilight, not when they’d been planning this day on the town for weeks, so she let the issue drop for the moment.
Twilight did seem happier as the day went on, enough so that Luna felt the faint tension she’d been holding in her shoulders ease. Perhaps she really had misread Twilight earlier.
She allowed herself to believe that up until the moment they parted. As Luna pulled back from their embrace, she saw a faint flicker of something in Twilight’s eyes.
Shame.
Before Luna could say anything, Twilight was waving goodbye as she stepped onto the train.
“I haven’t noticed anything odd, but I don’t converse with her nearly as often as I used to.” Celestia levitated a crumpet to her plate before slathering some butter on it. “Did you ask her?”
Luna shrugged one wing. “I tried, but she insisted everything was fine, and then tried to change the subject by suggesting we get ice cream. She put on a better mask after that, but when she left, I saw that same pain in her eyes again. Something is troubling her, and if I don’t know what, I can’t help her.”
Celestia fixed Luna with a sisterly smile. “Twilight couldn’t have asked for a better pony to love her.”
“I do not see what that has to do with this.”
“Despite being in the position you are, you care for Twilight the pony, not Twilight the princess. My relationship with her has always been colored by my obligation to place the needs of Equestria above all others, which means I must think of her as Princess and Bearer first, pony second.” Celestia took a bite of her crumpet, looking thoughtful as she chewed. “I do not think she would be willing to open up to me about this. Nor do I think she will open up to her friends. She is very careful about burdening them with additional things of a deeply personal nature, preferring to struggle on alone when she can.”
“Spike, perhaps?” Luna asked.
“Perhaps,” Celestia admitted. “It is likely that he has noticed, but she may not have confided in him. I have asked him to report to me if she experiences any major difficulties, and he hasn’t sent anything of late.”
“Which leaves me with what, patience?” Luna stabbed at a chunk of pineapple. “You know that is not one of my strengths, sister.”
“You have plenty of talents, Lulu. And more than one way to check on Twilight.”
Luna frowned. “I have not entered Twilight’s dreams since the incident with the Tantabus, and rarely before that.”
“She hasn’t had any nightmares?” Celestia raised an eyebrow. “I find that hard to believe. Or did she ask you to stay out?”
“No,” Luna slowly replied, deep in thought. “As a matter of fact…I have not seen Twilight’s dreamspace itself in some time.”
Celestia did not know much about how Luna’s dreamwalking worked, but Luna’s reaction told her how unusual such a thing was. “I will not presume to dictate to you, Lulu, but I think you should dig into this.”
Luna’s gaze met that of her sister. “For Twilight’s sake, or for Equestria’s?”
Celestia chose not to answer.
Throughout her life, Luna had believed that the dreamscape had only one master. It was something of a point of pride with her, something she excelled in that Celestia did not. While she no longer harbored the jealousy of her youth, she was still a sister in the ways that mattered.
And yet, for the first time, she found herself doubting that belief. Discovering that Twilight had hidden her dreams was the first blow, and the second came when Luna realized she was unable to enter those dreams even after she'd found the hidden portal.
Luna studied the entryway carefully before closing her eyes to reach out with her magic. Twilight’s unique signature was all over the spellwork, and despite her annoyance Luna had to admire the mastery evident in it.
Element of Magic indeed.
There were dreams Luna chose not to enter. Celestia expected her privacy, and it had only taken one trip into Cadance’s dreams for Luna to swear off ever returning, but to find Twilight actively resisting her entrance worried the Princess of the Night.
Still, if it was sealed, she would respect that. She moved to leave, only stopping as faint black wisps began to seep out of the doorway. Those wisps meant the dream had shifted into a nightmare state, and they grew thicker as Luna watched.
Luna waffled for a few moments over what to do. If it had remained a pleasant dream, it would have been easier, but it was clear that Twilight's nightmare was an intense one, and the thought of her marefriend facing such darkness alone made the decision for her.
The enchantment was strong, but it was also far too artificial, too neat and orderly, a reflection of the caster. Luna closed her eyes, straining to hear the rhythm that permeated so much of the dreamscape. With the ease of long practice, she picked out Twilight’s rhythm and slowly melded it with her own. Her body seemed to flicker and fade as she slipped past the enchantments and carefully entered the dream.
Despite her good intentions, Luna immediately felt like a trespasser. She cast some of her own magic to veil her presence, not wanting Twilight to know she was present – at least not yet. It was possible that her fellow princess was perfectly capable of handling things on her own, and if that were the case, Luna would prefer that her indiscretion remain a secret.
