Cheery Cheesy Cheeky Romance Hoers Words

by Axel Azabash

Time to make a move!

Incredible, just incredible. Better go to bed and be done with this cursed day. First my cousin Punch making fun of me being single, then, Big Mac finds a marefriend before I do, and now, that weirdo is totally going to ask Smarty Pants out for Heart and Hooves. And the most irritating part is that I SHOULD feel happy for them, but I know, I just know… Lyra snatching the weird stallion just out of my own house, the very stallion I’m sharing my house with… I’m not going to hear the end of it, I’m going to be the butt of the joke forever.

I hate Hearts and Hooves, why nopony could leave it be? Why nopony would stop pestering me about finding a companion? I just want to enjoy the vacation, get a little rest from the day-to-day routine, hang out with my friends, have some fun… But no, everywhere I go, everypony is like ‘Oh, are you going to ask a stallion out THIS year? Oh, what a shame…’

I would rather be alone than with a stallion that I don’t really like. Yeah, I know, with how few stallions there are, I should go for every opportunity and all that stuff, but that’s not me, and I’m not the kind of mare who goes ‘hunting’ for one-night stallions, like my cousin, nor I’m the kind of mare who wants to be in a herd. I want it to be like I want it, or be alone. If I can’t get it the way I want it, I prefer to stay alone, I’m pretty happy alone. I’m a formal mare and I need to be an example for my students.

Yes, nopony has said anything yet about Smarts and Lyra, but I just know I’m never going to hear the end of it, I just know. It’s going to be the biggest flop ever since the Crusaders’ stunt… Even the foals who had already seen him around are plotting to get us together, I have seen them whisper and giggle every time they see us near each other, and a few of them had already asked if he is my special somepony or if I’m going to ask him out for H&H…

I need to stop ranting or I’m not going to be getting any sleep tonight, even after the nice massage Smarts has just given to me… This time of the year makes my head spin in weird ways.

So… Let’s just try to put my mind in order for the night. Why am I furious? Because ponies are going to joke about it. But then, if I’m doing what I want, why should I care? Because they just get on my nerves. I could always stay at home…

And what about the Lyra incident? More of the same… But still, the idea of Lyra having a date with Smarts… Why does it get on my nerves so much? Am I jealous? Nah, I’m just better than that. I’m totally not jealous…
Am I?

No, for sure…

Maybe?

Okay… then I should ask myself this… Do I have feelings for Smarts? Nah, we are just cool friends like that, and I want it to stay this way… And the massage-petting-scratches he gave me are really nice, I would like to get more of those.

But if Lyra gets lucky, he is probably going to spend all his free time with her…

…

He could probably move out to their house. Bonbon would be angry at Lyra because she is more of a traditional mare, but eventually they would get together because Lyra can be kind of passionate when it comes to chase down two-legged stallions. Heck, she even sits weird… And Bonbon has a business, and Lyra gets some good sums of money from time to time when she goes to a concert or plays at some orchestra. They have the industrious one, the creative and crazy one, they would get the smart and academic one and they would make an adorable herd.

…

I’m asking him out for H&H.

…

Stupid tummy butterflies, stop telling me I was just jealous all along! I was not!

***

Today I let the foals leave school early so they could enjoy their vacation from early on. I didn’t stop at home and headed directly to Bonbon’s. Her store was decorated accordingly for the occasion. For most mares, Hearts and Hooves day is just a day to spend with their beloved ones, or hunting for a beloved one, but for Bonbon, it meant business. The day before the festivity was probably the most productive day of the year for her little sweets store, as everyone came to buy sweets for their special somepony or just to offer when they declared their love to them.

As this was one of her busiest day of the year, Bonbon would fetch Lyra to help her of course. They lived together and the magic of a unicorn was a huge help for the humble Bonny. It was the least she could do, and so she did.

The waiting line was relatively short. Most ponies were out for lunch, but still, there were around ten or twelve ponies in front of me, mostly mares, and when it was my turn, there were already a few more behind me.
“Hello, Miss Cheerilee! How is it going?” Bonbon greeted me, kind of surprised to see me there. I wasn’t a regular customer after all.

“Well, a little bit stressful lately, but I think I’ll manage just okay.”

