Basically, our own Mane 6 are called out to war with the Changlings in their home known as the "Dead Zone". These are the last letters back to Princess Celestia, as Shining Armour is stressed about ambushes on the ponies supply lines, and delivery men, and would rather not come home with more caskets. The first one i wrote about was Rarity's. Im going to start with hers and depending on the outcome I might make more. I'll leave it at Incomplete first. This story was inspired when I was listening to Hero of War by Rise Against, while looking at the cover image. So Enjoy my amateur Fic. /) ^^
Again, First fic I EVER made. Criticism would be nice, compliments are okay too (though I'm a modest persons and get a bit nervous when complimented :3 -truestory-). Please report any grammatical errors to me, as my annoying brother has already pointed out quite a few.
That about sums it up.
Hope you enjoy this fic as much as i enjoy writing :)
Has potential. That's all I can say for now.
I have just this to sing
Alright. The only thing I'm kinda wondering is why you didn't start with Twilight, but not an issue. I take it this is gonna be a composition of letters?
Oh yeah, and the description. Biggest problem I have with this so far. At least put the story description first, before the author's note.
Excuse me while I...3.bp.blogspot.com/_8XlorG6n_cI/TTtGZD2PnrI/AAAAAAAAATA/3-Vsyr174Do/s1600/MLP_Vietnam_Big_Mac_resized_colored-%252528n1295717800119%252529.jpg
I'm just picturing this in my mind.
Also, make sure when you start a new paragraph, to indent it. Just one click of the tab button and you're good.
This is what I like to see. Lots blood and Gore. If I may suggest try going between letters to home and stories happening as they speak
adamantiumbullet.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/6ph0j5z.gif
Been there, done that.
1211917 i actually started with rarity cause she was the first character that came to mind >.<
i had to debate with myself with who i would start with.
1212477
Uh, okay. But you used the Twilight picture...?
1212183 >:3 i have that wallpaper ^^ i have all of them. im going to start with the mane 6 then see what happens.
1211967 thanks so much ^^
my teachers always keep telling me to edit and edit. still need to work on it.
Not bad for Middleschool? :P
oh and to all asking why twilight for cover picture?
if you read the desc, i wanted to point out that it was actually that picture that gave me the idea.
(please ignore. my friend doesn't believe i wrote this e.e)
Dear Omar: Yes I really made this r_r
BTW, personal opinion, the Pinkie picture is the best.
1212516 its alright.
i write for fun, just thought i would share with my fellow bronies :3
and again, THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE EDITS ^^
1212575 I'll find time to write some more don't worry ^^
school starts tomorrow though, so I'm going to be a bit busy.
I usually stay an hour after-school anyway.
any pony in particular you would like to have next?
1212609 you read my mind didn't you :P
yeah. That's coincidently what I was thinking. So you guys can get both variation and a look on what goes on in the other side of a soldiers mind.
Dude sad man keep up the good work though
1256578 D'aww shucks x3
Thanks :)
I write for fun, so comments like this make me want to keep going :)
well you are doing alright i just have one thing to say keep doing alright and i would link a song to sing but my comp is messing up
1256671 just get me the song name and i'll Youtube it ^^
1256675 Its the same song from my other comment just look at your second comment and listen which goes great with any war.
1256712 kewwwwwl..... thats pretty... eeeppiiic.....
Makes me want a spike stashe.... 
1256731 Yea... makes me want to Trixie shift
with amusement.
1261703 Thanks. I don't have much time to write this on my CPU so I'm not used to the keyboard at school. It just doesn't feel right y'know? Not only that, I have people looking over my back so I'm frantically trying to get this done. At home I have no problems at all. Still, you're tons of help. no really you are. I don't have the time, or any people -I am not aware of any bronies in my school so I'm weary on how they will react- to edit my work. Thanks so much :3
this reminds me of M.A.S.H. more plz
1277817 Lol alright fine x3 I finished my twilight a long time ago but got a bit lazy. I'll get right on to it. it will be on in a few unless my mother kills our internet e.e
looking forward to reading it and any other chapters like applejacks.
Okay fellow bronies. It's very early in the morning (or late at night if you wish) and i'm very tired. I leave you with Twilight sparkles... letter about something or another.... if there are any errors please report... I can't edit this. Well... gonna crash on my bed.... Enjoy Twilight's Letter :3
me!!!!!!
----------------------------------------------
You're going to
Yeah, you may want to take a look through when you're not so tired.
I'd just like to stop by and say I'm still reading this.
1285061 Thanks so much again. I was extremely tired when I wrote this. I know there were lots of repeated sentences. I meant it to be that way. I wanted to make those paragraphs her pleading paragraphs, where she would be at a loss of words and has nothing else to say. She is fighting for her life after all. (that and I couldn't find any way to reword it to make it almost different but have the same meaning)
Okie pplz. Its my birthday today and I thought I would share it with you by posting Applejack's story (typing it out now) :)
Well that's the end of this fic.
