• Published 2nd Mar 2021
  • 6,355 Views, 191 Comments

I Am Anonymous - IWasAnonymous



After Jacob Irving runs away from his problems, he ends up falling through a portal and lands in Equestria. Now he plans to start a new life as Equestria's only resident human.

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A Test Of Friendship

Chapter 3

Anon wakes up as the sun shines through his bedroom window and onto his face. His eyes open as he blocks the beams with his hand. Once fully awake, Anon stretches, walks out of his bedroom, and onto the front porch. A warm breeze blows through Anon's hair, which has grown four inches long. The birds are singing, and a few frogs are also croaking. A couple of pegasi fly through the air. The sunrise only adds to the peace and tranquility of the cozy town of Ponyville. Anon smiles as he breathes in the morning air. Today is going to be a good day.

It has been over a month since Anon first met Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. They visit him every few days to check on him. However, as time went on, Celestia was the one who came to see Anon the most. She visited even more than Twilight, whom he made amends with.

When Celestia would come by, they would talk about each other's worlds and compare and contrast. However, they didn't talk much about each other. So, the last few times Princess Celestia visited, with Luna coming along on two occasions, they got to know each other rather than talk about the worlds they came from. The times they did talk about each other usually involved Anon intentionally sharing something about his past or family. Although, it typically wasn't in great detail. Now, it is to the point where Celestia and Anon know each other better than anypony else, save for Luna.

Today was one of those days when Princess Celestia would visit Anon. They were going on a picnic near the river about half a mile behind Anon's house. Celestia isn't coming until lunchtime because of morning court, so to kill time, Anon had decided to busy himself with his freelancing job.

Anon goes back inside and gets dressed for the day. As usual, he wears jeans and a t-shirt and attaches his knife to his belt. Then, he eats a bowl of fruit salad for breakfast with a glass of hard apple cider. He cleans up his dishes and grabs his hat. Anon locks up his house, and he walks towards Sweet Apple Acres.

Anon passes a few of the townsponies as he walks down the street. They either give him a wave or give him a slight nod. It's odd to Anon because a month ago, ponies avoided him like he had the plague. Now, they don't mind being associated with him. The ponies don't even steer clear of him, as well. Even a few foals approached Anon wanting to get a high-five or a hoof bump. The local school teacher, Ms. Cheerilee, even invited Anon to the school to talk about his species a few days earlier. However, Anon knows the ponies' opinion of him has changed because the princesses trust him. To him, it is slightly pathetic that the ponies trust him because their princesses do. Although Anon doesn't mind being charged, much less liked, for once in his life.

Eventually, Anon reaches the farm. The Apple's collie named Winona spots him as he approaches. Winona barks happily and runs up to Anon. She lays on her back, wanting a belly rub. Anon gives her one. Winona used to be highly skittish around Anon because he ran through the farm like a timberwolf after a deer four months ago. Now, she enjoys it when Anon comes by.

Anon walks up to the house, which looks like a barn and knocks on the door. He hears hoofsteps. The door opens, and Anon sees Applejack.

"Howdy, Anon. You're right on time," she says.

"That's a good thing, isn't it?" Anon asks.

"I'd say so. Come on in." Applejack motions for Anon to follow her.

Anon follows Applejack into the house, up the stairs, and into a bedroom. Applejack's younger sister and older brother, Apple Bloom and Big Mac, are attempting to move a large dresser. They struggle as they try to push it out of the room. Anon stifles a laugh at the sight.

"Umm, guys. Need some help?" Anon asks.

"Eeyup," Big Mac replies.

"Alright, Apple Bloom and Applejack, clear a path to the barn, especially keeping animals out of the way. I don't want to be responsible for the death of one of your animals," Anon suggests.

"Sounds like a plan to me, Anon. Come on, Apple Bloom," Applejack says. She motions for her sister to follow her. Then, Applejack and Applebloom walk out of the bedroom, leaving Anon and Big Mac.

"I've got a question. Can earth ponies stand on their hind legs?" Anon asks Big Mac when the sisters leave.

"Eeyup," Big Mac replies. "But only for a short time."

"That works for me. We can pick this chest o' drawers up on the bottom and carry it out."

"That'll work."

Anon squats down and places his hands underneath the chest. Big Mac follows suit. Then, they lift the chest slowly and carry it out of the house and to the barn. They move furniture for almost two hours. Thankfully, Applejack and Apple Bloom begin repairing, sanding, and staining the wooden table, which speeds up the process. When Big Mac and Anon finish moving the furniture into the barn, they help the mares. They work in silence until they take a short break.

"So Big Mac, Spike tells me you are into Dungeons and Dragons. Is that true?" Anon says.

"You could say that," Big Mac replies.

"Into it? He and his friends dress up as the characters they play," Apple Bloom says.

"That's part of the game," Big Mac defends himself.

"Where I come from, we call that cosplay," Anon announces. "I ask because Spike asked me to play with him sometime. Since you and I are acquaintances, he thought we could play as a group. I turned him down, though."

Big Mac raises an eyebrow.

"Why," he asks.

"Not my kind of game," Anon says.

"Suit yourself," Big Mac says as he shrugs his shoulders.

Anon didn't like D&D because Anon's brother was obsessed with it. Thus, causing Anon to despise the game. What bothered Anon the most was that his parents spent hundreds of dollars on the various items David "needed." Anon rarely received ten bucks from his parents.

"What do you like?" Apple Bloom asks.

Anon rubs his chin. Facial hair pricks his fingers as he does this.

