Trapped and Freed
The Friendship Express was a modern marvel. Unlike the old-fashioned marriages that were pulled by guards, the fast-moving bullet train was powered by a mix of arcane-infused crystals and coal and was able to make the trip from Ponyville to Canterlot in a matter of hours. This meant that a business trip could be completed in a single day, but also increased tourism to let ponies from the furthest reaches of Equestria come to visit the princesses or just have a leisurely visit.
Yet, even with the sunrise and sunset trips requiring a reservation due to their popularity, the rides between mid-morning and mid-afternoon were often empty due to ponies either being at work or already arrived at their destinations. However, it also meant that those time slots were quieter and provided a chance for deep thinking and just enjoying the trip through the countryside that led to Mount Canter. To many, the green-coated mare with a ladybug cutie mark seated in Car 7, Seat G seemed like any other single passenger that was heading to Canterlot, but if a unicorn could read her mind they would see something vastly different and way darker.
"What a lovely day, fitting considering my master plan is about to come to fruition!" The mare thought, watching as the rolling hills of flowers transitioned into farmland that helped to feed the population of the capital. "Every preparation went off without a single snag, and perhaps I should congratulate Thorax by letting him have the honor of starting the first clutch with my new food toy. No, wait, if I did that then he might get the notion that I am giving him a sliver of my authority, I can't do that! Well, he can have the second clutch then once I get my hooves on them first…"
"Ma'm…"
"Oh it will be a glorious sight! My offspring will be infused with love, acting as an engine for my victory…"
"Excuse me, ma'm…"
"Every single pony bowing to ME, those tricky princesses chained to my throne. A true testimony to my power and authority. I will have the entire castle redone to be a tribute to my overwhelming victory, the nobles dissolved of all power, and have enough love to make the princesses lust after my-"
"Ma'm!"
"What?!" The mare snapped not caring who witnessed her sneer, feeling that everypony would be bowing to her playing a large part in that. Yet, as she glared at the ticket stallion, she mentally smirked at him letting off waves of fear. "I am having some deep thoughts, how dare you interrupt them!"
"I am dreadfully sorry madame," The stallion said, tipping his cap towards her as he regained his professional composure. "But we have arrived at Canterlot Station, considering this is where I saw your ticket was stamped for, I was just informing you that we have arrived at your final destination."
"Oh," The mare said, putting on a fake look of guilt, because a true queen never actually felt guilt. "Sorry then, I just have a lot of personal stuff on my mind and it really has been wearing down my patience."
"Hey now, we all have those kinds of days," The stallion was practically oozing a certain kind of love, one the illusioned mare knew she could feed off of and use to her benefit. "How about the next time you are in Ponyville I take you out to eat? I know Hayburger Shack isn't much, but it would be my treat."
"I will keep that in mind," The mare said, batting her eyelashes as she stood up and winked at the stallion as she headed for the door. "Keep clicking away on the rails, who knows when our paths will cross again."
"Rightly so ma'm," The stallion once again tipped his cap, admiring the view he saw as she passed by. "Now enjoy your stay in Canterlot."
With the train depot located at the edge of town, it was the perfect place for all travelers to get a general sense of the layout of the city. However, the location also made for simple access for the farmers in the valley to onload and offload their produce to be shipped off whenever an order came in from a place such as Dodge, Manehattan, or Appleloosa by way of the old mule trail that went down the side of the mountain. Following the trail around the bend, the mare stopped where some thick tumblebriar bushes grew and, after a subtle push from her magic, they parted to a secret tunnel passage.
Heading in, and making sure to close the entranceway behind her after making sure she had it been seen, she used the natural light blue glow of the candlestine lunar crystals that only grew in the tunnel. As she headed deeper, a few of the crystals turned to pink, with those becoming more numerous in both variety and hue until finally the tunnel opened into the central cave.
The immense space could hold five Canterlots and have room to spare for a wall, with the biggest crystals dwarfing even the height of the towers to the Princess' castle. Yet, despite being surrounded by an untold fortune should the crystals be sold on the underground market, the purpose of her visit was in the dead center of the cavern in a solid black, magic-proof cage.
