• Published 28th Feb 2021
  • 4,788 Views, 95 Comments

This One's for Earth. - Hotel_Chicken



The human Rainbow Dash and her friends enjoy a good old fashioned game of beat up a wizard.

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Buck You Very Very Much.

It was odd how a fun party could become so quiet at just one question. Granted, it was a really loud question that almost made Rainbow Dash’s throat bleed, but it was still a strange feeling to listen to the sounds of idle conversations die.

The human athlete, along with her closest friends from Earth, came to celebrate their friend Twilight, the magical pony not the smoking hot nerd she'd steal a glance or two from, on becoming a goddess and the pony equivalent of a god-emperor.

Before they could even say hello, the humans and the dimension-hopping unicorn they rode in on were shuttled off to a secure bunker under the castle of friendship to wait out, no joke, Armageddon. A giant demon centaur, a bug empress, a psychotic child goddess, and a bunch of undead horses whose wails brought on an eternal winter had come like Equestria's own version of the four horsemen to announce the beginning of the end. If it weren’t for the fact that the world could have ended at any moment, Rainbow Dash would have thought it was epic.

Of course, being a group of humans who barely understood their new or missing appendages, the teens turned ponies were forced to wait for any good news as Sunset Shimmer, the only one who was used to being a magical pony, teleported away from the guards to see if she could help. One giant conclusion later, and everyone had gathered at the friendship castle to celebrate as the trio of villains were frozen in stone and placed in Canterlot’s garden.

Everything in the party was amazing… at least until she overheard a certain stallion.

“Princess Twilight,” the merlin wannabe stated firmly. “I insist that we use the portal to banish those three monsters. Even if they’re encased in stone, I’m sure they’ll break out again just as Discord did. When I was fighting off the greatest evils, they stayed banished, with the only exception being the Pony of Shadows. Everything else that I and my colleagues banished has remained trapped in their prison. The sirens, the memory stone, my time twirler, and Cthulhu haven’t come back since being sent to the other world with my portal spell. I’ve used it plenty of times to get rid of other threats, it won’t be difficult to throw in those trouble makers as well.”

“YOU DID WHAT?!” Rainbow Dash yelled, causing the partying ponies, yaks, griffons, and all other magical and strange creatures to stop as the inter-dimensional twin of one of their heroes glared at the magician.

“You’re the fucker who’s been sending magical shit over to Earth?!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

“Hey, hey, what’s going on?” Sunset Shimmer asked as she trotted up to Rainbow’s side along with the rest of her friends.

“He’s the one who made the portal spell and tossed in all the magic junk we have to deal with!” she explained as she pointed an accusatory hoof at the robbed wizard.

“Ya mean yer the reason why the sirens came to our world?” Applejack asked with a scowl as Rarity joined her side.

“You sent that dreadful memory stone through the portal?”

“You sent that weird time tiller thingy that made Sunset relive the same day for a month?!” The usually sweet and cheerful Pinkie Pie demanded with a scornful tone.

“You put our world in danger?” Fluttershy, the timidest of their group asked with a frown and a light glare.

“Um… I’m angry too!” Sci-Twi added on, causing her friends to glance at her. “What? You all already listed the big disasters, I just wanted to be included.”

“Well, you can be included in us taken this creep to pound town!” Rainbow Dash said as she hammered her hooves together.

“Dash… I don’t think that means what ya think it means,” Applejack stated, though Rainbow Dash ignored it.

“Guys, I’m sure this is all a misunderstanding,” Sunset tried to calmly explain. “Starswirl the Bearded has been dead for millennium, I'm sure Rainbow Dash just misheard them or something.”

“Actualllllyyyy,” Princess Twilight trailed off as she, wisely, took a step away from the target of her other dimensional friends’ ire. “Starswirl and the others came back about a year ago… Surprise?” Twilight stated nervously.

“… You’re the mother bucker who made that mirror?!” Sunset demanded. “Why, in Celestia’s fat flank, would you make a magic mirror that shows you your greatest desire and opens to another world every few years?! Why would you just send all of those dangerous magical items and villains to a magic-less world?! Buck, do you know how much damage you could have caused? Faust knows what the sirens were able to do before we stopped them! I’m pretty sure they helped start a few wars, because you let them do whatever the buck they wanted in a defenseless world! And don't even get me started on the bucking Memory Stone! Wallflower needs therapy because of you!”

