How does one start a story? Some start with the future, and delve into the past. Others choose a present, and continue on boldly. Others, Once Upon A Time.
Me? I just throw words down and hope it works. So here we go and here you go.
*FLUTTERSHY'S COTTAGE*
Angelo awoke with a groan upon a soft green couch. "Where am I?" he asked aloud. He got to his feet and stared around in disbelief at the cottage. He stared down at his now white paws. "Oh hell naw."
"Angel! Such language!"
Angelo slowly looked upwards. What he saw was some weird yellow animal thing. "Oh HELLLL NAW!" With that, he jumped off the couch, bolted to the window, and leaped headfirst out onto the lawn. "Adios diablo!"
"Angel!" Fluttershy quickly ran out of the cottage in attempt to catch the rabbit.
*RAINBOW DASH'S MANSION*
Timmy awoke with a rather long yawn. He tried to stand, and failed. "Hmph. Seems like it gets harder each day now." the old army pilot said to himself. He blinked in surprise. He didn't wake up to any flashbacks from Vietnam! For him, this was a rather happy thing. "Now if only I could stand..." He tried once more, before feeling two gentle thuds on his back and a rubbing on his head.
"Morning Tank!" Rainbow Dash said, petting her pet. "How you doing this morning?"
Timmy stared at the cyan pegasus. "I knew I was bound to die soon, but what sort of afterlife is this?" he asked in shock.
Rainbow Dash stared at Timmy with concern. "You alright buddy?"
Timmy nodded. "Sure. Reincarnation may be messed up, but I'll do my best to enjoy it." He paused. "What even am I?"
"Well come on then! We've gone a full day of pranking, and you're coming with me." Rainbow Dash proclaimed, grabbing her tortoise and flying out the door. She flew back inside rushing to the kitchen, grabbed some toast, and flew out again. She released Tank, before quickly catching him when he didn't start flying. "Hew alhight bud?" she asked, mouth full of toast.
Timmy tested his propeller, gently floating. "Huh." he said, before zooming off. "WOO YEAH-HAH!"
Rainbow Dash coughed in surprise, some toast spilling out of her mouth. She didn't know why Tank was suddenly so energized, but she wasn't gonna complain. "Awww yeaaah." she said, before zooming off to catch up.
*RARITY'S BOUTIQUE*
Olivia breathed softly as she awoke. The blankets were softer than she remembered, and so she lingered. Someone left the bed beside her. "Steven?" she asked sleepily.
"Shh, go back to sleep." a voice said, a brush gently moving through Olivia's hair. "I'll wake you up after I'm done making breakfast."
"Fine with me." Olivia said, getting more comfortable. The person left the bed, before gently opening and closing the door.
Eventually the sun shined upon her face as the smell of breakfast drifted to her nose. Olivia breath in deeply. "Mmm..." She wiggled out from beneath the covers, letting the sun warm her better. She arched her back as she stretched like a cat. She opened her eyes as she realized how oddly she moved. "Wait..." She looked down at her white paws. "I... I'm not dreaming." Olivia let out a simple "heh" before fainting. She was quickly awoken by someone lifting her without hands. "Whoa, hey!" she hissed.
"I am sorry Opalescence, but you know I always make my bed after breakfast! Now head downstairs, your breakfast is waiting."
"Uhh... okay." Olivia stumbled over to the door as fast as she could.
"Strange... I could have sworn I saw fear on Opal's face." Rarity commented. She shook her head. "That's ridiculous."
Olivia reached the stairs. "Good lord why is there a horse and why am I a cat what the HAAAAHHH!" Olivia tripped down the stairs, rolling and tumbling all the way down. "Owww..." She slowly got to her paws, before stumbling over to a food bowl. She sniffed. Whatever it was, it smelt good. "Wait, NO! I'm not eating cat food. No way!" She shook her head, before glancing up at the table. "Hmm..."
Olivia walked clumsily over to a chair, before trying to jump on it. She utterly failed and hit the ground. She watched , slightly frightened as a white pony thing gave her a piece of pancake.
"Shh, don't tell Rarity." Sweetie Belle said in a hushed voice.