"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" The mare said, making the pink alicorn that was being held captive spin in place to face her. "Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. Heiress to the Equestrian throne, matchmaker of unparalleled efficiency, undercover erotica author, and the Embodiment of Love… You should take this moment to consider yourself honored! After all, you are the first of my new subjects that I am taking the liberty to visit."
"What are you talking about mare?" Cadence said, raising an eyebrow as the strong layer of confusion she was feeling started to bubble away to rage at the newcomer's remarks. "Do you have any idea what my aunties are going to do once they find me and I tell them who was behind my disappearance?"
"You mean Celestia and Luna, the rulers of this land?" The mare laughed, a slight crackle resonating off the walls as she did so. "I am not worried about them at all! In fact, I could easily use you as bait, because in the end, they will be joining you in worshiping the ground my hooves trod on."
"Ok, if I didn't think you had lost your mind before, I really think you have now," Cadance said, her anger abating for the moment as she stared at the madmare before her. "You are asking for a death wish, for who are you to make such claims?! Go look back at Equestrian history, you will see that they are more than capable of holding their own in a fight!"
"Who am I? Who am I?! Well…" With a twisted grin, her eyes shined green, her disguise burning away in a painless green fire. Where fur once was, hole-riddled chitin as black as space glistened in the prismatic light, her dragonfly-like wings buzzing and amplified like an army of beebears due to the acoustics of the cavern. From her muzzle, a pair of sharp top and bottom fangs gave an ominous gleam, waiting for the chance to be sunk into their prey, and the slitted pupils of her emerald green eyes showed danger was imminent to who had the misfortune of meeting their gaze. "I am your worst nightmare, my scrumptious little buffet.
"I have earned many names over the years. The Nightengale Bandit, The Black Shadow of Saddle Arabia, The Silent Succubus, The Love Widow… Many names in many places, but at the end of the day, they are all me. I am the silent terror that goes bump in the night, waiting to pounce and drain the love from any prey that crosses mine or my drones' paths. Many are never the same after I am done with them, but oh well, it is the price these love turkeys that are Celestia and Luna's subjects must pay to ensure my hive survives. As for you? You may call me by my real name since you will be kissing my hooves. I am your new owner and Mistress… Queen Chrysalis."
"Big talk for a big bug," Cadance snorted, rolling her eyes at the display as a sour look formed on the changeling that was glaring at her. "Let me guess, going to keep me down here until you have a ransom made and my aunts and Shiny deliver it? Fat chance of them going along with that, because the only way you are leaving the city is in shackles or your ashy remains scattered by the wind!"
"I bet you would just love for me to tell you my plan," Chrysalis said, her expression going back neutral and her laughter returned as she regathered herself. "To tell you exactly what I have planned, so you can MacHoover an escape and have me captured, tortured, or killed? Well, I got bad news for you Moist Plot, I can turn into any creature, so I can easily slip out of this city completely undetected! I do suppose I could go that route and make everyone think you have gone insane, lurking in the shadows until you are deemed senile, but I can't possibly imagine making my poor drones wait any longer to stuff themselves full to the brim. Of course, there is also the matter that in addition to plotting and reading your foolish pony concept when it comes to love, I also am wise enough to never reveal my plans to the enemy, my little love milker."
"You have made more than one pass at me, and I am highly cross of it," Cadance said, mentally facehoofing at the fact she thought she could get the queen to admit the plan to the hidden recording devices that were recorded around the chamber. "Shiny Is the only pony for me, and the way you have been talking, you act like I am like a five-layer cake covered in extra-sweet vanilla frosting and topped with chocolate-coated strawberries."
"With as much love as you have for your mare, that is an accurate description." Chrysalis smirked, taking pride in the shocked expression her prisoner wore. "Ah, you think I didn't know? I have had my drones following Gleaming Shield for a long time Cadenza, learning all her mannerisms with her interactions around you to impersonate you better since I had another group take notes on you. As for the food bit, the mere fact my species feeds off love itself should be the dead giveaway that is what you are going to be used for. No matter, once I corrupt that mare's mind, you can rejoin her as my food puppets while being used to incubate and increase the numbers for my hive."
