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Am I more than you've bargained for yet?3,397 words
Lie in the grass, next to the mausoleum5,178 words
I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear4,584 words
Drop a heart, break a name6,252 words
Sugarcube, we're going down swingin'3,319 words

I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear

“Applejack?”

A big hoof shaking me out of my trance, I found Mac in my face. “Huh?”

He sighed then wiped the sweat off his brow. “It’s about damn time ya paid attention. Ah called ya at least three times, ya know.”

Did he really? Of all the places I could get lost, my own orchard shouldn’t be one of them. Where did the time go? “Sorry. What’s up?”

Frowning, he raised his eyebrow in the trademark family fashion. He hasn’t said anything yet, but he’s been looking at me suspiciously these past few weeks. The day will come. It will come soon, and when it does, I’ll probably go find that old cross bow from Pappy’s war days.

“Are ya alright? Ya don’t look too good.”

An out. Not suspicion, but concern. That’s nice at least. I’d look less suspicious if I just told the truth.

I’m drowning, Mac. I don’t think I can be saved. It feels like the world is ending around me and I don’t know what to do about it. You’re the only one I can turn to, but I know if I do, the farm’s lost. If I put my faith in you, you’ll throw everything away and escape our home rather than trying to save it because you know just as well as I do that raising a foal in these conditions will leave us starving in a winter or two.

I didn’t voice any of that, though. “Maybe Ah’m a little under the weather.”

Frowning harder, Mac put a foreleg up to my forehead. “Geez, Applejack, you’re burnin’ up! Get back inside and go lie down!”

Rather than fight it, I let him walk me back to the house. He wasn’t wrong, I probably did have a higher temperature than normal right now. Working up a sweat on top of being pregnant would easily make somepony think that. Lack of sleep, overwork, exhaustion. Maybe I had a summer cold. Wasn’t that uncommon, and my immune system’s compromised right now anyways. It’s all just part of the process.

“Tell Granny she’s too old and frail to work one day, then come out here another with a damn fever. Maybe she’s crazy, but y’all are two of a kind, ya know that?”

“Sure, Mac.” Though I doubt what I’m thinking about has ever crossed Granny’s mind. This, too, would be simple, an easy way out. Draw the string, load a bolt, pull a trigger—nice and simple.

“Geez. You’re in more danger between Applejack and a plate of food than ya are on a battlefield.”

“Sis, ain’t that a little much? You’re really startin’ ta… pack it on, don’t’cha think?”

“Oh, Applejack, are you alright? You’re not sick, are you?”

“So, uh… Butter- no, Applejack. Did ya meet a stallion recently?”

How much longer before they all put it together? How much longer can I hold out? I can’t take the waiting. Somepony needs to put a stop to all this so the anticipation finally ends. Anypony. Even me.

If it comes out, ponies will think the worst of us. Ponies will think Mac and I… they’ll talk and gossip, and our family name will be ruined! It won’t be a matter of saving the orchard; it’ll die with our name. This mistake I made, that irreversible decision I couldn’t choose, will destroy everypony and everything we have, and it’ll all be my fault.

I can’t let it happen, they still have lives ahead of them; I’m the one who ruined mine! I can… I can pay for it, can’t I? If it falls to my shoulders, all I have to do is accept the consequences. It wouldn’t be so bad if… if we went out together, would it? Nopony would really know what happened. Sure, it’s been a couple months now, and the wedding is just around the corner, but he shouldn’t be big enough for anypony to really tell what I’d done at this point, right?

Especially if I make it impossible for them to find me. There’s a swamp in the Everfree. If I just… jumped in…

I’d been feeling better lately.

The wedding was in a week. I wouldn’t be there to see it, but that would be fine. Nopony would have to suffer like this. He’ll never see the light of day, but he’ll still be with me. I could never bring myself to let him go just to save my own skin. Honestly, it’s better this way. We’ll always be together. Forever after. My little boy.

It was Sunday morning, my day off. My last day off. At breakfast, I told them that I really thought I had been eating too much, and maybe it was nerves, but I was getting fat, and I’d decided to go on a diet. It was strange; it was never this easy to lie before. Perhaps I’ve had too much practice as of late. Oh well, it doesn’t matter. The letter should explain everything. Granny won’t remember me. Maybe Mac will blame himself for not realizing it; maybe Applebloom will curse Granny for taking up all her time and not being able to look at me.