"I like reading history books, money, and hanging out with friends," Anon replies.

"History? Boooorrrriiiinnggg," Apple Bloom says.

"Have you tried imagining as if you were at the event?"

Apple Bloom shakes her head."

"Let me try it out on you. Close your eyes, and I'll tell you a story," Anon says. "Applejack and Big Mac, you can try this, too."

The Apple siblings close their eyes and listen to Anon's story.

"You are a Spartan warrior. A Spartan is a human warrior from the city-state of Sparta. You wear armor similar to the Equestrian Armed Forces and carry identical weapons. You have a 30-pound shield on your left arm. It is heavy, but you are used to the weight. You hold a large spear in your right hand, and your prized sword is attached to your hip. The ground shakes, and battle cries ring out as over a hundred thousand Persian soldiers charge at your position, which is a narrow mountain pass. You know you will likely die alongside 300 of your fellow Spartans and 6,700 Greek warriors, but if it is to defend Greece, the god Zeus may look down on you with pride. King Leonidas and his captain, Artemis, are about three rows of men. As the Persian army closes in, he begins one of his famous battle speeches. It goes something like this:

'This is where we hold them! This is where we fight! This is where they die!'

Captain Artemis turns and looks almost directly at you. He shouts, 'Earn these shields, boys.'

You and your fellow Greek warriors let out a battle cry that sounds like a bark from a German Shepard.

'Remember this day, men, for it will be yours for all time,' King Leonidas continues as he looks at you and your fellow Greeks.

Then, the large Persian force stops as an officer rides forward on a horse. You almost laugh as the filthy Persian tries to delay the inevitability of his death. Your friend nudges you with his shield and says the Persian is a fool. You nod your head in agreement.

'Greeks lay down your weapons,' the Persian shouts.

Captain Artemis hurls a spear at the officer and kills him. You see his body fall to the ground with a spear protruding from his chest. King Leonidas crouches with his spear and shield raised. The rest of the Greeks follow, forming the famous phalanx formation.

'Persians, come and get them.' King Leonidas bellows.

A horn blows, and the sizeable Persian force again charges at you. You grit your teeth as you mentally prepare for the battle. King Leonidas says one final thing before the Persians collide with the Greek force.

'Give them nothing, but take from them...everything!' "

The Apple siblings open their eyes as Anon finishes the story. He can see the amazement in their eyes.

"Did that battle happen?" Apple Bloom asks, still amazed.

"Yep. The Battle of Thermopylae is one of the most famous battles in my world's history. Historians are fascinated with the battle, even today," Anon responds.

"Did the Greeks win the battle?" Big Mac asks.

Anon rubs the back of his head. He doesn't want to disappoint the Apples, but he tells them anyway.

"They didn't. The Greek force managed to hold off the Persians for four days, but most were killed, including King Leonidas and most of the three-hundred Spartans. Only 600 Greek warriors, including one Spartan, survived to tell the tale. Eventually, there was a naval battle at Salamis where a general from another city-state called Athens, named Themistokles, beat the Persian navy. After the Greek victory at Salamis, Persia left Greece alone. If it weren't for the sacrifice of King Leonidas and the Greeks at Thermopylae, Greece wouldn't be free," Anon explains.

"I'm gonna assume that his famous battle speech was real, too," Applejack says.

"Actually, no. The speech was from a movie called 300. The movie is historically inaccurate, though. It depicts the 300 Spartans going against over a million Persians," Anon replies.

"I can see how that's unrealistic."

Anon looks up at the sun to see what time it is. It's 11:00 am, and Princess Celestia is coming at noon. A shocked expression comes across his face.

"Oh, crap. I've got to finish this job," Anon says as he grabs a paintbrush from a can of wood stain.

"Whatcha in a hurry for?" Applejack asks.

Anon begins staining the bedposts as quickly as he can. "I've got a friend coming over at noon. It's already 11:00, and I must do a few more things before they arrive."

"Why didn't you say you had somepony comin' over? Tell you what; you go ahead and finish the few things you must do, and I'll pay you the full amount. I can get one of the unicorns in town to help us," Applejack says.

"I didn't finish the job, so pay me 15 bits, and I'll be on my way."

"25 bits."

"20."

"23 bits."

Anon stares at Applejack blankly. His blank expression is replaced by a grin that comes across his lips. He finds Applejack's stubbornness amusing and exciting. It reminds him of himself.

"Twenty bits is my offer," Anon offers.

"Thirty-five is mine, and it's final," Applejack declares. "Take it or leave it."

"Deal."

Applejack gallops out of the barn and towards her house. Five minutes later, she comes back with a small leather sack in her mouth. She drops it at Anon's feet. He squats down and picks it up. Anon dumps out the small coins, and seven five-bit coins fall into his hand. After some quick math, the amount comes to the agreed-upon amount. He nods, slips the coins into the sack, and jogs out of the barn.

"I swear that human is more ornery than a bull in a brandin' pin," Applejack proclaims.

"Don't that sound familiar," Big Mac grumbles.



Ten minutes later, Anon arrives at his house. He opens the door and walks inside. Anon puts the bits in his money jar disguised as a cookie jar. Then, Anon enters his bedroom and grabs two books he borrowed from Twilight's library. One book is called The Art of War, written by Flash Magnus, a Pillar of Equestria. The other book, Magic: The Cornerstone of Equestria, was written by Star Swirled the Bearded, another Pillar of Equestria.