“Oh! Cheerilee! It’s nice to see you around here!” Lyra noticed me while organizing the sweets and bonbons that went into three different custom-made boxes at the same time. I nodded and smiled at her.

“What can I do for you today?” Bonbon asked, specifically not mentioning Hearts and Hooves day despite all the decorations and activity, she knew I hated it.

I checked the prices of the boxes. The regular heart-shaped boxes were cheaper, but they were all the same, chocolate or ‘mixed’. I knew Smarty ate chocolate, but didn’t like it that much, and in the mixed ones were some flower based and sweet hay-based confections that were a no-no for him. He could probably eat the ones he was familiar with and I could eat the others, but giving him a box of bonbons knowing that there was a considerable portion of them that he was not going to enjoy wasn’t all that marely of me.

“I want a… Uh… that’s err… I want a big… hmmm… a medium custom Heart and Hooves bonbons box.” I finally decided.

The custom ‘special’ size, was really expensive, though maybe it was the most economical option considering its size, it was well over my budget. The big one was nice, but in the end, I didn’t believe it would matter. I pictured myself eating the whole box in one sitting after being rejected and it wouldn’t do me any good.

Truth be told, I didn’t know for sure what he would say, and he being from a different species with different cultures and a different point of view about relationships… Buck… he was from a different UNIVERSE!

The medium box seemed like safe option. It wouldn’t make me look like a crazy, pushy mare with an oversize box, and it wouldn’t make me look like a stingy mare with just the smallest and cheapest box possible.

Why was I putting so much thought into this? I had no idea. I was not in love after all; this is just a way out from being mocked by all my acquaintances, friends and family… And a way to spend a nice afternoon with a good friend.

“Oh… you are going to… ask a stallion out?” Bonbon whispered.

“I may… or may not… who knows?” I smiled at her.

“Did you hear that, Lyra?” Bonbon giggled.

“Yeah, about time!” Lyra laughed.

“So, what do you want in the box that may or may not end up in a special somepony’s hooves?” Bonbon asked giving me a wink.

“Well, maybe a few chocolate ones, but just a few, errr… lemon drops, absolutely some of those… Hmmm… are those spicy ones? Yeah, those too, and the hazelnut ones too…”

“I do strongly recommend the sweet tulip ones, they just came out, stallions love those and that’s as fresh as they can get.” Bonbon suddenly recommended.

“Uh… nah, not flower flavored.”

“Aaand… what about one of my specialties, the classic sweet hay ones?” She smirked.

“Uh… sorry, none of those.”

“Oh, what kind of pony wouldn’t like some flowery bonbons or hay flavored ones…” She mused out loud and looked back at Lyra.

She knew…

She totally knew.

And she knew what Lyra was up to for sure… That confirmed my suspicions.

Lyra was preparing the box, looking oblivious, until she looked back at Bonbon, who had a smug smirk on her face.

“That’s a WEIRD one, don’t you think?” Bonbon asked.

“A wei… who… wha…” Something seemed to click in Lyra’s head, who suddenly dropped her smile.

“Okay, and the chocolate covered orange ones too… Hmmm… the walnut ones too, those seem nice. And some of those mints.” I concluded my order. Lyra mechanically put the sweets in order and closed the heart shaped box.

That’s all the evidence I needed. Lyra was totally planning something. She had unlimited access to Bonbon’s products, so she probably was planning to get something big for Smarty.

The tradition was to give a box of something sweet and propose to the beloved ones in the morning of Hearts and Hooves day, but Smarty lived in my house, so, I would give him the box first thing in the morning, just before breakfast. I wasn’t going to let him come out of the house before giving him the box.

If Lyra wanted to beat me, she would have to pull out something weird like coming really early to my house before the sun rose. I could still perfectly beat her by proposing before the door was opened. She would have to do something really weird that would make Smarty freak out and even then, I could perfectly get ahead of her.

Checkmate.

I smiled at her while she passed the box to Bonbon for the last inspection, Lyra smiled back but I caught a slight eye twitch. She knew… So, I smiled back to make her know that I knew that she knew…

I put the box in my bag and trotted out of the store, feeling relieved, knowing that for once I was going to play the game and I had the upper hoof. For once, I wasn’t going to be the laughing stock!