It won’t matter. I’ll never know about it. He and I will be long gone before they can damn anything. The emergency fund should be enough to support them till Mac can make a deal. I wrote down all the names of ponies who’d inquired about the farm before; maybe it’ll live on under another name. With all the construction Twilight’s planning, I just hope it won’t be flattened into some cookie-cutter neighborhood. She was also all about finding a way to manufacture ‘automobiles’ here now that she’s seen how they work. Won’t be long before that becomes commonplace in Equestria too.

But I won’t see it.

Last week, I found the swamp. I found a good-sized rock, and I stole an old rope from the barn. We have so many of them, Mac wouldn’t notice one missing. All the pieces are hidden away under a bush; nopony casually walking by, if for some reason anypony ever went to that goddess-forsaken place, would see them.

All that was left was to act it out.

Again, it was a clear morning. The sun was just peaking over the horizon, the first train of the day would be in any minute now, and the birds were just beginning to chirp. Dew glistening on the grass, leaves, and flowers, a weave of colors not unlike Celestia’s mane in the sky, an orange-pink shine on the new street lamps along the road. Picturesque, this quiet little growing Ponyville. If this had to be my last view of it, it was nice that it looked like this. Even that gaudy crystal castle of hers didn’t look too bad in this light. A soft yellow glow filtering out from a window on one of the upper branches told me she was already at work. It was nice knowing ya, Twi.

To my left passed by Sugarcube corner, still closed this early in the morning. They’d be up and around not long after the train came in to catch those early riders, even if Pinkie wouldn’t be there to help. If anypony isn’t a restless sleeper, it’s her.

Fluttershy’s doubtless up and feeding all her animals. Discord too, probably. Strange as they are together at this point, it’d be weird to see her without him. Well, I’ll pray that their future is better than mine. Longer lived if nothing else.

What have you been up to Rarity? Is it everything you wanted? Did you ever meet that Prince Charming you always dreamed about? How does it feel to have a life like yours, I wonder?

I’d bet Dash is sleeping in too, the lazy Wonderbolt. It’ll be noon before she wakes up. I wonder… what does her future look like? Ever since she moved back to Cloudsdale to take up that Wonderbolt position, I haven’t seen much of her. ‘Course, with Granny’s mind the way it is, I haven’t seen much of anypony lately.

The last pony I saw that wasn’t part of my immediate family was… the mystery stallion, I suppose. I hope he enjoyed that night we spent together. Maybe I’d never admit it to anypony, but I know I did. The first time—the last time. I never knew my body could feel like that. How sad; everything now is just so numb.

In the distance, the train sounded. A long loud whistle, pleasant to the ears, a reminder of the time. If I keep meandering around like this, I’ll never make it to the swamp. I need to go. To put an end to this. I’m just so… tired of it all, really.

Dragging my hooves, I started off toward the path to the Everfree on the south-east side of town. Past Zecora, left at the twisted tree, following along the babbling brook, all the way to the swamp. Dig up the rock and the rope, tie it around my hooves, and let it fly. Down, down, down, the air escapes me. An instinct should make me fight, but I won’t. The cold will seep in, the light will fade away, and all at once, it will be over.

So long as somepony doesn’t see me leaving, that is. Checking my surroundings and seeing nopony, I gained a sense of urgency. Hurrying to the path now, I was just about to exit town—

“Hey! Hey you!”

I froze in place. Whose voice is that? They couldn’t be calling to me. If I just start walking again, they won’t say anything if they aren’t calling to me. And so, I took another few steps forward, but the voice, coming closer, called again.

“Wait! Stop! I need to talk to you!”

I swallowed. My pulse had picked up. Now that I’d heard more of it, the voice did sound familiar, but I couldn’t figure out who it belonged to. It wasn’t a mare’s voice. But who could be calling after me this early in the morning?

Heavy hooves hurried after me in a gallop, going so far as to kick up the dirt when he stopped. “Holy Goddess, it really is you! I can’t believe my luck! I thought I was gonna spend days here looking for you again.”

I couldn’t ignore him any longer with him so near to me, so I finally turned to look.

My heart was twisting to pieces. Nopony was supposed to see me. Nopony was supposed to know I was here. Anypony who’d known me wouldn’t have said anything but a friendly, ‘morning, Applejack.’ This guy was probably one of the only ponies in town who didn’t know my name.