As her eyes adjusted to the dream, Luna blinked with surprise. She was in Canterlot, in the Palace. She immediately recognized the hallway as the one leading to the throne room. The various guards stood at attention in their usual spots, looking as they did on any other day.
The sheer normalcy of the situation struck her as odd.
This is her nightmare?
She proceeded onward, passing through the doors to the throne room. Luna wasn’t sure what she’d expected to see, but Twilight crammed into a child’s desk wasn’t it.
Celestia stood in front of the desk, writing basic instructions on a blackboard. “And what does this equation equal?”
“Two plus two is four…” If Twilight’s monotone wasn’t enough of an indicator of how she felt, the doodles she was scribbling – largely consisting of caricatures of Celestia, not all of them complimentary – solidified it. Luna leaned over her shoulder and read ‘Magic Kindergarten’ written across the top of the page in Twilight’s neat script.
Something is very, very wrong here.
The tame nature of this nightmare did not match the levels of distress that had been evident from the dark wisps leaking out of the entrance to Twilight's dreams. Acting on a hunch, Luna charged her horn, firing off a gentle blast that struck the dream Celestia in the face.
“Sorry, sister,” Luna said, a tight smile forming on her lips despite her stress.
The dream flickered and faded, taking Twilight with it.
It was as she had feared. The nightmare had been too obvious, which meant that Twilight had set it up as an extra form of insurance.
Perhaps it is I who should be taking lessons from Twilight.
As the darkness enveloped her, Luna saw a faint glow off in the distance. Steeling herself for the inevitable encounter with the real Twilight, she pressed on.
The next nightmare was stronger, more real, mostly because it was a recollection rather than a creation of Twilight’s overactive imagination.
Twilight had not been overly talkative on what had taken place during her encounter with the demon Fanatus, and, out of respect for her marefriend’s privacy, Luna had not pressed for details.
As she watched what seemed to be a replay of their encounter, she felt every inch a fool. Just as her own foe had attempted, this demon had zeroed in on Twilight’s insecurities in an attempt to break her spirit, a spirit Luna knew was as fragile as it was beautiful.
Luna could only watch with dread as the demon’s lies ate away at that beauty, undermining it and injecting their poison into Twilight’s mind and heart. The way her eyes slowly lost their hopeful glow under the demon's assault threatened to rend Luna’s own heart in two.
Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped, I could have told you all that I see in you…but would you have listened? She feared that such words would have fallen on deaf ears. She loved Twilight, but she was not blind to how stubborn her marefriend could be when her mind was set on something.
In anger, Luna blasted the demon with her magic, finding her fears confirmed yet again as Twilight vanished with the rest of the nightmare.
As angry as she was at the situation, her concern for Twilight was greater still.
“Twilight?” she called out. “Twilight, it’s Luna. Where are you, my love?”
There was no reply.
Okay, Twilight. You may have figured out a great deal about this place, but you can’t have thought of everything.
She calmed her mind, focusing all her energies on the thing she wanted most: finding Twilight. Once that was fixed in place, she raised one hoof and stamped it down.
The dreamspace responded accordingly. Luna saw the world around her blur as she sailed across time and space, ending up only a short distance from Twilight.
The real Twilight.
Luna quickly tried to run to her, only to slam into a clear magical barrier she had failed to spot. The dreamspace may have acquiesced to Luna’s request, but here in Twilight’s mind she was still a guest, and therefore subject to the rules of its owner. She could only watch as Twilight’s true nightmare was revealed.
“Finally realized the truth, have you?” Luna’s head snapped to the side at the familiar sound of that voice. She felt her lips pulling back from her teeth as the form of Celestia entered the nightmare, walking up to Twilight with a sneer on her face. “And to think that I believed you were capable of doing this job. Now I see that Cadance was right about you.”
Cadance appeared in the dream next to Celestia, her eyes glinting to match the cruelty of her smile. “But of course, Auntie,” she said, her voice saccharine to a sickening degree. “I told you countless times that Twilight was not fit to be your student. Why you sought to compound the error by making her a princess is beyond me.”
“No,” Luna whispered, watching as a despondent Twilight sat there and took the insults with hardly any reaction at all. “Twilight, don’t listen to them!”
If Twilight heard Luna, she made no sign of it. Seeing no other options, Luna started to look for ways to break the barrier.
“I suppose I can be allowed some mistakes at my age,” the false Celestia replied, one hoof brought to her mouth as though she were actually considering something. “After all, I’m hardly alone in that…am I, sister?”
