The Runaway Bodyguard

by scifipony

Chapter 64 — The Perfect Assassin

Hooflyn Mount Canterlot Hospital on Manehatten Ave and Princess Hwy made the general hospital back in Sire's Hollow look like a small clinic in comparison. It stretched into three wings, with three floors above ground and one below. Like in Baltimare, it had been built of brick, but here the brick had been purpose-built to look nice. Colored various warm shades of leafy and woody brown in color, they harmonized with the mud brown-framed windows each supplied with magical air coolers to deal with the hot summer air. Pink and white flowers under tall trees tried to convince a pony this wasn't the middle of a big oppressive city.

The interior had been recently renovated, with plenty of glass and polished steel, but also a lot of soft fabric in cheery greens and yellows. Dancing mares and hearts dotted pillars and beams. Of course they did: Princess Celestia was the mane benefactor of the establishment.

I guess she could do some good.

It was my third visit and today, as previously, it wasn't as Carne Asada's daughter or Gelding. Previously, I'd been some random pony who had come to volunteer. Hospitals always needed volunteers and, inscrutably, ponies always wanted new friends, so that allowed me to visit all the public floors, and some of the restricted areas. I chatted up lonely patients and ran messages. I had easily found the room the constables guarded. I'd learned the nurse's rounds. I'd scoped out what rooms contained what equipment and what hallways had the least traffic, while being the most helpful mare I could be. I worked hard. I had to—or I might start thinking about sprayed blood or about Carne Asada's reaction to my solution.

At least she hadn't killed me.

These last few days I'd worked until I dropped from exhaustion into sleep. That helped. Now to see if my alternate plan would do the job, psychologically.

I had washed all the mauve dye out of my hair and tail, and replaced it with a green that matched my natural stripe. It wasn't the right shade, but two tone worked well when I braided it into pigtails. I tied a blue ribbon into my tail that matched the blue ribbon tie on my blouse. I'd purchased the middle school uniform in a thrift shop and tailored it so it didn't restrict my movement, and to fit my fuller form. I'd have been in high school now had I been a normal pony. The middle school blouse made the larger saddlebags look in scale and less likely to be searched. The school uniform only had a blouse.

I was still a blank flank.

Thank Celestia! And when I say that, I mean that with all the gratitude I can possibly muster. It had occurred to me later—after the OCD washing, after the slap, after being chewed out by Carne Asada—that I had been really talented at what I had done.

What if that had proved to be my special talent?

My heart beat into my throat. Heat welled up and my ears began to ring, my mind trying to erase the world in a glare of white. I stood in the lobby of the hospital and I turned toward the display of ferns, tears streaming down from my eyes, soaking my cheeks. What if I had gotten a cutie mark in that? What if I had gotten a cutie mark for being a... monster—?

"Little filly, are you all right?"

Relative silence replaced the scream in my head.

The elderly yellow mare had white speckles throughout her muzzle and silver throughout her flowing mane and tail. Green eyes regarded me through thick glasses. Finer Touch was the afternoon reception volunteer. I turned and buried my face in her mane. It smelled of orange blossoms.

It was true. I was broken.

"Now, now, deary."

"My mommy."

She walked me toward the desk. "This is the right place for her to be."

"I-I know."

"Do you need help getting to her room?"

I shook my head vigorously, beating myself with the pigtails but not looking up. No need to push the limits of my disguise. I mentioned the number of a room on a floor below where I needed to be. Crystal Skies had pulled plans for the hospital, so I had confirmed everything I needed to know, and knew distances to the hoof length. I magicked the pink date-coded sticker in place and proceeded down the hall.

I continued blinking away tears. I really had frightened myself. Again.

The nurses in lemon-lime pajama uniforms, decorated with roses and plush purple bears, were too busy to bother with ponies that weren't asking for help. Hospitals are generally quiet places by design, but not silent. There are always beeps and boops of flashing monitors. Ponies moan. Wheelchairs are opened or hoofrests put down. Infusion stands rolled with unbalanced wheels, hit walls as ponies in blue gowns stumbled through the hall, or were knocked over. Trays clatter.

Teleport spells pop.

Actually, I timed it with a pony banging a bed pan against a tray table calling for the nurse. That worked.

I appeared in the blue pegasus' room, ducking down and casting the second spell, trying to take in everything I could see as fast as I could do so. I'd been in enough rooms that I knew the standard equipment and the standard layout of the odd numbered rooms in this wing. I expected that the young stallion would likely be asleep, dozing, or least likely reading a book. I'd have a few seconds to solidify my awareness of the room. I ducked below the tray table and monitor that had been pushed aside along with a chair and an open privacy curtain. A little more stuff than I expected, but that made it easier to hide and I worked to add it to my mental model.