And I didn’t know his either.

Somehow, everything I’d been planning to do that morning was shattered in an instant. If I couldn’t do it then, would I ever have the wherewithal to do it later? Probably not. Certainly not with his father right in front of me.

But I can’t help but wonder how he found me. Or, why, either. What kind of stallion comes back looking for a one-night stand? For all of Rarity’s stories, I was led to believe that things like this didn’t happen, ever. Does he know somehow? Can he tell what’s going through my head? This can’t just be coincidence, can it?

“So, do you want to order something? I’ll buy, of course,” he offered.

Flabbergasted. That’s the word. The only word that describes how I felt right then. Eventually, I couldn’t take the stare of those orange eyes, and I turned my head toward the menu. “Ah… Ah’m not all that hungry right now. Uh… w-water is fine.”

The green stallion said, “Alright,” then got up and went to talk to Carrot Cake. A booth in Sugarcube Corner was about as private as it got in Ponyville, and unlike the mares of this town, the stallions were never all that big on gossip. Even if Carrot heard something, it probably wouldn’t get out. But why bother? He’ll just go away like he did last time and all this will repeat. I’ve got to take care of this before the wedding or else everything would get worse! Why did he have to show up now?

“One water for the lady, and a coffee and a few doughnuts for me.” He said, coming back to the table. “Ya know, I only spent a few days here last time, but I’ve gotta say, this place has some of the best pastries I’ve ever tried. Do you… come here often?”

Without thinking much about it, I frowned. Come here often? What kinda question is that? Seeing him blink made me realize he was waiting on an answer. “Well, a friend of mine works here. She ain’t usually up this early though. Ma was friends with the owners while she was alive.”

He clammed up. “Oh. Uh…”

Crap. “Ah mean…! S-she died when Ah was a filly, it’s not like Ah’m still… mournin’ or anythin’!” I covered my face with my hooves. “Oh, Goddess, this is so awkward, Ah’m sorry. Ah should go…”

I went to get out of my chair, but he held his hooves out. “Wait, wait, wait, wait, please don’t. I…” He slapped a hoof to his head and looked away. “Idiot! Maybe introduce yourself!” Turning back with his hooves clasped, he nodded. “Let’s start over.” He stuck a hoof out for a shake. “Hi. I’m Fin Sharp, a petty officer in the Equestrian army. You may remember me from that bar a few months ago. Or the motel the next morning.”

I swallowed then shook his hoof. Strong grip, to be expected from a soldier I suppose, but that does explain why I called his… turning red like a beet, I coughed into my hoof. “Applejack. Ah… Ah remember ya, alright.”

He seemed to take that well and smiled. It was… a nice smile. “Well, at least I made an impression! You’re one of a kind, ya know that?”

Not sure what that meant, I raised a brow. “Ah am?”

“For sure! I mean, I’m used to outdrinking the guys at the base, but I’ve never been out drunk by a mare before, ya know?”

Oh. Was… was it really that much? Maybe he’s just bloviating and he’s really a lightweight. I know I… don’t much remember what happened before the motel, but it can’t—

“I saved the receipt that night because I’d hoped that your name was on it somewhere so I could remember—” his hoof dipped into the shirt he was wearing, “—but all it really tells me is that we put away enough to kill a manticore or something.”

Out of his pocket, he took a very long slip of paper with a massive four-digit total at the bottom. “Good Goddess!”

He laughed short and sharp. “You’re telling me! Who knows how many bottles we emptied that night? But that was just the beginning. I don’t know what you remember, but what happened next has been stuck in my head since that night. Do you know what you said to me?”

I scratched at my cheek. Drunk off my ass, lonely, envious of my newly engaged brother? “Ah… could imagine.”

He wagged his hoof. “Well, I could never forget! ‘Ya lost, now you get ta take me home. Where are ya stayin’?’ Evidence the next morning told me you were definitely new at this, but you sure did know how to hook me.”

Ignoring the embarrassing words, I asked, “Hook ya? What’s that mean?”

He took a bite out of his doughnut and washed it down with some coffee. “Well, what else can it mean? Like a fish on a line, miss Applejack!”

