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SapphireRose87
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SapphireRose87
Joined 16th Nov, 2018 ·
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Why did you do that?
Pinkie Pie? Seriously! I thought it was a Evil Pony or a terrible person to deal with? But, Pinkie?! I know that she is silly and all. But her Breaking Rules with Heavily Consequences?! I don't think she is that Stupid to do the illegal crime. Plus, I doubt that Pinkie Pie wants to upset her Friend ( Twilight) for breaking the rules, AND wasting Twilight's Time ( And the Agent's Time) for running after her all day.
10728553
Pinkie doing something like this is kinda sorta canon though. She and the Pinkie from Canterlot High switcted places at some point during the Friendship Games. And probably more often than that.
Yeah, it's a deleted scene. But still. Pinkie going to Earth illegally isn't that far fatched. And I doubt Twilight said she could then either.
10728543
Because there is more than one view point that the story is told from. There will be more characters that will come into play.
I guess Princess Luna is a background pony for this story. I'm very curious on what's going to be in the next future chapters.
The story's synopsis confuses me. Why would Pinkie do such a thing? Wouldn't it make more sense to make it an OC?
10728571
Actually, while I don't remember exactly where this was said, but the Equestria Girls world is apparently not Earth.
10813125
Well, Pinkie loves to explore things so it would make sense that instead of doing things the right way that she would break the law because of her excitement. Alex is an OC but he's a good guy. I don't see the need to have a bad guy be an OC all the time when it comes down to fanfics.
I've been called this many times (to my face) and yeah I did beat the crap out of someone once!
10823921
That's why Violet gave Twilight that warning!
Who is the romance between
11082051
Alex and Twilight. You'll find out about that in chapter 10 when Alex breaks up with his girlfriend and get together with Twilight.
11082068
Okay I am going to read this I just finished another excellent twilight x human story
11082070
Okay then. Thanks for showing interest in it! I hope you enjoy it!
You honestly kind of lost me when you started talking about gods and demigods on what felt like was going to be a crime drama.
A story about law enforcement having to deal with ponies crossing over illegally and committing crimes would be interesting. Ponies are literally foreign aliens and would have abilities that would make it difficult for regular law enforcement to apprehend them if they commit a crime, this would have been really good to build upon.
The points about a law enforcement officer's strained relationship and having to work with the Twilight and other ponies would be good plot devices to flesh out the story but it didn't really deliver.
I get that you want the main character to end up with Twilight so you made Mary into a complete asshole with no redeeming qualities that can be shoved out of the way but that just makes me ask why you included her in the first place other than being a hate-sink.
Edit: About the Pinkie Pie.
A story about Pinkie Pie not being able to cope with people finding her annoying rather than endearing or entertaining would be interesting, but this went from 0 to Cupcakes really quickly for no clear reason.
You making Pinkie Pie the villain of the story doesn't flow well or fit with her character when you made her fall off the deep end and be actively malicious, violent, and hateful of humans. This character doesn't feel like Pinkie at all, more like a random villainous pony OC that's also called Pinkie Pie.
11104422
Thank you for your very valid constructive criticism. Now I have something that I know why people might not like the story.
However, with the issue of not being able to discern why Pinkie Pie is doing the things that she is doing as far as being the villain goes will be explained in chapter 21 and the title of that chapter is: The Reason Why. It will give the reason why Pinkie Pie wanted to start researching things to begin with. Pinkie Pie isn't hateful of humans she just wants to see what's inside of them just like what she did with ponies. She did mention that she did the same thing with ponies in Equestria that she is now doing with humans on Earth. It's just she was able to draw ponies to their doom by singing the 'Smile Song'. The 'Smile Song' didn't really work so well with humans because humans don't just jump in a provide backup vocals when someone starts singing out of nowhere. So yeah there's more to it than that it just won't be fully explained until chapter 21.
11104612
"Draw ponies to their doom"
So this is a Cupcakes-like story where Pinkie is a serial killer that hides behind a facade of friendliness.
11104651
Yes, but like I said, it's going to be explained exactly why she started doing that in chapter 21.
I am enjoying this and I don't know why it has so many dislikes as this is pretty good.
11108895
Well the one thing I can figure is people don't like how I portrayed my characters in the story. But I'm not changing that or my story just because a few negative people are hung up on how I've done that. Now if the writing for the story in general needs work then yeah I'm all for finding ways to improve.
People seem to have a really big issue with me picking Pinkie Pie as the villain because they feel that it makes her as OOC from the show. Mostly because she's the Cupcakes version of Pinkie Pie. (Actually people don't like it when any of the Mane 6 are portrayed in a story as OOC from the show.)
With most of fanfics I've written there have been people that have gotten hung up on how I've portrayed one or two characters in my story because they liked those characters the most and didn't like how things worked out for them. Or people have been hung up on the idea for my stories in general.
But like I said to someone else in this comment section there is a reason why Pinkie Pie is the Cupcakes version of her in this story and it will be explained in chapter 21 and it's called: The Reason Why.
But hey I can't win everyone over so yeah people not liking the story is bound to happen. If my writing in general needs to be improved then yeah I'm open to listening to ideas on how I can do that.
11109155
I mean out of all the mane 6 I think ether pinkie or twilight would have the best chance of becoming villain's pinkie with her baking skills and being able to break the fourth wall she might have her mind break from eldritch horrors and twilight studying something she should not and well also go to the dark side. And some parts I fell were a bit run on sentences but its a pretty interesting story.
11109301
Cool. Run on sentences? Where are they and how can I fix that? Because I have an editor working with me on it so we might have missed something?
11109312
Whenever Hugo is talking it seems like he is talking for a while without stoping but I may just be missing the punctuation.
11109332
Yeah you might have missed the punctuation because I'm pretty sure it's there.
I hope more will come and not sure why there are so many dislikes
11198111
I have to wait on my editor to make sure the chapter turns out good which is why it takes so long for me to publish a chapter.
Only 4 more chapters left and this story will be complete!
i hope for a sequel
11466525
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed the story!
I wonder what their kids would look like