The Spy Who Hugged Me

by GaPJaxie

Pony Tour Scowl Disorder

A request by LegallyFluffy:

Rainbow Dash comes home from a long tour with the Wonderbolts.

They say war is hell.

I guess, technically, I’ve never been to war, but Wonderbolts get a military rank, and Spitfire told me they’re descended from the old Pegasopolis Air Guard, so that’s pretty close. And I’ve been to Tartarus, which is what stories about hell are based on, and let me tell you: air tour’s are just like Tartarus.

Long boring flights in and out, remote locations like the Tartarian Gates or Albuquerque, cages full of hideous beasts. Not literal cages, I’m talking about the stands. Shouting crowds. It’s like a metaphor.

You think the training prepares you, that you’re tough, hot stuff, ready to put on any show. But nothing prepares you for townies throwing popcorn out of the stands as you go past. I knew one young buck, name of Speed Run. Strong flyer, good kid. He tried to do a low pass over the foal’s section of the stands, and he…

He took a milkshake to the face. Spun in. There was nothing we could do. Sprained wing, doc made him keep off it for two weeks.

And you keep telling yourself, when it’s all over. The show, I mean, when the show’s all over. There’ll be a big party. You’ll be a hero! Drinking hard and flirting with mares asking you to sign body parts. But then you get to the afterparty and it’s just at some local bar that keeps trying to push their weird artisanal cider, and the mares mostly just want you to sign napkins or posters or things like that.

I don’t know what it was all for, Twilight. For the glory? For the adventure? For the generous pay and government pension? Just because I wanted to fly really really fast?

I don’t know. I just don’t know.

They got a name for it. PTSD -- Pony Tour Scowl Disorder. It’s where you start glaring at ponies real hard because you’re all cynical and bitter. Spitfire has it. She’s got it real bad.

I think I might have it, Twilight.

---

Twilight didn’t look up from her book.

After a long pause, Rainbow continued in her best gravelly, dramatic voice: “You think I need therapy?”

“No.”

Comments

[LegallyFluffy]

I love this so much! Thank you.

[Cerulean Blue]

“No.”

Sums everything up :)

[Daedalus Aegle]

Everyone needs therapy as a general rule.

These are all glorious.

[Admiral Biscuit]

So I have done some tours with live theatre groups and can confirm this is all 100% accurate.

[FanOfMostEverything]

"Rainbow, you get therapy. Our friends are basically a support group."
"A support group for what?"
"Something different for each of us."