Since Anon forgave Twilight about two weeks ago, Twilight decided to make it up to him. One of the things she did was let Anon borrow some books, as long as he didn't damage the books. When he finished the books, Anon would sit down with Twilight and talk about them. Anon thought Twilight was going overboard, but he let her so she wouldn't stress over it.

Anon makes sure the books are in good condition. Then, he grabs a few bits from his money jar and walks out of his house. As soon as he steps outside, ice-cold water splashes all over Anon. A metal bucket clatters across the porch. Anon is entirely soaked, as well as the books. He hears raspy laughter come from a nearby oak tree branch. He scowls at Rainbow Dash.

"Hahaha. You should've seen the look on your face," Rainbow Dash laughs.

"Have you lost your fucking mind?!" Anon shouts. "Not only did you soak me, but you also soaked Twilight's books!"

"It's just a couple of books, Anon. Chill."

Anon raises The Art of War.

"Flash Magnus wrote this book, a Pillar of Equestria you are familiar with. This book is an original copy." Anon raises the other book. "This book is called Magic: The Cornerstone of Equestria. It was written by Star Swirled the Bearded, the mentor of the princesses. It is also an original copy."

Rainbow Dash had stopped laughing when Anon mentioned Flash Magnus. She flew down to Anon's level and looked at the books. The amusement has drained from her face. Her eyes are wide, and her mouth is wide open.

"So next time you prank me, try not to damage relatively ancient texts," Anon snaps. "I won't be taking the fall for this."

Anon walks briskly toward Twilight's palace. This isn't the first time that one of Rainbow Dash's pranks has destroyed something in his possession. About ten days ago, Anon was walking back from Sugar Cube Corner, carrying Princess Celestia's favorite cake in a box. The cyan pegasus came behind and blasted an air horn in his ear. Anon threw the cake, and it landed on the ground. Anon tried asking Rainbow Dash to stop; he even tried bribing her. However, each attempt failed. So, Anon decides to go with his last resort, which is asking for help from Princess Twilight Sparkle.

Eventually, he arrives at Twilight's castle, the Castle of Friendship. Anon pushes the large doors open. He walks through the entrance and searches for the library. Anon finds the library, with Twilight sitting on a beanbag, reading a book. Her friend Starlight Glimmer sits beside her, with a book surrounded by a light-blue aura in front of her. The two ponies didn't notice Anon as he approached. He clears his throat. Twilight and Starlight jump and look up at the green-skinned human.

"Oh, I didn't see you there, Anon," Twilight apologizes. "Why are you soaking wet?" She sees Anon, his typical blank stare on his face, so she knows something's wrong.

"Take a wild guess," Anon grumbles as he shivers.

"Rainbow Dash?"

Anon nods.

Twilight puts her hoof on her muzzle. "I've got to talk to that mare."

"You'd better talk to her soon since her pranks seem to damage other people's property," Anon says. He holds up the two ruined books.

Twilight's eyes widen as she sees the damaged books. Starlight has the same reaction. Twilight uses her magic to levitate the book from Anon's hands. She flips the pages and sees black ink streaks on each page. Some of the ink had bled onto the other pages. Twilight lays the books on the ground next to her beanbag. She is silent, which slightly concerns Anon for a moment.

"What makes this situation worse is that those books aren't even mine," she says.

Anon leans his head forward. "Who do they belong to?" Anon asks, sounding confused.

"Flash Magnus's book belongs to my brother, Shining Armor. The other is Princess Celestia's book."

"Oh, shit," Anon mumbles.

Twilight shakes her head as if she is breaking out of a daydream. She realizes that Anon hasn't met Starlight Glimmer. She curses herself silently for forgetting to introduce them.

"Anon, this is Starlight Glimmer?" Twilight asks.

"We've met," Anon deadpans as he shifts his gaze to Starlight. They both nod to acknowledge each other.

Twilight raises an eyebrow. "When?"

"When ran into each other at the school when Anon was talking about his species," Starlight explains. "He left when Snips brought up...the birds and the bees and how it relates to the human race.

Anon distinctly remembers that day. The slightly annoying colt had asked where "human foals" came from. Anon had no intention of telling little foals about human sexual relationships, so he tried to use the stork delivery service instead. The foals didn't fall for it. Cheerilee had stepped in to save Anon from an embarrassing topic. Anon makes a mental note to thank her for that.

"Yeah, I never thought I'd see a human blush that hard," Starlight states.

"There's nothing like avoiding discussing sex with a bunch of children," Anon says. "That sounds like a parents' job to me."

There's a beat before Anon speaks again.

"I've got to get going. A friend is coming over in less than an hour, so I need to finish my to-do list," Anon announces.

"I didn't know Spike was going to your place today."

"It's not, Spike. It's someone else."

"Who?"

"Noneya."

"Who's 'Noneya'?"

"None ya business."

Anon turns around and leaves the library.

"He's a little ray of sunshine," Starlight says sarcastically as Anon closes the door.

"Anon can be kind when he's in a good mood. Right now, he's sort of, for lack of better terms, pretty pissed off."

"I could tell."




Anon walks down the street towards Sugar Cube Corner. He mentally checks off his to-do list. One more thing to do. He had put in an order for a double chocolate cake with fudge frosting. Anon discovered that that specific kind of cake was Princess Celestia's favorite. So whenever she came to Ponyville, Anon prepared cake and tea. Anon doesn't like to drink tea, so he sticks with hard apple cider or bourbon.

