- Member Since 22nd Aug, 2011
- offline last seen Jul 21st, 2020
NotProud
I am not proud of what I do but sometimes it must be done.
NotProud
Joined 22nd Aug, 2011 ·
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Because Scoots is best chicken and has chicken breasts
1210934
why?
...that was... interesting.
1211188
next story is sex, this is what i said please see the author notes
am I only one that is really laughting at Granny's remarks?xD
Ehhh
Sweetie getting her cutie mark was a little cheesy but ehh
Hmmm not bad, will definitely read a sequel if there is one.
Was I the only one slightly put off by Scoot having a fake leg?
1212972
if you see the first part of the stories this is the picture i am based this on
This needs to continue, I need more strip poker stories, and more Scootaloo.
DO NOT DISAPPOINT ME!
1214611
next story is just pure sex, i promises
"Her breasts are, as you thought, much larger than Sweetie’s. They hang from her chest like dappled bags of cheese."
Um, eww? "Dappled bags of cheese" wouldn't be the words I'd use to describe a woman's breasts.
But yeah, this got really awkward, but kinda funny. In my opinion, you focused too much on the breasts. Maybe you could write more about why Sweetie Belle seems to be an exhibionist, or how Scootaloo's leg stump moves around.
1215244
well it is like when cheesebags hang they are like breasts sorry it is not the best metafor
and the focus is on the breasts because that is what he sees
alos i like them
sweetie says she wants to show off her new breasts that she waited so long for but everyone else has larger already maybe that is not said strong enough
sorry
1215411
CHEESE IS PLENTY SEXY, IGNORE THE NEIGH-SAYERS!
Sorry. I know you suggested that the other story be read first but I didn't. I love this story, but now I want to know why Scootaloo has an amputated leg.
*sighs and goes to read*
1217393
it is at least good you could know what was going on without!
Dayum. I could visuallize the scene unfolding. then... done?! SO CLOSE!
...Urgh. You write really quite well, apart from the aforementioned bag of cheese simile, but I can't help feeling cheated... It was just getting good, and then suddenly deus ex granny appears and tbh it feels like a massive shaggy-dog story. I mean, it's rated mature and all, which made me expect more than awkward gawking and frank discussion, you know? It was cute, but it's honestly a massive let down, imo. Sorry, just felt a bit cheated. Good job with the writing though, although I'd honestly change that simile... it's seriously off-putting and made me immediately think of a pair of lumpy bags of cottage cheese... if AB's chest is meant to be horrifyingly unappealing, then fine, but that really wasn't the vibe I got from the fic... makes me think of that lotus-seed breast photoshop... *shudder*
edit: Just read the A/N. I get what you're saying, but while you do set it up quite well, appetizer indeed, without the rest it really does feel like a bait and switch. Also, please don't make it mindless sex... I don't think you will, but if it's just pure smut it might not make up for this bit. Basically, second anticlimax. Tread lightly please, I really, really want to like this later
1225445
there is not to be much plot in the next one, at least I have not planed it that way yet
uncovered breasts/genitals are the reason for the mature tag, also because of the next story
the cheese are a dairy image, when you think of breasts you shold think milk yes?
Meh, I get that, I just meant please for the love of Celestia don't lose your edge... also, I kinda get your imagery, but it still makes my mind think of horrifying unappealing things
and that makes me unable to picture Applebloom's boobs as anything other than rancid sagging bags of cottage cheese... 
I know English isn't your first language, but you should know that cheese, when applied anatomically, usually means unsightly pock marks and sickly yellow coloration. "Cheeselegs" is a colloquial term for cellulite (ripples of loose skin and fat on obese individuals). I can understand a young boy like Lickety Split making that very poor comparison but the description doesn't set up that line of thought.
Again, charmingly frank writing style, but there was little emotional investment or buildup for the Crusaders. It felt a little alienating. Once more, the conclusion feels out of left field, coming out of nowhere (not just Granny, but Sweetie's Cutie Mark as well). You've had this issue before, and it's not the kind of problem that goes away in editing and proofreading; you should rewrite these parts of your stories to make them more satisfying.
1226892
lots of people seem to not like it but what to change it to?
oh um when you put it that way maybe i should change the cheese then
and the ending is meant as a joke that is all i can say
So will the next story be added on to this one or appear separately
1231221
it will be in this one, yes
1231850
One has to wonder why exactly this story is marked as complete, if more chapters are a-coming.
So, NotProud, do you see Scoot's relationship with Lickity as an enduring one? They're still kids, after all; kids are fickle.
1285255
each story is complete
maybe i should not do that if the is more like you say
1290265
'enduring' yes they wil not have kids thogh
i think i will write a six story about this
1296383
Fair enough, I suppose.
Still looking forward to more of this.
1312856
i am start writing the next storie but is very slow, i have not the lot of time
Seriously hoping for new chapter soon. I think i may have contracted the scoots condition...
Okay. 4 weeks since I last commented. THIS IS GETTING UNBARABLEEEE!!
WE NEED UPDATE
1503956
1504264
oh my i am sorry to kept you waiting there is not an up date any time soon i am afraid
i am stil not very time for writing and the time i did have was spent on derpy colada
many apologise orz
1512531
Don't sweat it! I was just really riled up, usally after school I come home and read a chapter of one of my favourite FimFiction storys, lately none of them are updating so I searched through anything I had ever liked. No such luck.. *sigh* I guess I'm back to omegle...
1514859
do not worry i have begin again on the story number five and i think you will very much enjoy it
1527191
It's written by you, it's scientifically impossible for me NOT to find it awesome!
Omg omg omg, I'll update the comment when I read!!
That was… I'm not going to say anything about what just happened to me in RL anyway... Story
Well. Yeah. That… I'm speachless, I spotted one grammar error near the start, a few paragrapghs in you wrote "you and she", easy mistake, one of my classmates did that a few days ago :). It should be "you and her"
...alrighty then!
dangly bits
1575510
ah thank you!
i am always happy to have grammar edits
They finally did it
whaaaa? that's it? how does such a great ride end there?
Oh sweetie belle why did you have to show Granny Smith
P.s. maybe you can read my story my day in ponyville
I love you.
NotProud. You are awesome.
Well, this was fantastic.
2125674
ha I would not agree but thatnk you
2127259
thank you too!
2127902 You're welcome, Proud. Hey, remember The Proud Family? Great show, that.
2127927
no i guess not
2127902
Stop being modest.
You rock.
Give me your babies.
2130778
sorry, I do not have any
(I have eaten them all
)