• Member Since 21st Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 19th, 2013


Comments ( 59 )

You my friend have some format issues.:ajbemused: I'll introduce you to a few good friends of mine. They go by the names "Return Key" and "Tab". I can already tell you two will be the best of friends.

But no seriously you need to indent your paragraphs and double space new paragraphs from each other so it's easier to follow.:twilightsheepish:


Personally I don't indent when every paragraph is double spaced, but one of the two, at the very least, is necessary.

You should brush up on your military lingo before the next chapter. A bogie refers to a false blip on a radar display, not an enemy soldiers. :twilightsmile:

Make it sound more realistic the way you say things like that. Sounds like you played call of duty and Battlefield just wrote down what you heard the soldiers say in-game(which is not necessarily what is said in actual battle). Here try a few of these:


Hope it helps :raritywink:

Yes. Burn Celesita. You can your accursed SUN!
...nah, I do not hate her.:trollestia:
I reckon' I should jus' roll with this universe's Evil Celestia.
Excellent work and good luck on.:pinkiehappy:

Good luck on. :pinkiesmile:

Readers are awaiting next chapter... Please wait warmly.

...so you are a Touhou fan? Or did you just find it entertaining?
Also, thank-chu~!:pinkiehappy:

1263179 I just found it entertaining. Reminded me of a meme that said, "Please wait while I compile your request in 'Shit I don't care about'" :rainbowlaugh:

I see.:pinkiesmile:
What it actually were referencing was the loading screen of any Touhou game:
'This is curtain fire shooting game
Girls are preparing, please wait warmly.'

MOAR!! I WANT MOAR! CAPS RAGE!!:twilightangry2:

I knew she had vile intentions!:flutterrage:
May you and your precious subjects be crushed like the bugs you are, princess!
You shall burn Celestia. And you will scream for mercy as your every appendage is torn from your being!:pinkiecrazy:
Night shall be your only day!
Excellent work my friend. May the Princess of the Night obliterate the pathetic army of the miserable Princess of the Day.:pinkiehappy:
...for the record, I have a mild dislike to Celestia in any fanfic I read, which will evolve into outright hate if she is presented as even an impartial villain. I bear no grudge against canon Celestia though!:pinkiehappy:
Also, you are very excellent.

I find the concept of this story interesting. The one thing that really keeps me from loving this is that the mane 6 instantly became pretty much super soldiers overnight. Not my complete cup-o-tea , but otherwise good job. Also first.

Things seem to o well for the undoubtfully good ponies!:pinkiehappy:
Awaiting further releases.:pinkiesmile:

One huge problem with the premise of this story. Why is Luna the queen of a Republic? Such a thing is impossible, as a Republic and a Monarchy are two completely different forms of government. Now, she could be a dictator in a Soviet-Republic like manner, much like Stalin, but she cannot be the queen of a Republic, as that would be a contradiction.

Note that this is not a critique of the story itself, as I have yet to read it. Looks good, but I am extremely OCD when it comes to things like that, so that is prevent me from reading it.

Would be fine to get some more interaction between the opposing Mane six.:twilightsheepish:
Also: I vote for Nightmare. Am I a bad person?:duck:
Regardless, excellent work!:twilightsmile:

No problems! I seemed to have overlooked that. :facehoof: I'm going to fix that. Sorry for the confusion :twilightblush:


Once you fix that, I will be sure to give it a read. I will start watching it now so I do not lose track like I do with a lot of fics.

nice chapter, but the f-35 is a family of SINGLE seat fighters, not two seaters. Also you said the shadowbolt's aircraft were su-34s at the start of dash's first flight.....WHY THE HELL DO THEY CHANGE INTO SU-33 AND WHY WOULD THEY BE FLYING ATTACK CRAFT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!one!!!oneone!!!111111one!!one?!oneone:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

Jesus, you're so difficult. :twilightangry2: I'll fix the F-35 thing later. For the Shadowbolts, there is the fact that they have other jets, which I thought you would be smart enough to infer. :facehoof: I hate dealing with trolls like you, chip.