He arrives at the bakery and opens the front door. A small bell jingles as the door hits it. As Anon walks inside, he sees townsponies in line and eating the sugary treats they purchased at some tables. Anon patiently waits in line until it's his turn to be served. Mrs. Cake smiles a friendly smile as Anon approaches.

"Hello there, Anon-" Mrs. Cake greets, "-what can I do for you?"

"I'm here to pick up my cake order."

"Oh, yes. Let me tell Pinkie Pie to get it for you."

Anon steps aside as Mrs. Cake calls out to Pinkie. Within moments, Pinkie walks out of the kitchen with a bright pink box on her head. She arrives at the counter and carefully slides the box on top of it. Anon reaches into his pocket to grab the bits.

"One double chocolate cake with fudge frosting, as requested," Pinkie says with a cheerful smile.

"Thanks, Pinkie. How much will it cost?"

"Fifteen bits."

Anon sets 20 bits worth of coins on the counter.

"Keep the change, Pinkie. Consider it a trip."

"Thank you," Pinkie thanks. "So...I guess our mutual friend is coming today." Anon nods.

Being Ponyville's number one baker, Pinkie Pie knows everyponies favorite dessert, including Princess Celestia. When Anon frequently ordered this specific cake, Pinkie Pie put two and two together. She had asked Anon if Princess Celestia had been visiting him. He didn't deny it, but he made her promise not to tell anyone, even Twilight. He didn't want ponies coming around disturbing him and Celestia. Surprisingly, Anon found that he could trust her with this secret mainly because he discovered that Pinkie's "Pinkie Promise" wasn't some childish bullshit scam.

"I hope you have a good time with your friend and tell your friend I said 'hi,' "Pinkie Pie says.

"I will," Anon promises.

Anon turns around and leaves Sugar Cube Corner. He takes more precautionary measures than usual to ensure Rainbow Dash doesn't attempt to pull another one of her "harmless pranks." The amount of bullshit in that description. Interestingly enough, it was Fluttershy who said that. Anon wasn't too hard on her because he viewed her as a doormat. Not that he knew from experience.

Anyway, Anon walks back to his house without falling victim to pranks or being stopped. He arrives just in time for the clock to show at 11:55 am. Anon sets the cake on the table and takes some finger foods he made out of the fridge. Afterward, he puts some silverware and two glasses next to the food. Princess Celestia was supplying the picnic baskets, so Anon didn't need to pack up any of the stuff.

When Anon finished setting the stuff out, he went into his bedroom and changed into his shorts. He laid his knife on his nightstand. Then, he sat on his couch and began to read another book Twilight let him borrow. It is called the Tale of the Two Sisters. He started when he left off. It was when Celestia and Luna's parents, King Cosmos and Queen Galaxia, had just passed away, and the mantle of Rulers of Equestria fell upon the daughters.

Anon had found it interesting that Cosmos and Galaxia not only moved the sun and moon; they protected the planet from other celestial bodies, like comets, meteors, or even rogue stars and planets. They were so powerful that some ponies believed them to be gods and worshipped them.

During the reign of Celestia and Luna, Anon reads about many wars, countless battles, and the many villains they defeated. Eventually, Anon reads about the fall and banishment of Princess Luna. That part shocks him. Was Luna a bit dark and morbid? Sure, but not so dark to where she would try overthrowing her sister and bringing Equestria into an eternal night. The banishment is difficult for Anon to comprehend—one thousand years on the moon. Anon can't even begin to imagine the sorrow that Princess Celestia had to go through during those 1,000 years.

Anon is snapped out of his deep thought when he hears someone knocking on the door. He glances at the clock as he gets up. It is 12:45 pm. He opens the door, and Princess Celestia is standing there with two picnic baskets, surrounded by her magic, floating behind her.

"Hello, Anon," she greets.

"Hey, Tia. Come on in," Anon says as he gestures for her to enter.

"Forgive me for being late. Morning court took longer than I anticipated."

"What happened?" Anon motions for Celestia to sit on the couch.

"For the most part, the court was fine. However, the final patrons to come in caused morning court to extend past its ending time."

"Can I assume that the patrons were being unreasonable?"

"You could say that. It was two noble ponies. They came to me to settle a dispute of whose child's wedding I should attend first."

Anon tries to stifle a laugh. He puts his hand over his mouth to cover up his smile. Princess Celestia notices this and looks at Anon with a look on her face that he's never seen before. It's frustration.

"What's so funny?" she asks.

"Sorry, Tia. Two ponies come to you asking to settle something that they could settle themselves. The argument itself is ridiculous. It's so ridiculous, I found it funny," Anon explains.

"It's okay, Anon. My day has been so frustrating. I love my little ponies and all, but it is aggravating when they come to me to be the judge in every single petty dispute they have."

"Nothing like dealing with over-pampered, egotistical, megalomaniacs. I know the type."

Princess Celestia and Anon sit in awkward silence for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Anon. I didn't mean to vent to you about my day," Princess Celestia apologizes.

"I vent to you all the time. It's only fair that you get to do it," Anon reassures.

"Let's go on our picnic as we planned. I'm famished."

Celestia and Anon get up from their seats on the couch. They place Anon's things that he had set out in the picnic baskets. Then, the two leave Anon's house and walk to the woods behind Anon's house. Princess Celestia carries the two baskets while Anon leads them through the woods. After about ten minutes, they arrived at the spot that Anon had designated as the picnic spot.