“Um… To be fair, Clover the Clever actually sent the Memory Stone to your world,” Starswirl tried to defend, causing Rainbow Dash’s glare to grow harsher.

“And I’m guessing you taught him that sending his problems to another world was a good idea, right?”


“Uh… W-well I… I am very sorry for any inconvenience—"

“The Sirens turned my school into a bunch of mind controlled slaves.” Rainbow Dash said flatly, "After that, we ended up forgetting almost all of high school, our best friend, because of your stupid memory stone. And then we had to fight a girl who was possessed by magic, another girl who had a magical limbo mirror, and a fuck ton of other shit. I don’t remember the whole time-travel thing, but I think it’s pretty fucking stupid to call it an ‘inconvenience.’ You turned our world, my home, into your own trash can without thinking about anyone you'd hurt. So, I only have one thing to say you, you Santa Claus reject,” she stated coldly as she marched up to the stallion and pulled her hoof back. “This one’s for Earth.”

In the blink of an eye, the pegasus’ hoof connected with the old wizard’s muzzle, causing Starswirl to fly back as the force of a sonic rainboom was compressed into a hoof. Not a hoof, wing, or claw was raised in the wizard’s defense as the enraged mare stalked closer to her fallen prey.

"And these next few dozen, they're going to be for my friends," she said as the stallion tried to lift himself up.

Sunset Shimmer, being the only magic user willing to touch him at the moment, unceremoniously lifted him in the air as she and her friends trotted up to Rainbow’s side. They shared a wordless agreement to all leave at that moment while their Pinkie Pie quickly hugged Princess Twilight and excused them from the party.

“Sorry Princess, we gotta go beat up an old man! Awesome party by the way, good luck with being the sole ruler of a country for the next millennium until something happens that wipes your efforts from history. Oh, and other me, once again, awesome party, see you at mine tomorrow!” she said before bouncing away to join her friends.

"Prinncess! Somepony! Please save me!" he desperately called as his wails grew quieter.

Twilight, being the new leader of Equestria, watched helplessly as they dragged the stallion away while her own Pinkie Pie waved them off. There was an awkward tension in the room as every creature looked around, silently asking each other if any of them knew what exactly just happened. Pinkie Pie, being the ball of energy that she was, zipped over to a record player that had been conveniently turned off and resumed the music.

"What are we all standing around for, this is a party!" she cheered happily as she pulled a rope to reveal an additional party banner that read, “All’s Well That Ends Well Party!”

The party resumed with the music drowning out the desperate pleas of an arrogant stallion just outside the castle, his cries falling on deaf ears as every creature enjoyed their time.

"How did you have another banner ready?" Twilight asked as she faintly heard the sound of a beard being ripped off someone's muzzle.

"My Beard! N-No, don't-glugh!"

"I always have an emergency banner ready in case of fights. I also knew that Starry'd be here, and knowing what he did, welllll it was pretty obvious that this would happen. I talk to myself, or myself talks to me? Anyway, we talk a lot and when I told her he'd be here, well she was mad and warned me to get the emergency party kit ready."

"P-Please! I didn't mean it!"

"Wait, if she knew that Starswirl was here, then why did she pretend like Rainbow Dash found out first."

"N-not the bat! Not the bat! Please!"

"It's because a Pie never throws the first punch unless it's in a bowl, but she'll always throw the last punch." A bone broke outside, eliciting a girlish scream to pierce through the air. Pinkie Pie adjusted the music to an appropriate level to drown out the violence. "She'll always throw the last punch," she stated with an ominous smile.

"... Did he say 'Cthulu' earlier?" Twilight wondered as she decided to drop the issue and let her other worldly friends take care of it.

"Wait! Wait! Not my horn, don't-OH SWEET FAUST, I'M SORRY!!"

In the end, it was a party most creatures wouldn't forget, and one that would haunt a stallion for many years to come.

Comments ( 95 )

Starswirl had it coming for his reckless actions of sending dangerous magical creatures and artifacts to a magic-less world.

I'm pretty sure Starswil relyed so heavily in using other worlds as garbage disposal because he thoguht it would nevere come back to bite him in the ass.

High quality justice.

And this is why every wizard should put points in Wisdom, not just Intelligence.

sykko #5 · Feb 28th, 2021 · · 2 ·

Hilarious!

