Finding Your Place With the Outcasts

by TikiBat

Chapter 1: Finding a Friend

“Alright, miss Sine. Just relax and take it easy; this is going to sting a bit.” The artist, a pony, named Ink Rose, who fittingly had intricate tattoos running up her front foreleg calmly said as she began to rub one of Sine’s wings with an alcohol wipe.

“Okay,” Sine relaxed her tense muscles. “Now, when you say it’ll hurt a bit, are you just bullshitting me, or are you being serious?”

The other mare chuckled and nodded, giving her own webbed wings a small flap. “Well, it wouldn’t be very nice of me to say it’s gonna hurt like hell, now would it?”

Sine Wave laughed and shrugged. “Fair point. So I guess I’ll just give you a heads up when it gets too bad, right?”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” she reached over and attached the modified tattoo gun to a strap on her hoof and smiled. “Alright, deep breath.”

The sting of the tattoo needle on her sensitive wings made Sine Wave wince in pain again, but she didn’t dare cringe back… that was a lesson she did not want to learn the hard way. Instead choosing to try to dull the pain, Sine Wave thought back to why she was here in the first place.

This is my life, my decision, and no pony is going to tell me what I can’t or can’t do with it, she thought to herself.

To say that the decision she was making today was unorthodox would be a very steep understatement because, in a sense, she was doing something that could be considered more than taboo in some circles of night ponies— particularly in monumentally large communities like the kinds you’d see on the east coast in cities like Riverview. And just what was her high crime that might get her mobbed and attacked in those more aggressive communities? It was her tattooing her wings despite not taking Yinyu’s blessing.

This action had become something of a rite of passage in some parts of the United States, but it had yet to crop up in the Oasis, or most parts of the west coast for that matter— at least as far as she could tell. There was no taboo to give her any reason to fear making this decision here, even though she knew she was setting herself up for trouble elsewhere. While not necessarily meant to be an insult or rejection of that branch of night pony culture, getting her wings tattooed was a rejection of an established norm. Not very many ponies would sit down and get tattoos, but that didn’t stop Sine Wave from choosing to express herself in such a way. She was Sine Wave, after all— a pony who strived to live her life to the fullest, and she was very much opposed to simply falling in line with the others around her.

“So when did you take the blessing?” the artist asked her predictable question, looking up from the stylized set of space invader sprites that she was inking.

“I didn’t,” Sine replied.

The artist paused for a second, giving Sine the uneasy feeling she hoped she wouldn’t have to feel tonight. Admittedly, she wasn’t the best with luck. Still, the other night pony’s slight regional accent, her specific enough question, and the way she almost seemed to narrow her gaze at Sine’s answer told her all that she needed to know; this mare was not from around here, and things were possibly about to get messy.

“But…” the mare started, no doubt continuing down the line of confused questioning that Sine had presumed she would just a moment ago.

“But what?” Sine reflexively flicked her ears in annoyance. “Is there a problem with that?”

“Well, it’s just unusual, is all,” The mare replied. “I…” she narrowed her gaze. “You really shouldn’t be doing this.”

“Oh really?” Sine started to raise her voice into an accusatory tone. “You must be from Riverview or something then.”

The mare raised an eyebrow, “What if I am? Do you have a problem with that or something?”

Sine’s otherwise composed demeanor suddenly shattered with her scowl. “Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. Depends on what your next move is.”

Ink Rose seemed to hesitate for a moment, dropping her voice down to a harsh raspy whisper. “You’re asking for a lot of trouble with this; you know that, right? I mean, this is tradition; what happens when one of the mares who took the blessing finds out that you’re just lying?”

“She probably compliments me on my new tattoo and goes about her own business?” Sine fired back. “I know how things are on the east coast, but this isn’t the east coast and not everyone’s got such a barbaric reaction to this kind of thing.”

Ink Rose almost seemed to consider Sine’s point, but still frowned and shook her head. “I think maybe you need to find someone else to do this because I’m not gonna get dragged into this too.”

Sine raised an eyebrow, “Really? You’re pulling this kind of crap?”

Ink nodded. “I’ve seen what happens to mares that pretend like they got the blessing, and it’s not pretty, and I’m not going to get dragged into some bloodbath.”

Sine let out an annoyed groan. “Look, that kind of stuff doesn’t happen out here. Maybe it’s some sacred tradition in Riverview or something, but it's not some concrete law that everyone has to follow everywhere else. No one says what we can or can’t get tattooed.”

“Oh really? So you’re telling me that no one out here takes the blessing and gets their wings done up then?” Ink Rose flashed a skeptical gaze.