The spot is ten feet from the river, flowing slowly and quietly. Princess Celestia can tell the area has been cleared—more than likely by Anon. A small waterfall is upstream, which adds to the area's beauty. The water is practically transparent. Upon seeing the site, Princess Celestia's frustration, irritation, and exhaustion fade away. She lays a red-and-white plaid picnic blanket beside a large sweet gum tree. Next, she sets the picnic baskets on the blanket. Anon sits down next to Princess Celestia. They open the baskets and begin taking the food and drinks. Then, they begin to eat.

"Someone tells me you speak highly of your students. I mean the ones you teach personally," Anon says, trying to initiate a conversation.

"Well, of course. The unicorns at my School of Gifted Unicorns who show the most promise are some most powerful foals in Equestria. As you probably learned, Twilight Sparkle was one of those students."

"How many students have had that privilege?"

Celestial pauses as she counts how many students she has taken under her wing.

"I would say several dozen. Mind you. The school has existed for millennia, so an accurate number would be difficult to develop."

"Did you have students that...well...didn't measure up? Maybe let go is a better term. Not trying to be rude, but I'm just curious."

Princess Celestia paused again to think, not to count but to reminisce. Her heart aches as she remembers the student. Anon sees her face become downcast.

"I had one student that I taught personally long before Twilight. I didn't let her go. She abandoned her studies. The student's name was Sunset Shimmer. Sunset's magical abilities were impressive. Her abilities rivaled Twilight's when she was my student. However, at the time, Sunset was impatient. When she didn't become more powerful as quickly as she wanted, she abandoned her magic studies and went to the parallel dimension of our world," Princess Celestia explains. "Later on, Twilight helped reform her through an adventure to that dimension. But my failure to show Sunset the error of her ways still haunts me. What happened to Sunset Shimmer is my second greatest failure."

"I'm going to assume that Luna's transformation into Nightmare Moon was your greatest failure."

"How did you find that out? Not that it's a big secret or anything, but it's a darker time in our history. Or Luna's history.

" I've been reading the Tale of the Two Sisters recently. The book is an interesting read. However, the story seems extremely vague, surrounding what caused Nightmare Moon to overthrow you. I had a few questions about that, if you don't mind."

Celestia sighs. "Sure, go ahead."

"The author says that Luna became Nightmare Moon because of her jealousy of you since you were the favorite, but the author implies that more caused her descent. I read further, but were was nothing said about it. Was there more that caused her descent?"

"Yes, there was. It was vague because I didn't want to violate LuLu's privacy. When Mother and Father passed away, we took over their roles as rulers of Equestria and their responsibilities. Not only did we raise the sun and moon, but we also waged war whenever we needed to. When Equestria went to war, Luna would lead our armies while I ran the country. Sometimes, I would join her in combat, fighting side-by-side. She was a fearless, sometimes reckless, warrior. She was always happy when she came home victorious, but I never saw it as just a 'happy face' mask. Several centuries of battle and losing countless stallions and mares on the battlefield took a toll on her. I never caught on. Therefore, I never tried to help her with her pain. Her jealousy of me, the grief of losing so many soldiers, and her anger that I didn't try to console her caused her to become Nightmare Moon. I didn't realize she was jealous of me because our parents never showed favoritism. After all, they loved us equally. Luna's anger at me was not misplaced.
When she was at her lowest point, I brushed her off and acted like it would pass with time. I realized all of this until it was too late."

"I completely understand that," Anon says as he puts a grape in his mouth.

"How so?" Princess Celestia asks.

"I've been where you and Luna were when I was younger. As you may remember, I was not a fan of my younger brother. He was the favorite, much like you were."

"I remember. Though, you never told me why."

Anon sighs deeply and continues. "My parents decided to choose my job for me. They wanted me to be a fucking doctor, of all things. I didn't want to be a doctor when I was about eight. I wanted to join the army and be a soldier. Special Forces, more specifically. For some odd reason, my brother was interested in being a doctor. That's when my parents began to pamper him. They bought everything he wanted, including items that helped him become a doctor. One time, my brother wanted a high-powered microscope for Christmas. That piece of shit cost 1,500 dollars. They bought it for him, among other things. I only wanted a new pair of shoes that cost 50 dollars and a football. Did I get the things I asked for? Nope. Their lousy-ass excuse was that they couldn't fit it into the Christmas budget. They spent 3,000 dollars on my brother and 50 dollars on me. My parents treated me like I was some disgrace. Everything I did was not good enough, while my brother 'exceeded' my parents' standards. It was like that all through grade school. To be honest, I thought my brother was enjoying his lifestyle. In reality, he was miserable. There's a saying in my world that says rich people are the most miserable people. That applied to my brother. I only noticed it when I graduated high school but neglected to help him. He was a dick to me because he was the favorite, and everyone loved him. So, letting him suffer was my sick way of getting back to him. However, one day I had this feeling that he needed help. It was as if I could sense his pain. So, I rode my bicycle to my parent's home since my brother was in the 10th grade and still lived there. I managed to get into the house and check on my little brother. When I entered his room, I found my brother, but not in the way you'd think." Anon pauses. "He was hanging from the rafters with a makeshift noose around his neck. He'd killed himself, and I could've saved him. I was so angry at him, so I refused to help him."

Anon sits there in silence after he finishes. He is facing the river and stares off into the distance. A small tear falls from his eyes, and he sniffles a bit. It has been a while since Anon has cried, although he isn't crying profusely. Then, he feels Celestia's large wing wrap around him, pulling him into a tight hug. Anon tenses up, but he soon relaxes. It is the first time he's received a hug from Princess Celestia. It's the first hug he's gotten a hug in years. Celestia's silky fur presses against his body and her soft feathers slightly brush against his arm. Admittedly, Anon thought the hug felt nice. He silently sheds a few more tears fall on Celestia's body. She notices this and uses magic to pick up a napkin to wipe Anon's tears. But Anon pushes the napkin way.

