Adagio's Evil Council of Doom

by Dawn Flower

Fourth Meeting

Somewhere in the Badlands… or not. I don’t really know anymore.

Adagio’s Evil Council of Doom sat gathered around a large, round, stone table.

“Jimmy crack corn and I don’t care. Jimmy crack corn and I don’t care. Jimmy crack corn and I don’t caaaaaare…” Gilda sang.

Chrysalis couldn’t stand it anymore. “Well, if you don’t care, then please stop bloody telling us about it!” She screamed at the griffon.

Gilda smiled. “Man, don’t be ruining my flow.”

“Your ‘flow’ is of no concern to me,” Chrysalis told her. “I simply wish for you to shut your mouth hole before I nail it shut.”

“I’m afraid Gilda is right,” Lightning Dust chimed in. “Her flow is very important.”

“Like a Faust,” Gilda said.

“In Cloudsdale, our flow is the only thing that separates the winners from the losers.”

“Like a Faust,” Gilda said again.

Chrysalis had to bring her hoof to her head to try and steady her thoughts. “Well, we’re not in Cloudsdale right now, are we?!” She screamed at the two of them.

“That can be arranged,” Lightning Dust replied, not intimidated in the slightest.

“Was that supposed to be a threat?” Chrysalis asked.

“No, I was just calling attention to our luxury Cloudsdale vacation plan. Any earth pony or unicorn that buys a ticket with us will receive 50% off upon leaving,” she said with a devilish grin.

*Beat*

“Get it? Because earth ponies and unicorns can’t walk on clouds and they would fall to their deaths upon arriving, so sending them to Cloudsdale would be fatal. That part was a threat.”

“Like a Faust,” Gilda said yet again.

Chrysalis just squeezed her eyes shut tight. “Okay! Somebody else! Please talk to me! Now!”

“Why so glum, Chrysie?” Discord spoke up.

“Oh, gee, I don’t know,” Chrysalis responded sarcastically. “Maybe it’s because this is the millionth bloody council meeting we’ve had. And somehow, somehow, I just know that it’s going to be as productive as all the others. That is to say, not at all.”

Discord just waved her off. “Oh, come now, Chrysie. I think these meetings are very productive.”

“How so?” She asked him, interested to hear his response.

“Well, during our last meeting, I was finally able to immunise myself to the Elements of Harmony, with some help from my good friend, Thrackerzod.”

“You’re welcome,” the filly responded.

Chrysalis blinked. “Wait a minute, you’re now immune to the Elements of Harmony?”

“Mmmhmm,” Discord nodded his head with a smile.

This actually seemed to perk the changeling queen up. “Well then, if you’re immune to the Elements now, that means that you can do whatever you want and the ponies can’t stop us. We’ve won!” Chrysalis exclaimed, with her hooves up in the air.

Discord’s expression suddenly changed. “Actually…” He began, drawing Chrysalis out of her excitement. “I’m immune to the Elements now, but if they shot their rainbow powers at me, I’d be reduced to a puddle.”

Chrysalis simply stood there, frozen in place for a minute. She then finally slumped down on the table again. “Figures,” she whispered.

“You were expecting any different,” Aria chimed in in her usual sarcastic manner.

Chrysalis sighed. “I guess it was just wishful thinking.”

“Like a Faust,” Gilda added again.

Chrysalis suddenly furrowed her eyebrows. She couldn’t take it anymore. “Look, will all of you please cease your idiotic foolishness!?” Chrysalis screamed, as she planted her two front hooves down on the table, hard. “In a few moments, Adagio is going to get here and then, believe me, there will be plenty of idiocy to go around. No doubt, she’ll concoct yet another plan that will result in our running off on some fool’s errand in order rearrange Twilight’s sock drawer or something. I really don’t know why I even bother coming. After all, Adagio is and always will be a total…”

“Yeeeeees?” Everyone heard Adagio’s voice as she entered the room. They all noticed that she seemed to have a different pitch to her voice, and turned to look at her. When they did, they saw her in her siren form, with a look of pure evil etched on to her face. “A total what?” She asked Chrysalis as she floated over into her chair.