“Oh no, plenty of them do,” Sine replied. “Don’t get me wrong either; I think it makes them look even cuter, but that’s the end of it. We’ve got a few stallions here. One is in a committed relationship and has a foal; one is that foal, the other doesn’t want to be in any relationship period, and the other two? Well, one only stops by here every once in a while and doesn’t seem to be all that interested in anything long term.”

“But doesn’t that…” She paused. “I don’t know, back home this kind of thing ended very badly all the time.”

“Tie up the market?” Sine finished her earlier question. “Yeah, of course, it does. Doesn’t hurt that there’s a few dozen mares around, though… unless you’re not into that kind of thing.”

Ink shook her head. “You might not think this is a big deal out here, or even on this side of the country, but what about in the dream realm? Just because night ponies are so split between east and west doesn’t mean you’re not going to get way more heat for that in the dream realm.”

“And that’s supposed to scare me?” Sine countered. “You think the wardens are going to just let other ponies attack me in a dream? You think they’re going to tolerate that kind of behavior when half of them already try to condition fear into so many of us?”

“Maybe it doesn’t scare you, but think about me. I might not talk to them all that often, but I still have friends and family in a place where this is a big deal. How do you think they’re going to react if they find out that I did something like this?”

Sine shrugged. “I didn’t really think about that, but I guess it just goes to show how broken things are if something so benign in an entirely different part of the country is going to cause such an uproar in one little pocket.”

Ink Rose let out a frustrated sigh. “Sure, Riverview’s maybe one of the only places where this happens the way it does, but that’s not at all just one little pocket. It happens in other big populations too, just maybe not to the degree you see there. Compared to everywhere else in the country, they probably have the biggest population of night ponies around and that means that there’s a lot of ponies that could turn on me because of it.”

Something about the way that Ink Rose’s tone had taken caused Sine to reconsider her viewpoint, even if only a little. Sure, this wasn’t anything that would cause a problem locally, or even around most of the places either of them would be, but Ink did raise a valid point about the dream realm.

Sine nodded. “I guess I can understand your point, and I’m sorry for being so brash about it. I guess I just always thought this was dumb and that none of it made any sense or needed to be such a big deal.”

Ink looked back up at Sine, though this time with a softer gaze that almost seemed to betray her inner conflict. She seemed to struggle to find her words, but finally found something to reply back with. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I got so fired up about this too. I guess this kind of stuff is just so hard to break out of. I know it’s not the norm for the rest of the country, or even the world, but Riverview is so closed in that it’s just hard to even think about breaking their taboos.”

“Bit of a culture shock, eh?” Sine replied. “I understand. I’ve never fit in anywhere, even here. It’s hard to shake the feeling that you don’t belong, and I can’t even imagine what living somewhere like Riverview must be like for someone like me.”

“It’s a huge change,” Ink admitted. “And sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision to move or not.”

“What makes you say that?” Sine pressed.

Ink looked up at her again and shrugged. “Lot’s of things. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t have tried to broaden my horizons, sometimes I feel like maybe I was just overthinking things back home. I guess the real reason why I moved here was that I didn’t really fit in there all that well either, and I just wanted to take a breath of fresh air and see what else the world had to offer… I guess I didn’t really move on though if stuff like this still strikes a nerve without me thinking much about it.”

“I dunno, it sounds like you put a lot of thought into what you wanted to do, and I can respect that,” Sine looked back at her partially tattooed wing, this time feeling a twinge of guilt and sympathy towards Ink, and the stress and anxiety she was probably feeling. “If you want to know, there’s a reason why I’m so against taking the blessing.”

“Oh?” Ink Rose raised an eyebrow. “If you don’t mind sharing, what is it?”

“Maybe it’s dumb, but I guess I’m afraid— of what it means if I do. I never took the blessing because I never felt like I needed to. My barn door swings both ways, but I’m not ready to just wish away a part of myself. It’s probably just some stupid fear, but what happens when some fundamental part of your identity and psyche is just changed on a whim? Does it change who I am? Does it make me a different person? I guess I never wanted to just lock out a part of myself because it feels like I’m rejecting what makes me… well, me. I know it’s a loaded topic, and I’d be lying if I said that not finding a stallion to settle down with gets frustrating a lot of the time. But what can I do? I’m happy enough with the occasional side fling for now, so what’s the harm in just staying where I’m at and seeing where life takes me? I never felt like I needed to sacrifice a part of myself just to be ‘happy’ because what is happiness at that point?”

Ink Rose let out a sigh. “I can understand that. I know a lot of ponies that felt that way too, and I wish I could say it was an easy thing to overcome. I guess it ties back to how things are where I’m from. If you’ve seen what it’s like back home, you’d know what the harm is, and why this is such a big deal.”