"You twisted monster!" In a fit of rage, Cadence threw all her body weight against one side of the cage in an effort to break the bars, but even the power of an alicorn wasn't enough to break the cage. "Her love to me is unconditional, you will not break her! Years of training have made her mind an impenetrable fortress, so you are wasting your time with that endeavor."
"Oh, am I?" Chrysalis said, turning so her rear faced Cadance and lifted her silky teal tail, flooding the alicorn's nose with a strong dose of pheromones. "The thing about any fortress, it is only impenetrable to those without a key or a battering ram. So, Cadenza, where is she now?"
"I-" Cadance's mouth went dry, but mentally she was having to burn a lot of her reserves to keep her plan from failing. The aroma was intoxicating, and the longer she looked at what was in front of her the better it looked. "I won't tell…"
"Is that so?" Chrysalis backed up, putting her rear firmly against the bars but stepped away each time the Princess of Food leaped towards her with her tongue outstretched. "Now now, I am in charge here pet, all you have to do is tell me where Gleaming is, and you can have a drink of nectar."
"Mm-must resist…" Cadance stammered, but a stronger pheromone wave shot her crumbling defenses into dust. "Ok, fine! She should be at the villa, probably just waking up since we had a really late night, but I am running on zero sleep since your lot took me from bed before I could doze off."
"At the villa?" Chrysalis mentally raised an eyebrow, not counting on her target to actually be in a different location, but it showed the intel she had been given about Gleaming not reporting for duty checked out. "Where is the villa located? Remember, the more you cooperate, the sooner you two are reunited."
"It is at the top of the mountainside, overlooking the city," Cadance blurted out, having to put actual thought into her answer as the pheromone threatened to fully fog her mind. "Bedroom is on the second floor, you can't miss it, for it is the only one that is ornated with pearls and gold leaf."
"Good mare," Chrysalis purred, once more backing up to the bars, but walking away when Cadance had only one drop of her promised reward. "Now, you sit here and let that pheromone rock you on a wild ride, I will return later today after I have planted the seed in your fellow pet's mind."
"You…" Cadance was caught midthought by a powerful muscle spasm, one that made her cry out and left her breathing heavy and voice weak. "You won't get away with this Chrysalis, I will be freed and you will be in chains."
"On the contrary, my dear," Chrysalis said, heading back up the way she came as she retook her pony disguise. "I have already won, you just don't realize it yet."
Walking back up the tunnel meant that the sound of her hoofsteps got smaller and smaller in the chamber until Cadance didn't hear them anymore. However, she wasn't mad at all, and with a flick of green magic from her horn the lock to the case fell to the ground with a light thud. That wasn't the only thing either, as a few nearby crystals rippled before being consumed in their own green fire as the disguised drones stood up.
"Well done Prism Lace!" Mandible said, giving the still-disguised drone a liquid to neutralize the effect of the pheromone. "We got all that recorded, she doesn't stand a chance now!"
"Well, less of a chance anyway," Prism said, returning to her normal form after drinking the liquid. "We both know that she has plenty of tricks up her hoof, but considering the trap that is waiting for her? Today is finally the day that we are free, this is our chance or redemption…"
Gleaming Shield was a simple mare with simple needs. She had her Cady, and to her, that was all she could ever ask for. Even though being born a colt, she had always seen herself fitting more as a mare and being a big sister to Twilight. So, with the support of her parents, Celestia, and her marefriend, she was turned into her true self with the stipulation she would put up a stallion disguise in public and the presence of company until Celestia could get the law changed to allow for a mare Captain of the Guard.
She hated having to keep up the illusion, but with her dear Cadance promising her that she would bear the first foal, she put up with it to ensure Princess Celestia was well guarded to eventually save up enough bits to start a family. Whereas she was a stern soldier in public, in private she was anything but, often keeping her mane down in a 'bedroom look' and drinking her worries away over hot tea.