“Uh… Oh! Hello, uhhmm, Adagio,” Chrysalis stammered, actually a bit afraid of the aura that Adagio seemed to be exuding. “Fancing seeing you here like this. Actually, I think we were all expecting you in your human form.”

“Oh really?” The siren asked, bearing her incredibly sharp fangs. “Are you disappointed?”

Chrysalis turned her head to the side. “I believe ‘terrified’ would be more appropriate.”

“Like a Faust,” Gilda added again.

“Shut up, you fool!” Chrysalis said, turning to face the griffon immediately. “In her siren form, Adagio is the only one to have actually defeated Twilight Sparkle. Do not antagonise her, or she’ll kill you where you stand,” she warned.

“Ha-ha! I’d like to see her try,” Gilda goaded.

“Yes, I too would like to see her attempt at…”

Lightning Dust didn’t get the chance to finish what she was saying, as Adagio quickly zoomed out of her seat, swooped around the table like a shark, and tore right into both Gilda and Lightning Dust, devouring them both, right in front of the rest of the council.

(Gory discretion shot, so that I can avoid using a mature tag.)

Once she was finished, she simply glided back to her chair as if nothing had happened.

“Okay, forget what I said before,” Chrysalis was the first to speak up. “It looks like this is one of the rare council meetings where something actually gets done.”

“So, this is what my other self does on the weekends, is it? Impressive,” Adagio spoke up. “A council of the most ruthless villains in the series. Together we will rule the world. Hahahahahahaha!”

When it looked like the siren was finished laughing, Chrysalis decided to speak. “So… you speak as if your human form is someone else entirely.”

“Yes, that is true, in a sense,” she answered, turning to face Chrysalis. “It’s kind of complicated and not worth getting into right now. So, to avoid any confusion, when I’m in this form, you can refer to me as Melvin.”

“I don’t understand why you’re called that,” Thrackerzod said, with her hoof up.

“Nobody does, it isn’t funny!” Melvin responded immediately, sounding agitated. Taking a moment to breath out, Melvin faced forward to address the council. “Now then, bring me up to speed. How many people have we killed so far?”

“Uhhmm… you mean aside from the two people that you just took out?” Chrysalis asked.

“Uh-huh.”

“Well,” she continued. “Adagio did kill that moustachioed unicorn during the second meeting. And I’m fairly certain that ‘Bob’ was killed off-screen at one point.”

“So, you have killed people?” Melvin asked her, giving her a strange look.

“Yyyyyyyyyes,” Chrysalis drew out slowly. “But the thing is, they were all members of our council. None of them really deserved it. Much,” she added.

Melvin just gave a sigh of exasperation. “Typical. You bring together some of the most powerful beings in the world and you can’t even accomplish something as trivial as mass murder.”

Across the table, Sonata shivered a little. She then leaned in close to whisper to Aria. “You know, it feels kind of weird being around Adagio while she’s in that form, but we’re not. It feels kind of weird seeing her this evil.”

Next to her, Aria just grinned. “I don’t know, I think I prefer her like this. Lately she’s become a lot more affable, and a lot less evil.” She then sat up straight in her chair. “It’s good getting back to the basics.”

“So then,” Melvin continued. “What have you been doing all this time?”

“Well,” Chrysalis started, bringing her hoof up under her chin. “First, we sent Twilight Sparkle and her friends a bunch of hate mail that they never read, and then… we… we… uhh…” Chrysalis stammered for a bit. She then just sighed and decided to give up. “We haven’t really gotten much done. At all.”

Melvin just smirked evilly at her in response. “Then I suppose we’re going to have to kick things up a notch, aren’t we.” She then turned away to look at the centaur at the other side of the table. "You there! The tall one. What’s your name?”

“My name is Tirek,” the centaur replied in a cheerful tone.

“I have a job for you,” Melvin immediately followed up. “I want you to find Twilight Sparkle and destroy her! Hahahahaha!”