The door to the room opened, bringing in my first test. Hydraulics prevented it from banging into the wall, but it revealed a constable. A purple earth pony with a short brown mane peered in with brown eyes, his blue peaked cap askew. I could not miss the displayed copper badge.

He had a baton clamped in his teeth. Around it, he asked, "Did you knock over something?"

Hyperventilating came from the bed. I looked. At this point, I realized Don't Look Don't See Don't Hear was working. The blue pegasus' left side, including his foreleg, was immobilized in a cast. Made sense, since both appendages shared muscles. His eyes looked bloodshot. He didn't have bags under his eyes; he had luggage. He had shoved himself up in the bed so he was against the headboard, with all the tubes and wires trailing from the monitors and infusion bags. "They're here. They've come for me. They're going to get me."

The copper turned toward the nurses' desk. "Twinklestar. Blue Lightning needs his shot, before he breaks something again."

A rotund red mare bustled in, complimenting and cajoling, getting Blue Lightning to relax so she could lay him back down. She injected something into his lines and nattered on with him about little stupid things that made him smile. Or it was the happy juice.

I understood how that worked. Carne Asada had gotten me valerian root. I chewed on some right now. It tasted like eating dirt, but it often helped, despite my crying earlier.

The nurse left.

So he had taken psychological damage, too? I can't say that I was entirely unhappy about that. Stabbing Carne Asada hadn't affected him. I'd seen him laughing and gleeful before I... Best that he had a taste of what he needed to feel, I thought.

I took a deep breath and got up. The nurse had left the door open a hoof length. I slowly pushed it closed, then held the latching handle, letting it close and latch soundlessly and waited.

Nothing.

I looked back toward the bed. Cheap flowers lay on the nightstand. Two of the three sunflowers, the spicy hot ones with the black centers, had been chomped on. I saw a couple of newspaper sport sections, of course. I approved. It didn't surprise me to see the latest issue of Playpony. I liked Playfilly myself when I could wheedle a copy from Crystal Skies. Family and friends had visited. He wasn't under arrest as a gang member—I hadn't been 100% sure, but I was now. He had been taken into protective custody as an innocent bystander. His buddies had likely jerked the play cape off of him when he ran, thinking of his friend's family when the constables reported him dead and bled out on the street.

He'd been lucky. As had I.

Blue Lightning stared out at the city. There were plenty of high buildings, but I could see the Hooflyn bridge off to the right. Straight in the distance, across the bay, was where my adventure with Safe as my erstwhile teacher had begun one bright morning. Lots of brick buildings stood surrounded by a few glass skyscrapers that had begun to be built near the shoreline. With pegasus flying to and fro, it was a calming sight.

I had business, though.

I queued Push, to clamp his muzzle closed if I needed. I also worked on vectors for Teleport if I needed them. I had escape routes for me or us, depending on what was necessary. I had the team on standby. Unluckily, I couldn't keep the gum working because of the sight lines, patrolling constables, the incredible amount of vehicular traffic, and all the metal and bricks in the buildings. I wasn't thinking I'd need it, though. In any case, didn't want my ponies hearing me muttering like the deranged filly I'd become.

I took my time. I made sure of everything.

Eventually, I walked in front of the window.

Yes, I've become really good at Don't Look Don't See Don't Hear under the right conditions. Moving traffic and flying pegasi? Well, that's a lot for me to convince a pony he's seeing when he's looking directly at me. Static backgrounds are best.

I waited.

His smile faded and his eyes widened. It was pretty good happy juice, all things considered, or maybe he was as broken as I was: He didn't scream. He only blinked. I didn't even have to let go of my spell.

He whispered, "You are the perfect assassin."

Now it was my turn to blink in confusion. "How so?"

"Carne Asada's daughter? Am I right?"

I shrugged.

He tilted his head and rubbed an eye with his left free hoof and saw me again.

I said, "No, and yes. The thestral called me her spiritual daughter for what I did for her. It makes me sick."

"What?"

"What I did to you."

He huffed. "Yeah. You failed to kill me. I get that. When you blood the knife, you need to complete the deed. The griffon that taught me told me it was easy. Guess she was right: I'm just a soft pony."

I said, "What did you mean?"

"That you failed—?"

"No," I interrupted. "The perfect—"

"The perfect assassin." He shuddered. "I'm as good as dead already. I guess that's why it's so clear. You."

"Me?"

"You. You could knock off any boss you wanted."

Magic didn't work that way. The illusion would break when I struck, but I wasn't going to say that. I shook my head.