“Well, guess it’s a good thing I live out here then, isn’t it?” Sine half-heartedly offered.

The mare paused. “I guess. It’s just… I don’t know, weird to me in that stupid weird taboo way that isn’t weird to anyone else but ponies like me.”

Sine raised a partially tattooed wing, “Well, what if it isn’t so weird out here? The damage has already been done, so why not finish.”

Ink Rose looked down at her tattoo gun and then back at the wing. “You wanna know the truth? I think I might be in the same boat as you.”

“Oh?” Sine replied. “How so?”

“I liked both too. Mares and stallions, that is. But like… there’s this whole stigma around untattooed mares and well… maybe that’s a part of why I moved away, and something I was always afraid to admit to myself.”

“And is there anything wrong with that? You are who you are, and I think that just makes you special.”

“I dunno…” she trailed off. “I just… I don’t know. Why did you rope me into this? You could have found some human to do it, or someone else or… I don’t know.”

“Because you’re the only tattoo artist here?” Sine replied. “I know, it doesn’t help. What also doesn’t help is that I didn’t care at all about how things were elsewhere, and I’m sorry for that. I know it’s a hard adjustment to make, and I can honestly feel for you now that you’ve shared so much. I guess what I can offer is this: if you’re still afraid that you need to fundamentally change a part of yourself just to get by, then I think you need to take another look at night pony society in the wider sense. I can get why they have to do that back there, and I know that you still see more of those ponies in the dream realm, but Riverview is a lot different than other places, and it doesn’t represent everywhere. I can’t undo what’s already been done, but maybe we can change things?”

“Change things?” Ink shook her head. “I don’t mean to be rude, but that’s not really practical for two ponies to do.”

“I guess I don’t mean like that. I know we can’t really do anything, but maybe we can start to make a difference in a small way? I feel bad about this now, and I wish I could just undo things.”

The sting of the needle picked up again as she continued her well-trained routine, “What do you mean by that?”

Sine was surprised by the sudden sharp pain. “I… what?”

“What you said about things being different out here.”

Sine nodded. “It’s complicated. There’s still competition and desperation, and you do get a lot of them who decide to just cut out the depression and frustration by taking the blessing, but it’s not something that we’ll risk starting fights over. That’s a sure-fire way to get your ass tossed out of here, you know? Hell, a few of them have even started dating outside the tribe, and it seems like they’re handling it well enough.”

“They’re dating outside the tribe? Like with day ponies?” Ink Rose seemed astonished.

“Uh-huh. Let me guess, that doesn’t fly either?”

“No, not at all. Believe me, that’s another big stigma.”

Ink Rose rubbed a paper towel across one of Sine’s wings, making the mare wince. “Sorry, I guess I got lost in thought for a second.”

“It’s okay,” Sine paused. “Guess I deserved it.”

Ink let out a small giggle and shook her head. “Go on.”

Sine nodded her head. “I know it’s weird, but I’m not the only mare out there who’s done this. We don’t deal with it a lot out here, but if you go and move somewhere else? Well, I’m sure it’s a coin toss on whether it’ll work out or not.”

“You’re telling me,” she sighed. “I guess I’m taking a leap of faith with this. Everything in my mind is telling me to just give you a swift kick to the side and throw you out of here, but… I don’t know. A part of me thinks that maybe I just need to take a chance to get out of my comfort zone, and I know this probably isn’t a healthy way to do it but… well, you already have half a design done, so I guess the damage is already dealt.”

“You don’t need to continue if you don’t want to though, I could just go find another artist to finish it, or just live with a half-finished tattoo as a mark of shame.”

“And let some other artist finish my work? I don’t know if you’re familiar with tattoo artists, but that’s another taboo in itself,” she laughed. “So I’m going to just have to take this risk and live with it, and hope that it doesn’t bite me in the ass later.”

This dug at Sine, but it wasn’t as if she could undo anything. “Look, if it’s any consolation, I promise I won’t tell a soul about anything. I owe it to you, and I’ll even go find some mind magic pony to make me keep my silence if it helps.”

Ink shook her head. “That wouldn’t really help unless you got a warden to do it I guess.”

“I can do that,” Sine offered.

“No,” Ink shook her head again. “What’s done is done, and all we can do now is hope that it doesn’t cause trouble. Whether I do anything else for you again… I don’t know yet, and I can’t really say.”

“That’s understandable,” Sine nodded. “So how about this, maybe I don’t get another tattoo from you, maybe I just stop by every once in a while and chat? Maybe we could get to know each other a little better than through inconsiderately breaking cultural taboos like I did.”