However, today's planning was the total opposite of routine.
With Celestia, Cadance, Luna, Twilight and her friends, and Dragonfly, Thorax and his brother lurking outside her and Cadance's villa while invisible but still in earshot of the open bedroom window, Gleaming had to beat down the nerves she felt of playing the damsel in distress due to the stakes involved. All of her training, all of her skills, were temporarily placed on the back burner so she could act her role.
"This is pointless!" Gleaming thought, starting to wear a rivet in the floor from how much she had been pacing in place. "It is bad enough for me to be stuck in this position, but even Celestia knows that this is out of my comfort circle. I should be the one doing the protecting, not the other way around!"
"Gleamy, what are you doing here?" Gleaming turned towards the voice, identical to her own finaceé's, and much to her sickening horror the impostor's looks matched Cadance as well to the tiniest detail. "I thought that you were on your lunch break, but when I checked in with Flash, he said that you didn't even report for duty today. Are you feeling alright?"
"I'm fine Cady," Gleaming said, letting out a small sigh as she moved over towards the villain in a lover's coat and gave her a tight hug. "I was just a little paranoid from not seeing you when I woke up is all, not used to seeing you gone at such a late hour."
"I am not an excuse to stay off duty," The fake Cadance said, giving Gleaming a bat of her eyelashes. "Although, since you are off and it is just the two of us here, how about I treat you to a special massage I learned many years ago? It is guaranteed to remove all stress and worry from your tired mind, and then afterward, how about I put our foal in you early so that way you can have an extended rest until it is time for our wedding?"
"Oh this mare is GOOD…" Gleaming thought, remembering that Thorax had warned her about Chrysalis knowing much of her private conversations thanks to recons from other drones. "I don't know dear, that would require me to put in leave in advance, and with the Captain Mare Defense Bill not going to be signed for a few more weeks when Princess Celestia does her monthly public decree update, it probably would make a lot of questions get asked…"
"Mm, fair point my dear, but I am a princess so that would be easy paperwork to bait and switch," Chrysalis knew she was in her element as Gleaming's worry and concern melted away into relief. The queen had done this technique, using one's fear to lure into a false sense of security, enough times to know that this was when a victim's mind was at its weakest. "So, how about lay out on the bed with your hooves stretched out to the sides so I can begin to fully relax you?"
"Ok honey," Following the impostor's instructions, Gleaming did as she was told, but she was not prepared to feel the magic signature poking at her mind to be a dead ringer for when Cadance prepared her for interrogation defense training. "Say, how come I feel your magic in my head? You haven't done that since interrogation defense."
"This is a different kind of spell than that," Chrysalis' answer oozed with smugness, the fact it was a completely honest answer only added to her mirth and allowed her to start picking apart the locks that recognized Cadance's magical signature. "Whereas interrogation spells are designed for forcible entry on an unwilling target, the massage spells I learned from Aloe and Lotus are designed for a gentle approach and only work if the pony being worked on allows it to seep in."
"So it is an interrogation spell, but only works with con- ooooooooooo," All mental concentration in Gleaming's mind ceased the moment the mare that was towering above her hit a certain nerve at the base of her neck. It was a nerve that had been damaged after being accidentally dropped on her head as a foal, and even with the best neuro spells the doctors had said it would be something that she had to deal with for the rest of her life. Whereas the real Cadance avoided it out of caution for causing pain, Gleaming was shocked by how the massage on the nerve made her whole body feel like a furnace as a small moan escaped her lips. "Oh, oh Cady..."
"Like how that feels, my powerful Shield?" Chrysalis giggled, able to smell just how worked up Gleaming was getting at her gentle hooves and magic touches. "A mare of your position deserves a little leisure now and then, especially from their marefriend. I had been careful not to trigger that nerve, but after a lot of research I discovered that if I slowly put pressure around it, it can be a good experience."