"It's okay to cry, Anon," Celestia assures.

"Not to me, Tia. Crying shows weakness, and I don't like being seen as weak." Anon stands up and wipes his nose. "Enough of the sappy, emotional bullshit. I'm going for a swim."

Anon takes off his shirt and tosses it on the ground. Then, he takes off his shoes and socks. Princess Celestia blushes. She catches herself gawking at Anon's well-built physique. Celestia feels like a school-filly watching an attractive colt from across the schoolyard. Not that she has experienced that feeling herself. Until now. She shakes her head to break from her trance. By this time, Anon is waist-deep in the river. Soon, he is deep enough to swim without touching the bottom. Anon swims over to the large rock protruding on the other side of the river. He climbs on it and sits down.

"Are you coming?!" Anon shouts.

"I'd rather stay here!" Princess Celestia replies. It's been a while since she's taken a swim, making her hesitant.

"Oh, come on, Tia! The water feels great!"

"Well. If you insist."

Princess Celestia uses her magic to remove her royal regalia, which she lays next to the picnic baskets. She walks into the river and shivers as the cold water approaches the base of her neck. She swims best to a large rock like the one Anon sits on. When Celestia arrives, she pulls herself up but leaves her lower half submerged in the water.

"Are you okay? You seem already exhausted from swimming," Anon chuckles.

"I'm alright. It's been a while since I've swum," Celestia replies.

"There is a shallow area about five feet past the rock I'm sitting on," Anon points his thumbs behind him.

Celestia slowly swims over to that spot. Her hooves barely touch the ground without her neck being submerged.

"The water gets deeper as you get closer to the waterfall. It gets to be about ten or twelve feet deep. Perfect depth for jumping off the waterfall," Anon explains.

"Jumping off the waterfall sounds dangerous, don't you think?" Celestia says.

"It's better than wading across the rapids about 100 yards upstream, which isn't as fun as it sounds."

"You're talking from experience, I assume?"

Anon nods his head. "I only made it ten feet before I realized I was out of my depth. No pun intended."

Princess Celestia chuckles. "Very clever, Anon."

Anon swims over to Celestia. He teaches her a game or two. He also teaches her how to swim like a human. Easier said than done. It surprises Anon to see Celestia having a good time. She acts like a typical mare, having fun in the river, unlike a royal goddess forcing herself to have fun. She laughs like a foal and does foalish things, like splashing Anon with water. He does the same thing, as well. Anon and Celestia see sides of each other that they didn't know existed. They played and laughed for hours on end.

Eventually, Anon and Princess Celestia end up at the picnic site. It's about 5:30 pm. Anon is on his back, letting the sun dry him. Celestia is close by, doing the same thing. The sun's warmth relaxes Anon to the point where he almost falls asleep. He sits up and turns his head towards Princess Celestia to keep from falling asleep.

"You awake?" Anon asks.

"Mm-hm," Celestia replies.

"This afternoon reminds me of what my friends and I used to do when we were kids. A river ran behind our school, much like this one. We'd sometimes skip school and go swimming. We'd go to school, hide our backpacks, and go for a swim. We didn't bring swimsuits the first time we did this, so we swam in our underwear. It was awkward at first since one of my friends was a girl that was...developing. Two guys and a girl being together while being half-naked isn't exactly excepted where I'm from."

"Why not?" Celestia asks curiously.

"The only time a man and a woman are together in their underwear, or naked, is usually when they are about to...passionately fornicate."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"I must admit, your customs are bizarre."

"That's putting it mildly. In some cultures in our dimension, women have to cover themselves completely. Some religion thing."

"Back to your childhood story, were you ever caught by the teachers?"

Anon shakes his head. "Nope. We started doing that when we were in the 7th grade. The school never noticed our absence because we didn't skip school often. Our parents never found out either, not that mine cared. When three out of 700 students don't show up for school, who gives a shit?"

Anon lays back down and closes his eyes. He is on the verge of falling asleep until he hears something. It's a shriek, and it came from far off. The shriek came from upstream. Anon sits up again and looks in the direction he hears the shriek. Princess Celestia heard it, as well. She turns her ears in the same direction Anon is looking. They both listen intently until they hear it again moments later.

"Who is that?" Princess Celestia asks.

"I don't know," Anon replies as he stands. "I'll check it out. Stay here."

"Okay, but be careful, Anon."

Anon walks up the path that runs along the river. Every couple of seconds, he hears the shriek again. It gets more apparent as he gets closer. To Anon, it sounds like a little filly. Then, two fillies on the bank of the river come into view. It is Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, an orphan pegasus that Rainbow Dash under her wing. They are at the rapids that Anon had tried to wade across. The roar of the river rapids almost deafens him. Then, he hears the shriek again. Anon's head snaps towards the river. They are perched on a rock in the middle of the rapids, Sweetie Belle, the foal-sister of Rarity. Anon sprints over to Scootaloo and Apple Bloom. They spot him, and their faces are filled with fear and panic.

"Anon, you gotta help us!!! Sweetie Belle is stuck!!!" Apple Bloom shouts.

"What is she doing out there?! These rapids are dangerous!" Anon yells.

"I...we...umm!" Scootaloo stutters.

"You know what?! Never mind! Stay here!"

