What If...

by Petalled

A Big Mac Baby

Pregnancy. It is a beautiful thing. To adults that are mature enough to handle it and congratulate and wish the best of luck to those who will be starting a family soon with their life partner. But kids, things like these don't have them understand the nature of growing older.

It was the day of Big Macintosh and Sugar Belle's baby shower in which their friends were getting everything set up before their arrival. Steamers were flung around the branches amidst an orchard of Sweet Apple Acres with the help of the candy corn crusaders, Discord, and Spike since they were the ones that helped the couple with occasions such as love confessions, hearts and hooves day, and their wedding day.

''Woah, what is going on here?'' asked Twilight as she pushed past a gate made out of leaves to see how the others were getting the hang out of the decorating.

Scootaloo was hanging in her sight as she was wrapped in streamers. ''Let's just say it's going as great as the other occasions we had to decorate for Big Mac and Sugar Belle.''

Twilight facehoofed. ''You know, Starlight and I can fix everything by our magic.''

''I wouldn't wanna get you there, Twi,'' came the voice of Applejack as she made an appearance. ''We like to do the old earth pony way here.''

''Right. Tradition. Of course. Got it.''

''Allow me,'' said Discord as he teleported in front of them. He commanded the candy corn crusaders in a line as he wore a soldier uniform, blowing through a bubble pipe. ''Alright, listen up. This is supposed to be easy so stop making it seem like it's difficult. Let's start over from scratch.'' He snapped his talons and cleared the place and all they could see was the intertwined tree. ''Apple Bloom, wrap some streamers around that branch, and Sweetie Belle, tie two balloons on each side of that gate over there.''

''And? What about me?'' Scootaloo asked, pouting.

Discord rolled his eyes. ''I was about to speak further if you weren't impatient enough to interrupt me.'' He glanced around. ''Hm. How about you ride on your little scooter and pass invitations to ponies and creatures.''

''Roger that!'' she exclaimed, determined. She hopped on her scooter, strapping her helmet on her head and zooming out the gates, through the town's roads.

''Great,'' said Twilight, surprised. ''Looks like Discord has it all covered from here.''

''I know! I'm just so perfect like that,'' Discord replied, pressing his paw and claw to his cheeks as he floated himself in the air in front of them.

A few hours had passed and the place was packed with ponies and creatures seated at tables with velvet-colored white as the table cloth. Some were flying in the air such as dragons, griffons, and changelings. Sugar Belle was standing with her husband as Rarity and the others were crowding around her, her belly was showing as she admitted it's been nine months.

''Oh, my gosh! I can't believe I'll be an aunt!'' Apple Bloom squealed in delight and placed her ear to her sister-in-law's stomach, hearing a few kicks.

''But wait,'' said Scootaloo. ''Where does the foal come from?''

Sugar Belle shared an awkward glance with her husband.

''Let's just say...'' Applejack took over for them. ''They come from... a stork!''

''A stork?'' Sweetie repeated. ''That doesn't make sense! Rarity told me it's when—'' She was interrupted as her sister stuck a hoof inside her mouth until she spat it out a few seconds later, turning away from her.

''So, uh, sis?'' Apple Bloom said when Applejack turned to her. ''What happens if the baby is due during this baby shower?''

Applejack laughed goodnaturedly, brushing back her little sister's bangs. ''That only happens during the movies, sis. You've been watchin' too much of those in the cinemas lately.''

''She's right, Applejack,'' said Sugar Belle as she began to feel pain. ''I think... *moans* ...the baby... *moans* ...is coming!''

She said it so loud that everyone had heard her, Rainbow Dash dropping her glass of cider in the process as well as Spike dropping his bowl of gemstones.

''Quickly, get her to the hospital!'' Applejack exclaimed as everyone began to panic. Big Macintosh held his wife's hoof over his shoulder with the help of his sister as they began to trot their way out the gates. ''Twi, can't ya teleport us there to the hospital?''

''Oh, I can try, but long-distance teleportation in my unicorn form is tricky. That's Starlight's thing.''

''Where's Starlight?!'' she asked, frantically glancing around to see her with an azure-colored unicorn. ''Starlight! Teleport us to the hospital!''

''Roger that,'' she said, nodding. In a bright spark of light, some of them disappeared from out of sight and reappeared inside the Ponyville Hospital, a pony behind the counter.

''Hello, what can I do for y—'' the pony got cut off.

''No time. She's having her baby!'' Pinkie quickly exclaimed, pointing at the pained mare.

The pony's eyes went wide and pressed a red button to alarm for assistance. When they showed up with a moving bed, they gently placed her down with her husband holding onto her hoof.

''Everything's going to be okay. Just take big breaths,'' Big Macintosh composed her as she took several breaths as told. They made their way to a room where machines were placed and such.