"Please, don't stop," Gleaming muttered, her mind starting to feel as if it was being filled in warm honey. As much as she hated to admit it, she was starting to think less of it being an acting job and imaging Cadance actually making her muscles into jelly. "This is the best massage you have ever given me, keep this up and I won't let you stop until the sheets need changing and I have our foal in me."
"It is my duty as a Princess to grant that request Captain Shield," Ignoring a rustling bush outside, Chrysalis pressed on, not believing that Gleaming was so easy to be molded into putty in her hooves. "However, like anything in life, some things are worth the tiniest bit of waiting. I had to make sure that I wouldn't hurt you my beloved, but I know you just love melting to my motions, so don't worry about a thing my powerful protector."
"Mmm, yes," Gleaming was trying hard to fight back the changeling queen's magic, but that was becoming more of a challenge with each passing lock that vile creature managed to open in her mind. Her body responded in kind, releasing a flood of dopamine that nearly rendered her unable to have a simple thought process. However, she had one trick left up her hooves that she had carefully planned for:
She had not eaten a single thing all day.
It was at this perfect moment, when she heard a quick flash of magic behind her and a strong pulsing under her tail, that the universe decided that she was ready to deal justice. Just before Chrysalis had a chance to do her deed, she heard a low rumble building like an approaching herd of angry yaks, which turned into a growl that made an enraged Dragon Lord Torch seem tame in comparison and made her skin crawl.
"Um, Gleamy," Chrysalis said, trying to shake off the unholy noise that had just reverberated into her memory. "By chance, have you eaten anything today?"
"No," Gleaming said, leaning up and nuzzling into the fake alicorn's chin. "I was too worried about you being gone to really think of anything else…"
"Don't worry about it hun," Chrysalis was starting to slowly lose her patience at the last lock, a rather large one that was engraved into Cadance's cutie mark, but she knew she had to buy time in any way possible. "That just shows how much you care about me, is there anything in particular that you would like that is not attached to me?"
"Cheeky," Gleaming smirked, narrowing her eyes and tossing her mane in the same 'bedroom look' that her and Cadance saw in their private magazine collection. "As far as food is concerned, I am in the mood for banana bread.
Faster than Chrysalis could react, there were multiple flashes of magic that made the room glow like a miniature star and temporarily blinded her. With her vision being reduced to a blur and her guard being let down out of surprise, she was defenseless against the inhibitor ring she felt clamped at the base of her horn, the bindings that held her wings firm against her back, and the shackles that limited the movement of her hooves. However, the most surprising thing she saw when her vision refocused was the angry pink alicorn glaring at her with Thorax and Dragonfly standing at her sides.
"Cadence? Thorax? Dragonfly?" Chrysalis' anger made her chitin ripple, but everytime she went to lunge the shackles felt heavier around her, as if encasing her legs in cement. "What is the meaning of this?! I saw you in that cell Cadence, it was designed to my specific instructions to keep you in it. As for you two traitors, just you wait until the rest of the hive finds out, you will be chow by sunset!"
"You mean the hive that is currently under guard by Celestia's finest?" Thorax said, stepping forward and looking directly at the twin infernos that were boring into him. "While you were plotting on taking over Equestria, me and a few others put our own plan in motion while luring you like a cat chasing a glow spot spell. We knew your plot would fail, and by doing this, it paved the path for changelings to survive for generations in a peaceful symbiotic alliance with ponies."
"TRAITOR!" Chrysalis put what effort she wanted to put in her magic in her tone, but much to her utter shock Thorax didn't even flinch even though Dragonfly whimpered. "Are you too brain dead to realize what you have done?! You sold out to our inferiors, our prey, our food! The only thing you sorry lot of grubs have accomplished is sealing our extinction and soiling the reputation that has been in place since the First Mother. Changelings are hunters Thorax, we need love to survive, and if you would have just followed orders the hive would have been unstoppable and we would have so much love hunger would've been a thing of the past."
"Your ego really got your eyes that blind?" Thorax countered, making Chrysalis balk at the accusation and wishing she had heat vision to turn him into ash. "It was a terrible idea! Yeah, sure, short term we would have a lot of love, but what about long term? Pony moral would drop, which would lead to love flow being shut off, and that would have led to our extinction. The empty carapace that would have resulted would have been on your hooves, not mine."