If you read Fluttershy's then you should know I'm making one for her dreams
I actually just finished Twilight's today
so yeah
It should be up some time this week
Until then,
See you everypony <3 :)
While this is good over all, I'm gonna say that you need some variety in personality/tone. From what I've read, there's almost a clear, distinct line with the six, dividing them between eccentric and depressed.
1328438 I know that. That was actually what I was trying to do, divide them on each side of the line. I was actually experimenting on how I would do war stories. I was never much of a war story writer, so I wanted to see the reaction I would get if I had a random audience. I was always believed I couldn't DO war stories because I thought war was more of a thing to be seen than read. this whole project was
1. for fun
2. also experimental
Conclusion? I had a mostly positive feedback, so maybe I could write war stories without it completely sucking. I was also trying to see how dark I could do something. I was always more of a romance writer (long story), so I wanted to explore different types of stories. might do something themed on Assassins Creed and see how that turns out, or maybe add on to the millions of Fallout Equestria fan fics :P
Who knows.
Though maybe I'll stick to my strengths one day and write a romance.
maybe a clopfic (o.O)
idk.
Thanks for the feedback though :)
Out of curiosity, what kinds of personalities would you have put them in? I could only think of 2 :L
1328741
Considering I actually have all that outlined for this exact situation:
Rarity is neutral. I put her personality as caring about others and slightly less of herself as to not think about the horrors.
Rainbow has valor. She believes that the fighting is for good. Not over-eccentric, but still pretty... gallant.
Twilight is heavily mixed. She contemplates about the war, and sees the good in it, but her morals conflict with it.
Fluttershy is neutral. She knows that it's all for good, but she's the pacifist type.
Applejack is around neutral, but also slightly mixed. Her down-to-earth personality grants her the same morals as Twilight, but she thinks more practically, believing it's for good like Rainbow.
Pinkie is a little tricky, but is generally on the high side of the scale. Happy and joyful while not on duty, but gets the job done when it's time.
Dividing that into more general groups, that's three, with varied reasons as to why they're like that. Down (mostly Twilight, but somewhat AJ), neutral (Rarity and Fluttershy, but AJ also sits in this position mostly), and upbeat (Rainbow and Pinkie). Yes, they will fall into Down at certain times, but this is where they usually are. Then there's the special character traits that flesh them out further in their positions on that three point scale. That way, they're spread out in terms of personality, while still having distinct differences, instead of them having to be on one extreme or the other. Which in my opinion, is kinda bland.
1328915 I get it. I'll have to work on that when I'm dealing with personalities. I tried to stay true to the brand, using words they would normally use etc etc, so it was hard to make them so far apart from each other. I had to stick it to their roots because I was afraid somebody would complain that I went way out of character. Thanks so much for the feedback though. I'm trying to give more people what they want, so it's a bit hard. Thanks for the feedback :)
Here's a better question, what happens when the war is OVER and the changelings are suddenly people again and not "kill on sight" monsters?
Futtershy the medic? I don't know if that's cheating or not.
These ponies who have been now bred and condition to kill changelings on sight, what happens to them once changelings are suddenly not all enemy soldiers?
After reading Rarity, reading Rainbow talking about her own battles like they're a video game makes me sick.
The mane six who have partially held onto themselves is depressing, the one who had let the war destroy who they are, those are terrifying.
I wonder what happens when Pinkie Pie is meant to host the party for when changelings sign the surrender.
Sure, Chrysalis is an evil monster, but I doubt every changeling alive is.
I dread to think what happens when and if Pinkie is taken off those pills when the killing stops.
Or am I WRONG to feel this way?
I wonder what's going in Shining Armor's head.
And like I said, my curiosity is what happens after this war.
RD is no longer loved by everyone as the war is over and people have to get on with their lives. When killing changelings is suddenly murder and not something she gets praise for.
And TWILIGHT dragged her friends into signing up!?
You think Twilight, as the most powerful spell caster alive next to the princesses, would be a prime target for the changelings.
So what happens when the war is over AJ? You really think you can just go back to your life before? When killing is no longer needed?
THey'll bring in NEW troops to occupy the changeling kingdom, after the peace is signed, because they know they can't USE soldiers who have been PROGRAMMED to kill changeings on sight, they're going to need ones who haven't been bred for killing like you've been.
To be frank. I really REALLY REALLY think this war needs an after action report.
1534342
This is the first MLP fic that truly disturbed me! I've read and seen fan works that have gotten me angry, REALLY angry, (Cupcakes, Rainbow Factory, Fall of Equestria, Crusaders 10K), but this is the first one that sincerely and truly traumatized me, I actually couldn't bring myself to watch a review for a simple light gun shooter set in the middle east after reading this. This is the first pony fic that's turned candy land into hell without relying on demons, black magic, alien invaders, or a hundred other things. This is war completely unvarnished.
This scares me. Mostly because of the monsters that ponykind (and humanity) has become.
scary...