Throwing away some of that bubbly air, he took a serious tone and took hold of one of my hooves. “Look. Like I told you, I’m a soldier. I’ve spent twenty-one years on this earth, and the last three of them were spent touring different places all over the world and Equestria. My mom ran out on us when I was little, and I never really believed in that ‘soulmate’ stuff ponies talk about. I’ve had mares before you and I’ve thought I’d felt love before, but if you were to ask me honestly, I don’t even remember their names. You, on the other hoof, have been dancing around my head for two months, and it wasn’t until now that I finally had the chance to come look for you.”

I had to laugh. What a smooth talker. Is this the kinda thing Rarity puts up with? “Ya can’t be serious, can ya? Ah have a friend, ya know, and she gets around. Ah’ve heard about this rodeo before.”

He shook his head and kept hold of my hoof. For whatever reason, I didn’t feel like taking it away from him. “No, no, no, Miss Applejack, I—”

“Cut the ‘miss,’ please. Between that and the white mane, it hardly makes ya sound like somepony a year older than me.”

He blushed a little. Right then and there, another memory of that night came back to me.

“Hey there, soldier boy. Ah didn’t know they let ponies in the service look so gloomy in uniform. What’cha got ta be so sad about? Your life ain’t fallin’ apart too, is it?”

He did it then, and just like now, it made my heart stir.

Taking a hoof back to scratch at his little goatee, he said, “Well… it’s not all white, ya know? There’s some black in there too. Dad and his stupid white mane.” He clicked his tongue, annoyed. “My schoolyard nickname was ‘old man.’ All the while growing up, ponies would tease me for it. Even Dad. ‘That’s just how it is, Son. Doesn’t matter whether or not ya like it; you might as well get used to it because it won’t go away.’ I can’t tell you how many times I tried to dye it. Never lasted more than a few weeks. ‘Oh look, Fin is getting old again,’ they’d say as soon as the roots started to show up.”

I let out a breath and leaned back. “Well, Ah wouldn’t say Ah don’t like it. Only real dependable ponies Ah know have white manes. Maybe you’re just lookin’ at it the wrong way?”

He tapped his hoof on the table. “See? This is what I’m talking about. You say what you think, and you mean it.”

“Talking about what? Is this part of yer confession ta me? Some random mare from some backwater town ya met and slept with once? Ah can’t be that special. Ah ain’t that good of a pony, ya know?”

“Oh, don’t say that! Nopony who isn’t worth anything would say something like that. That’s another point in your favor, Applejack.”

I raised a brow. “Oh, is that right? So smitten that ya had ta drop everythin’ and come find me, did ya?”

To my surprise, he blushed again.

Wait. Ponies don’t do that on command. Does… does he really mean it?

“Well… It’s not like I don’t realize that this is a little weird.”

Hold on. This ain’t right. What’s happening right now? He came here to look for me? How… “How did you find me, anyways?”

Fin rolled his eyes. “Talk about a long story.” He took a swallow of his coffee, “So, for the first time, it was just happenstance. I’m almost up for the year, but despite that, they decided to send me to Appleloosa to help train some new recruits out there. That base is basically brand new, so all the equipment is foreign to the older trainers. You know how that new princess keeps coming out with this new tech, right?”

I stifled a laugh. “Well, course Ah do. She happens ta live down the street. Ah knew her before she was a princess.”

Fin frowned. “Huh. Wait. Is she the one who lives in that ugly castle tree thingy?”

This guy was new to me, but it’s about damn time somepony agreed with me about it. “Finally, somepony who’s willin’ ta say it! Damn gaudy thing just popped up outta nowhere one day. Ruined the landscape. Not that it was gonna stay that way anyways with all her city plannin’ and what not.”

He nodded, then continued the story, “Well, anyways, I know how all that gear works, and I was going to ‘train the trainers,’ so to speak. Nine times out of ten, my sense of direction is better than most ponies. I was getting on the train from Canterlot to Appleloosa, and I thought I was on the right platform, but as it turns out, I wasn’t. After I got here, somepony told me this wasn’t Appleloosa and naturally, I was a little concerned. The train I came on was headed west to Las Pegasus, and the next train to Canterlot wouldn’t be in for another two days.”

“Mmhmm. Three times a week: Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday. It takes almost that much time ta walk ta Canterlot, so you’re better off waitin’ fer a train.” I paused. Then it occurred to me, “So, wait, weren’t we at the bar on Sunday?”