“Mistakes?” The voice of the nightmare Luna was cold, and her eyes equally hard and uncaring. She stepped forward, gazing down at Twilight with disgust. “To the contrary, sister. Twilight was merely a good screw when I wanted one. I never felt anything real for her.” The false Luna snorted then. “Truthfully, who would? She’s a mess, an emotional wreck. Crying herself to sleep most nights, hoping nopony notices. A stronger mare – the sort of mare worthy of being with one such as I, would have had the good sense to end her own life by now.”
Got it, Luna thought. She started to construct the spell that would let her through, but was distracted by the flash as all three of the false princesses merged into one, re-emerging as a single lavender alicorn, tall and regal. The body was Twilight – or at least an older version – but the eyes were anything but.
“Finally, that’s over,” the other Twilight said, sneering at the shrunken form below her.
“No!” Luna shouted, rearing up to smash her hooves against the barrier keeping her out. It splintered and cracked under the blow, but remained otherwise intact.
“Maybe if you looked like me, they would want to be seen around you. But you don’t, sweetheart. You’re just a sad, pathetic, broken pony, with a mind in no better shape.”
The real Twilight looked up for the first time. Her bottom lip quivered, but she kept her eyes locked on her tormentor.
“The sooner you’re out of the way, the sooner they can go share their love with –“
Luna smashed into the barrier again, which started to crumble, but not fast enough.
“– somepony –“
“NO!” Luna screamed again, blasting the barrier with all the magic she could muster as she brought down her hooves for the third time. The barrier exploded, sending silent shards everywhere as it buckled under the assault.
The real Twilight looked over at Luna then, but her mouth still moved in time with the false Twilight, and they finished the final phrase in harmony.
“- who deserves it.”
The nightmare vanished, leaving Luna standing there among the stars, one hoof outstretched, her face twisted in shock and horror.
“Goodbye, Luna,” Twilight said, before she vanished.
Luna flew faster than ever before, arrowing toward Ponyville with enough determination to make even the most hardened adversary pause. The weather teams had scheduled a rainstorm for the night, and the resulting wind buffeted her body as the rain soaked her to the bone. Her wings ached as she fought the storm, but she would not allow anything to slow her for even a second.
The Castle of Friendship was briefly illuminated as a bolt of lightning flashed overhead. Squinting, Luna could see a light on in Twilight’s bedroom. She felt her heart race – she might not be too late.
She landed on the balcony outside Twilight’s room, forcing open the doors with a blast of magic and letting wind and rain spill into the room with her exhausted form as she fell to the carpet.
Twilight was inside, sitting at her desk, quill floating above a sheet of paper. Upon seeing Luna lying there, she let the quill drop and flopped down on the desk, covering her ears with her forelegs.
“I can’t even run away right,” she whined.
“…run away?” Luna managed between gasps for air.
“Well…yes,” Twilight admitted, still not looking up. “I thought it would be best for everypony if I just slipped away quietly.”
“So you’re not,” she paused to suck in a breath, “going to kill yourself?”
That got Twilight to look up. “What? No. No!” She slid off her chair, running over to Luna. With her magic, she closed the doors again, shutting the storm outside. “Is that why you look like you almost killed yourself getting here?”
Luna felt the knot in her chest ease as Twilight wrapped her forelegs around her. “But…in your nightmare…” She couldn’t bring herself to say I told you to kill yourself, even if it was technically accurate.
“It was just a nightmare,” Twilight whispered. “A horrible, terrible nightmare, but still just a nightmare. Believe me, Princess, I’m not going to kill myself. I’m just not going to stay around to drag other ponies down anymore.”
Luna didn’t miss Twilight’s use of her title. She pushed away from Twilight enough to let her look her marefriend in those beautiful violet eyes. “Drag other ponies down? Twilight Sparkle, do you know how much you mean to me?”
“I’m…I’m nothing special,” Twilight rehearsed, careful mask of neutrality in place. “I’ve been very lucky, but I’m not worth what people think I am. You deserve better than somepony who cries herself to sleep every night. You’re Princess Luna, and I’m just a –
“If you say that you’re just a regular old unicorn, I will put you across my knee,” Luna warned, before a faint smile appeared on her face. “And it wouldn’t be accurate anyway. You are an alicorn, and you are also the pony most deserving of the title princess that I know.”
She brought one hoof up, brushing at Twilight’s mane. “You’re tougher than you realize, Twilight Sparkle. Even if your brilliant mind does not let you see it.” Twilight tried to look away in shame, but Luna’s magic gently stopped her. “You cannot know how many times I have told myself that you deserve better than a fallen mare like me.”
“But that’s not…you deserve the world, Luna!”
“Do I? Have I not made mistakes? Have I not hurt others? I nearly plunged Equestria into eternal night. Celestia does not like to speak of it, but there were ponies at the time of my banishment who felt I’d gotten off easy. I suspect if they were still around to ask, they would say that I deserve nothing less than a solitary cell beneath the Palace.”