“Actually,” Tirek raised a finger up to get her attention. “It’s been so long since my character has been completely retconned, that I’m now physically incapable of hurting anyone anymore.”

“Hahahaha… What?!” Melvin suddenly stopped laughing. “Oh for the love of Pop Star Entertainment,” she said while facehooving. “What good is having a giant, magic-stealing centaur monster if you can’t use it to destroy everything that opposes you?”

“But I can make faces that I was never capable of before,” Tirek offered. He then suddenly smiled and made a face that actually made a giant centaur monster look cute. All of the council members had to avert their eyes because they couldn’t handle that much cute. Discord even started having a heart attack.

Melvin, however, was in no way affected. After staring back at Tirek for a few seconds, she simply swung her tail around, hitting him right in the face, knocking him over. Seeing that it was apparently safe again, the other council members all looked back again.

Returning to her usual position, Sonata suddenly spoke up. “Uhhmm, maybe we can use Tirek’s new cuteness to make Twilight trust him,” she offered.

Next to her, Aria just sighed a little. “We already have Discord in that role.” She then looked over at Discord’s seat, where he was still convulsing on the floor. “At least for now,” she added.

“Uhhmm,” Chrysalis started as she put her hoof in the air. “Maybe I could set my changeling army on Twilight Sparkle and her friends when they least expect it?” She offered.

“Don’t bother, Chrysie,” Melvin waved her off. “Truth is, I don’t trust any of you to do this one simple task. Beyond helping sate my appetite, you’ve all proven to be extremely ineffectual.”

“Well at least let me kidnap her,” she added.

Melvin started grinning widely. “Yes! Bring her before me. I shall do the job that none of you could. I shall kill Twilight Sparkle. Hahahahaha!”

Chrysalis simply stared at Melvin for a few seconds before speaking up again. “Well then… I suppose we should get going.” She then turned to face the door. “Minions! To me!” She called, while knocking on the table twice.

Suddenly, the large stone door to the council room opened up, and three changelings stepped inside. “Yes, Your Majesty?” The lead changeling asked.

“Go and fetch Twilight Sparkle.” She ordered. She was now also grinning widely. It felt so good being this evil again. “Bring her back here to us. Take her alive so that we may kill her ourselves!” She smirked inside and out from that villainous remark.

“At once, Your Majesty,” the changeling saluted. The three of them then charged out of the room towards their objective.

As Tirek slowly pulled himself back up, using the table to steady himself, he saw Thrackerzod next to him, giggling in such a way that he couldn’t tell whether or not he or Sweetie Belle was in control.

But to him it didn’t matter. He then threw his arms wide and grabbed the filly in a hug.

---

Meanwhile, over… here.

“Evwybody get in here!” Sunset Shimmer shouted, to call her minions into the room, which they did just seconds later. “We got us a new membah. Evwyone feast your eyes on the guy known as King Sombwahwahwahwah.” She spoke, gesturing the unicorn stallion next to her.

“Hey, how’s it goin’?” Sombra said, while waving his hoof at them.

“Wow, a new member,” Snips said. “This means we’re starting to grow.”

“Yeah! Now there ah thwee of us. We’re wike our own Dazzlings, mayn. Only we don't pwoduce moosic, we pwoduce Evow! Evow moosic! Dananananana nanananana nana nana na~! You pway it backwahds and it’s wike: “Don’t go to school. Stay at home. Pway video gayms.”

“Uhhmm, actually, Princess, there’s four of us,” Snails said.

“Just like the Dazzlings, mayn!” Sunset continued, ignoring him.

“Actually…”

“The Dazzlings!”

“Uhh…”

“Maaaaayyn!” Sunset finished.

Exhausted, Snails just breathed out. “Yeah, you’re right, Princess. Just like the Dazzlings.”

“Mayn, I wiked it better when you just said ‘duh’. You weren’t such a wittle bitch.”