He scoffed, emboldened because he thought it didn't matter. I strengthened the Push in the queue, ready to switch the moment he escalated toward hysteria. He continued. "Worst case, if you were pure evil, I could see you creeping into the throne room, stepping up to the princess, and—"

"Stop!" I hissed, keeping my voice down, despite wanting to yell. My spell might make it so ponies didn't hear me, but I wasn't sure that ponies also had to be able to potentially see me to not see me and not hear me. I made a mental note to test that one day.

It took almost a minute of blinking, tears streaming down my face, wrestling out of mind the vision of the Canterlot court dress Carne Asada bought me. Next time I opened my wardrobe, I would burn the rag. Yes, I hated Princess Celestia, but I would not trade my life to take hers. One day I would fight her and conquer her evil, but not that way. Not ever.

Was that Carne Asada's plan for the White Windigo?

I didn't know. Making me her assassin? Well, that wasn't going to work.

I said, "I'm not here to kill you."

He had watched my whole clownish performance. Maybe that's why he smiled. "Are you chicken?"

I pointed a hoof at the pigtails. "Disguise, got it? That's really good happy juice they're giving you."

"Yeah. The best. Get it over with before I start caring again and start screaming. You know, you took everything I really care about in life away from me." His magenta eyes began to grow wider as he thought about what he had just said.

I said, "As I intended. Did you know you can't stab yourself in the horn using your own magic. I tried."

"You... You, what?"

"It doesn't work that way. It won't let me hurt ponies, including myself. And I am too chicken to use my hooves. I'm not going to kill you."

He opened his mouth widely as he inhaled.

"Unless you make me," I added swiftly.

His mouth clacked shut. He let the air out silently. I smirked, feeling suddenly slightly better.

I reached into my saddlebags and tried to grab the heavy box in my teeth. It didn't work. Shoot. I glanced at the door. I glanced at Blue Lightning. Well, I could better queue Teleport if I let the illusion spell go. It felt like a fog lifted. The moving digits spinning in your vision become like floaters in your eyes after awhile, but keeping a visualization of your surroundings also in your mind, and thinking deductively at the same time...

I smiled.

"I can see you better," he said. "I think it's wearing off."

I shook my head and levitated out a lavender box. Well, technically, lilac and brown. Imprinted in white letters, it read, "Li-Lac's Chocolates!" It was neither cheap nor gourmet, though I had taken the 60% cacao bonbons inside and melted them together with some rather richer ingredients. I took out other boxes.

"I'm sorry—" I started.

"Chocolates aren't going to cut it, Glitter. I don't forgive you," he said.

"There a few things you need to know. First of all, I don't forgive you either. You ruined my life a little bit less than Princess Celestia did, but it's a good thing. I think it'll be a good thing for you to."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Good for you. I'm more than half-dead never able to fly again. I hope you feel guilty the rest of your flapping life."

"I will. I did it. I saw it. I'm a monster."

He stopped talking. Wisely.

"There is a unicorn pony named Knitting Needles, a physician in Trottingham. He is a fellow at the Queen Bliss More Medical College and he is a neurosurgeon who specializes in limb reattachment. I talked to a Wonderbolt whom confirmed he helped him fly again."

"Yeah. I'm a poor colt from Hooflyn. Not happening."

I said. "I am Carne Asada's personal bodyguard. I am well paid. I've been saving since I started the gig. I melted all my savings into the candy in these four boxes. Yes. It's blood money. I suggest you be careful who you let open and move those boxes for you. I further suggest that you leave Equestria for Trottingham the instant you can leave this hospital, with constabulary escort if you can manage that. Go to the docks. Eat a candy. Book an airship. Carne Asada was so tickled pink about my vivisection of you that she gave me a thirty gold bit bonus, which is the contents of the fourth box." I levitated them all into the credenza, stacking them behind the tissue boxes and spare pink water pitcher. "The mare is mercurial. Don't dilly dally."

I turned away. My horn lit as I assembled precise vectors. He lifted his hoof. "Wait, wait. Please."

"I'm not going to kill you."

"Sweet Celestia, no pony'd be that cruel. I mean—?"

"No, I'm not. What is it?"

"I d-didn't say anything about Rose Thorn being upset about business margins."

I was betting that would be a Hooflyn or Manehatten C.A. lieutenant I'd yet to meet, one who might have known when Carne Asada was traveling through her own turf. "Book the first airship," I reiterated.

"I will."

With that, I teleported to the street below. I'm sure that confirmed for him that the goofy looking teary-eyed middle-schooler was indeed The Perfect Assassin.

Author's Note:

Next: Can’t get worse, right?