“We were. I found out that there was a train going from here to Appleloosa on Monday, so I figured it would be better to wait for that one than go back to Canterlot just to wait however long it would be for the next train to Appleloosa. This way, I’d only be three days late instead of gambling on getting to Canterlot at the right time.”

“Ah suppose the traffic here ain’t enough ta get trains to and from every day of the week.” Okay, so that explains why he was at the bar, but doesn’t answer my original question. “But uh… why did ya come back now?”

“This is my first day off in, like, two months.”

I frowned. “Really?”

“Really! I took the overnight as soon as I was clocked out yesterday.” He looked to his right and scratched at his chin. “Even if I had time off earlier, It still wouldn’t have happened till now anyways. Coordinating the train ride aside, hard to find a mare if you don’t know her name, ya know? I’m bad with names, so I definitely forgot what this place was called after a while. It was actually that receipt that saved me.”

“How’s that?”

He pointed at the bottom to the bar’s name. “A guy I know from the base comes here every now and again to visit family. He knew the bar and told me where to go. From there, I figured I could find you based on what I remembered of you. Golden mane and tail, bright green emerald eyes, that big—er, the apples on your flanks. Those cute little freckles under your eyes, that forward to-the-point attitude of yours. Blitzed out of my mind as I was, you were burned into my memory. So, maybe I come off as insincere, maybe—no, surely you’ve heard a line like that before, but I really mean it. You’re one of a kind, somepony special. Maybe I can’t pinpoint why that is with these little moments we’ve shared…”

He leaned over the table and kissed the hoof that neither of us had ever decided to let go of. Soft and tender lips, a little coarse with that short goatee of his at either end. “I’d love to find out. If you’ll let me.”

And then it was my turn to blush. This cannot be real. He can’t be real. This can’t be happening. Nopony has ever… It just doesn’t make any sense! A stallion like him should’ve been satisfied with what he got from me. He can’t really…? Can he? No, no, no, this is too convenient! It can’t be true!

Well, maybe it’s less convenient than I think. I was wasted when we met. If it wasn’t a unique encounter, I wouldn’t have ever seen him again. Especially not now, not today of all days. Maybe he’s really a coward. If anypony should know the truth, it’s him, I suppose. He’ll run away if I tell him, I bet. He’s not really so… nopony is this noble.

I started tapping my hoof on the floor. “So, let’s say Ah believe ya. Ya mean every word and ya really are just so taken with me that ya’d use all yer free time ta see me.”

His ears perked up. “Sure! I mean, it would get expensive to stay here all the time, but if you just wanted me to prove it—”

Holding a hoof in front of his face, I stopped him. “That’s right. Ah do want proof.”

He was eager now, but I was still a skeptic. Ponies aren’t, as a general rule, this good. We’ve all got faults. Nopony is really righteous, nopony can really live out their values all the time. I knew that beforehoof; I just… hadn’t had my turn yet. He can’t be true.

“Okay, yeah. Whatever, you name it, I’m on it, Applejack. What do you want to see?”

“A reaction.”

At this, Fin lowered his brows. If I had to guess, he’d suddenly come to the conclusion that I was up to something. That I already had something in mind. “To… what, exactly?”

My mouth was dry. My heart was pounding; my pulse was throbbing. The only pony in the world I was willing to tell it was about to hear the truth. All I had to do was give voice to it and see what he’d do.

I took a breath.

“In nine months, you and I are gonna be parents.”

He didn’t move. He didn’t stir. He didn’t even breathe as far as I could tell.

Fin just looked deep into my eyes and held still there. Yet, even now, our hooves were still together on the table. He never did let go.

“So… that night, you were—”

“Ah was. A few weeks later, my little sister pointed out that she’d already started hers. Mares who live in the same house tend ta sync up, and Ah realized that Ah hadn’t bled yet.”

Time caught up to him and he had to breathe. Calmly, he inhaled and exhaled. “And you’ve taken a test, right?”

I nodded. “Confirmed it the next day. Course, ya could just look at me at this point and figure that out.”

He turned his head and brought his free hoof to his mouth. “Well, I did think you were wider than I remembered, but I wasn’t sure how trustworthy that memory was…”

Fin scanned the Corner, taking note of a few other ponies who’d come in since we sat down. “You live here, don’t you? Can we go somewhere more private?”

I snorted. He sure does have my number pegged, doesn’t he? “Why not? Already took ya ta bed once; might as well take ya home too.”

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