“I was kicked out of Adagio’s council,” Sombra started. “So I decided to defect.” He then started bearing down and grinned evilly. “Now nothing will stop us from taking vengeance on her and destroying everythin…”

Before he could finish speaking, Sunset Shimmer just waved a hand out at him to stop. “Okay, shut up, mayn,” she said, while laughing. “I can’t undahstand a wohd yoh sayin’.”

Stopping from having been cut off, Sombra just stared back at Sunset Shimmer, with a blank look on his face. “Uh, but I…”

“You gotta wearn to annunc-i-ate, mayn!” She cut him off again. “Speak pwain Engwish! It’s a matter of coaidese- cor- corage… It’s good manners, mayn!” She shouted, sounding agitated.

“So, tell us, Princess Sunset Shimmer,” Snips spoke up, trying to get the conversation back on topic. “How are we going to crush our enemies today?”

“Here’s what we gonna do, mayn,” Sunset said, facing forward again to look at them. “The weason that we could never defeat Adagio before, is because she always pways with a full dyk. So!” She suddenly spoke louder. “We are gonna find Adagio Dazzle, and we gonna take her dyk.”

Once she finished speaking, the room fell completely silent. For ten long seconds, nobody said anything; the three guys trying to figure out exactly what their Princess just said.

Eventually, Snips spoke up. He simply said flatly, “What?” Still not sure what to say.

“Her dyk!” Sunset immediately shouted out. “You know, mayn, her dyk. We all got dyks. You got a dyk, I got a dyk. Hell, I could whip out mah dyk wight now and I’ll show you.”

“No! No! No!” Snips immediately cut her off. “Please, that won’t be necessary!”

“Uhh, is she saying deck or dick?” Sombra asked, leaning closer to Snails so that Sunset didn’t hear him.

“Eh, sometimes it’s best not to ask,” Snails deadpanned.

“Now we only got one shot at this, mayn, so it’s cwucial that you guys don’t EFF this up,” Sunset spoke up again. “Now then, I want you to cwose your eyes, and imagine yoh standing in fwont of Adagio Dazzle.”

Her three minions all closed their eyes and knelt down on one knee in front of her. “Okay,” Snips spoke up. “Now what?”

“Now, weach out, and gwab her dyk.”

“Oh, no,” Snips’ reply came instantly as the mental image appeared in his mind.

“And pull it towards you,” Sunset continued.

“Oh, this can’t be happening.”

“And then I want you cut her dyk into thwee pieces.”

“Mother of God.” Snips was now trying his hardest not to lose his lunch.

“Then each of you will take one piece of her dyk and twavel to a difwerent part of the pwanet.” She then lifted her hand into the air. “And then her dyk will belong to us!”

“Uh, i-is that it? Can we open our eyes now?” Snips almost begged her.

“No, mayn. There’s one more part to the pwan.”

“Of course there is,” Snips sighed.

Sunset then stood up as tall as she could. “Next, we gonna take… Twiwight Sparkle’s dyk.”

Snips immediately followed by losing his lunch all over the floor.

“Hey, mayn, not on the rug,” Sunset started stammering. “I'm just talking about Tw-Tw-Tw-Tw-Twi-Twi-Twi-Twi-Twi-Twi­wight Sparkle’s dyk!”

---

“What’s going on?! Where am I?! What is this place?!” Twilight started panicking as she woke up and suddenly found herself surrounded by all of her greatest enemies.

“I believe we’re somewhere in the Badlands,” Chrysalis answered her. “Although, to be honest, after everything’s that’s happened, I’m not even sure anymore.”

“Aha­ha­ha­ha­ha­ha­ha­haha!” Melvin suddenly started laughing maniacally. “So then, Twilight Sparkle, my little pony. Do you have any final words before I terminate you with extreme prejudice?”

“You know, you never hear about anybody terminating with mild prejudice, now do you?” Chrysalis asked rhetorically.

“L-look,” Twilight spoke up, now more terrified than she had ever been in her life. “I know that we’ve had some disagreements in the past, but think about what you’re doing?! If I die, it won’t change anything that happened to any of you. Ask yourself, what would killing me accomplish?”