"S-sure." Olivia said, before taking the pancake. Suddenly, a hawk burst through the window, grabbed Olivia, and flew off. "AHHHHH!" she screamed as she was carried off into the distance.
"RARITY!" Sweetie Belle shrieked. "THE HAWK CAME BACK! IT TOOK OPAL!!!"
*SWEET APPLE ACRES*
Willow let out a yawn. She smacked her lips as she got to her feet. Her eyes widened. "Ooh! I'm a doggy!" She leaped to her paws, running around and jumping onto a bed. "I'm a doggy! Yay!" She froze, thinking. "If I'm a doggy, then... I lick faces!" She pulled back the blankets of the bed.
"Mnph. Let me sleep." Apple Bloom groaned.
Willow let out a long gasp, shocking Apple Bloom awake. "PONY!" Willow squealed, licking the pony's face.
"Hey! Cut that out!" Apple Bloom giggled. She shoved Willow onto her back, before rubbing her belly.
"Ooo!" Willow calmed down for a moment. 'Belly rubs feel nice!'.
"Breakfast!" came the call from downstairs. Willow and Apple Bloom raised their heads, before both of them leaped off the bed.
"Yay breakfast!" Willow tripped and stumbled down the stairs, landing in a heap at the bottom.
"You alright!?" Apple Bloom asked, reaching the bottom.
Willow stayed stunned at the bottom. Her eyes slid over to stare Apple Bloom in her eyes. "I hurt." she whined. She sniffed, before flipping onto her feet. "Breakfast!" she barked. She scampered into the kitchen, hopping onto a chair and waiting patiently. After all, Momma always said a lady should always be proper when eating.
"Winona, down." Applejack firmly said.
Willow looked around, before looking at Applejack. "Me?" she asked.
Applejack blinked. "Uhh... down." she said again. Willow gave another confused look. "That means you. Down from the table." Willow looked at a pancake, before reaching for it with her paw. "No." Willow looked at her, before stretching her leg further. "Stop it Winona. Down."
"Ah, just let her eat. Who knows, maybe shes got decent table manners!" Granny Smith joked. She set down a plate of pancakes for the dog.
"Thank you miss!" Willow yipped. She reached for a fork, before looking at her paws. She grabbed the fork with her mouth, and stuck it into the pancake. Willow tore off a chunk, before dropping the fork on the plate. "I dunno how to do this." she said simply, uncertain as to how to proceed.
The others stared in surprise at Willow's attempt to eat properly. "Nice try pippo." Granny Smith said, patting Willow on the head.
"Eyup." Macintosh added.
Apple Bloom sat beside Willow. "Here." She cut up a piece of pancake, before pointing it at Willow. "Go ahh" she said, holding her own mouth wide open as an example.
Willow quickly opened her mouth, before clamping down on the fork. She hummed, enjoying the food. 'This is really nice!'
"Shucks. Never thought I'd see any day that Winona would eat proper." Applejack said. "After you're done feedin her, wanna come with us to the park?"
"Yes!" Apple Bloom said excited.
*GOLDEN OAK LIBRARY*
Odin blinked as he awoke. "Hm. Peculiar. I appear to be an avian. Owl, to be precise." He knew it was not a lucid dream. His eyes glanced around the library. "Ah, a purple unicorn. Where is our wizard, if that is my fate now."
"Ah, Owlysius! Nice to see you awake." Twilight said.
"Who?" Owen asked.
Twilight gave a small laugh. "You of course!"
"Ah, well you see I-" Odin stopped. "Alright, how do I put this and you've left. Well then." He hummed. "A library. That is inside a tree." He gave a hoot, ruffling his feathers. He hopped down from his perch with a flump. "Ah. That makes sense. I don't know how to fly, but I can feel instinct and muscle memory." He rolled to his claws.
"Well, aren't you com-" Twilight stopped, seeing her owl walking on the ground. Said owl walked up to her before giving a single "Hoot". "Uhh... okay?" Twilight was confused. "Why are you walking around?"
"Well I decided I probably fly too often and should strengthen my long skinny legs that are hidden beneath this robe of feathers." Odin answered.
"... I'll just have Fluttershy translate for me later."