"I fed you, and all the others,doing what I had to do in order to keep the hive alive," Chrysalis sneered, almost spitting with each word from how angry she was. "I had to sleep with ponies, griffins, dragons, yaks… any creature you can think of just to gather enough love scapes to last us another week. Does that not count for anything to you?"
"It shows you were trying to be a good queen, a good mother, but your pride and ambition misguided you," Thorax was calm, months of mental preparation had steadied him for this and he was not going to lose now. "Think of it this way, I get the chance by working with Equestria to put us where you tried but failed to. Besides! Ever since you started plotting, you keep muttering about taking over, when you have told us rival soldiers that you already got your flank whooped by Princess Celestia in the past."
"He is right Chrysalis," Celestia said, making her presence known to the dread queen as the Embodiment of the Day entered from the hallway. "When we last fought all those years ago, I gave you the choice to stay and work off your crimes and ensure full pardons for you and all your drones if you managed to redeem yourselves and integrate into society. If you had taken the offer then, you would not be in the mess you are in now, only now there is no choice in the matter. You are a political prisoner, and nothing you do will get you out of punishment."
"Princess Celestia," Twilight spoke up, her fear towards the strange mare that threatened her sister briefly dipping as she looked into the calm and wise eyes of her mentor."Ifu have had a prior encounter with this mare, how come there are no historical records of her or even a single mention of changelings?"
"Picture yourself as the Princess of Equestria," Celestia said, having to hold back her giggles as Twilight closed her eyes and adorably scrunched her face in concentration. "You had just fought and beaten a creature that can impersonate any pony, including yourself, and she managed to get away. Now, which is wiser: put in history your account and cause massive panic and society to collapse from false accusations and suspicions, or keep it to yourself and be wary for the next time they surface?"
"I would go the middle route," It took just minutes for Twilight to answer, the alicorn allowing herself a small smile at the Element of Magic's planning abilities. "I would write it down and let the public know, but put down a heavy hoof that only I could cast the final judgement with all cases brought to me. Patrols would be increased and I would have my advisors and spellcaster guards create counter illusion spells as a line of defense, but also make sure any who hurl false accusations out of spite would be justly punished as well."
"That sounds like something Lulu would come up with, but I can see where you are coming from," Celestia sighed, wrapping a wing around the lavender mare. "That could work, but that might also cause problems with ponies thinking that such a sudden shift would mean that you got replaced yourself and cause a full blown revolution that could have been avoided. The crown is heavy on my head Twilight, and being a ruler means that sometimes you have to take action and do something you don't want to do."
The elephant in the room went unattended to, the implications of Celestia's remorse making everyone shuffle in place.
"Well boo hoo to all this sadness," Chrysalis quipped, annoyed that her captors were attempting to drown her in such a nauseous mix, but she didn't care one bit her traitorous drones were about to hurl from the same feeling. "So what are you going to do huh? Parade me through town in shackles while giving Thorax a heroic ceremony? Throw me in a cell and leave me to rot? Execute me in the courtyard on public display? I know that you have done such things in days gone by, so why not do that with me? After all, I messed with your blood-related family, surely there is no forgiveness in your heart for the nature of those crimes."
"Oh no, no no no," Celestia smirked, Chrysalis feeling slightly unnerved at the embers of mischief dancing in the princess' eyes. "That would be what you want so you have no true punishment. Many have theied to use that reverse psychology line on me, and they all ended up making their sentences worse in the process. As for you, I have something far more fitting in mind… Cadance, considering Love is your area of authority under your title duties, she is yours to do with as you please as long as it isn't anything to inhumane or outrageous."