“Aside from keeping me from going hungry for another eight minutes, not much,” Melvin answered. Her grin then grew wider. “But it’s enough.”

“Wait sto…” Twilight tried to say, but Melvin had bitten and devoured her before she could.

(Gory discretion shot, so that I can avoid a mature tag.)

After she had swallowed every last bit of her, Melvin licked her lips before cackling like a madman again. “Ha­ha­ha­ha­ha­ha­ha­ha­ha­ha­ha­ha­haha! Ah, now that was very satisfying.”

Chrysalis simply stared at the sight that she had just seen. “You… killed Twilight.”

“You betcha,” Melvin confirmed.

“And the author didn’t even bother adding a mature tag, so it wasn’t even described.”

“I’m sure it’s what she would have wanted,” Melvin told her.

“I can’t believe it,” Chrysalis said. “After all this time, she’s really, finally dead.”

“Yes,” Melvin spoke up. “And now Chrysalis, you are my girlfriend, and we are going out ten times.”

Chrysalis quickly snapped her head back around to face the evil siren. “What?”

Then the door opened again and three changelings entered. “Your Majesty, good news. You’ve just been confirmed as the villain for season five. We’re back on the show.”

Chrysalis then quickly turned her head around again, but before she could even say one word, Tara Strong spoke up. “Hey, Chrysalis. You were just voted ‘Villain of the Year’. Also, all of the Bronies agree that you’re the coolest villain in the show. Way cooler than Discord or Tirek.”

Chrysalis was now starting to tear up with tears of joy for the first time in decades. “This. Is the happiest day of my life,” she announced.

---

“Chrysalis? Chrysalis? Hey, wake up, Chrysalis?” The changeling queen could suddenly hear Melvin – no, wait, not Melvin – Adagio call her name. She then noticed that her eyes were closed, and when she opened them, she found herself lying her head down on the table in front of her, with her hooves in front of her for support and comfort.

Once she had lifted her head back up, she quickly looked around the room. “W-wh-what?” She stuttered. Her face then suddenly drooped at the realization. “Oh, bug, was I dreaming all of that?”

“All of what?” Adagio asked.

“You didn’t happen to transform into your super powered evil half and murder Twilight Sparkle in cold blood recently, did you?” Chrysalis asked her, fearing the answer.

“Yes!” Adagio replied quickly.

Chrysalis suddenly perked up. “Really?!”

“Wait,” Adagio suddenly looked unsure. “No. No I didn’t. My bad.”

Chrysalis slumped back down into her seat. “And I suppose I’m also not going to be the main villain in season five?”

“No, you really EFFed up your first chance in season two,” Discord answered her. “I don’t think you’ll ever be back on the show.”

“Wonderful,” she said, sarcastically. Turning to Adagio she asked, “So, Adagio, what’s your newest evil plan this time?”

Adagio smirked evilly before responding. “We’re going to sneak into Twilight’s castle under cover of darkness, and rearrange her sock drawer! Her entire collection of socks will be thrown into disarray. It will be chaos. Sock-related chaos.”

Discord raised his eyebrow at that and brought a talon up to his mouth in thought. “I wonder why I never thought of sock-related chaos before?”

When Adagio was finished rambling, Chrysalis just sighed in defeat. “Yep. Same old, same old.”

“Like a Faust.”

---

Twilight Sparkle was lying in bed, when suddenly she heard her magic journal vibrating. Getting out of bed and wiping the tiredness out of her eyes, she made way over to her dresser, where the book lay.
Once she was standing right in front of it, she picked it up with her magic and flipped it open to the newest page. “Alright, let’s see what we’ve got here,” Twilight said as she reached the page with the message for her and started reading. When she was only halfway through the message, her eyes bulged in her head. “They want to take my what?!” She screamed. “That’s disgusting!” She said as she continued to read the message to the very end. “What do they mean does Adagio have one?!”