Ink hesitated but finally gave a small nod. “I guess we could.” she let out a small sigh. “It’s not often I get to just speak my mind about these kinds of things either.”

“I’m fine if that’s all we chat about. I know it’s a touchy subject and not an easy thing to talk about. I don’t particularly like it, but letting you vent your frustrations is the least I can do to even partially make up for this.”

Ink sighed again at Sine’s words, but something about the way she carried herself made it clear that she wasn’t sighing at Sine specifically. “It’s so annoying back home sometimes, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t almost thinking about getting the blessing myself. Want to just hang out with a cute stallion and get some lunch somewhere? Better be ready to fight for him because some other mare’s going to swoop in and try to seduce him even if you’re not a pair. If you’re not a pair? Well, then you’re not doing your part to ensure the survival of the tribe, and everyone’s on your case about that. There’s so much competition and bullshit out there that you can’t even hang out with stallions unless you’re in some secluded woods somewhere. You know when the last time I had an actual date with another night pony was?”

“Umm… a long time ago, I’m guessing?” Sine wave asked.

“Yeah, you could say that. Try a few years ago, in fact. It got tempting just to take the blessing and cut out that problem entirely… but I don’t know. It just seemed hard to let go of that part of my identity.”

“And there’s nothing wrong with that either,” Sine reassured her. “I’m bi, and I’m happy with that. But you know why I didn’t take the blessing? Because I don’t care about that stuff. I just want to live my life and do my stuff, and I don’t need a bunch of drama getting in the way of it. I know not every mare can say the same, but I’m proud of who I am.”

“I see… I honestly can’t tell you how reassuring it is to hear that.” She paused again. “So why get your wings tattooed then? Do you just honestly really like the look of it?”

Sine shrugged, keeping her extended wing steady under the needle. “It looks pretty, and if it keeps the other mares off my case when I’m on vacation or out in some other big city, then so be it. I’m not ready to give up yet, but I’m also done with dealing with the drama. Like I said before, the complete lack of a partner out here gets frustrating, but I’ve accepted that I’m either going to be alone for the time being, or I’m looking outside the tribe for companionship.”

“You’re thinking about going for a day pony too?”

Sine seemed to blush slightly, “I’m open to it. But one hasn’t caught my eye yet. It just seems like the route I’m going to have to go if I decide I want to settle down with a stallion. I don’t know what I want right now, but if it works out, then it works out, and if it doesn’t? Well, I guess it’s a good thing I’m not picky then. There’s lots of ponies out here, and I’m sure I’ll find my match someday.”

“I see… this place is a lot different from back home.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Sine asked.

“No, I guess it isn’t. It’s just going to be a lot to get used to.”

A big grin spread across Sine’s face. “Well, if you need a friend to show you around, then I guess you’re in the right place.”

“You’d be my friend?”

“If you’re looking for one,” she nodded. “I can tell there’s a bit of a culture shock here, and I’d be happy to show you around and help you get acquainted with everyone else.”

Ink Rose smiled. “I’d… I’d like that a lot.” The mare looked down at Sine’s outstretched wing. “So, what’s the idea behind these designs?”

Sine Wave smiled. “This is going to sound weird, especially because I’m a nineties mare, but did you ever play old arcade games? Like from back in the eighties?”

Ink shook her head. “I was never really into that stuff; it was before my time and on its way out by the time I was old enough to even get into that kind of thing.”

“Well, they’re inspired by that.” She pointed over to the brightly colored neon designs, “Space invaders, TRON, Pac-Man…” she lingered on one, “And Gauntlet.”

“I know Pac-Man…” Ink replied with a goofy smile. “But that’s about it. I’m guessing that these are all important things to you though?”

“Mhmm,” Sine paused. “Really one of the only connections I have to my old life as weird as it is to say that.”

“Oh? Wanna tell me about that?”

Sine Wave smiled, “Well, if we’re friends, then I guess I could give you a little bit of a primer…”

The rest of the session was filled with some small stories from both of their pasts, though there were still many more to share. In a way though, it helped dull the pain better than anything else thus far. There was still a lingering sense of culture shock between the two, and Sine could tell that Ink Rose had a lot to move on from, but after they were done, she knew that this new pony would become a fast friend… what she didn’t know, however, was that she was about to be introduced to another pony, one who quite literally crashed into her life...

Comments

[ProgAltRocker]

I need to read more of the lore for this universe. It seems the new pony society is somewhat rigid, almost monolithic, at least for the night pony tribe. But I like the basis of the story, must keep reading

[TikiBat]

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It’s something that’s more relegated to the east coast and the larger night/bat pony communities there. There’s more context given as the story goes on and you’ll start to see how the characters begin to challenge that aspect of the culture by the end