"Thank you auntie," The way the Princess of Love purred the words as she narrowed her eyes made Chrysalis' anger turn to stone as the figurative shoe was put on her hooves. It was a look that she had used to pull off multiple infiltrations and ponynappings, but to see a figure she regarded as a lesser individual flawlessly pull it off made her feel emotions that she didn't know that she had. "Now, Chrysalis, Thorax and Dragonfly gave me and Gleamy a rather in depth explanation of your kind. As the Princess of Love, your concept of love is flawed, which is ironic considering you need it to live.
"Love is not just an emotion, it is a bond that is slowly kindled in the forge of life and strengthened in the flames of friendship. It has many forms, which you know since I was given notes about how different types of love have their own unique flavor, no different than how similar fruits grown in different regions have different textures and tastes. Yet, as strong as it is, sometimes love is not meant to be and it crumbles apart as the flame grows cold. That is just the surface of the matter, but there are little things that can make a difference in how the final product ends up. My goal, long term, is to hope that you can overcome your narrow-minded shortcomings and end up a better individual, but as for the short term here is what is going to happen. Tonight, me, you, and Gleamy are going to have a roll in the hay, but you will have to endure all the most intimate parts while being watched by Dragonfly to ensure that you don't feed off anything we put off without mine and Gleamy's consent."
"W-wait," Chrysalis stammered, the tiny voice saying she was a queen that should show no weakness was drowned under the weight of Cadance's ultimatum. Not being able to feed off love in a love-rich environment was the severest punishment a changeling could receive, and despite having issued that decree on multiple occasions, it was the one thing she thought she would never have to endure. "You can't be serious! That would be like taking a pony to an all-you-can-eat buffet and limiting them to a single cookie, that is wrong I tell you!"
"No different than you not bothering to see if it was really me in that cell, and I will reward Prism later for her performance and bravery," Cadance trailed a wing down Chrysalis' back, making the changeling shudder for more than one reason at the motion."Alas, I'm serious with my verdict. You are going to be subjected to kisses, and cuddles, and snuggles tonight and there is nothing you can do about it. If you show me how you made Gleamy squeal, I might let you have a little taste, just enough to make you want more. Just enough to remind you how badly you need this arrangement to live. Just enough to make you rethink your position as a dom and have you begging to be a sub."
As much as Chrysalis hated to admit it, being talked to as if she was the lowly breeder drone was actually starting to ignite a fire in her gut, but before her mind could start formulating plans about how to take control during that fantasy Cadance opened her mouth once more.
"With Thorax now in control of the changelings you no longer have to worry your pretty little head about them. The simple fact he and his followers were able to overthrow you without violence or bloodshed shows that he is more than capable of being a well-grounded and clear-cut leader. For now, you will spend the rest of the day being watched over to prevent an escape and be given enough love to last you through the night for by the time Aunt Celestia's sun rises tomorrow maid, you will be obedient to me and calling me Mistress…"
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10715812
No more than a pair at least.
Nice. I'm glad Chrysalis plan has stooped. Thorax had a good point.
But where's Shining Armor?.
Alright, this fic went from 0 to 100 real fast. Holy smokes dude, the previous chapter did nothing to prepare me for this.
Are you trying to make people uncomfortable with those descriptions, cause it sure is working on me.
Well this is new. I'm gonna be honest here, you probably should have found a better way to write about Shiner's situation, cause I missed it completely and was just about ready to start cracking jokes about inconsistency and rule 63. And I'm still not sure what's happening here. Is shiner closeted trans? Did he actually get changed into a mare? Was it a spell, a surgery or what?
Pretty sure that's not how nerve damage works, but whatever. Convenient childhood injuries are convenient.
Wat. Weren't they both mares? And even if not, wasn't Shining/Gleaming the stallion here? I'm greatly confused about the logistics at play here.
And that apparently works as mind control protection. Alright then?
"You are our prisoner Chrysalis. As your punishment report to my bedroom, we'll bang, okay?"
But seriously, this is weird. Cady and Gleaming are suddenly really chill with banging someone who just tried to kidnap them. And I don't think there is consent on Chrysalis's part in this whole affair. Make of that what you will.
10810064
This whole chapter only had 1 purpose:
Get Chrysalis out and Thorax in control
Next chapter is a timeskip
Those sound like very interesting marriages indeed.