Even if he said no, I would be the first one. I didn’t really care about what he said anymore. If somepony said to me something on the Hearts and Hooves matter again, I would respond that at least this year I TRIED…

Time to get some groceries, just in case I ended up preparing a romantic dinner. Oh, and I need to visit Berry Punch and get some Double-Punch Berry’s Special… Hmmm make it Triple-Punch Special… I just had to hide the box, and pretend that I was the regular, miserable, sad-looking Cheerilee at this time of the year so nopony would get suspicious. And also, I needed to go to the spa to get my mane and coat done. With some luck, Smarty wouldn’t even see me, and if he saw… well, he is kind of dense when it comes to the marely subtleties, so he wouldn’t even suspect anything.

***

“Oh, somepony’s going out hunting for a mate tomorrow…” Smarty wiggled his eyebrows at me the moment the blasted bell on top of the door signaled my entrance. Aloe and Lotus giggled at his comment.

Oh, come on! He is the kind of stallion that wouldn’t get the hint even if you slapped his bum with your tail! And he catches me at first sight!?

I had seen mares buy him drinks and he would buy them back another round. I had seen mares wag her tails like puppies staring at him. And he was oblivious or just dismissed them as “cute ponies doing pony stuff”. Well, not a lot of mares, but a few of them, the weird ones like Lyra…

“Er… Sorry about that.” He apologized immediately when he noticed I had tensed up.

“Uh… wha?” Was my oh so coherent answer.

“About the… tomorrow, I know you are not happy about it and shouldn’t be joking around.” He explained.
Okay, he has no idea; he is being as dense as ever. I just have to just keep calm. I went to Lotus and asked for the mane and coat smoothing treatment and let myself relax.

***

I didn’t wait for him because I needed the extra time to prepare a nice dinner for the both of us. He has been preparing dinner and cleaning up my own house ever since he moved in. I needed to show him and demonstrate to myself that I was a capable mare who could take care of her stallion.

It was obvious that the few weeks that I haven’t been cooking got me really out of practice. I knew he liked grilled stuff, and he liked the more protein heavy foods like eggs or some kind of beans, he is an omnivore after all, so he likes to eat meat, but it is generally rude to do so around ponies, and also it is extremely rare to find it in town and in that case, it would be really expensive.

Okay, maybe I could try some omelets with some spices and vegetables mixed in… Umm… Maybe beans omelet? Is that even a thing he would eat? Probably is already too late to go to Fluttershy’s to ask her for a fish, and in that case, I have no idea how to cook it.

As I was dicing the vegetables awkwardly slow in a mix of trying to get them even fancier than usual and being absolutely out of practice, a cloud of black smoke announced that the butter and spices I had put on the pan to heat up was probably no more than a crust of charcoal already. Oh, well… seems that it took way too much time to dice the vegetables.

I cleaned up the pan from the little mess and repeated the process, put the vegetables in it and went for the eggs. Again, it took me way too much time to crack the eggs open and whip them up. As I was finishing, the vegetables were already burning.

I ended up cooking an easy vegetable stew with what I got on hoof. Nothing too fancy, and it didn’t require much finesse to get the ingredients prepared, just clean them, cut them a little bit and throw them at the pot. I used the kind of spices and condiments I knew he liked and improvised a little bit with tomato sauce. And the pot contained only water to heat up at the beginning, so it was unlikely to catch fire.

In the end I managed to get a decent pot of veggie stew, or something close to that, as it was a weird combination of an old aunt Berry’s recipe made with some missing ingredients that I didn’t have and some creative additions to try and match Smarty’s tastes.

Not my most brilliant moment. I don’t like cooking.

I prepared the low table in the living room for a fancy dinner. Got out the candle, the wine, the fancy red tablecloth, the good silverware that I haven’t used in ages… It looked nice. I opened the windows for a few minutes. Smarty Pants had a really bad sense of smell, so he wouldn’t even notice the burnt odor coming from the kitchen.

…thump, thump, bump-bump… squeeeeeak… thump, bump… squeeeaaa-bump…

There he is…

Sometimes he can be surprisingly sneaky for his size, especially when you weren’t paying attention. Something about being a half predator, I suppose. But I had kept an ear pointed to the door and the hinges were squeaky.