"hE dEsErVeD iT fOr uSiNg ThE hUmAn WoRlD aS a GaRbAgE dUmP."

I genuinely question if people think before they start spouting. Let's not ignore a certain angry teenager who fucked over his plans and introduced magic to a magicless world, thereby letting all the problems with the artifacts and villains happen in the first place; which in case. But hey, as much as I love Sunny, if y'all are going to throw Star Swirl under the bus for his "mistakes" with the human world, she gets it too.

Doubly so considering Star Swirl's whole point of sending magical artifacts and villains there was that they'd be powerless due the world's lack of magic. Meaning none of that would be happening if someone hadn't changed all that in an attempt at a power grab. But, sure, sure, no no, it's totally all Star Swirl's fault, and he's the sole person who should be treated with accountability for the Dazzlings and other magical mishaps. Not like some external force happened and changed things. Nope. Not at all.

Funny short. Have a like.

Pretty sure Starswirl didn't expect to get beat up by a bunch of teenage girls-turned ponies today.:rainbowlaugh:

If she hasn't, Twilight better make laws forbidding ponies from using another world for dumps...even if the ass-kicking that might follow is hilarious.

I kinda question what the point of sending magical artifacts to another dimension is. Using it as a prison makes a certain amount of sense, but I feel like if you want to get rid of something like the memory stone you can just encase it in cement and drop it in the ocean.

10701038
You know what happened last time someone placed a magical artifact in an out of nowhere place? Three goons got their hands on it. Sure, they got told its location, but they got through the many obstacles easily enough. Not hard to imagine the same would've happened.

10701007
Wallflower's use of the stone wasn't due to Sunset's actions, neither was the Time Turner device or the mirror, I doubt the geodes just spontaneously appeared with Sunset, and the Dazzlings could use their magic without Sunset's interference, they only wanted Twilight and Friends because they could regain their bodies.

10701007
meh, cute girls can get away with it.

10701046
That's why the ocean is ideal. Think about it:

Very big.
No air.
Tidal currents to displace your mcguffin from it's point of rest.
Crushing weight of 15,000 psi to squish would be looters.
You need to swim, which is honestly such a hassle, and at that point I'd rather not bother.

10701047

Wallflower's use of the stone wasn't due to Sunset's actions.

Her erasing memory en mass and trying to delete every memory a group of girls ever had just to beat Sunset was absolutely Sunset related. Maybe not directly and maybe not justifiably, but the more severe actions were absolutely tied with her. Wallflower wouldn't have done what she did if she still didn't remember Sunset as a horrible person. And whether or not it's justified in the present, it's still a result of Sunset's past actions.

I doubt the geodes just spontaneously appeared with Sunset

Who was it who stole a magical artifact and brought magic to the world? Who was it whose magic attracted an alt-Universe Twilight who got turned into a she-demon? Sunset's hand; her own actions, can definitely be traced back to this. I'm not saying it's her fault, but Star Swirl by his pure lonesome is not responsible by himself either. He's not the only player who's hand brought big change. Different actions of different parties led to these events. It's not one singular person, which everyone appears to love to try to turn Star Swirl into.

and the Dazzlings could use their magic without Sunset's interference

Not to the point of becoming a massive threat like they were in Equestria. The best they could do was feed themselves to a minor degree.

10701067
And a freezing cold mountain that's liable not to have much air and surrounded by an immensely powerful forcefield + gale force winds is going to be much better? A mountain; this one in particular, is just as hazardous to anyone, not a changeling queen and charged-up centaur. Or anyone not of power in general.

10701070

Her erasing memory en mass and trying to delete every memory a group of girls ever had just to beat Sunset was absolutely Sunset related.

Having a teenager with clear sings of depression and maybe even selfharm and suicide find a stone that can make everyone forget her is a big problem without any intervention from Sunset. Things would've only gotten worse if the events of Forgotten Friendship didn't happen.

Who was it who stole a magical artifact and brought magic to the world? Who was it whose magic attracted an alt-Universe Twilight who got turned into a she-demon?

You do remember that the Crystal Mirror is Starswirl's creation right? And Sunset birnging the Element of Magic didn't "start magic" in Earth. The Memory Stone worked regardless, the Sirens had magic regardless, anything that had magic in Equestria has magic in Earth. adn if you use the "Sunset brougth the element of magic in the world" argument keep in mind Starswirl did it first and for arguably worse reasons.