''Tell her to hold still,'' advised the doctor. ''Checking the monitor...'' He turned to her. ''Breathing exercises...''

Sugar Belle breathed, and breathed, and breathed, as the doctor was at the end of the bed waiting for her to push, and push, and push, as hard as she could.

She let out the loudest scream that could've been heard from all across Canterlot.

''What was that, dear sister?'' asked Luna from the balcony trying to bring up her glorious night.

Celestia sensed. ''It's time.''

''What's time?''

Celestia instead looked down the balcony where Ponyville was standing.

---

''You sure you'll be fine handlin' our foal?''

''Don't worry, Big Mac,'' Spike said, waving his concerns with a dismissive claw. ''We totally have everything covered.''

Big Mac raised an eyebrow. ''Uh-huh. Well, Twilight did say you struggled with handling Princess Flurry Heart and the Cake Twins.''

He blew a raspberry. ''That's 'cause there's three of 'em and one of 'em is a born alicorn! This one is just a cute little earth pony. How bad could it be?''

''Well, actually—'' Big Mac was about to protest had he not been pushed to the door along with his wife, the door closing in their faces with a loud slam.

Spike wiped the sweat from his brow and blew a sigh of relief.

Discord chuckled. ''Oh, goody.''

''Now's the time to finally show Twilight that I really can do something!'' Spike exclaimed, determined. ''And you're with me!'' He pointed a finger at the draconequus.

''Well, obviously.'' He rolled his eyes. ''You wouldn't even last a day without me.'' He materialized a baby bottle with chocolate milk in it and handed it over to the baby.

Spike raised an eyebrow. ''Now's your chance to finally show everyone, Discord, that you really can do good to Equestria. And I don't think babies are meant to drink chocolate milk just yet. It contains caffeine.''

''You spent too much time with Twilight,'' Discord pointed out, blowing through a bubble pipe and enfolding Spike's head in a bubble. He grabbed the baby bottle away from the baby. ''There. Much better?''

Spike sighed and went over through the list he was given by Applejack. ''Let's see. It says the milk bottle is in one of the kitchen cabinets. Do you think you can get that, Discord?''

Discord rolled his eyes and teleported over to the cabinets, opening them all up and finding a baby bottle. He levitated it and was about to drink the baby up had Spike not interrupted him.

''Wait!'' he shouted. ''It says right here to do it slow and gentle.''

''Ugh. Got it,'' he sneered, putting it in the foal's mouth only for it to get swatted right into his eye which made the baby giggle. ''Ow! Why you little—''

''Now, now,'' Spike quickly said to avoid any conflict. ''Remember, babies are like this.''

The foal inside the crib cutely tilted its head into another angle before pouncing out and jabbing one of his little hooves into the dragon's stomach who yelped out loud.

''You were saying?'' Discord asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

Spike chuckled sheepishly before falling into a deadpan — then he picked up the baby bottle from the floor and when he got back up, a strong sense of odor went across both of their muzzles. Discord and Spike grimaced as the former conjured up clips on both of their muzzles.

With a sigh, Spike relentlessly picked up the foal by the edge of the diaper and pointed it in the direction of the draconequus beside him. They checked over the list to see anything being said about diaper changing then brought themselves to the other room where they spotted a bag of fresh new diapers along with a table where they placed the foal to sit on top.

Soon, knowing he had magic, Discord snapped his talons but Spike looked at him unimpressed.

''What?'' he asked, lowering his hands.

''Let's try to do things the traditional way, yeah?'' Spike suggested. ''His parents would probably want us doing that, you know, without magic.''

Discord scoffed. ''Then how about you do it!''

''What? No way!'' Spike shot back, putting his claws up, then he saw what he just did there and sighed. He walked up to the changing table and... ''Hey, um, I can't reach.''

Discord raised an eyebrow and looked at his wings. ''Really, you can't fool me, Spike my boy.''

''Uh, right.'' Spike gulped and flapped his wings but instantly fell back to the floor as if he did it by intention.

''I have seen you fly multiple times,'' said Discord, unimpressed with this.

''Well, they were only temporary! You know how Twilight flew right after she got her wings but then forgot how to afterward? It's like that!''

Discord sneered irritatingly, then snapped, ''give me a break!''

He snapped his talons and picked the baby up where the dirty diaper was sliding down its rump then Spike helped by getting out a fresh new one so Discord can slid it up the baby.

''There!'' he finished, getting punched in the face later on as the baby toppled on top of him. He grunted angrily and got ready to snap his talons again but only this time he wanted to use them on the baby had Spike not stopped him.

And then, the foal began to cry.

''Now look what you've done!'' Spike said disappointingly, taking the baby in his claws and cradling him back and forth to prevent him from crying any further.