“And I would be there to fight them,” Twilight promised. “You’re a good pony, Luna.”
“Then will you at least hear me out?”
Twilight hesitated, then nodded.
“Once, I let my fears and inadequacies eat away at me for so long that I started to hate myself…and eventually, everypony else as well. Even my sister. Yes, Celestia bears some blame for what happened, but in the end it was my own failure to reach out that led to my downfall. I would not see you go down the same path.”
“But you beat them, Luna! You beat them because you’re strong, and powerful, and worthy of your place. I…I just keep failing again and again.”
Luna’s answer was the last thing Twilight expected. “I didn’t beat them,” she admitted, blinking rapidly to hold back her tears. “It’s not a battle you win once, Twilight. It’s a battle you fight every day. Some days are easy.” She sniffed. “Some days are hard. There are times I wake up and feel like I can’t possibly bear my burdens another minute. When that happens, I take a step back, and remind myself that I’m not alone. Sometimes that means I tell Celestia I need to spend some time with her. Other times, I travel to see Cadance, and listen to all her problems. That usually gives me some perspective, and I feel better at the end of the day, or at least strong enough to carry on.”
“But you never tell me,” Twilight said, now crying herself. “Because I’m a lousy princess, and a worse marefriend.”
“I would claim that the demon put those thoughts into your mind, but your eyes tell the true story,” Luna replied, shaking her head. “Truly, Twilight, I cannot force you to believe anything I say…but if I could make you believe one thing, it is that Celestia and I try to burden you with as little as possible. Not because you are incapable, but because you have done so much already, and it would be cruel to expect you to shoulder more.
“And as for why I haven’t shared my burdens with you, I can only beg your forgiveness. I did not want you to think you had failed after helping me with the Tantabus, and I feared that admitting that I still struggle with my own doubts would cause you to doubt yourself.”
Twilight sat down, sighing heavily. "I'm an idiot."
"No, you're not." Luna wrapped one wet wing around her, pulling her in close. Between her drenched body, which had soaked much of Twilight's own body as they'd hugged, and Twilight's tear-stained face, they looked quite the pair. “But we’re both messes, aren’t we?”
Twilight laughed, catching the dual meaning. She wiped at her eyes. “Disasters, even.”
Luna placed a tender kiss on the top of Twilight's head. “I think that just means we’re perfect for each other.”
Luna slept soundly that night, in part due to her exhaustion, but also because she was sharing a bed with the pony she cared most about in the world. Her wings gently cradled Twilight, who had snuggled up to Luna’s belly for warmth.
A single tear ran from the corner of Twilight’s eye as she slept. Another pony might be forgiven for mistaking it as a tear of sadness, like so many that the young alicorn had shed of late, but the two mares knew better.
Hope could bring tears too.
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That was my general opinion of the story, I loved it so much and at the same time my heart is crying
Oh boy... This hit me right in the feels... Great story.
Bruh when she said
I was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Bloody Great work on this story
Damn, this story tugged on my heart strings... Very good writing here!
I love it, both this story and the whole series
A good TwiLuna story is a joy, an excellent TwiLuna drama is perfection!
Never saw them as messed up ponies but this story really brought a new perspective of them as characters...thanks for the amazing story
My goodness... So many heavy emotions wrapped neatly in a single chapter!
That was positively beautiful!
10755666
I almost cut that part, actually. My pre-reader convinced me to keep it (which was a good thing!)
I'm not mean enough to drag out the resolution though.
10756740
They have challenges, but I stick to having them overcome them regardless. Obviously the show had limits on what they could cover, but as Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep? shows, Luna at least has some unresolved doubts and fears.
Thanks to everyone who commented!
Pretty cool story! Luna and Twlight are pretty much an uncommon couple in the fandom, but you managed to make them work together very well.
Also, the cover with them sleeping together is adorable. The moonlight shining trought the window is an amazing detail too.
This was a great read. An excellent look into Twilight’s psyche, of how even if everything she’s done right the heavy weight of failure will always hang over hear.
I loved how the last alicorn in the dream was tall Twilight. Possibly a projection of perfection that Twilight holds her to, thinking that’s what she needs to be. Which is rather fitting considering that in the future, Twilight will one day be that perfect tall ruler that she sees herself as, it’s just gunna take some work to get there.
Only thing that I though was off about this one was a bit off to me was the portrayal of Celestia here.
This feels really cold and distance from the actual Celestia, who would probably be just as concerned if not more then Luna. The idea that she sees Twilight almost as a tool or chess piece is really off putting.