Anon carefully takes a step into the rapids. He knows what he is doing is dangerous, but that is overshadowed by the fact that a filly is in danger. The force of the river almost pushes Anon down. He strolls and uses the nearby rocks to stabilize himself. He slips a couple of times, but he remains firm.

As the water rises and the current strengthens. Anon becomes afraid, so he resorts to prayer to calm his nerves.

"Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom comes, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread. Forgive us of our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation. Deliver us from evil. God is the power, the kingdom, and the glory. Amen."

He repeats the Lord's prayer as he inches forward. He hopes that Sweetie Belle won't slip and fall. Having a dead filly on his hands would be awful. On the fifth time, he reaches Sweetie Belle. He stops to catch his breath. Anon sees the fear in Sweetie Belle's eyes. It's not fear, like getting frightened by a spider, but fear of death. Right now, Anon can relate to her.

"Sweetie Belle! I'm going to get you out of here!" Anon reassures. "I can't carry you in my arms, so we must improvise."

Anon thinks for a moment until he comes up with a plan.

"Reach over my shoulders and cross your legs! Try not to choke me to death!"

Anon squats down so Sweetie Belle can reach over him. She follows his order, and they begin the dangerous trek back to the shore. They are within twenty feet of the bank within three minutes of careful walking. Then, Anon's foot slides off of a rock. He hears a loud popping sound, and pain shoots up his left leg.

"Hijo de perra!! (Son of a bitch!!) Anon shouts.

He falls, and Sweetie Belle screams, but he grabs onto a large branch that is in the river. With one arm, he holds Sweetie Bell in place. He uses his other hand to pull himself up. Despite the pain, Anon limps to a nearby rock big enough to set Sweetie Belle on. Once Anon stabilizes himself, he turns to the fillies onshore.

"Apple Bloom, Princess Celestia is about 100 yards downstream! Tell her we need help and that I've probably broken my foot! Quickly!" Anon commands.

Apple Bloom runs down the path toward Princess Celestia. Anon bows his head and begins to pray again. This time he prays in Spanish.

"Virgen María, Santa Madre de Dios, permite que tu Hijo se apiade de mí. Si es Su voluntad que yo perezca, entonces Su voluntad se hará, pero por favor permite que tu Hijo libere a este inocente potro de las garras de la Muerte." (Virgin Mary, Holy Mother of God, allow thy son to have mercy on me. If it is His will for me to perish, then His will be done, but please allow thy son to spare this innocent foal from the clutches of Death.)

When Anon prays twice, he sees a flash of yellow on the bank. Apple Bloom is standing on the shore with Princess Celestia. The princess is shocked to see Anon in the middle of the rapids and sees a pained look on Anon's face. Her horn lights up and casts a teleportation spell. In an instant, Anon and Sweetie Belle are back on the shore. Anon is on his back while Sweetie Belle is standing. Celestia checks on Sweetie Belle. Celestia turned her attention to her injured friend when she showed no injury. Anon's foot is facing in an unnatural direction. His foot is dislocated.

"How bad is my foot?" Anon grunts.

"Your foot is dislocated. I'll have to reset it. Do you have anything you can bite down on?"

Anon nods as he pulls off his shirt. He puts some of it in his mouth and bites down on it. Once he is ready, Anon gives Celestia a slight nod. Princess Celestia commands the fillies to look away. The fillies comply. Then, Celestia uses her magic to put Anon's foot back into place. She winces as she hears Anon's muffled scream.

"You can look again, girls," Anon moans as she puts on his shirt. The fillies turn around. "Can one of you tell me why Sweetie Belle was in the middle of the rapids?"

The Cutie Mark Crusaders look at each other. They remain silent until Scootaloo speaks up.

"We've been sworn to secrecy," she answers.

Princess Celestia and Anon don't buy it.

"I'm serious, girls. Why was Sweetie Belle in the middle of the rapids?" Anon snaps.

"It was a dare. Somepony dared us to cross the rapids," Apple Bloom says.

"Who?" Celestia asks sternly.

"D...Diamond Tiara," Sweetie Belle admits.

Anon's blood boils. He knows that Diamond Tiara, the daughter of local millionaire Filthy Rich, is known to push other foals around and force them to do stuff for a laugh. All of that was for a laugh. Anon takes this personally because the same thing happened to him.

"Looks like I have a little discussion with someone tomorrow," Anon growls.

"Anon, we'll discuss that later. Right now, we need to get you home so you can rest," Celestia says.

Princess Celestia helps Anon to his feet and lets him rest against her as he walks. They walk with the CMC back to the picnic site. Celestia recruits the help of the foals to carry the picnic stuff back to Anon's house. As they walk through the woods, pain shoots through Anon's leg as he takes a step with his injured foot. He curses in Spanish every time pain courses through his leg to avoid scarring the fillies for eternity. If they heard him swear in English, it would explain to outraged parents why he was cursing around foals. That would be a cold day in Hell.

Eventually, the group makes it back to Anon's house. Once the stuff is placed in the kitchen, the CMC are sent away to return to their homes. Anon grabs clean underwear, a shirt, and another pair of shorts from his bedroom. He tells Celestia that he's taking a shower. She nods to acknowledge Anon's announcement.