*SUGAR CUBE CORNER*
"Sense. That which allow you to feel this realm. Touch." He felt the wooden floor beneath himself. "Scent." The smell of sweets were mouthwatering to most. "Sound." Children laughing, and a woman's voice. "Taste." For a reason he had yet to understand, a delightful taste was in his mouth. "Sight." He opened his eyes, staring at a set of bright blue eyes. "These are what many believe allow one to truly live. But even as we have all these, we lose them as we age. At death, we seem to lose them all. But in the afterlife, we gain them all, and more."
Pinkie wiped away a tear. "Wow Gummy. That was b-beautiful!"
Gabriel nodded. "It was, but at times it doesn't seem to make any sense." he said with a wink.
Pinkie burst out laughing. "Oh Gummy, you are too much!"
"Many a time it seems I'm not enough." He frowned. "No wait, that sounds sad."
"Well here's something that will cheer ya up! It's Park Day!" Pinkie shouted.
Gabriel licked his nose in thought. "First, we get a basket. Fill it with treats, and-"
"Way ahead of ya Gummy!" Pinkie said, holding a large picnic basket.
"Well then, let us proceed."
Interesting, though your transitions could use some work. Stating the transition using ‘*’ breaks immersion. It is an interesting concept, though.
That period should be replaced with a comma. Either that, or the tag ‘he said’ should be replaced with an action. For example. “Huh.” He tested his newfound flight capabilities.
Another instance where there should either be a comma, or an action instead.
Peculiar.
Overall, an interesting concept. If you ever need an editor, let me know. I’d be willing to help you fix some of these errors. I’d also recommend reviewing Ezn’s reading guide, as it has some useful information.
Oh god this will be a show alright! XD
almost as bad as the owl problem new new york has
I like how Gabriel (Gummy) is the only one who actually had a conversation with their owner.
Huh. I like this concept. Seems like each of our main characters are of different ages, personalities, and races, too. Inclusivity, I like it. I'll keep a tracker on this.
I will say, though, I agree with 10694592. The spelling/grammar/mechanics do need to be looked at, and yes, transitioning with locations in asterisks does break immersion— showing scene locations with horizontal rules is common here on the site. In this chapter, honestly, context alone would have told us where the characters were. In the future, though, I'd suggest saying something that's happening at or in the location, or describing some aspect of the location. Since all of your protagonists don't actually know where they are yet, you'd need to reveal it when focusing on one of the characters that does. Say, for Timmy at Rainbow's:
10694592
Thanks for the offer, but I only got ten minutes to post each day so not much time for editing.
10695988
Wait, if you had no time to edit yourself, wouldn't you want an editor?
Loving it
They are perfect!
It was quite nice yes
Well then, this seems interesting
10695988
Which is why you get an editor so they do that for you.
Delve
Others have already mentioned the others I noticed, so I’ll just say that I really like the idea, and I’m looking forward to seeing where you take it!
NOT THE HAWK!
lh3.googleusercontent.com/proxy/cQhntylqe0IcSjzs5iRw3osicIbxNCaSeyVII38K9s88A4n8ASNXzs0q3813L9oL-Y1CGB6smN7CO_pwgytkqLzgJC1pNRC2zw7q4gszYRKYC1Z-iDykefm9C27IDsb_
huh, now this is an interesting concept! good job with the characterization so far, can't wait to see where you're going with this!
Think you could do a chapter with Puppy Spike?
Actually I swear I remember reading a story with this exact premise. Back in the early years before fimfiction when fimfics were still largely on google docs.
And then four other people, who all hate each other, are reincarnated as the Hydra!
….
WHY HAS NO ONE THOUGHT OF THAT YET?!
Hmm.... or maybe the Ginyu force. Recoomb, Burter, Jace, and Captain Ginyu! (What about Goldo?) >:C What ABOUT Goldo? Ok fine, he's in the other end.
10697935
Havent watch Equestria girls but I'll try.
10700637
The Ginyu Force (Guldo who?) as the hydra? I guess that would make Mr. 'Fastest-in-the-Universe' Burter the head that overextended and smashed through a rock, and Recoome the head that laughed at it.
I laughed way too hard at this.