I know this is mainly done so it’s Luna who is the one to confront Twilight but I dunno, almost makes m me feel like it’s Celestia I who is responsible for the pressures on Twilight rather then Twilight’s own self doubt.
Still with that said a great read, and I hope we get to see more fics like this in the future
Twilight the Triumphant wasn't as good as you hoped? Well, it was brilliant even without this extra story. But this? Stop writing these breathtakingly beautiful stories. I'm going to pass out if I don't get enough air.
Seriously, though. You've got some talent. Have a follow, because I want to see your other stories.
10758538
Thank you for the kind words! I don't mean to come off as saying the first was bad, just that it could have been much more than it ended up being. Some of the parts of this story were from the cut sequence in Twilight the Triumphant where Luna helped her work through what the demon had just done to her. It would have slotted in between Twilight being knocked out and Trixie waking her up.
This fic went a long way toward making up for the shortcomings, and I definitely feel happier about things now.
I've still got more coming, though I will keep things mixed up a little.
10758532
I wouldn't read too much into this part. One thing to keep in mind, though I haven't been overly explicit about it, is that most of my fics are all building toward the larger project I've been working on for some time. Some of Celestia's statements will make more sense there, but as for this small snippet, Celestia makes the distinction of Twilight the princess vs Twilight the pony. That same split exists for Celestia, who has to be the ever-stable, ever-solid leader of Equestria, even if Celestia the pony might feel otherwise. And I do think her statement of "Twilight wouldn't open up to me if I asked" fits canon Celestia as well - Twilight has a major case of hero worship, and doesn't like disappointing.
Ultimately? I didn't want to bog down the story too much, as it was focusing on Luna and Twilight. That scene primarily exists to serve as a motivation for Luna to dig into Twilight's dreams.
tl;dr word of author is that Celestia is not cold, but she does wear the shackles of her position.
Thanks, everypony else, for your comments!
Pretty good to me. Cute, relatable, and likable.
10759772
Right I get where your coming from, looking forward to what you got next
You might want to consider adding a "sequel to X series" or something to this story. I really liked it, but was completely confused coming from the featured page on what the hell was going on. Haha.
Great story and I'll definitely be checking out the "prequels" to it now.
10765896
I thought about it. It's meant to be independent, really, which is why I put in slight references to the older stuff but didn't dig too much in. I may still add a mention to the description noting it's a "soft sequel".
This was wonderfully uncomfortable. I came across this via the feature box and I haven't read any of your other stories, but it was immediately apparent from the passing mention of Fanatus that there was a bit more of an explanation for Twilight's feelings than I was going to get in this short. I feel like it probably needs context to have its full impact, but it's remarkably feels-y either way.
I felt a little bit of vicarious indignation at the implication that the sisters avoid looking to Twilight for help more than necessary, though I guess this too might feel better with context.
I also got a bit of a Denethor tearing into some tomatoes vibe from the way you describe Celestia slathering her crumpets with butter and acting detached from Twilight. This eating imagery juxtaposed with her explaining the compartmentalization of their relationship does a really good job of making her seem aloof.
I might have to read those princesses stories.
10769055
I went back and forth on whether to include a few relevant excerpts from Twilight the Triumphant in the brief Fanatus section, but decided against it for narrative flow reasons. I'm probably going to update the long description on this fic to indicate it's a soft follow-up to that one.
You're not the first person who said Celestia came off aloof, though the Denethor comparison hurts, mostly because there's an element of truth there. Definitely wasn't intentional!
That section existed to give Luna a chance to expand a bit on her concern, and give her an outside kick to check Twilight's dreams, but I kept it short to avoid bogging the story down, as Celestia wasn't the focus here. Everything before Luna discovering Twilight's been hiding from her was added to flesh the story out a bit, but it seems I left a bit of bone in a few places.
Thanks for your comment!
Twilight is so low self-esteemed in this story… yet I liked it. I can totally relate to this kind of feeling. It's painful, yet you've made it beatuiful.
Thank you, my heart is aching now.
Damn right you both are.
A lovely, if a little short of a read
But I can always appreciate a little Tuna in this world, huzzah!
Greetings. Your reading has been completed and can be found here. I hope you enjoy.
So Good!!!
Golden Oaks Library
Just for myself because this is totally cannon to me.
Poor Twily ... and Lulu.
She must've had the heart rate of a hummingbird when flew over to Ponyville.
I certainly had just reading that part.
Ok, Why do I keep reading these stories and relating to Twilight, like that part where she calls herself an idiot, I've done that
really good story by the way.
10758266
What universe are you from? TwiLuna has never been an uncommon couple. Might not see tons of new stories every week like some ships do. But they exist.