Anon limps into the bathroom, which is off of the kitchen. He sets his clean clothes next to the sink and removes his dirty clothes, which he places in a pile next to the door. Anon turns on the water. He waits a few seconds before stepping into the shower. He closes the shower curtain and lets the hot water run over him. The hot water feels good on Anon's body. If Anon is honest, this is the best shower he's taken since arriving in Equestria. He faces the showerhead and leans against the wall to reduce the pressure on his injured foot. Then, Anon begins to contemplate the events of that day. Anon closes his eyes, and scenes of that day flash in front of him. The part that stands out the most was that afternoon. Not the picnic with Celestia, but rescuing Sweetie Belle from the rapids. Anon remembers the rescue's fear, adrenaline, and sounds. He's never saved anyone before, but it felt pretty damn awesome to do something good for once in his life.

When the water begins to cool, Anon breaks out of his trance. He finishes showering and dries himself off. Finally, Anon puts on his dry clothes. He picks up his dirty clothes, leaves the bathroom, and puts the dirty clothes in a laundry basket. The basket is almost complete, which causes Anon to groan.

"Fuck. I have to do laundry tomorrow," he grumbles as he limps to his drink cabinet. "Hey, Tia. Would you like something to drink?"

Sitting on the couch facing the window, Celestia turns to look at Anon. "It depends on what you have."

"Mostly alcohol. I've got something smooth, soft, hard, and non-alcoholic. Take your pick."

"After today's events, I'll have a drink from the 'Something Smooth' category."

"Good choice."

Anon picks up an expensive bottle of bourbon and two small glasses. He limps to the couches and sets the glasses on the coffee table. Anon pours Princess Celestia a drink, then one for himself. Then, Anon sits across from Celestia. They toast to good health and take a sip. The alcohol doesn't faze Anon, but Celestia begins to cough.

"Are you okay?" Anon chuckles as he takes another sip."

"I'm fine. It's been a while since I've had a bourbon," Celestia replies.

Anon finishes his glass and refills it.

"So, you said that we'd talk about confronting that entitled asswipe of a pony that practically tried to kill three of her classmates," Anon says. "Let's talk about it."

Celestia takes another sip of her drink. "I have no problem with having you confront Diamond Tiara, but you tend to act rashly when you are angry. I would feel better if either Filthy Rich or I was present. She might not have known the rapids were dangerous, so going slightly easy on her is our best bet during your confrontation."

"Whatever. The point is that a filly almost fucking died today, and I had to risk my neck to save her. She has to be punished."

Princess Celestia finishes her drink. She winces as she speaks again. "You seem to be taking this personally. Why is that?"

For the next two and a half hours, Anon tells Celestia about Henry Richards and all Henry did to entertain himself and his "minions." Some kids had severe injuries due to his dares, or "challenges," as Henry called them. Anon does this without calling Henry by name. He refers to him as "that asshole." As Anon goes on his tirade, he continues to drink. And drink. And drink. When Anon is close to finishing his rant, he is more than drunk. Anon is fucking hammered. Princess Celestia curses herself for letting Anon get this drunk.

"Anyhoo, that asshole tried to...tried to get the kid to suck his own-"

"Umm, Anon, maybe it's time to retire for the night. It's getting late," Celestia interrupts.

"No can do, Sunbutt. I'm not done...what's the word...ranting. Yeah, that's it."

"I would appreciate it if you wouldn't call me 'Sunbutt' Anon. Here. Let me help you get to bed."

"But I don't wanna." Anon is whining like a defiant foal.

Celestia rolls her eyes. She wraps her magic around Anon and carries him to his bedroom.

"Not fucking fair, Sunbutt," Anon grumbles.

Princess Celestia pulls back Anon's covers and sets him in the middle. Then, Anon begins to grope around in the dark. He pats the floor until he picks up a stuffed pony. Anon told her a few weeks ago that he owned a stuffed pony similar to the one in Equestria. However, he didn't confirm or deny that he had brought it.

"Hey, Thunder Clap, ol' buddy. It's good to see you," Anon says, ignoring that Celestia is still standing there.

Celestia pulls the covers over Anon. She turns to leave the house so she can return to Canterlot, but she hears Anon call out to her.

"Tia."

"Yes, Anon?"

"Can you stay with me until I go to sleep?"

Celestia stops and ponders Anon's drunken request. Finally, she agrees to stay with him. Anon pulls down the covers, rolls over on his side, and pats next to him. Celestia uses magic to remove her royal regalia and set it on a nearby desk. Then, she crawls into bed with Anon. He pulls the covers over them.

They lay in silence until Anon asks another question. "Tia, can you sing me a lullaby? Mom never sang me those."

"Sure, Anon."

For a moment, Celestia is silent as she thinks of a decent lullaby to sing. She settles on one her mother sang when she was a foal. It was her favorite song.

About halfway through the song, Princess Celestia hears Anon's shallow breathing. He is asleep, but she continues singing.

When she finishes, Celestia moves to leave Anon's bed. However, something is keeping her next to Anon. Anon's vulnerability when he is asleep is pressing her to stay. She decides to stay with Anon for the rest of the night. Tomorrow is Sunday, so there is no court day. Luna won't freak out because she knows where Celestia is.

Princess Celestia kisses the side of Anon's head. Then she wraps her forehooves around his torso. Once she is situated, Celestia nuzzles the nape of Anon's neck.

"Good night, my little human," she whispers.

It isn't long until Celestia falls asleep beside the one she loves.

Author's Note:

Thanks for sticking with I Am Anonymous this far. Thanks for the support likes and kind comments. I would like to give a shoutout to Gambling_man and PrinceofDarkness for being my biggest supporters (Thanks for the support, fellas)
As usual, the spoiler alert. Chapter 4 is called Crime and Punishment.

Revising and editing performed on 10/20/2021