“What… What’s this?” He pointed at the decorated table.

“I… thought that… since… you have been preparing dinner lately… I would… err… come early this time and prepare it myself for yo… err… for the both of us?” I explained, hesitating and stuttering, the final part of my phrase felt more like a question.

“And… the smell? It’s something burning?” He asked, sniffing here and there.

“A… Are you… able to smell it?” I asked, feeling like a filly caught with her hoof in the cookie jar. “I thought your sense of smell was kind of bad…”

“Yeah, far worse than a pony’s, but this smell is obvious. You burnt something while cooking?”

“Okay, that was my first attempt… But I got it right! It only took me a couple of tries! I can be a really good cook, I’m just out of practice.” I explained.

“Oh, well. Thank you anyways. You know, I have these…” He wiggled his fingers. “It’s not a problem to help you out with this kind of things.”

“That’s why I’m so out of practice, every time I come back home, you have already done most of the stuff. I can do my share of chores, you know?”

“Oh… kay?” He answered, not really sure what this was all about.

We sat on the table, or more accurately, we lay near it, since it was too low for chairs, more so for a chair that could fit him. It was a little bit awkward; we don’t usually have formal dinners like this. We tend to grab whatever is on hoof and eat on the couch, chatting about our day and whatnot.

I insisted on serving the food, grabbing a wooden scoop with my mouth. I was terribly out of practice, but I managed to pour a couple of good stew portions on the plates. I lit the candle, which I had forgotten to before serving the food, and we tasted the stew. We did it at the same time, but I paid more attention to his reaction than to the actual food.
“Well, is it good?” I asked, innocence radiating from my face. I knew perfectly that it was barely edible, I had just tasted it myself.

“It’s… um… something… that’s for sure.” He answered. His face was carefully inexpressive, so I couldn’t read him. “What is it?”

“Err… good question. It’s an old recipe, but with the ingredients I had on hoof and… well, some creative additions that I thought you would like.”

“Well, I can eat it, it’s not bad…” He said, but I could feel that he was trying to avoid hurting my feelings.

We finished eating in relative silence. I was too ashamed of my little stunt at trying a romantic dinner to start a conversation, and he was probably wondering what this was all about. Truth be told, I was so grateful of his help with the chores. He could cook and clean up in a fraction of the time it would take me. His cooking abilities were questionable at best, but he could do it.

We finished, did the dishes and cleaned up like every other day. All the time I was wondering what I had to offer. I was a humble school teacher, I was good teaching foals, but little more. Before he moved in, my house was always a mess, I ate bachelor chow like sandwiches, apples, hay, take-away food or some treat at Sugar Cube Corner. Simple stuff, simple life.

“Are you okay?” He asked, looking concerned.

“Yeah…” I didn’t sound very convincing.

“You wanna talk about something? You have been acting a little weird lately.”

“Nah, just… you know, this time of the year… Tomorrow will be another day, we have tomorrow and the whole weekend afterwards, I will recover.”

“Do you want a massage, ear scratch or something?” He offered.

“Uh…” I was really tempted, but I restrained myself, it was so weird! “No, better not. I should go to bed early, I’m… feeling under the weather these days…”

“Yeah, I can tell.”

“Goodnight Smarts”

“Goodnight Cheer-cheer. And… well, thank you for preparing dinner.”

“Uh… it was… the food was kind of bad, I’m sorry it didn’t come out as I wanted.” I answered, a little crestfallen.

“Well, dinner was alright, you know, not the food. Dinner as… a general concept…” He motioned comically with his hands.

“Oh, you…” I snorted a chuckle despite myself. He had that weird charm that made me feel okay even if I messed up.

“The whole setup was nice. I appreciate the effort that went into it.”

“B grade for the effort?”

“Yeah… probably.”

And with that, we went to our respective beds.

Comments

[MatTheBook]

cute

[hyperiumon]

Yknow I'd be fine if you spiced up and chopped up this story onto no signal. God knows cherries get like next to zero love in the Fandom

[Axel Azabash]

11793101
This is kind of like a sequel, so... in the main story there will be hints and stuff about this one. Cheerilee and the human becoming close friends is in the plan, and then this story follows. When the human fully speaks Equestrian and gets a stable job and housing, Still no Signal will end.