Not to the point of becoming a massive threat like they were in Equestria. The best they could do was feed themselves to a minor degree.

that "minor degree" still made an entire school hate each other. If you read the dialog they make clear that their problem was lack of food, not inability to harness it. They could do everything they did in CHS already.

As has been noted, Sunset did play a role in catalyzing that world's magic... but at least she's trying to clean up her mess. And between the sirens and all of the still-functional artifacts, it's clear that Star Swirl bears the greater share of culpability. So yeah, this may have been a bit extreme, but I can't say he didn't have it coming. Plus, I'm always a sucker for EqG humanoids in Equestria. Fun stuff all around.

10701101

Having a teenager with clear sings of depression and maybe even selfharm and suicide find a stone that can make everyone forget her is a big problem without any intervention from Sunset.

Maybe? Maybe? Whatever. Putting up with a bully doesn't help with depression and I'd make the argument the bullying straight up contributed to it. Worse for Wallflower? Maybe. Worse for the whole school? No, if that's what you're implying then you have no proof for it. She only used it to erase small things. Doing it with malintent occurred specifically and because of her resentment towards Sunset becoming beloved and thus wanting to get back at her.

You do remember that the Crystal Mirror is Starswirl's creation right?

Never denied that, merely saying that everything that came after is the fault of other people. As long as people are willing to acknowledge their faults, their mistakes, and their hand in this, I don't have a problem throwing shade at Starswirl's fuck-ups, but that's not what I'm seeing.

that "minor degree" still made an entire school hate each other. If you read the dialog they make clear that their problem was lack of food, not inability to harness it.

Their very first scene is them complaining about not being able to eat as much because the energy is not the same. This is practically word for word said in the transcripts and the actual scenes. They go to the School because it's where they saw Equestrian Magic, not because it provides an abundance of food to get stronger. A school isn't the only place with a massive food source. Not even remotely. What does Adiago tell Sunset when they first meet?

For goodness sake, the very first time they try the stunt, Aria begins complaining that it won't work and has to be assured by Adiago that it will. And what reasoning does she use?

Adagio Dazzle: It won't be the same as the times before! There is Equestrian magic here. Their negative energy will give us the power we need to get this entire world to do our bidding.

Straight out of the transcripts.

So, they're attracted to the school because of magic. They can't feed properly because the energy is different and there's no magic in the world, and because they're in a place saturated with the stuff, it'll actually work this time. Also that bit of dialogue "It won't be the same as the times before!"

Yeah, doesn't that imply they tried this exact stunt multiple times in the past and failed at it? You know, back when there was no magic in the world besides the artifacts they had?

"It's because a Pie never throws the first punch unless it's in a bowl, but she'll always throw the last punch." A bone broke outside, eliciting a girlish scream to pierce through the air. Pinkie Pie adjusted the music to an appropriate level to drown out the violence. "She'll always throw the last punch," she stated with an ominous smile.

Translation: NEVER piss off a rock farmer.

I keep forgetting that Pinkie comes from a family of rock farmers.

I LOVED THIS!:pinkiehappy: I mean I think we can all agree Starswirl had this coming, and frankly always bugged me he never got any heat or punishment for what he did in canon.

I mean if you really think about it there's quite a huge real possibility a lot of people on Earth even years before Sunset stepped foot on it, suffered because of a arrogant wizard negligence.

Just the possibility of something like this gets a like and fave!
One of these pompass, holier-than-thou so he knows better actually getting it?
Oh yeah!

And the moral of the story is: karma's a bitch!

Have a fav, like, and follow on me!

On a side note... what was that about Cthulu? Pretty sure I butchered that, but whatevers.

Thanks, we needed this so desperately.

Vigriff #26 · Mar 1st, 2021 · · 1 ·

I love catharsis.

This kind of stuffs was unfit for children to see. No wonder they did not include it in the show. Made me wonder why no one pointed it out.

That feeling when you feel obligated to doll out likes to counteract whoever is going out of their way to dislike any positive comment. :ajbemused:

10701628
Been there, done that. Glad the S.o.B. who was doing it to me is long gone... that was a nightmare and a half.

Meh, he got off easy. A couple high schoolers? He should have been tossed to the NSA.

10701637
Eh... not sure I like the idea of what the government would do with someone who can use literal freaking magic.

Pause #32 · Mar 1st, 2021 · · 15 ·

10701007
"They hated him cause he told the truth".

