- Member Since 4th Jan, 2014
- offline last seen Oct 7th, 2022
Koekelbag
Just a brony who likes living. Please, don't leave thanks for me favoriting stuff. If anything, I should thank you, the author(s) for writing these amazing stories I find fav-worthy.
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Loredump
10700577
I'm aware, yes. Unfortunatly, my poor handling of time constraints made me not space out this loredump as well as I wanted to. Things should start happening in the next chapter though,
hopefully.Seriously, what the fuck is it with people downvoting stories for the contest? This story's awesome! So what if there's a lot of lore to it! Just the idea itself is a novelty and handled quite well at that!
10701967
Thanks for the kind words.
And downvotes are downvotes, they don't really mean all that much on their own. Did people dislike it for the incest warning? For Blueblood? The (admittedly weakest) first chapter? My writing style? Something else? Without comments to go with them, I have no idea why those downvotes are there, nor how I could improve the story. Feedback is always appreciated.
Anyway, I do hope you enjoyed reading this silly little story of mine.
Twiligt
Nice story. Don't understand the ratio,
10708874
Oh dammit
Okay, not gonna change that so anyone else won't get confused by this, and to attest to my incompetence.
10710193
I consider it a good and interesting story. I really actually quite like it. It is competently written, technically sound, has solid characterization, and an interesting plot with a good twist. I know the feeling. Fimfic votes can be strange creatures and fickle friends.
Late contest review. I have to say, I really don't think that this story is successful. Right from the get go it's confusing to read with odd attempts at world building and poor prose. In fact, it seems so far from the actual series that it would make more sense to mark it as an alternate universe. This is especially apparent in Blueblood's characterization, and the idea that "Princess" is somehow a family name and not a title. Also, the story just flat out doesn't make any sense. It seems like it's trying to be multiple genres at once and failing miserably in each. Is it porn, drama, mystery, romance, what? The characters all act like idiots, lending no weight to Twilight's "investigation". From the opening paragraph it should have been immediately apparent what was going on. And I think that's the biggest problem here. No matter what this story is trying to be, it just doesn't feel right. I can take a story trying to tackle a different take on a character, a darker tone, or even juggling different genres, but it can be hard to do well. And here I just don't feel that anything was executed well. It was easily one of the hardest stories to actually finish. I'd rather read a long story that's well-written than a short one that makes no sense.
10720544
Thanks for the (very detailed, it's appreciated) feedback.
Very much yes, the first chapter is probably the one I want to rewrite the most, I really needed to frame it in a better way like a conversation or something, or at the very least having some interaction in the present day. Lessons learned for the future, I hope.
I was originally contemplating on whether to mark it as au or not, but ultimately decided against it as, as far as I thought, none of the 'worldbuilding' is outright denied in just the tv-series... until after the contest ended I actually rewatched the single time Blueblood was shown in the show, and I somehow completely forgot how much of an undeniable dick he was, so that's my bad on his characterization in particular. I do think the rest of it could still be plausible even with the later seasons, so if I'm wrong with that too anyone is free to show me. (No, really, please do, I much rather like to be corrected than simply thinking I'm right.)
As for the genre, I (perhaps foolishly) decided to focus on the mystery part of it. Why was Blueblood acting so strange? Why was he so much in the library, and often disappearing there? Why did he know of the forbidden section, and compiled so much work on alicorns there? Of course, knowing the contest it was written for, the trigger warning as well as the too big of an emphasis on Luna in the first chapter made that a bit too obvious, making me wonder if it was better for the story to not enter or even mention the contest at all, if that makes sense.
If I may ask though, could you elaborate on the "The characters all act like idiots" part? I tried to make all characters (all three, I realize) act and react in believable ways above all, so while it did somewhat sting a bit reading that, I'd greatly appreciate it if you could be more specific in this.
10720869
Thanks for the reply. And to your question the point of "all the characters act like idiots" was specifically directed at the mystery aspect. Twilight having the knowledge of both Blueblood's disappearances and Luna's new lover should have easily been able to logic out that they two were seeing each other rather than go on an "investigation". I would've expected even the castle maids to be able to figure that one out. And the library staff too seemed extremely absent minded, somehow losing Blueblood despite known by exactly where he was going within the library, and then not actually checking that area very well. Anyway, I'm glad if my review was of any help, and I hope this might clear things up a bit.
Read the story, it was fun, not that much of a shipper of those two, but it was still enjoyable enough. Keep up the good work.