Not gonna lie--I'm struggling to take the sudden...reveals...about Shining seriously, because it's all a little too on the nose, y'know? I honestly flat-out laughed around the bit about the nerve damage, in fact, because by that point Shining was feeling a bit too cliche. I mean, you don't totally cross that line, but you still get close enough to it that warning bells start going off regardless. It's a good thing Shining's not your leading character or else this could've potentially caused problems moving forward in the story. In any case, your choice of timing of when to reveal these details is rather poor--you probably would've been better off establishing this from the start rather than so abruptly more than a chapter in, and leaving it feeling so after the fact, too.
And then while the reader's still trying to process that, you're also dropping all of these other twists on top of it and suddenly it seems like there's a bit too much to sort through all at once, and not always well justified or at least well explained with the details given...it makes the chapter feel a bit jumbled and incoherent, not gonna lie. I know it's all prologue so you're probably more interested in just hurrying through it so to get into the real story, but that might actually be precisely the problem--it might have been a bit more to your benefit to have taken this all a bit slower and taken the time to get a little more in depth about some of the points presented here, if just to make it clear to the reader what's going on and what points they should be keeping in mind while reading.
Also, I feel you're maybe pushing it just a bit with the level of innuendos for a T rated story--there were parts that were starting to feel enough like the opening to a porn fic that I felt obligated to stop and double check the fic hadn't been bumped up to an M rating since the last time I looked at it. Of course, I openly admit that am more...prudish...about these subjects than some of my peers, so take my thoughts on this how you will. Regardless, I feel like it's still worth pointing out.
Fortunately though, none of this is really story-breaking just yet, and the fic's still largely achieving what it needs to, these particular points aside (which are stumbling blocks worth addressing but not enough to kill the story just yet). I'm curious to see how this'll tie in with the advertised premise with the CMC enough that I'll probably keep following this fic for now, so you have that.
10810243
Doesn't matter, even filler chapters like that should be good quality. Especially this early in the story, because first impressions matter. If this represents the general tone and quality of the story going forward, I don't have a lot of hope for this fic. It's jumbled, at times unnecessarily drawn out (did we really need that much time seeing Chrysalis and Shiner flirt before the conspirators jumped the bug?), in other places things that could use a bit more attention get glossed over (I still have no clue what exactly is the gender situation in Cadance and Shining's relationship). It goes in some really strange directions, and I agree with Scyphi that there are way too many innuendos, and they are way too much on the nose. I don't mind the occasional dirty joke, but the very end of the chapter reads like a borderline clopfic, from the lines delivered, to Chrysalis's whole punishment being getting laid.
And while we're at it, can I get some clarification? I really got the impression Chrysalis does not want to participate in this affair. Is Equestrian law different on the matter, because I'm pretty sure forcing her into it would count as rape here on Earth. Not to mention that what Cadance is doing here is dangling a buffet in front of a starving person, as Chrysalis helpfully pointed out. This feels very wrong coming from Cadance, she's supposed to be merciful and kind. This shit is just cruel.
I hope you can improve going forward. I'm not gonna jump ship just yet, but if this chapter is representative of the story going forwards, I'm not sure how long I'll stick around.
Heh, ever feel like you're reading a major climactic conclusion of four plotlines but it's only the second chapter? This is that vibe. 😂
There's a heck of a lot of stuff to unpack but hey, if it's just to set the table whatever, we suppose.
10810572
Main reason that Chrysalis doesn't want to participate is because of her ego. She is extremely prideful, but as the next chapter will touch on as I get into the main focus of the story involving Spike and the CMC, she has a major change of heart in the time between this chapter and next
10810795
The Last chapter is that Shining armor appeared, And now Gleaming Shield, what's going on?.
This story had a good potential, especially if it turned a little darker.
10810795
I think it's better if it's actually "changelings are slowly withering away as they depleted their own life force, because sharing love mean no energy intake to the system and only spending out.
Drama, Suffering, adn more Drama.
Little comedy here and there.