No matter how dark the story, I'll do my best to make it have a happy ending. If I have not updated anything for 1 year, it means I'm dead.
Join Angelo, Willow, Timmy, Gabriel, Odin, and Olivia as they live a second chance for life.
As the pets of the mane six!?
With a sassy (or rather angsty) hispanic rabbit as their leader, will these animals ever get used to their new life?
And if so, what sort of adventures are right around the corner? Read the story and find out!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Interesting, though your transitions could use some work. Stating the transition using ‘*’ breaks immersion. It is an interesting concept, though.
That period should be replaced with a comma. Either that, or the tag ‘he said’ should be replaced with an action. For example. “Huh.” He tested his newfound flight capabilities.
Another instance where there should either be a comma, or an action instead.
Peculiar.
Overall, an interesting concept. If you ever need an editor, let me know. I’d be willing to help you fix some of these errors. I’d also recommend reviewing Ezn’s reading guide, as it has some useful information.
Oh god this will be a show alright! XD
almost as bad as the owl problem new new york has
I like how Gabriel (Gummy) is the only one who actually had a conversation with their owner.
Huh. I like this concept. Seems like each of our main characters are of different ages, personalities, and races, too. Inclusivity, I like it. I'll keep a tracker on this.
I will say, though, I agree with 10694592. The spelling/grammar/mechanics do need to be looked at, and yes, transitioning with locations in asterisks does break immersion— showing scene locations with horizontal rules is common here on the site. In this chapter, honestly, context alone would have told us where the characters were. In the future, though, I'd suggest saying something that's happening at or in the location, or describing some aspect of the location. Since all of your protagonists don't actually know where they are yet, you'd need to reveal it when focusing on one of the characters that does. Say, for Timmy at Rainbow's:
10694592
Thanks for the offer, but I only got ten minutes to post each day so not much time for editing.
10695988
Wait, if you had no time to edit yourself, wouldn't you want an editor?
Loving it
They are perfect!
It was quite nice yes
Well then, this seems interesting
10695988
Which is why you get an editor so they do that for you.
Delve
Others have already mentioned the others I noticed, so I’ll just say that I really like the idea, and I’m looking forward to seeing where you take it!
NOT THE HAWK!
lh3.googleusercontent.com/proxy/cQhntylqe0IcSjzs5iRw3osicIbxNCaSeyVII38K9s88A4n8ASNXzs0q3813L9oL-Y1CGB6smN7CO_pwgytkqLzgJC1pNRC2zw7q4gszYRKYC1Z-iDykefm9C27IDsb_
huh, now this is an interesting concept! good job with the characterization so far, can't wait to see where you're going with this!
Think you could do a chapter with Puppy Spike?
Actually I swear I remember reading a story with this exact premise. Back in the early years before fimfiction when fimfics were still largely on google docs.
And then four other people, who all hate each other, are reincarnated as the Hydra!
….
WHY HAS NO ONE THOUGHT OF THAT YET?!
Hmm.... or maybe the Ginyu force. Recoomb, Burter, Jace, and Captain Ginyu! (What about Goldo?) >:C What ABOUT Goldo? Ok fine, he's in the other end.
10697935
Havent watch Equestria girls but I'll try.
You could've used the author's notes for this.
10705767
I think they want to make it more of a tv joke as well maybe
great concept and execution!!!! keep it up!
10705809
Eh, maybe.
A few misspellings here and there, most commonly ponis, but otherwise, at least my Spanish classes are finally paying off!
You're not wrong
10702337
I wasn't really paying attention when I was writing that lol
Looks like our ninita saw Up.
10705850
Ponis is spanish for ponies
10705767
Too boring and most pass right over them.
10707244
Oh shit that's right. I thought you just kept forgetting the E lol
10707245
Good point.
That last non-canon authors note should be in the authors note box and not in the story, but otherwise, I really enjoyed it. 10/10
So have you not watched the better movies by choice or due to say monetary issues cause I’ve got the 2nd movie on one of my clouds and could link you to the OneDrive or Google Drive I have it on.
10770901
You took the words right out of my mouth. Or, off my keyboard. Uh... Screw it, you know what I mean.
I wonder if Fluttershy would be the first to notice the change in actions & name!
Keep it up!
Makes sense
As a Spanish speaker , this hurts
That's not how bilingualism works
10770908
That would be AMAZING
10772453
I am sorry but I am a spanish boi who lived in america in all my live. I only understand bits and babs of the language from my original parents.
10809223
I got my google translate back so YES! new chapter soonish.
Im also working on too many stories... like 12. Don't judge me, Ha.
They are LEARNING. THE PET REVOLUTION BEGINS TODAY. HAH.
Oh wow, I can't get enough of this.
U know I was kind of wondering if there are some side, and I’m sorry if this sounds a little suggestive. I kind of wish a thief that died due to a robbery gone wrong and he was a raccoon with a golf bag on his back and I hope u know what I’m thinking but hey it’s an idea I’m just bored
God, eat a snickers. You give feelings and intelligence to dogs when you're hungry.
10825942 I believe I shall give intelligence to malaria parasites... (Alondro is WORST God!)
The Pets of Ponyville
Now that is a good name!
Dog:Yes I am smarter than all of you, you are a bunch of kindergartners while I'm a former college student. It clearly means I'm all superior than all of you pest, especially the ugly tiara one.
*POV of Ponies*
Dog: Woof! woof!
Apple Bloom:Awww I think he says that he likes you
Winona sits in front of the stairs with a kitchen knife on the bottom stair. AppleJack and Ms. smith can be heard cooking in the other room, as Applebloom comes down.
Writing on the wall in apple jam:
So hold on... who was Patrick? I'm guessing Tim was the distinguished boulder otherwise known as Tom (gathering apples? o.0). After you mentioned someone being Philomena I was expecting someone to be Luna's pet possum, Tiberius.
This is still a fun read! I really like Willow, but be careful that she doesn't take up too much more screen time than the rest of our furry/feathered/scaly friends!