Discord rolled his eyes as he watched Spike put the baby back into the crib once its eyelids closed shut.

''Aw...'' Spike cooed in awe, on the tips of his toes to see the baby. He had orange hair to match his father and a purple coat mixed with his father and mother, jade eyes from his father. ''When are you going to have a baby with Fluttershy, Discord?''

Discord spat out the chocolate milk he had been drinking from the baby bottle he conjured up for the baby.

''What?'' he choked, pounding his chest to clear his throat.

''Hm. Now that I think about it, I don't think you'd do it. I mean the way Twilight described sex to me kind of grossed me out and you're not a pony yourself so I don't know how that'd work.''

''Spike, who says Fluttershy isn't—''

''...And you're not exactly father material. Heh. No offense. But you'll just be a bad influence on your kids considering what you've done and all.''

Discord was about to snap his talons on him but a part of him agreed, crumbling away.

His ears fell. ''You're right. I'm not nearly as good for Fluttershy.''

Spike's tail elevated, turning away from his baffling and looking at him. ''What did you just say?''

And at that, the baby inside his crib was crying as loud as sirens, getting them to cover their ears.

''Discord!'' Spike yelled.

''Why am I always suddenly the bad guy?'' Discord grumbled, crossing his arms. One of the foal's hooves kicked into the draconequus' sides but his anger subsided. ''What does he want?'' he asked, searching through the foal's toys. ''These are boring! Here, have this snail I just conjured up for you.'' And he did.

''Isn't that Flurry Heart's wammy?'' Spike pointed out.

The baby merely looked at it and banged the draconequus on the head with a rattle, producing slight giggles in foalish delight.

''Ow!'' he cried out in pain, rubbing his head due to slight agony. ''One of the reasons why I will never be having a foal of my own—'' He got hit again. ''Oh, you arrogant little brat—''

And the baby started crying again.

Spike looked at him. ''Discord!''

''Oh, for the love of—Fluttershy!'' Discord yelled out before getting hit again with the rattle. Standing at the door, there was a yellow pegasus fluttering over to them and the crib.

''Applejack suggested lending you two some help. I did babysit the cutie mark crusaders after all and believe it or not they were quite a hoof full.''

''I could banish this foolish foal out of Equestria if I wanted to!'' Discord threatened, picking the baby up by the diaper as the baby started crying.

''Discord,'' Fluttershy said, sending him a glare.

Discord couldn't look at those. ''Oh, all right,'' he relented, placing the baby back down in the crib. He picked up the rattle and shook it.

Fluttershy smiled. ''I have an idea. How about I help the two of you look after the baby until Big Mac and Sugar Belle get home and then we'll have some alone time together, Discord.''

Spike looked at the flushed draconequus, then grinned at Fluttershy.

''Oh, yeah. Let's do this.''

Before Spike could speak further, the foal in the crib jabbed a mega-hard punch right into the still-baby-too dragon's stomach, tumbling him back.

...Looks like the foal had also inherited his father's super strength.

---

Finally, Discord and Fluttershy thought they had handled enough foals for one day even if it was only one. Still, they decided to retire for the day at the latter's cottage with Angel making both of them some tea.

''Well, now you understand the pain that I went through today,'' said Discord, sipping onto his tea. ''I swear babies are such nuisances.''

Fluttershy grinned. ''Aw, come on. Don't think you didn't like the cutie mark crusaders with what you told me about them freeing you by arguing in front of your statue which was chaotic.''

''That's different!'' he cried, then he fell back on the couch. ''Today was utterly exhausting.''

Fluttershy looked down at her hooves, shy behind her mane, about to ask him something. ''Um, I don't suppose you'd like to do it with me, would you? I've always imagined doing it with someone who is sweet and gentle and my best friend.''

Discord was confused. ''Do what?''

She batted her eyelashes at him, smiling sweetly and innocently. She touched his paw, making his stomach flutter with butterflies (or was it the tea?).

Still confused, Fluttershy instead took his paw and flew the two of them up the staircase and to her bedroom. She pushed the draconequus on her bed and started pressing her lips against his.

Discord quickly removed it. ''Woah, Woah, Woah. Hold it.'' He looked at her who frowned. ''You... what?''

Fluttershy blushed noticeably which matched her mane, looking as adorable as ever.

''Uh-huh. I—I mean if you feel the same way that is. I'm sorry, I should've ask—yeep!''

But she was interrupted when Discord pulled her onto the bed and started pressing their lips together. Fluttershy once again used her assertiveness and started moving onto him and Discord liked it. He took a brief moment to disconnect their lips to take a look at her beautiful face.

''Pretty...'' he whispered in a soothing voice, removing the strand of hair from her face. Fluttershy blushed and he joined their lips together once again.

---