1811855 I think you're confused.:ajbemused: The way you wrote it was with Dash beginning to follow the su-34. Then, all of the sudden, it magically changes into an su-33.:rainbowhuh: HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

But seriously, you need to fix that. It's annoying me.:facehoof:

1812290 That was before the time gap. When she first encountered Shadowbolt Squadron, it was when she was defending the aircraft carrier. Then it jumped forward a month and a half. THEN it was Dash going through the desert and stuff. Hope I cleared it up now. :twilightsmile:

very good...very good indeed:trixieshiftright:

Interesting still.:pinkiehappy:
Awaiting further releases.:fluttershysad:

For The Luna Republic !!!!! Long Life Luna! Long Life The Revolution!

ok, Applejack's gone Full Metal Jacket, Fluttershy's the soft-spoken badass (:yay:) , Pinkie Pie's... Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash's the ace, Rarity's an oga secret squirrel, and Twilight's a Marine Scout Sniper.

this just keeps getting better and better! :pinkiehappy:

Awesome Chapter!!! down with the Solar empire!! let the New Luna Republic Rule over the world so that we can become a state one civilazion and then come out to space !!!!!!!! Long Life The Revoluion! :flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

hi im not a brony and i hate MLP but i made a account to tell a few authors to continue some good story telling and you sir/mam are one of them this has my full support to continue this most badass fic. please up date soon and if i had to choose a side that will win seance i hate MLP any way i choose the NLR because i see the one called luna has a point and may be able to rule better then her sister.
continue this awesome fic. its authors like you have my liking i may not like MLP but i love good storys and this is a good story.
wish spike was on luna tho hes the only character i like because hes a dragon.

2738262 Wow, thanks a lot! That really means a lot coming from a non-brony! I'm going to keep updating this as much as I can, so I hope you enjoy!

your welcome fluttershy24.
i wonder whats going on with the main 6 family because of the war.
i wonder how it is effecting them?
and thank you for responding i have not ran into many writers that respond to MG from me because im not a brony.
so you get my first face pic:pinkiehappy: of pinkiepie.

cant wait for a update hope it comes soon.:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

thank you so much for updating:pinkiehappy: when i seen there was new chapter i never got so excited to read a new chapter in a fic.
this is really good and awesome keep this up and man what a intense chess game that was.:rainbowlaugh:
keep this up your doing great looking foreword for the next chapter.
im rooting for the republic so long live the NLR!:twilightblush:

:flutterrage: that's for the NLR i forgot to put that there.

I hope Twilight manages to come up with some diplomacy.:pinkiecrazy:
Otherwise, her friends will be dead.:duck:
And Rarity really need to keep up that accent.:ajsleepy:

Awaiting further release.:fluttershysad:

You can't beat luna man.It's impossible.

How can they fire guns? don't they have hooves? :applejackunsure:

“Green is not your color, Flutter.” Rarity said

Odd for Rarity to say, considering she pretty much exclusively uses green when making outfits for Fluttershy.

Okay, your ponified cities are fun. Can you think of an equivalent to Los Angeles? I'm stumped.

My name is Tuxedo Masquerade

Ha. Ha.

Also, it was rather quick for Fluttershy et al to make that decision.

Continuing on from the last chapter, I don't think AJ or Rarity would up and leave to parts unknown without at least informing their families. I focused on Fluttershy last time, cause reasons. Also, major OOC. I understand that war changes people, err, ponies, but not that lightning fast. Perhaps if she was experiencing PTSD from the prequel, I'd buy in. Otherwise, the character development is very rushed.

[spoiler“Twilight,” she said, “If you had to choose between Celestia and myself, who would you choose?”
“That’s such a big question,” Twilight said, “I don’t know how to answer that.”]

I was really hoping twilight would pick luna over celestia since i haven't seen many fanfics set in the equestrian civil war with twilight being on luna's side :twilightoops:

it seems there's more of a chance of twilight and rainbow dash joining the lunar republic now because i am sure they wouldn't want to severe a tyrant

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