• Member Since 19th Oct, 2020
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Timeman202


Developing story writer who seeks to improve further while also looking for some fun times.

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In an alternate timeline, the day before she was supposed to be shown the mirror that would've shown her growing greed, Sunset Shimmer encounters a purple filly named Twilight Sparkle. For her own personal reasons, Sunset decides that she will become a big sister figure in the young unicorn's life, wanting to do what she could not do for her now missing young brother.
While the reasons behind this are personal, as Twilight grows, Sunset's greed and ambitions are downplayed to a large degree; they are still there, and they do come into play in her adventures with her surrogate little sister. Things will never be the same. Only one question comes unanswered at the beginning: Who is Sunset's missing brother?


A/N: Standard Season rules apply here; and please, try to give CONSTRUCTIVE criticism if you must criticize my work. And when you do give your criticism, I DON'T WANT TO HERE ABOUT HOW CERTAIN CHAPTER FEEL "RUSHED". I'm constantly improving and I try my best to not rush things along too much. I only rush things along if I really don't have much more then a few details to explain about things between point a before a time jump and point b after a time jump. For example, if I fast forwards a few weeks or months and only give a few details about the time spent during the time jump, then those details would be more benificial. There's a lot of background noise that I tend to ignore that would be looked upon as pure filler for the sake of being filler.

A/N 2: Also, I will be including NO SONGS from the show in this fan-fic; if I ever come across a point where a song would be sung, then I will just put something like "there was a song that happened here" and move on. These songs are technically copywritten and thus if I do put songs into my fan-fic, it'll always be my own.

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 21 )

10742092
I can tell, you even favorited the story despite only the Prologue being up.

10742214 That's because it made an impression on me. It doesn't have to be cinematic quality, as it takes time for other authors to reach that level of writing and I'm also taking into account other author's writing styles. I have trouble with places, so I've decided to focus on worldbuilding and character accuracy as part of my writing style. The only drawback is that I have a harder time writing in third person where describing places can be slightly harder due to the greater amount of detail. Strangely enough, I have an easier time describing people and food of all things, though the latter is because of my major.

My grammar's atrocious but even i find your story description slightly confusing. But that's just me.

10745948
The long version or the short one?

10746085
I don’t know how the long explanation is unclear. I did my best to give out the long description without giving away any spoilers for future plot points like the identity of Sunset’s Brother.

Wait, Twilight actually attended that party this time? Wow...

10746357
Well things are changed with Sunset being her “big sister” here.

10746437
Such as controlling her priorities, I see. Well that means no "Amending Fences" debacle.

10746466
More like ensuring Twilight didn’t end up a loner with zero friends outside of her brother and her “big sister” prior to the Nightmare Moon incident.

Eh, gave this a try, but can't stand the writing style, sorry.

10787758
What’s wrong with my writing style?!

10787802 It is a bit rushed. The bit at the end with Sunset critiscising Celestia so bluntly in from of Twilight was a particular example. Even if Sunset felt that way, you'd think she'd be more circumspect in front of Twilight. It's a good concept and an interesting story, but it needs to slow down a bit. Develop things rather than just having ponies blurt them out.

10789653
You do realize the whole point of a prologue is to set up world building? Sure I rushed through this prologue but I’ve been pacing the rest of this story. Besides, I had a word limit of 1500 and I just BARELY exceeded that. Sunset will reveal more of the reason as to why she went on Celestia later. If I revealed everything about that in the prologue, then the only thing I’d have to keep people coming back would be the mystery on Sunset’s little brother which is also being left in the dark. And that’s not enough in my eyes.

10790082
That’s more so for making sure I break certain events into at least two parts because that’s how they were done in the show.

10790162
Thing is, if there’s a VERY important moment coming up; like the encounter with Nightmare Moon OR Discord, having to stop myself once the chapter hits that 1500 word count in the middle of things like that would be cruel of me to do. So if I know a particular climax is incoming, I’ll probably stop myself before the set up to these encounters is even a thing so the entire encounter can be in one chapter. It’s probably more of a me thing, but I prefer it when stories don’t break up a climatic moment. I also feel like it helps with the flow better when climaxes aren’t broken apart into two separate chapters.

I liked that Sunset told her friends a bit more about her bro. It would suck if her bro bailed because he was salty over being in Sunset's shadow.

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