I like to think that Wallflower was there the whole time and just stuck with Starlight, her therapist, when things got loud. always stick with the strongest creature in the room, folks.

Very good, I always wanted to sock it to that arrogant old unicorn a lot when I watched his condescending and rude attitude against the mane 6, especially Twilight.

Thanks for making me laugh today, Especially this line.

good luck with being the sole ruler of a country for the next millennium until something happens that wipes your efforts from history.

But also I kinda agree with 10701007 the Sirens wouldn't have become a major threat if it was for Sunset.

10701644
Let’s be honest, they’ve probably had their eyes on sunset and the crew for a while. Honestly wanna read a story which plays with the subject.

10701723
Who says the Goverment in the EQG world don''t have access to magic already? Magic has been leaking though the portals for at least a thousand years by now. Thier MIB or SCP Foundation Equivalent has probably been watching Canterlot High this whole time, multiple massive magic disasters have happened there and no one outside Canterlot knows about it!? They've been covering up for them the whole time!

10701067
I can think of a huge, gaping, Siren-shaped flaw with that plan.

Rainbow at Starswirl be like:

Not quite sure I agree with this story completely...

Ah some funnily written beating up of an old Wizard with some karmic tones.

And just to toss in my five bits, instead of blaming one pony for things mentioned, i’m giving my ”blame points” for ponykind, their magic and tendency to throw away their sealed-evils-in-a-cans in other dimension, or etc... Out of sight out of mind, right?:derpytongue2:

Keep it up:twilightsmile:

10701752
I mean, Daring Do exists in the EQG universe, as well as all her adventures with the supernatural... I wouldn’t be surprised if the government crated up a Lost Ark or two she found.

Starswirl, stop disliking every positive comment. You should act more mature in your age.

Rainbow really said

https://m.

10701007
He THOUGHT it was without magic. Given that they obviously lived we can safely assume there was some degree of ambient magic. So its entirely possible the problems he sent through kept causing problems.

Its not that Subset is blameless. Its that literally none of that would have happened if the Bearded Blunder had A) not used Earth as a place to stuff his problems and B) put some reasonable safeguards on the stupid mirror. You know, like a two-part activation phrase spoken by 2 different ponies.

“Princess Twilight,” the merlin wannabe stated firmly. “I insist that we use the portal to banish those three monsters. Even if they’re incased in stone, I’m sure they’ll break out again just as Discord did. When I was fighting off the greatest evils, they stayed banished, with the only exception being the Pony of Shadows. Everything else that I and my colleagues banished has remained trapped in their prison. The sirens, the memory stone, my time twirler, and Cthulhu haven’t come back since being sent to the other world with my portal spell. I’ve used it plenty of times to get rid of other threats, it won’t be difficult to throw in those trouble makers as well.”

But Cthulu is in Tartarus! See;

ECthuzy
Yes, this is now the official name of the Cthulhu x Cozy Glow ship and no one can change my mind.
gosha305 · 1.1k words  ·  51  2 · 1k views

10701958
And who made that the standard considering he taught Celestia, Luna, and Clover? Also here's another comparison: Celestia=Starswirl, Luna=Stygian, Nightmare Moon=Shadow Pony.

10702094

He THOUGHT it was without magic.

No, the guy who has a magic tracking spell actively searched for worlds specifically without magic.

Given that they obviously lived we can safely assume there was some degree of ambient magic.

So, wait, because they lived, that means there's magic/ambient magic? Wow, I never knew magic made you immortal.

But, I jest. It frankly doesn't matter if there is ambient background magic or not, since it wasn't nearly enough for the Dazzling's to do anything massive until one location; ala a school, got flooded with the stuff. Adagio straight up says that it'll work specifically because the school is full of magic.

So it's entirely possible the problems he sent through kept causing problems.

As I said previously, they tried causing problems and completely failed due to the lack of magic. So given all the dialogue I've seen, I'm gonna have to call complete bullshit on this.

put some reasonable safeguards on the stupid mirror.

You mean like activating once every 2 moons, being a worthless mirror any other time? Sure seemed to work for the last 1000 years.

Should I add a comedy tag to this story? I didn't really consider it a comedy, I had fun writing it and re-reading it but not enough to label it as comedy, but apparently a few people think it's pretty funny.

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