After seeing Flurry Hearth in Twilight's mind and heart an idea formed and she couldn't think of anything else, to be a mother, but she didn't expect this now being one of the most powerful magical beings in Equestria.
Part one of an alternate universe I'm creating and first backstory of the characters, all the characters will have a backstory in some way or another and will be added as time needs it along with their place in the timeline.
Thanks to Vector_Monster for helping me with the grammar and some ideas for my stories. he also makes amazing music
Art by ZIG-WORD
Chapters (1)
Well damn that got sad.
Now I just wanna hug twilight.
It’s actually spelled Flurry Heart, not Hearth
For some strange reason, I've been wanting to read fics lately about the Mane 6 reacting to and dealing with infertility. Too bad there are very few of these. Then you came and fulfilled my desire. Great story!
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fixed
Thank you
Infertility is something that I would never wish on anyone since I've seen through my one of my aunts' eyes just how horrible of a feeling it can be for anybody. She'd give her own life so she could have the ability to create life. Thankfully she and her husband adopted eventually and I wouldn't have gotten to know one of my favorite cousins growing up
This is an interesting story concept and a good story but the flow and dialogue seem a little janky for me. If I may ask what language are you translating to English.
Cool ,but needs a revision, the dialogod are clunky and artificial
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Spanish
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I know from experience translating from English to Spanish it does not translate the best but don’t let that discourage you the more you work with a language the better you get with it. Don’t worry about some janky sentences half of the English speakers I know can’t speak it correctly.
You don't need a complicated explanation about her being infertile. Some people are just naturally incapable of it. That would simplify things.
Oh for... I hate this idea for alicorns. You're not the first to use the idea that being an alicorn makes them infertile.
Flurry Heart destroyed once and for all that idea. Making thus an AU does help slightly. But that only holds up if you can make it believable.
This, I don't see it. Twilight having always been infertile, but only now discovering that she has been since she was a unicorn?
That makes more sense. It takes me right out if the story when you use that old, debunked, idea.
Some are just born infertile, through no fault if their own. You don't need to make up an excuse for it.
And it makes Celestua look even worse than does. Knowing the truth. But lying through her teeth to the bitter end.
That said, Twilight forgot one way she can still be a mother. Adoption. Maybe it's not fully the same.
But she would still give a filly or colt a loving family. One they don't have otherwise.
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This story is Twilight's background for a story I'm making for later, I need to make a story about Applejack and Rarity to make it more understandable, but I don't want to make spoilers.
I haven't finished just yet, but wanted to add in some corrections/reminders.
This is essentially saying "future child or girl". Foals are children, colts and fillies are boys and girls. You've got some dialog punctuation errors here, too, too numerous to really list - pretty much: Don't use a comma when you're using a period or other punctuation; you can end a sentence after dialog with a period and then start the new speech with a capital; and when someone is "pausing" for speech and doing an action, you use a comma to perform the 'pause'. "Such as this," she said, gesturing with a hoof, "and then you add the spices to the mix..." She was surprised as well how well it was going, but persevered through the hard work, "One day I'll be the best at this!"
After finishing:
Not bad. It feels a little... stilted? in the way the interactions are presented, but it's good work overall! I like the way you presented the characters, but they seemed a bit... I'm not sure how to describe it... Stiff-legged? I loved the way you wrote the letters between Twilight and Celestia, but the actual speech between them seemed. Off somehow? But that could also be my own writing style preference, I'm not sure - inclusion of body language such as ears, muzzle, hackles, can convey irritation and anger for example.
Again, that could just be my own writing style, I'd have to have others chime in to see, so I could be completely wrong about it.
To check: Are you meaning a new character by the name of Redhearth or do you mean Nurse Redheart? Just wanting to make sure ^_^
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I totally agree that I didn't include body language, it didn't really come to my mind when I was writing it and maybe that will help the dialogues not to be so "fixed", I'm going to worry more about this in my future projects. I appreciate you telling me, without this I frankly wouldn't have noticed it.
and by the name, I meant the nurse.
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Well said comment.
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I don't understand what you're trying to say here. What you said has nothing to do with what we said.
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A big chunk of the story's theme was Celestia's betrayal by not telling Twilight the full repercussions of her ascension. Celestia betrayed Twilight by leading her on through the whole medical process, sure, but she also directly caused Twilight's condition in the first place which was the bigger betrayal. Having Twilight's infertility be something that was done to her, rather than just a coincidence, makes the revelation hit much harder.
Secondly, I do think that there needs to be some in-universe device for limiting the alicorn population. Maybe alicorns don't have to be infertile, but if immortal alicorns kept having immortal alicorn babies, there would be a serious problem in the long run. Maybe alicorns can only have regular earth, pegasus, or unicorn babies that they have to watch die of old age, for instance. Maybe if an alicorn has an alicorn child, they lose their immortality and pass it on to their child.
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The way I understand the comment, there's more to the story that hasn't yet been revealed.
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)
If I didn't know you I would say that you know a lot about the story I'm going to do in the future. on a spoiler scale of 1 to 10 I give you an 8. ( like Pinkie powers dude...
There is a reason why the princesses don't have children, why Celestia and Luna's father disappeared, why Twilight can't have a foal, and Celestia knowing this let her continue, this doesn't trigger "
Twilestia civil war
" , but it is an important fact for Twilight's decisions in the future.
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Completely correct, this is only the beginning of Twilight's story, I have to write the stories of a couple of main characters where each one clarifies a bit of the story and some play an important role in Twilight's decisions.
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Sorry about potential spoilers. I just think about world-building a lot.
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Don't worry about that, whenever I create a world I always look first at the background and then at the characters and their interests and goals and how they fit into it. What happened to you almost always happens to me too when I see or read something XD
The first part that you explain in a simple way the "betrayal" of Celestia is true, if there is a reason why they can't naturally have foals and Celestia knows, it's just not as simple as she explained it to Twilight.
Alicorn reproduction somehow involves cannibalism doesn't it?
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Not really, but a lot of power.
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Is there or already is a sequel to this or going to be a sequel?
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Yes, this week i post the backgroung of somepony very important in the story
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Ah gotcha
Looking forward to it.